"Why? Why would she call? She has to know I want to talk to her! That I have questions about my daughter and her mother. Why did she call and then hang up on me?"

"Who knows Nick? Maybe she just wanted to let you know that she’s happy with her decision to leave Dani with you. Just her way of telling you that you are a good father." Bec offered.

"How the hell could she tell from that? How could she tell I’m a good father? She hasn’t seen what I’ve been through!" I was raging again.

Bec plucked Dani from my arms as I paced and tucked herself into the corner of the couch. "How about what she went through Nick? Have you thought about that?" Bec stared at me with a solemn look on her face.

I stopped my pacing and sat down on the floor at her feet. She handed Dani back to me now that I seemed a bit calmer. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it, Nick. Look at that baby in your arms. Imagine finding out you are pregnant, with no one to support you. Having to tell your parents, your friends and family that some guy you slept with one time knocked you up. Some guy that doesn’t even remember your name. Imagine having that baby alone, going through all that pain, alone and scared. And then imagine you have to raise her, all by yourself, but you have no money, no skills to speak of, no nothing. So you go to a complete stranger's house and leave her on the doorstep. Leaving her, knowing you will never hold her again, and that the only time you will see her is in a magazine or on TV. But you hope she’s okay now, because she’s with her daddy, and he’ll love her and take care of her."

"That was her choice," I said sullenly, holding Dani up to my face and kissing her softly. "Don’t make me feel sorry for the bitch, Bec. I don’t wanna feel sorry for her."

"You don’t need to feel sorry for her, and she’s not a bitch. I just want you to realize that after making that choice, she needs closure. So she watches you, hears you talk about Dani, sees the love in your face, she knows it’s all good. That she made a good decision for her daughter and has to let you know. Closure." explained Bec.

"Maybe," I said, doubtfully. "I still don’t like it."

"I don’t think you’ll hear from her again. She’s happy that Dani is taken care of. I’m sure of it."

"I hope so. In a way I want to talk to her, but part of me doesn’t. I don’t want her around Dani."

Upon hearing her name Dani wriggled in my arms and offered up a huge yawn. Bec and I both laughed when Dani looked quizzically up at me with her big, blue eyes.

"I think someone’s tired," I giggled as Dani yawned again. "Time for bed."

"I’ll meet you upstairs, okay Nick? I’ll get the lights and stuff down here first."

I nodded and held Dani out for her good night kiss from her wise Auntie Bec.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Bec finally made it upstairs to bed, we just lay together holding each other. It was so comforting, just having someone there to hold, to talk to, to vent at. A great, unexplainable feeling. One that I realized I missed. After much kissing and foreplay, I got up to make sure Dani was still asleep. Didn’t want any interruptions this time. I heard a door shut softly and figured Mrs. Hudson must have just returned to her room from the bathroom, or something. Dani was fast asleep, lying peacefully on her back, with her fists curled around her chin. I felt her to make sure she was warm enough, and kissed my fingers before placing them gently on her forehead and then her lips. Bec was waiting patiently for me and we joined together without a sound, knowing what we both wanted. We didn’t really need words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We both woke before Dani and welcomed the morning with another love making session. I could get used to this. We tried to be quiet to let the others in the house continue sleeping, but I couldn’t help letting out a yelp of pleasure when Bec’s hand snaked down in between our bodies. Just as my orgasm hit, I swore I heard my bedroom door click shut. I rolled off Bec and pulled open the door just in time to see Mrs. Hudson shutting her door.

"She’s spying on us!" I pushed the door shut quietly and whirled around to whisper to Bec. "She was just outside the door!"

"What?" Bec grabbed the rumpled sheet from the foot of the bed and pulled it over her bare chest. "She was watching us? Just now?"

"She had the door cracked open, as soon as she heard me get up, she ran!" I crossed my fingers over my heart. "I swear to God."

"Jesus. That’s sick. You need to say something Nick." Bec motioned for me to hand her a shirt. She donned it in one smooth motion, not letting the sheet drop until the shirt covered her. "Cover yourself up, Nick. She might be looking."

I jumped at that thought, pulling on a pair of boxers that were tossed on the floor by the bed. "I need to say something!? You hired her!"

"No, you hired her, I just told you I thought she was the one. Evidently I was wrong." Bec shuddered in disgust.

"What should I say?" I donned the rest of my clothes hurriedly while Bec did the same. I think we were both afraid of being watched again.

"I would fire her, personally. You don’t need someone spying on you while you’re having sex, for God’s sake!"

"Fire her? But then what do I do?"

"We’ll have to go through the applicants again. Maybe place the ad again. You need someone. But you need someone that can be trusted." Bec tucked in her blouse and ran her fingers over the front to smooth it. "You should do it today, Nick."

"Damn." I zipped up my jeans and left the room to fire Mrs. Hudson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a busy morning of Mrs. Hudson moving out, crying all the while, and Bec sorting through the applicants for the once again open nanny position, Dani missed her morning nap. We waited for everything to settle and once everyone was gone and it was quiet she went down for her afternoon nap. She sighed, almost like a sigh of relief as I set her down in the crib and I wondered if she was feeling a little stressed out over everything too.

