TWO IDIOTS IN HOLLYWOOD
by T. Barry Armstrong
T. Barry
Armstrong presents his film Two Idiots In Hollywood, in which a pair of
idiots, Taylor and Murphy, move from Dayton, Ohio to Hollywood in search of
greater fulfilment and more sex. While Murphy gets a job writing for TV, Taylor
is arrested for the accidental murder of their new landlord.
This film
was written and directed by Stephen Tobolowsky, based on a play he scripted 4
years earlier. It was released in 1988, then on video around 1991. Click here to see the video
cover!
A friend
picked up a copy of Two Idiots from Cash Converters in Stourbridge in
2001 for £1.50, attracted to it purely by the title, and it quickly became a
favourite. I found another copy for sale after a chance search on eBay.co.uk. It is a brilliantly hilarious
movie, with all the makings of a cult hit – minimal budget, minimal continuity,
total farce. While many of the actors take on more than one role, other actors
are the movie’s production staff! It’s also quite innovative, as the film is
interrupted not only by its fictional director, but also by film critics (one
of whom has the immortal name Loupenis Jones) who review the film! It is filled
with original songs, including a barbershop number in the middle of a murder
trial! There is also a level of clever satire. Love it or hate it, it is
memorable.
Characters
Taylor Dup (played by Jeff
Doucette)
One of two idiots. His
general idiocy and bemusement leaves him subject to his baser male instincts,
such as the desires for beer and women. By way of a side-effect, his passive
stance has given him great powers of observation, allowing him a prodigious
talent for impersonations (including Elvis Presley, Ed Sullivan, and above all,
the Wolf-Man). Loyal to his friend Taylor, he agrees to move from Dayton to
Hollywood, where he feels able to fulfil his individual potential, by visiting
waxwork museums to hone his impersonations and by scoring. His desire to help
people leads to the accidental death of his new Landlord, and after a harrowing
interrogation, he signs a confession in the hope of getting to know female
prisoners. He is exonerated by the Landlord’s ghost, and observes that Murphy’s
Pac-Man idea was plagiarism anyway. At the end, he is reunited with Murphy, and
realises the importance of birds of a feather sticking together in the legal
minefield of Hollywood, where only the purity of a bold approach to the silver
screen, such as T. Barry Armstrong’s work, will really do.
“But you
don’t understand. When the moon is full, I become a wolf.”
Taylor’s
prisoner number was 3685204 97.
Jeff
Doucette’s TV appearances have included Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate
Housewives and an
advert for air freshener.
Murphy Wegg (played by J.B.
McGrath)
One of two idiots.
More active than Taylor, he strategises diligently and tries to make their
double date run smoothly and successfully, but his general idiocy hampers this.
Whenever Taylor and Murphy reach an understanding over women and scoring, they
pretend to be ducks. Possessed of initiative and inspiration, and concerned
that he will be ‘bottled up’ if carries on working at the Dayton Bottling
Works, he proposes a movie from the repressive squalor of Dayton to the glamour
of Hollywood, where he taps into a store of eloquence and inspiration, in order
to impress the President of Television and the Boys from New York with his idea
for The Pac-Man Comedy-Drama Hour. He takes a proud hands-on approach to
the programme, joining the actors at rehearsal. He does not forget to
capitalise on his position by attempting to score with the available females.
After he is fired for being too stupid, he responds with shock and delusion,
but realises that in the minefield of Hollywood TV stardom, friendship is what
counts, and he rushes to Taylor’s trial. Retaining his initiative, he suggests
new careers as DJs.
“One
thousand dollars, s’il vous please.”
There
are several photographs of J.B. McGrath, among others, on the wall of the NBA
Casting Room.
Howie Jett
Taylor and Murphy’s
‘gross’ friend in Dayton, not seen during the film. Murphy phones him once they
are settled in Hollywood.
Lynn Jett (played by Jenny
Bourgeois)
Howie’s sister. Murphy
elects for her to be Taylor’s date, as Murphy likes Lynn as a person and would
therefore “find it hard to f--- her.” Lynn is bored by Taylor’s impressions and
scared by Murphy.
Scene
R5M of the film, depicting Taylor and Murphy’s return from the date, was filmed
on 10th September 1987. As revealed by one of the clapperboards
which are occasionally caught in shot.
Marianne
Plambo (played by Cheryl Anderson)
Lynn’s friend.
According to Howie, she “goes easy” if pushed. She is unimpressed by her date,
Murphy, and he does not score. This, Murphy believes, is because Lynn and
Marianne are both having their periods, as happens when two girls are in the
same place.
When
Taylor and Murphy return from the date, a couple can be heard arguing about the
husband staying out late, and like all arguments in the movie, it descends into
an exchange of “f--- you!’ ‘f--- you!”
