�Thank God this day is almost over.� Chelsie muttered to herself, as she pulled one of Mark�s t-shirts over her head. �I don�t think I can take much more.� She pulled her damp hair into a messy ponytail and groaned when she saw the all the toys strewn about the living room and the table still littered with the remnants of their dinner. She started tidying and then flopped down on the sofa instead. �It can wait.� She told herself. �I�m too damn tired.� Picking a book from the small shelf behind the sofa, Chelsie leaned back to make an attempt at relaxing. As she cracked the book open, a small piece of paper fluttered out and landed in her lap.

Kamamura � The Hightower family of Utah and the Kanamura family of Honolulu, Hawaii are thrilled to announce the birth of Leilani Kay Kana Kanamura. This healthy little girl joined our world at 5:30am on August 8, 2009 at 7lbs, 5oz. Mother Chelsie is healthy and well. Her late father, Mark, is guarding his angel from above.

Chelsie fingered the paper, looking to the ceiling, willing herself not to start crying again. She recalled how angry her parents were when she finally told them she was pregnant, then in contrast, how happy Mark�s family had been to find out the news. Her parents wanted her to abort the baby, but Chelsie had refused. This baby was all she had left of Mark, she had told them. Her parents, once they realized she wasn�t backing down, slowly came around and supported her in her decision. Mark�s sisters had a huge baby shower for her and made sure that her little one wouldn�t want for anything. Mark�s mother had asked if the baby would have a Hawaiian name, to honour her father and described to her the Hawaiian tradition of the baby�s name coming from the whole family. Mark�s grandmother was the one who ended up dreaming the name � Leilani, which meant heavenly lei, or royal child and Kana, which meant the dawn, was from his oldest sister. Her family got Kay in there, all the females in her family had that has part of their full name for as long as she could remember.

The day Leilani was born, Mark�s mother reminded her that Mark was looking down from above, blessing the birth and ensuring health and happiness for her and the baby, and that he would be watching out for his child. Chelsie, who was already a mess from her raging hormones, hurting with the pain of labour and upset because Mark wasn�t there, burst into tears and remained that way until she went into the delivery room. After hours of labour, Leilani was finally born to cheers and prayers. Everyone delighted in how much she resembled Mark and told Chelsie that was a permanent sign of Mark�s love for her. Chelsie remembered looking down at her newborn and seeing those almond shaped brown eyes that looked so much like his peering up at her with such love. �Thank you Mark.� She whispered softly, as she nuzzled Leilani�s cheek. �She�s beautiful.�

Chelsie sighed as she tucked the scrap of paper back in the book. She picked through the other scraps that she had put away for safekeeping and had forgotten about. A notice about the auditions for So You Think You Can Dance, pages about Mark�s win, a review of their Utah tour stop, Mark�s funeral announcement. Chelsie gasped and let the book slip through her fingers and hit the floor with a thud. She hadn�t remembered clipping that out. There hadn�t been any announcement in the Utah papers.

Mark�s funeral had been held in Hawaii, of course, even though Chelsie couldn�t bear the thought of him being laid to rest so far away from her. Chelsie let his family make all the arrangements for it, which had been the right thing to do. She was only his not really fianc�e, she had no right to say where he was to be laid to rest, nor was she in any condition to make decisions. Before his body was removed from the morgue in Utah, a minister came to say blessings and release Mark�s soul from his earthly bonds. Chelsie flew to back to Hawaii with the family for the funeral. She was stunned by the beauty of the island and saddened that the first time she visited there was for Mark�s funeral and not their honeymoon. Chelsie had been shocked to find that the funeral would be joyous affair with everyone dressed in loud colours, laughing, joking and telling stories about Mark. She�d questioned his mother, who told her that although they were sad he was gone, they were happy that they had been blessed with his presence for a time. They were celebrating his life, not mourning it.

Chelsie ran her hands over her face, tears falling freely now. �God, Mark, this is so hard. I know it�s been five years but still�� She sobbed softly. �Look at me, I�m a mess. I�m talking to you like you�re still here. But you�re not.� A sudden, gentle breeze swept through the open window and caressed her shoulders. Chelsie shivered, casting her eyes around the room. �Leilani tells me she talks to you. I don�t know if I believe her or not. Sometimes I think I feel you here and�� Chelsie stopped to wipe her eyes. �It makes me feel better, Mark. It does.� The breeze wrapped around her again, blowing warmly on her bare arms. �But it doesn�t make it any easier. I miss you so.� Chelsie cried.

�Why is all this happening today?� Chelsie got up from the sofa and started pacing the room, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. �Why, Mark?� She walked around the living room, still pacing, until her gaze was drawn to a photo, one of them, sitting on an end table. It was taken somewhere when they were on tour; they were at an outdoor caf�, sharing their daily cinnamon bun. Chelsie picked the photo up and examined it closer. Mark had his arm around her and was holding a fork to her mouth; she was trying to keep her mouth shut and not laugh. Chelsie set the photo down and sighed.

�I miss those times, Mark. I miss you.