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The days flew by uneventfully. The babies, Matthew and Mark, grew plump and cuddly. Tamara never tired of looking at them.
Steven's job at the firm was becoming more demanding. He was putting in longer hours each day and there were times when he would bring work home with him. Although Tamara was glad that he found his job interesting and challenging, she began to resent the time he spent away from her and their children. Immediately she would feel ashamed for thinking that way. Wasn't Steven working to provide his family with a good home...a good future?
One sunny day Tamara decided to take the boys to the little park. She proudly pushed the carriage along the sidewalk, stopping every now and again to allow several people to peek at the babies. One lady began to talk in great length about her grandchildren, and as Tamara patiently listened, she could feel her body tensing. The lady continued to talk and suddenly it seemed as if her voice was being funneled through a vacuum. Tamara's heart began to race and, ignoring the startled look on the lady's face, she began to run with the carriage towards her apartment. Once there she began to pray, "Please God, don't let the symptoms return now. I have two babies to care for!" She tried to tell herself that one symptom didn't mean that her panic attacks would return. Hadn't she been symptom-free for months? She managed to laugh at herself for reacting as she had. She was blowing this one incident out of proportion.
Steven returned home from work one evening very excited. His boss had chosen him to fly to the home office to train several new workers. He would be gone for two weeks. Tamara was happy for her husband but she wondered how she would cope being alone with two babies to care for. She didn't voice her concerns to Steven. How could she rain on his parade? She told herself she would be okay and if she ran into a problem, she could always turn to her friend who lived in the apartment across the hall.
Two days later, she wished Steven luck and kissed him goodbye. "I hate to leave you and the boys," Steven said. "But two weeks will go fast and I'll be back before you know it. Take care of our boys." He promised to call every night. Tamara stood outside until Steven's car drove out of sight. When she entered the house the silence was deafening, but was soon broken by the boys' cries. As she walked towards their room, she assured herself that everything would be okay. After all, Steven would only be gone for two weeks.
A week later, Tamara was awakened by the boys' crying. As she looked at them, their tiny faces looked flushed, and their foreheads were hot to her touch. She made an appointment with their doctor and her fears were alleviated when he told her they merely had colds. He gave her a prescription, telling her not to worry. But worry she did! All the old 'what if's' sprang to her mind. Once again she berated herself for looking for trouble.
Tamara got no sleep that night. The boys were very fussy and demanded her attention. She felt totally drained when Steven called that night. Tamara tried to keep the weariness out of her voice. She didn't want him to worry. She assured Steven the boys were fine. "I'll be home in a few days," Steven said.
The following day, after another sleepless night, Tamara was resting on the couch. She hoped the boys would sleep long enough for her to get a few hours sleep. It had begun to rain and as she rose from the couch to close a window, the room began to spin. She quickly sank back onto the couch, overwhelmed with fear.
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