May 22: For my FINAL quotidian comment, I have concluded that 10 crappy ones equal 1 good one, so here it goes: Why is the sky? What came first, that chicken joke or knock-knock jokes? How many animals were on Moses's ark? Who put the dilly in hilly-funilly? Doesn't genius live in a lamp? Where IS Waldo? What would the world be like without any hypothetical situations? Are we there yet? If an elevator was falling with me inside and I jumped, then would I hit the ceiling? Why am I still here?
May 21: how many numbers are in the word 19? there's 3: nine, ninety, and nineteen
May 16: If I said I was a chronic liar, then would anyone believe me? and if anyone is caught conniving off of my test, then they will have a hiatus in their spine.
May 15: "I want all my groceries to be in one bag, but I don't want it to be heavy"
"I'm afraid that's physically impossibe"
"who are you, the Possible Police?"
May 14: if I become the monkey overlord, I would use my authority to go over the woods and through the river, climb the deepest sea and swim the tallest mountain, and subtract 7 from both sides to get X equal to 2
May 13: I have the world's greatest party game: it's a cross between spin the bottle.....and Russian Roulette. It's called "who wants to get tried for murder." you spin the dealy on the gun, and put it into a circle of people. spin the gun on the ground, and whoever it lands on gets shot.
May 12: "I will now write a million-dollar check" (runs up to chalk board and draws a check mark with an arrow pointing to it saying 'this is worth $1 million')
May 9: If a baseball is itched 20 ft. outside , hit into fuol territory, bounces off of a bird, and lands in fair territory, then is it a strike?
May 7: if there was a spinoff of Cops where policemen beat people up for smoking pot, then can I call it "The Weedwhackers"?
May 6: is it possible to brutally slaughter 15 people in 7 seconds with a purple flyswatter and a blatherskite?
May 5: spell whether/weather, as in I don't know whether the weather will improve
May 2: if you are a senior in high school, then can you get discounts for being a senior citizen?
May 1: e-mail me for this one, it doesn't deserve being posted
April 30: if you say something is indescribable, then isn't that describing it?
April 29: if baby oil is made from babies, then does that mean they come from the moon?
April 28: people = time X money
time = money
people = money X money = money sq.
money = sq. rt. evil
money sq. = evil
people = evil
April 24: If you were moving at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, would they work? (hey, they ALL can't be funny)(<<<<<that wasn't said, neither was this)
April 23: I think you should allow us to weasel our way out of all the assignments. Weaseling you way outta things is what separates us from the animals (except for,of course, the weasel).
April 22: If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one is around to see it, then do the other trees make fun of it?
April 21: If the water in a toilet spins clockwise in the northern hemisphere and spins counterclockwise in the southern hemisphere, then which way does it spin at the equator during an equinox?
April 17: If you try to fail and you succeed, then what have you just done?
April 16: If men are always wrong, and I say "men are always wrong", then am I right or wrong?
April 15: How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in, and close the door. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? You open the door, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the door.
April 14: Why is it good to get under par in golf but it's bad to be sub-par in anything else?
April 11: Can a vampire donate the blood it stole from others? Then does that mean it can get AIDS?
April 10: If a turtle doesn't have a shell, then is it homeless or naked?
April 9: I am now opening up a rehabilitation center for those of us that are hooked on phonics.
April 8: All the stupid people around me make me think about how they got so stupid (probably drugs). That reminds me of the time I snorted coke. I got an ice cube stuck up my nose.
April 7: Giving my stupid comment makes me think: when did I start saying these? I suppose it began in ninteen-tickety-two. We had to use the word tickety, because that guy from Scottsdale stole our number twenty. I chased after him for it, but gave up after tickety-six miles.