He trudged off to the kitchen, grabbing a couple beers from the refrigerator and went to sit outside. He popped the top off one of the beers and took a long drink, wiping his mouth on his hand when he'd set the bottle down. Had Jake been saying something when he'd left? What was he supposed to 'discover'? He picked the beer back up and drained it, wondering what Jake was actually doing just then. Was he pissed? Was he upset? Disappointed? Alone? Staying home or going out?

He jumped up from where he was sitting, deciding against finishing off the other beer. He knew he'd go crazy if he just sat at home and wondered about everything. It'd be easier to figure it out if they could just talk, wouldn't it? He tossed the remaining bottle back in the fridge, grabbed his keys and headed out, hoping Jake would be home. Yes, he could have just called, but he wanted to see him.

Fuck! There he went again. He was always wanting to see him. Or talk to him. Be with him. It kept becoming more and more glaringly obvious to him - that Jake was the sole object of his affection these days - but he couldn't just give himself over to it. He locked the door and headed out to the car, stopping mid-step. He was beginning to see a pattern here - always running to Jake. But where the hell else was he going to go? Nothing else seemed like an option - Jake was the one he wanted to see. the one he needed to fix things with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick rang the bell impatiently, waiting for the door to come flying open like it always did - like Jake had some sixth sense when it was him and was always ready. This was weird - he never had to wait this long for him to come to the door.

Jake stood on the other side of the door, leaning against it, eyes closed. He knew Nick was getting annoyed, but it wasn't going to hurt him to wait a little. Hell, it wouldn't hurt him to wait a lot. He'd waited - anxiously - all day, for nothing, basically, except a most unpleasant attack on the computer. Did he even really want to open the door? He sighed, yeah, he did.

"Finally!" Nick growled when the door unlocked and slowly opened for him. The look on Jake's face prevented him from saying anything else, though. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice softer.

Jake shrugged. "Good question. You have an answer?"

"What do you mean?"

Jake stepped aside to let Nick come in - no need to give the neighbors a show with them having it out on the doorstep. "I don't know, Nick. You just take off, you fuck some girl, you go off on me."

Nick didn't miss the wounded tone in his voice, and it bothered him to think that he'd really hurt Jake. But now, looking at him, he could see that he had. He walked into the room and dropped down on the couch, unsure of what to say. He wasn't sure that anything he could say would actually make anything better, because he didn't really have any answers. He didn't know what to tell him.

Jake sat at the opposite end of the couch, unwilling to prompt Nick to say anything. He was afraid that when he did open his mouth, it would be to say something he didn't want to hear.

Something about the silence and the palpable tension in the room was making Nick uncomfortable to the point that he sort of wanted to cry again. Jake was the one truly good thing in his life right now, he couldn't screw that up and lose him, too.

Jake heard the soft, shaky sigh and turned to look at Nick again, seeing the blonde slouch down on the couch, his head back and his eyes closed. The look on his face was distressed - there was obviously a lot going on inside his head. He could ask...he probably should ask, but just as he was opening his mouth to say something, Nick turned to him, ready to speak.

"Tell me you love me."

The whispered words surprised Jake - that was about the last thing he'd have expected to hear just then. He moved closer to Nick and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. " I love you, Nick. You know that. But I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it."

Nick leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. It felt every bit as bad to hear Jake say that as he thought it would. All Jake did was love him and what had he done in return? Hurt him - fucking that girl, running out on him. "I'm sorry."

Again, it was a whisper, and Jake wondered what it was that was going on in Nick's mind that had him looking like he was being tortured. And he couldn't stand it. "Nick, seriously, what's going on here?"

"I'm just...sorry. I feel bad. I feel bad I left, I feel..." He paused, searching for the right word, " I feel.. horrible about that girl...and I didn't mean to, like, get pissy on the computer earlier. I'm just... kind of...afraid".

Jake had leaned in to listen, as Nick's voice had dropped so low he could barely hear him by the time he'd finished his sentence. Jake positioned himself on the couch and took Nick's face in his hands, "You have nothing to be afraid of."

Nick just looked at him, it was hard enough that he'd admitted something about this scared him, he wasn't about to start in on how many things it was that really sort of terrified him.