T. Barry
Armstrong (played by Thomas Callaway)
A crusading visionary
with all his fingers on the pulse of cinema, the man who through directing,
editing and scripting, brought Two Idiots to fruition. We first see him caught
on camera as he positions then adjusts the alarm clock, and he is visible
during the Murphy’s entrance in the trial scene as well. Out of sheer loyalty
to his audience, he appears several times during the film in order to humanise
the moviemaking process, by explaining his triumphs and shortfalls, such as
budget issues, legal matters, and scene losses. Armstrong publicises for his
next venture, an even more richly thought-provoking 3-D film called The
Robot From Outer Space.
“Film is
one of the few art forms that deals with the past.”
“Hey, I’m
ready to make history. Are you?”
T. Barry
can be glimpsed running across the aisle as Murphy enters in the courtroom
scene.
On the
wall of T. Barry’s office is a map charting Taylor and Murphy’s route from
Dayton to LA.
Todd
Armstrong (played by Bruce Wright)
T. Barry’s younger
brother. A worthy compatriot who is allowed a measure of his sibling’s
limelight, also appearing during the film. He is aware of mix of excitement and
anxiety that underlies the making of the movie, but lacks some of his brother’s
maturity; at one point, he opens a door cheekily in Murphy’s face and knocks
him out.
“They
really screwed us up.”
Todd’s
self-introduction was filmed on 19th August 1987.
To
emphasise the film’s lack of continuity, T. Barry and Todd go from bearded to
clean-shaven, back to bearded, in their appearances.
Joc Jeremy,
the Landlord (played by Robert Darnell)
Landlord at the
apartment block at McAdam Place near Highland, Los Angeles. He likes Taylor and
Murphy, whom he shows around an apartment that is identical to their Dayton
flat. Plagued by a ruptured disk in his back, Joc laments the passing of his
youth. After agitating his back, Taylor carries his new landlord to his flat
and at his request, straps him into a chair to bring him out of spasm, but Joc
dies when he Taylor forgets to unstrap him after half an hour. Having found
posthumous tranquillity, Joc’s ghost appears at the courtroom just as Taylor is
about to be convicted, and after defending him, Joc makes an impassioned speech
against the avaricious dog eat dog world of Hollywood, and the warm wonder of
youth.
“No! No
doctors! No more f---ing doctors!”
“I
remember, my warm body running in the breeze… smelling mimosa… drinking ice
water… thinking, how high the tabletops were.”
Mistake:
Joc Jeremy’s necklace changes into a gold chain in the middle of his first
scene, then changes back.
Man With
Poodle (played by Phillip Ray Rolfe)
Dressed in pink, with
a perm, this man stands outside Joc Jeremy’s apartment holding his dog as
Taylor carries him in.
“How
butch.”
He is
also one of the Big Men Big Women Dancers.
One of
the signs on the notice board by the Landlord’s front door says ‘Absolutely No
Prostitution’.
NBA
Security Guards (played by Charles Allen-Anderson & Benjamin Jurand)
Employees in the
reception area of the National Broadcasting Association. Allen-Anderson’s character
is the more vociferous, complaining about his demanding ‘bitch’ of a
girlfriend. Both admire Dan Skink, especially Jurand’s character.
“What a
stud.”
The same
pair of actors were seen as Big Men Big Women dancers, and appear as the Buffet
Chefs at Taylor’s trial.
Dan Skink (played by Budge
Threlkeld)
The President of
Television at the NBA. He can generate an aura of machismo and authority, and
is considered a ‘stud’ by an NBA security guard. Skink is at the forefront of
Hollywood’s quest for ‘good ideas’. He is unable to come up with any as the
visit by the Boys From New York approaches, and becomes stressed about losing
his job, and then about human indolence. By way of relaxation, his secretary
fits him with a prosthetic face-piece. Skink welcomes Murphy’s good idea for
television, and is elated at the vision of $40 billion, which may soon be is.
He becomes irked at having to pay Murphy cash on demand.
“I think
I need a great big blood transfusion. Or, a hot coffee enema.”
Nude
chauffeur (played by Frederick Bailey)
Skink’s driver, naked
except for a saucepan, and obedient. He is also on the jury at Taylor’s trial,
and attracts the wandering hand of his female neighbour.
Frederick
Bailey also plays the Robot from Outer Space, and is the Production Associate
for Two Idiots.
Mrs.
Higgens (played by Kat Sawyer-Young)
NBA casting secretary.
Tries to help Dan Skink calm down by forcefully applying his face mask. She is
the object of Murphy’s affections.
“There
goes trouble-on-a-stick. Still, all in all, nice piece of horseflesh.” - Murphy
“Don’t go
too far away, Mrs. Higgens, I may need you later to take my dic… tation.” –
Murphy
In
Skink’s office is a photograph of him holding the same white poodle seen
outside Joc Jeremy’s apartment.
Skink’s
child (played by Joshua Levy)
Boy of about 12, who
has little faith in his father.
“It
stinks, dad.”
