| Personals |
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| Name: Rob Wieser Nickname: Heywood Jablomy Looking For: Gulliible gal for meaningless one-sided love affair. Pie eyed pollyannas preferred. You must sweat freely, wear size 5 shoes, enjoy taxidermy and clock repair. Describe Yourself: I like peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches in the rain, watching Barney Miller reruns, peeing on birds in the park and licking strangers on the subway. Also if you be needin any critters desexed, Rob here is your man. Interesting Fact about Rob: Rob once spent three frustrating weeks trying to incorporate the word "evanescent" into a conversation. |
| Name: Febe McCrossen Nickname: Cramps Looking For: Do you have six toes or another pedal anomaly? If so i want you? Other deformities - however attractive - need not apply Describe Yourself: When i was six years old i told my parents i wanted to be a ballerina gymnast veterinarian horseback-riding princess. I'm still working on that but i did make it to the final 16 in "Joe Millionaire". Interesting Fact about Febe: Febe is a master of pick up lines she sites her favourite as being "Excuse me. I've forgotten how to take off my pants. Do you think you can help?" |
| Name: Matt Kelly Nickname: Bubba Looking For: Seeks dark skinned woman who will take me to movies and hand-feed me popcorn. Must love to stay indoors with the blinds closed. Describe Yourself: Enjoys assault rifles and heavy drinking, sometimes at the same time, You must be willing to listen to my conspiracy theories and help stock my secluded mountain shelter. Interesting Fact about Matt: An avid pornography fan Matt sued Penthouse magazine for failing to produce arousing porn. Matt claims the August 2002 edition of Penthouse failed to give him "wood" stating in a press conference "All i want is to be able to have a good wank". |
| Name: Jacqui Cobley Nickname: Michael's Mate Looking For: Looks not important, but must be disease free. Quadrupeds, mutes welcome. Describe Yourself: 42 year old unemployed woman living at home with parents. Interests include waking up at 1pm and watching TV in my underwear. My curfew is 11pm, but I can call if i'm going to be later. Interesting Fact about Jacqui: Before Valentines day Jacqui launched a website for children under 8 to send love notes to each other. The site was shut down within 24 hours as pedophiles quikly grew fond of the site. Jacqui has since become good friends with Michael Jackson |
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