Jake searched Nick's eyes, looking for confirmation on the things he suspected might be at the forefront of his mind. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you. And I'm not going to make you, or even ask you to, do anything you don't want to. I won't ask again. You're in control here, okay? I just want to be with you, so whatever you want. That's how it will be."

Nick took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Jake's words had just made his heart hurt a little bit more. How many people in his life had ever been willing to go along solely with his wishes? To give him whatever he wanted, and not ask for things he could never give in return? Very, very. very few. In fact, he didn't know that there had really been anyone like that. He blinked, aware that his eyes were a little watery again. God, he didn't think he'd ever had as much trouble dealing with whatever he was feeling as he had since he'd been around Jake. Although, he'd arguably felt more since Jake had come into his life than he'd ever had rush at him before, too.

Jake leaned in and gave Nick a few soft kisses - on his lips, the tip of his nose and then on the lids of his closed eyes. Nick sighed again, but it was more content. Jake smiled and pulled away from him, "I did some shopping today."

Nick opened his eyes, a little bit relieved by the suddenly change of topic. The air in the room seemed lighter, too, less tense. He didn't have to worry anymore right now. "Oh yeah? Get anything good?"

Jake went to retrieve his purchases, setting the bags on the couch with Nick and taking a few steps back. "I think I did. I hope you do, too."

"What?" Nick looked curiously at the bags- he recognized the name of the store on them, it was somewhere he liked to shop at also.

"Everything in there is for you. Everything I saw, just made me think of you, so I bought it. If you don't like it or don't want it or whatever. I'll take it back." Jake told him, a little unsure of himself. Maybe he shouldn't have jumped right back in and started showering him with gifts - but who doesn't feel better getting a surprise?

"Seriously?" Nick grabbed a bag and started pulling things out of it - a few pairs of dress pants, jeans. He took a quick look and the tags and smiled, Jake had gotten the sizes exactly right, and they looked cool. He'd wear them. "Thanks. It's like having my own personal shopper!"

Jake grinned back at him, relieved. "Check the other bag."

Nick retrieved the stack of t-shirts and began reading them outloud, "'Hot as fuck'. FCUK. Nice! 'Possibly the best fcuk ever'. Damn straight!... 'Flying my freak flag'." He paused to laugh at that one, and then looked at the last one, "'Such a good lover'." He glanced over at Jake, smiling back at him, but looking surprisingly bashful. He got up to stand next to Jake and reached out to pull him close. Wrapping his arms around him, he leaned in to give Jake's earlobe a nibble and asked in a whisper, "So which is it. Possibly the best fuck ever...or such a good lover?"

Jake shuddered at the warmth of Nick's mouth and breath against his ear, and the words that he'd just heard. He was pleased Nick acknowledged the difference in the messages. He tilted his head and gave Nick and deep, slow kiss, his hands slipping up to cup his face again, holding him just where he wanted him. He pulled away, hearing Nick gasp, and answered, "You're both. consistently the best fuck ever...but..." He leaned in, just as Nick had done to him and whispered back to him, "You ARE such a good lover."

Nick swallowed hard. There had always been something about the word "lover" that didn't set well with him, but right then, it was possibly the most amazing word he'd ever heard spoken. It seemed so much more powerful than anything else that could be used to describe the relationship they had. He kissed Jake again, a hungry, intense kiss, and they fell back onto the couch- limbs tangling, hands grabbing, lips and tongues frantically tasting each other. As Nick sunk into the couch, Jake's body pressed hard against his, he just gave up. Gave in. He could see just how much Jake cared about him - he showed him all the time, and he could feel in the intensity of now, in the physical moments they shared. He wanted to give back to him, give him what he wanted. Anything he wanted, he'd have. But not just yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Nick had left Jake's house the late next morning, smiling. He was happy. Secure in what they had. What he felt. He'd left on a good note - they'd had a leisurely morning, filled with sweet kisses and playful banter. And he knew what he was going to do now. He wanted Jake to come running to him this time.

Later in the afternoon, when he knew Jake had an appointment and would be unable to respond immediately, he grabbed his phone and typed in a short text message to send to Jake, smirking at the very thought of what would happen when he read it.

"I want to."