Perry White (played by Ritchie
Montgomery)
The casino worker from
Gardena and wannabe comedian is drawn to the National Broadcasting Association
like a moth to the light bulb. Charismatic and flirtatious yet overzealous and
irritating, the Comedian is more concerned with image than substance – he
displays a giant poster-sized photograph of himself – and lacking a certain je
ne sais what, is bypassed by Murphy on the ladder of success.
“Do you
know anything about real estate? Tell me [points to crotch], is this a lot?”
“Hey! Did
you hear about the ant on the commode? He got pissed off.”
Ritchie
Montgomery also plays Sergeant Rose.
NBA Casting
Secretary (played by Lisa Lack Robins) & Actresses
(played by Louise Baker, Carolyn English, Nancy
Scher)
Present in the NBA
Casting Room, and subjected to Perry White’s flirtatious wit as they try to
read scripts. They are not impressed, and try to ignore him.
The Boys
From New York: Wiler Weiner (played by William B. Steis), Mel
Davis (played by Paul Koester), Morris Franklin (played by Ann Hearn)
TV executives who
visit Skink at 4 o’clock, to get a good idea for television. They agree to
Murphy’s Pac-Man Show idea, and hire Joe Clark and Winn Kaalsen. Mel Davis
visits the rehearsals with Murphy. Remaining in overall charge, they later fire
Murphy.
“Enchiladas.”
William
B. Steis is also the Construction Foreman for Two Idiots.
Carla
Tokenaga Dortmonger (played by Bonnie Ona Homsey)
Demographic
dramaturgic script analyst, who presents the Pac-Man Show’s
dramaturgical breakdown to the Boys From New York. Her Yale background
impresses the trio, but her voice puts everyone to sleep.
Bonnie
Ona Homsey is the Choreographer on Two Idiots.
R. Taylor
Curtis (played by Scanlon Gail)
Actor who starred in
Star Hunt. He is considered for the title role on The Pac-Man Show, but
Joe Clark is chosen instead. Curtis wins the part of Turk McElroy, Space
Wrangler, in The Robot From Outer Space.
Joe Clark (played by Joe
Clark)
Fresh-faced actor,
chosen to play Pac-Man on The Pac-Man Show. Although he does not impress
Murphy at their first meeting, he reveals himself to be a sensitive and
accomplished actor during the rehearsal for the restaurant scene, conveying the
torment of his character. He delights onlookers in his following of the apple
pattern, and his reaction to the walls of fish. Clark is so good, in fact, that
his high-concept, recherché approach to Pac-Man leads the Boys From New York to
re-evaluate: they change to a low-concept approach, for which Clark, to his
annoyance, is fired in favour of William Shatner. Joe Clark wins the part of
the facetious and calculating villain Dr. Skull in The Robot From Outer
Space.
Scene 91
of the film, in which Joe Clark is fired by Murphy, was filmed on 31st
August 1987.
Winn
Kaalsen (played by William Utay)
Little-known Swedish
director. He impresses the Boys From New York with his use of pacing on the
Dad’s Root Beer commercials, and is hired to work on the Pac-Man Show. Bold and
intelligent to the point of pedantry, he clashes with Murphy over certain
issues, but considers Murphy’s script wonderfully ‘actor-proof’.
“The wall
of fish! The wall of fish!!”
William
Utay also appears as Loupenis Jones.
Sandra (played by Joan
Pirkle)
Actress, and co-star
of The Pac-Man Show. She is bemused by some of the director’s decisions,
but competently conveys the wit and meaning of Murphy’s script. She is not
sacked when Joe Clark is, as Murphy feels able to score with her, and admires
her breasts.
Romance
blossomed off-screen between Joan Pirkle and a Two Idiots actor. Read on
to find out who.
Cue Card
Girl (played by Sunny Smith)
Present at the
rehearsal of The Pac-Man Show’s restaurant scene, and bemused.
Prop Man (played by Tony
Campisi)
Works on The
Pac-Man Show.
William
Shatner
Doesn’t appear in Two
Idiots. Renowned Hollywood actor, whose portrayal of Captain James T. Kirk
on Star Trek is commemorated by a waxwork model that Taylor views. He is
drawn to The Pac-Man Show, replacing Joe Clark in the title role, but
demands rewrites, leading to Murphy being sacked.
Jose
Gasinsky
Doesn’t appear in Two
Idiots, except as a publicity photograph. He was in Rids, and is
chosen by the Boys From New York as Murphy’s replacement on The Pac-Man Show,
after Shatner demands script rewrites.
Sergeant
Albert (played by M.C. Gainey)
This sweaty man wins
Taylor’s trust by complimenting him on his impressions and offering him
cupcakes and juicy fruit gum, before revealing that he is a cop, and arresting
Taylor for Joc Jeremy’s murder. During the subsequent interrogation, Albert is
the ‘good cop’, restraining the threat of Sergeant Rose, but does not believe
Taylor’s protestations of innocence. Albert uses his familiarity with the gay
scene to assess Taylor’s relationship with Joc Jeremy.
