Tamara sat in her kitchen drinking coffee and talking to the psychologist, Mr. Green. She listened with great intent as he explained to her the complexities of agoraphobia and panic disorder. She felt relief when he told her that there were many others who suffered as she did. She had thought she was the only one. He planned to work with her on a one-on-one basis, exposing her to the situations she feared, starting with driving with him in her car, then going to small stores and then on to bigger ones until she was comfortable enough to attempt them on her own. "You have to face your fears, Tamara", he said. "It's a very important step to recovery." He was also planning on starting a self-help group and hoped she would become a member.
Many thoughts flitted through Tamara's mind as she sat there. Could she put herself into this stranger's hands? Go to places with him that she wouldn't go to with Steven? Places that she hadn't been to for so long a time? The thought of this scared her but she knew she didn't dare pass up this opportunity...this could be the answer to her recovery!
Steven found a different Tamara waiting for him when he returned from work that evening. He could see that she had prepared a special dinner and had taken great pains with her appearance. And as she excitedly related to him the events of her day his mind was filled with thoughts of Beth. And he said to himself, "Why couldn't this have happened a month ago?"
Tamara said goodbye to her family and got into her car. Mr. Green was at the wheel as they turned out of the driveway. She found herself trembling as he drove through the traffic. He talked to her, telling her to label her degrees of fear on a scale from 0 to 10. Several times throughout the drive, he asked her what level she thought she was on and Tamara found that she wasn't all that uptight. Then they found themselves in a traffic jam. They were in the middle of a long line-up of cars and Tamara felt trapped but Mr. Green was tuned in to her discomfort and spoke soothingly to her until her fear was at a more manageable level.
The practice sessions continued each week and soon Tamara was going into small boutiques and drugstores. Some days she felt like she could conquer the world while other days she dreaded the sight of the psychologist. She had learned from literature he had given her that those feelings were quite normal. She was trying hard to let go of her fears...fears that were keeping her from living the way she wanted to.
She had been practicing for several months and Mr. Green was pleased with her progress. Tamara herself didn't think she was doing all that great. She had many negative thoughts and self-doubts. The two of them were planning to go to a restaurant that day and she wasn't sure if she could do it...eat in public! Well, she'd just have coffee this time. As she and Mr. Green entered the restaurant, her legs felt like wet noodles and her heart pounded. "Practice your breathing, Tamara," Mr. Green said. "You're doing fine!" He led her to a table and as Tamara went to sit down, she saw Steven at the back. She excused herself and went to where he was seated, thinking how glad he would be to see her. But before she got there, a woman came out of the restroom and as she sat down next to Steven, Tamara heard her say, "Did you order for me, darling?" Tamara's heart broke into little pieces. She blindly ran for the exit!
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