With some time on my hands, I set out to find some information on some of the baby sites I’d found on the internet. I took some notes, jotting down some addresses and hints that sounded good. This one site had a message board that I decided to investigate, maybe a live person could give me some babysitter info.

nudad - hey...I’m new here, just browsing

momof3 - hello nudad, boy or girl?

nudad - boy...oh, you mean....*smacks head*....girl, she’s a girl

momof3 - LOL, you are new!

nudad - is there somewhere that I can find out about babysitting?

momof3 - you want to sit? or you need a sitter?

nudad - need a sitter, badly! I just had a rough experience and I’m going out of my mind!

MusicMom - where do you live?

nudad - hey, I’m in FLA

MusicMom - I’ve been thinking of doing some sitting, I live in FLA too.

nudad - but don’t you have your own kids?

MusicMom - no, long story

nudad - sorry

MusicMom - PM me and we can talk, maybe we live close together or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She sent me a note and I wrote back to her later. She was in the area, well, in Tampa, and was willing to move. She needed a job badly and wasn’t qualified for much, but she did have experience with kids. Her daughter died in child birth, she told me, it was still hard for her to deal with, but she thought being around kids could help her grieving process. She didn’t have any other family, except her parents, hence why she was willing to move.

I told Bec about her and she agreed we should interview her.

"She’s a contemporary of yours, sounds like she has a level head on her shoulders, it might work out."

I wrote her back later that night.

nudad - what’s your name?

MusicMom - Heidi, what’s yours?

nudad - Nick

MusicMom - say what?

nudad - Nick, is there a problem?

MusicMom - No you just, my ex.......husband...my ex husband, his name was Nick...also.

nudad - Oh.

MusicMom - I’m fine, just weird for a minute.

nudad - I wanted to ask you if you’d like to come out for an interview, for the nanny position?

MusicMom - I’d love to, just mail me your details.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Bec and I waited for Heidi to arrive at the office. Dani seemed to have got a bit of a cold and was still asleep when we were ready to go. Mom volunteered to stay with her, thank goodness, since I didn’t really want to take her outside, feeling the way she did.

There was a knock and the door and Bec got up, giving me a wink as she answered it.

"Hi, you must be Heidi!"

Bec ushered the newcomer in and introduced her to me. Heidi was young, probably my age or younger. She had beautiful red hair that was bound up in a ponytail, bright green eyes and a body that....I mentally told myself to stop staring. Bec saw the spark in my eye and suppressed a giggle behind her hand. Let’s just say Heidi was a good looking woman. I held out my hand to welcome her.

"You! You’re...oh jesus!"

Heidi sounded very surprised, almost shocked to see me. Here’s when being a celebrity sucks. I hated people freaking out over me. I’m just normal. In this case just a single dad that needed a nanny for his daughter. Heidi swayed and I quickly helped her to a chair.

"Are you alright?"

"I’m fine, I... just felt dizzy."

"Are you a fan?" I grinned, I had gotten this reaction from more than a few of the applicants. I found humour was the best way to deal with them, make a joke out of it.

"A fan? Oh....yes, I guess you could say that. You surprised me."

"I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell people before hand, that it was me. You understand? I wasn’t trying to mess with you."

Heidi nodded, one hand still resting on her breast, like she was trying to catch her breath. I sat across from her, smiling, trying to look friendly and gestured to Bec that she could start asking questions anytime.

"I didn’t want fans applying for the job just to be with me. My daughter needs to be looked after properly," I explained.

"I understand." Heidi seemed a bit more composed now, and I breathed a small sigh of relief that she wasn’t going to freak out on me. "Where is she?"

"She’s got a bit of a cold, she was still sleeping when I left. My mom’s got her. Here’s a picture of her."

I held out my wallet that held a snapshot of Dani playing with her ocean mobile. Heidi reached out for the picture and then drew her hand back, almost like she’d been slapped. She looked like she was about to cry. Matter of fact, I think a tear did fall down her cheek before she swiped it away.

"Are you okay?" I looked over at Bec in confusion.

"I’m...crap...no....she looks..." Heidi took a deep breath. "She looks about how old mine would be, if she...was still..."

"Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you." I comforted her as best I could.

"Maybe something like this is too early for you." Bec sat behind the desk, surveying the scene. Her eyes were telling me no, this was not the one.

"No, really, at least let me do the interview. Please!" Heidi begged, wiping her eyes with a tissue she grabbed from the desk.

Bec started the questioning and I listened carefully to Heidi’s answers. I don’t know why, but I wanted this women to look after Dani, she just seemed right. The more I listened to her I was sure I was right. She just seemed to fit. And she needed the job, she was obviously desperate. If I could help her out in some small way, well, we’d all be better off. I let Bec finish her questions and prepared to offer Heidi the job of looking after Dani.