“To the
moon, bang zoom! To the moon.”
Sergeant
Rose (played by Ritchie Montgomery)
The insane ‘bad cop’
at Taylor’s interrogation. As an the ex-Catholic middle child of a nuclear
family, he is dangerous. Unleashed from behind a door by Sergeant Albert, he
commands a shark hand puppet, who menaces Taylor and threatens to eat his
‘meatballs’. Albert frequently restrains Rose, as they work to ensure Taylor’s
cooperation.
Defence
Attorney (played by Kurtwood Smith)
A lawyer with a taste
for loud shirts and large black wigs. Lazy and incompetent, he persuades Taylor
to sign a confession. During the trial, he samples the buffet, reads a
newspaper and naps, rather than standing up for his client.
“C’est
la vie.”
Kurtwood
Smith married fellow Two Idiots cast member Joan Pirkle (Sondra) in
1988. They had met during the filming of Robocop.
Male
prisoners (El Duce, Stan Yale,
Ray Vernon, Reggie)
Threatening men who
pose naked together in order to entice Taylor to sign a confession and remain
in jail. During the film critics’ interlude, we see a clip of them in
underwear.
Female
Prisoners (played by Laverne Thompson, Gayna
Shireen, C. C. Geno) & The Matron (played by
Susan Youngblood)
Threatening women who
pose together in order to entice Taylor to sign a confession and remain in
jail. It works.
Laverne
Thompson and Susan Youngblood also appear as Big Men Big Women Dancers. Susan
Youngblood is one of the film’s singers as well.
Robert Rakeridge (played by Ron
Colizzo) & Loupenis Jones
(played by William Utay)
A pair of film
critics. Rakeridge is from Films “Я” Us Quarterly, while Jones is
from Aggressive Gals Magazine. Having encountered Two Idiots In
Hollywood, they are so struck by it that they interrupt the film itself to
deliver a review. If you have never had a chalk and cheese sandwich, Rakeridge
and Jones will bring you very close. Rakeridge takes an adroit, uncompromising
approach to the film, criticising T. Barry Armstrong’s techniques of expository
scenes, pauses (we are shown clips of such pauses) and publicity of his next
film. This is offset by Jones, who has long looked for meaning in the
flickering images of cinema, and is able to find, for all its flaws, the
intriguing potential of Two Idiots. Their discussion descends into a
Taylor-Murphy style slanging match. The pair appear as zombies in Murphy’s
hallucination.
“It is
definitely one of those films where, if you’re running late and can’t find a
place to park near the theatre, want some popcorn or a cold drink and need to
go the restroom – I say go. Don’t sit there and hold it in.” - Loupenis
Girl in
Editing Room (played by Ann Hearn)
Red-haired NBA
employee, who takes Murphy a message from the office about Taylor’s arrest. Murphy
compliments her on her dovelike breasts, creamy thighs and (after verifying)
taut buttocks, and arranges to help her practise her acting skills at his place
at 8:00 that night.
Ann
Hearn appears as both the Girl in the Editing Room and Morris Franklin, in the
same scene!
She is
also Stephen Tobolowsky’s wife.
The
Editing Room is full of boxes of film reels labelled ‘The Robot From Outer
Space’. Such boxes were also seen in Murphy’s office.
Maid In
Hallway (played by Stephanie Lamotta)
Cleaning the floor
when Murphy recovers from being knocked out.
She was
also one of the Big Men Big Women dancers.
Mr. &
Mrs. Wegg (played by J.B. McGrath & Jeff
Doucette)
Murphy’s hillbilly
parents and their spooky house appear in his hallucination. Murphy’s dad resembles
Murphy, and his mother resembles Taylor. Murphy screams and flees.
Statue Of
Justice (played by Gayna Shireen)
An immobile silver
statue who stands behind the judge in the courtroom.
Gayna
Shireen also played a Female Prisoner.
The
Judgeheads (played by R. Wayne Kruse & Wayne
Winstead)
The judge at Taylor’s
trial consists of two heads on one body. The judge is prone to moments of bias,
being initially disgusted with Joc Jeremy’s murder, but compensates with
flashes of control and justice.
“Having
heard thousands of cases … his particular case turns my stomach. I think I may
just vomit.”
“Ho-ly
Smokes!”
Wayne
Winstead played both Judgehead #2 and a Barbershop Singer. In the scene where
both those characters appear, Joe Clark played Judgehead #2.
Court
Stenographer (played by David Kozubei)
Sits between the judge
and the courtroom buffet, and works with gusto to type up the proceedings.
The
courtroom is built in an empty swimming pool.
Barbershop
Quartet Singers (played by Wayne Winstead, Rex Rotsko,
Ron Hoffman, John
Cox)
A foursome, dressed as
waiters, who sing at Taylor’s trial and attempt to flee when Joc Jeremy returns.
The
appearance of the quartet may relate to the four waiters missing from the
rehearsal of The Pac-Man Show’s restaurant scene earlier in the film.
