| Humor Page 3 |
| Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" |
| David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example... Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming,then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?" |
| A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card, wrote Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. Revelation 3:20 -- Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was the notation "Genesis3:10" Genesis 3:10-I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. Two "saints" were discussing which one of them was more 'spiritual'. Huh," says the first, "why I'll bet you $20 you can't even repeat the Lord's prayer." You're on," says the second. He clears his throat and starts in. "Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take." The first guy is incredulous. "Wow, I didn't think you could do it. Here's your $20." |
| Amen, Preacher Preacher: "This church is just like a baby, and every baby has to learn to crawl." The congregation shouts out, "Amen Preach, let her crawl.." The Preacher continues: "But nobody stays a baby forever. After a while this church is going to stand and walk." Congregation: "Amen, Preach it--Let her walk." Preacher goes on: "And after a while this church is not just going to stand or walk, it's going to run." Congregation: "Amen, Preacher-Let her run." Preacher: "And in order for this Church to run, you've got to give." Congregation: "Let her crawl, Preacher, Let her crawl." |
| Home is the place where we grumble the most and are loved the best. |