I met
Rex Rotsko in May 2004 in London. He’s a great guy!
Jury
Foreman (played by Edward Anhalt)
62-year-old male juror
at Taylor’s trial, convinced from the outset that Taylor is ‘guilty as hell’.
He becomes topless and dances vigorously during the barbershop song, and imbued
with patriotic fervour, he informs the judge that the jury needs no extra time to
deliberate. But as the trial continues with Murphy’s testimony, the foreman
vomits in horror, and gains Native American face paint. He is frightened when
the ghost enters.
Buffet
Chefs (played by Charles Allen-Anderson & Benjamin Jurand)
The pair stand at the
buffet in the courtroom. They believe that Taylor will be found guilty, and are
both shaken and moved by Joc Jeremy’s appearance.
Prosecuting
Attorney (played by Stephen Tobolowsky)
Lawyer present at
Taylor’s trial. He wears a pink shirt with giant sweat patches. With ungainly
movements, he grills Taylor and then Murphy over Joc Jeremy’s death, and
becomes very vocal over Taylor’s behaviour. He plays the guitar during the
barbershop song.
‘You watched
TV?! After a vicious, homosexual torture-murder – your Honour I’ve heard enough!!’
Stephen
Tobolowsky is the genius behind Two Idiots. He has also appeared in Groundhog
Day, Spaceballs and Memento on the cinema screen, and CSI
and Heroes on the television screen.
Assistant
To Prosecutor (played by Carl Bressler)
Hunched associate of
the Prosecuting Attorney. He brings his boss Exhibit A (Joc Jeremy’s spine),
dances and plays the guitar during the barbershop song, and is pleased that
Taylor’s conviction seems imminent. He and the Prosecutor clasp hands
intimately at one point.
Madman At
Trial (played by Jeff Murray)
Runs screaming down
the aisle when he hears from Murphy about Taylor’s behaviour.
There
are several cardboard cut-outs sitting in the audience at the trial, dressed in
real clothes.
Indian
Juror (played by Claire Malis)
Woman who sits next to
the Jury Foreman at Taylor’s trial. By the end of the trial she has become
dressed in a Native American outfit, with face paint and a drum.
Mistake:
The Indian Juror is seen sitting and screaming ‘E.T.’ when the ghost enters,
and then is immediately shown standing up with the Jury Foreman and shouting
‘Poltergeist’.
Hula Juror (played by Mary
McCusker)
Transforms into a hula
dancer with grass skirt and bikini during the barbershop song.
Juror In
Red (played by Hillarie Thompson)
Juror In
Black (played by Wesley Pfenning)
Sitting in the front
row, their outfits become a lot less formal during the song.
Dogs (River, Brandy, Gus, Rags, Neko)
At the end of the
barbershop song, dogs run barking across the courtroom.
Puck (played by Brian
Boyle) & Abraham Lincoln
(played by Richard Craycroft)
These spirits appear
alongside Joc Jeremy’s ghost at the entrance to the courtroom.
Richard
Craycroft is Production Assistant on Two Idiots. Brian Boyle is Prop
Intern.
Pac-Man
was almost translated from its Japanese name to ‘Puck-Man’, but someone
realised the potential for vandalism and suggested the alternative.
Crying Man (played by Jim
Beaver)
In the audience as Joc
Jeremy’s ghost pontificates, this man finds himself crying.
Thank you to
Jim for emailing me in 2007:
‘Ah, the memories. I was in the stage
production of Two Idiots for a couple of months, as Wiler Weiner and Joc
Jeremy, and I got a last minute call to come in and do the Crying Man bit in
the film version. Two Idiots was some of the most fun I ever had. The
play, I think, was funnier, partly because it was a little more focused. But
I'm very proud of having been a part of both, and very proud of the many
terrible reviews we got, along with a couple of good ones. I'd known Stephen
Tobolowsky and Frederick Bailey for a long time, and several of the people in
the play/film became very good friends. Thanks for giving it some internet
space. It's a little-known gem, in my book.’
Dream
Barbecue Mother/Father/Child (played by Belita Moreno/Joel Rudnick/Matthew Rudnick)
Just after Joc
Jeremy’s speech at the trial, we see a home video projection of this family
enjoying a barbecue in front of their house. The cameraman offers the boy a
drink, which he takes with a smile.
The Robot (played by Frederick
Bailey)
The main character in
T. Barry Armstrong’s movie, The Robot From Outer Space. The silver Robot
walks up behind Armstrong as he addresses the audience during Two Idiots In
Hollywood, and later bursts through the floor of the courtroom to herald a
trailer for the new film. The Robot has a vehement irascibility that belies its
cheap appearance and mysterious origins.
“What is
the most powerful object in the Universe? … What is the force that cannot be
stopped? … What must die for the Earth to live?” – voiceover from the trailer
Mistake:
the Robot costume on its first appearance is different from the costume seen
later.
The Pac-Man Show
Pac-Man was a video
game superstar during the 1980s, and beyond, spawning a series of games and a
torrent of merchandise. Representing a pizza with a slice removed, the yellow
character moves around a series of mazes, eating dots and fruit as he goes, but
he must avoid four ghosts, who chase him each time. There are many good
websites about Pac-Man, and it has emerged that the ghosts, who all have names
(and nicknames), also have distinct personalities and patterns of behaviour.
And what about Pac-Man
himself? What does he want? Is he simply the victim of circumstance, an
allegory for the tortured human soul? Or is he a simple-minded aggressor,
guided by gluttonous mouth and (when Ms. Pac-Man’s in town) lecherous eye? Can
he be all this, as well as a small yellow circle who beeps and gobbles? This is
what Murphy’s high-concept TV show proposal, The Pac-Man Comedy/Drama Hour,
seeks to address. It will cash in on the increasing popularity of video gaming.
This is Carla Tokenaga
Dortmonger’s commentary from the dramaturgical breakdown, shown when the
programme idea is pitched to The Boys From New York.
“Man on
the run, living in fear. Pursued by his ghosts: Speedy, who is faster than he
is; Pokey, the slow terror of a wasted past; Shadow, which follows him wherever
he goes. and Bashful, the shy, cute, yet deadly trap of oversentimentality. The
object of the show is simple: man, the Pac-Man if you will – the hero, heroine
or whatever – must have the wit and courage to confront his own fears, his own
failings, his own ghosts if you will, and find sex. The stakes are high: his
life.”
The breakdown features
a series of clips from black and white movies, including Cops (1920) and
The Lost World (1925).
Murphy writes several
restaurant scenes for The Pac-Man Show, and we see one of them, Murphy’s
favourite, being rehearsed during Two Idiots In Hollywood. Joe Clark,
who plays Pac-Man, wears a yellow jumpsuit, a little like a prison outfit. He
is possessed of a simple wit and charm. He sits at a small table with his date,
played by Sandra. There are supposed to be four waiters standing around,
including Pokey, disguised as the desert waiter; but controversially, no actors
play the waiters in rehearsal, and those present must pretend the waiters are
there. During the meal, Pac-Man spills his glass of tap-water down Sandra’s
dress, and they arrange to return to her place for dry clothes. However,
Pac-Man first has to eat, for the first time in days, as the ghosts have been
after him. Suddenly, Joe begins to run around the room, following an imaginary
apple pattern and gobbling. Sandra, and the others present, cheer him on, and
we hear beeps, and see a score notched up in the corner of the screen. Finally,
Pac-Man is cut off by a ‘wall of fish’ – a fish-covered net that drops from the
ceiling – and then a second one. His hands raised, he spins around, screaming,
and the scene ends to untamed applause.
The Pac-Man Show is directed by Winn Carlsen from Sweden.
When the show is turned low-concept, Joe Clark is replaced by William Shatner;
and as Shatner wants rewrites, Murphy is replaced by Jose Gasinsky. Taylor
predicts that the National Broadcasting Association will be sued, however, as
they ‘never had rights in the first place.’
The Robot From Outer Space:
Scenes And Actors
The film
critics’ trailer
During the film
critics’ segment, a brief clip of The Robot From Outer Space is shown to
illustrate the trailer that will appear at the end of Two Idiots In Hollywood.
A theme song for the new film plays during this clip.
Robot
close-up
A clip of the Robot
from Outer Space when he has walked up to the camera in the courtroom. We also
see the hand-painted movie poster.
Man/Woman/Boy
Dancing Under Tree (played by Wesley Pfenning/Tommy
Bourgeois/Matthew Bourgeois)
A couple, dressed in
red (the Boy does not appear in the clip), dance with a dog under a tree on a
sandy beach. They have a beach ball and stereo with them, and the latter is
visible in T. Barry Armstrong’s office during Two Idiots.
Ugly Woman
The camera zooms into
the mouth of a woman with large spectacles and grossly uneven front teeth.
Main trailer
The eponymous Robot
bursts through the floor of the courtroom, and stalks up to the camera (hitting
his leg on a table on the way, and needing help to recover). A narrator (whose
voice is similar to that put on by Murphy when he tells Joc Jeremy that Taylor
‘works the word processor machine’) asks us about the Robot, then guides us
through the trailer, informing us of the qualities that the new movie embodies:
“it’s action”, “it’s excitement”, etc.
‘Action’
scene
Cheryl
Anderson, Kat Sawyer-Young and Lisa
Lack Robins, in scanty silver outfits, are tied up with their captain,
Turk McElroy, in the lab of the green-faced Dr. Skull, played by Joe Clark, as destruction threatens the Earth. A
hunchback played by Jenny Bourgeois looks on
gleefully. McElroy becomes frustrated, and manages to zap Skull, who staggers
over to a new camera angle and dribbles black and pink vomit down himself,
groaning. We then cut to T. Barry Armstrong, dressed as a sort of bearded
Viking, who tells us to “think about it.”
‘Excitement’
scene
McElroy, his lasso
next to him, sits on a beach playing a game of draughts with Kurtwood Smith, whose character wears rabbit ears. R. Wayne Kruse and Wayne
Winstead, dressed in red, look over McElroy’s shoulder and give him bad
advice about his next move. McElroy loses, puts on a rabbit mask, and falls
over as a ship goes by. Kurtwood Smith says, “Next?” We then cut to T. Barry
Armstrong and Todd, dressed as bearded Viking types, who instruct us to “think
about it.”
‘Suspense’
scene
Above the flaming
tongues of a fire, hang Budge Threlkeld, William B. Steis, and Paul
Koseter holding onto ropes. They each scream in turn and hold a
terrified expression, but Koester smiles by mistake.
‘Bizarre’
scene
A series of actors (M.C. Gainey, Charles
Allen-Anderson, Benjamin Jurand, Ron Colizzo, William Utay)
get off a single chair one by one, revealing the next actor underneath, until Ritchie Montgomery is left sitting on the chair.
‘Everything’
scene
Bonnie Oda
Homsey is sitting on a throne. Robert Darnell, wearing only black pants, crawls
onto her lap and is spanked rhythmically as The Spanking Song (see
below) plays. Ann Hearn enters from the right
as a delighted hunchback, and Joshua Levy
enters from the left, dressed in a combat outfit, and salutes.
‘Space
Wrangler’ scene
Scanlon
Gail, playing R. Taylor Curtis in his
role as Turk McElroy, Space Wrangler, stands atop a car with his lasso. As Edward Anhalt and Phillip
Ray Rolfe look on doubtingly from the pavement, McElroy lassos a nearby
parking meter and gives a vigorous thumbs-up.
Final Scene
Morgana The Bionic Cow
pokes her brown head round a building as a burning cityscape stands behind her.
Then Jeff Doucette comes forward, holding the
head, with J.B. McGrath. They are followed by Frederick Bailey, wearing the body of the Robot
costume. Thomas Callaway and Bruce Wright come on as T. Barry Armstrong and Todd,
and kiss the hands of Joan Pirkle. The six
shake hands, then click their fingers at the camera simultaneously.
Songs
Two Idiots contains many
original songs, ditties and musical numbers, all written by Stephen Tobolowsky.
They add to the film’s nonsensical feel. The lyrics are not quite complete in
some cases.
Donkey
Magic
This song
leads into the film.
We were dancing
Just around midnight
Just about the right
time
To get some disco
action
Me and my baby
We were dancing to the
Bee Gees
We were gonna get it
on
With all those funky
cats
Then suddenly it
happened
It was like a bolt of
lightning
I was hit by donkey
magic
My ears started
growing
I started braying
[The song is
interrupted by dialogue from Taylor and Murphy. Then it continues.]
I was hit by donkey
magic
And it could happen to
you!
Big Men Big
Women
Taylor
and Murphy, in their Dayton apartment, stick their heads through holes in the
wall into a black room, and witness a dance routine. The first few lines of the
song appear on screen. The song continues as the pair drive out of Ohio. The
dancers they see are: Laverne Thompson, Susan Youngblood, Benjamin Jurand,
Charles Allen-Anderson, Robyn Jacobs, Gregory Grove, Magenta, Kathleen Kelley,
Joanne Wetzel Caverly, Stephanie Lamotta, & Phillip Ray Rolfe.
Of
these, Robyn Jacobs is an Art Department Production Assistant on Two Idiots;
Joanne Wetzel Caverly is Assistant To Director; Gregory Grove is Still
Photographer; Kathleen Kelley is responsible for Craft Service.
Big men, big women
They’re fillin’ up my
brain
Big men, big women
They’re makin’ me insane,
yeah
(Oooh, oooh, oooh)
(Aaah, aaah, aaah)
Big men, big women
They’re fillin’ up my
head
Big men, big women
They eat the
high-priced bread, they said
(Five, six, seven,
eight)
(Oooh, oooh, oooh)
(Aaah, aaah, aaah)
Big men, big women
They’re fillin’ up my
town
Big men, big women
They like to party
down, for a pound
(Five, six, seven,
eight)
(Aaah, aaah, aaah)
(Oooh, oooh, oooh)
(Oooh, oooh, they’re
everywhere)
(Aaah, aaah, they’re
everywhere)
(Oooh, oooh, they’re
everywhere)
(Aaah, aaah, they’re
everywhere)
Action
This song
accompanies Murphy’s avid drive across Los Angeles.
There’s a beat, in the
city
That will take you,
where you wanna go
And girl, you’re
looking so pretty
I can’t help it, if my
movements are slow
I’ve gotta have action
(action)
Acton from the start
And baby don’t you
tell me that you’re not the loving kind
I’ve gotta have action
(action)
Acton from your heart
You know you’ve got
the moves to blow my mind
You blow my mind
Yeah you blow my mind
[x 30]
Low To The
Ground
A little
of this song is heard as the film critics’ segment comes to an end.
You Should
Have Been Glad
This song
is heard during Murphy’s hallucination, after he is fired and knocked out.
If you thought Vietnam
was bad
You thought that
Reagan was sad
If you think your
future’s been had
Like Chinese food in a
bag
Well I’ve got some
news for you
I’ve got some news for
you
It wasn’t that bad
You should have been
glad
You spend your life
trying to please
When all you do is eat
cheese
-
- tease
Well I’ve got some
news for you
Yeah I’ve got some
news for you
It wasn’t that bad
You should have been
glad
When the dark days come
to town
You’d better not be
around
Well come on baby,
let’s leave tonight
We’ve got this one
chance to make it right, yeah
You think your friends
are so near
But all you do is
drink beer
And you live your life
in fear
Of all you see and
hear
Well I’ve got some
news for you
Yeah I’ve got some
news for you
It wasn’t that bad
You should have been
glad
Blow The
Man Down
A kind of
shanty, sung by a barbershop quartet (known in real life as 976-SING) who stand behind Taylor during
his trial. The lyrics seem to link into the accusation that Joc Jeremy’s murder
was a homosexual attack. This catchy song is zealously picked up by the entire
courtroom.
Blow, blow, blow the
man down
Blow, blow, blow the
man down
While walking down the
avenue,
Who did I chance to
meet?
A comely miss and her
sweet sis,
With eyes and smiles
so sweet,
We walked in the park
‘til way past dark,
And sat on the village
green,
And then with a smirk,
they hiked up their skirts,
And lo they were
Marines.
They say
Blow, blow, blow the
man down
Blow, blow, blow the
man down
Our life is to roam
from town to town,
But we always come
home when we blow the man down.
The
Spanking Song
Featured
in the trailer for The Robot From Outer Space.
Spank, spank, spank,
how I love that touch
Spank, spank, spank,
oh it hurts so much
Slap my buttocks and
my inner thighs
And see what a naughty
boy am I
Taylor & Murphy’s Insults
When Taylor &
Murphy feel argumentative, they come out with some great name-calling. Here is
a list: Turkey, Goonshow, H-Man, Dogdick, Halfass,
Turdball, Suckhead, Dud, Sap, Buttsteak, Miss-ter Smartguy, Turkeyneck,
Hortense, Winnie Da Pooch.
‘But, you don’t understand’: A Look Beyond The Idiocy
Click here for a
detailed review of the movie.
The Fifth Draft
Click here to find
out how the fifth draft of the script for Two Idiots sheds light on the
finished movie.
Two Emails From
I’ve been lucky enough to receive emails
from Wayne Winstead and Rex Rotsko, who played Barbershop Singers in the film.
They have kindly revealed some behind-the-scenes information.
‘Hello.
I just
read your very detailed synopsis of the movie Two Idiots in Hollywood.
I must say, I’m impressed with your thorough examination of a little-known
movie.
As you may
realize, I played Judgehead #2, as well as one of the Barbershop Singers.
I was also in the original play that ran in
One other
note is that the quartet was made up of the founding members of 976-SING, a group we (John, Rex, Ron
and myself) started just before the filming of Two Idiots in Hollywood.
We went on to do several television appearances and toured the country
performing at universities, comedy clubs and hotels.
Rex was
the one who forwarded your web address to me and I want to thank you for taking
me on a stroll down memory lane.
Peace,
--
‘Hello there,
I know Wayne Winstead emailed you so I
thought I’d throw my two cents in.
You seem to enjoy the details about
things so I thought I’d let you know why
the Barber Shop Quartet was dressed as
waiters. As I believe
Any way I’m glad I came across
your site and very much enjoyed your
impassioned review. Thanks.
Rex Rotsko
P.S. In 1989 or ’90 Two Idiots was
played in the
Click here to visit the website
of Broken Bottle Productions, Rex and Wayne’s production company.
For the website of
976-SING, click here.
Links
MySpace page for Two Idiots
In Hollywood
Excellent
review of Two Idiots In Hollywood
IMDb entry for Two Idiots In
Hollywood. Sadly, no longer includes the trailer for the film.
Two Idiots in Greece? Take a look!
Pac-Man:
The First Church Of
Pac-Man. Great repository of Pac-Man facts.
The Virtual Pac-Man Museum.
Fascinating insight into the Pac-Man phenomenon. I emailed the curator to let
him know about Two Idiots In Hollywood…
Salon.com:
Pac-Man. Article analysing the cultural impact of the game.
The
Sound Of Eating (Archived). Worthwhile website, including a particularly
good guide to the ghosts’ differing personalities.
Thank you for
visiting. Feel free to email any comments via the email address below. Remember
to delete ‘nospam.’ before you send; it’s only there to foil the spambots from
outer space.
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All dialogue and sound
samples Copyright New World Pictures. Pac-Man is Copyright Namco.