Day 9, Thursday
Around the usual 830, Sirius Black wakes up and notices a mysterious white envelope on his sheet.
Black: what - fanmail already? (opens it, quickly reads) Uh oh. (kicks the bed above him) HEY!
Lupin: mphrgh
Black: look, Moony, I got a love note.
Lupin: (yawn, stretch)
Black: Yes, yes, I'll read it. "Dear Sirius," - how's that for an innocuous start, eh? ahem - "Dear Sirius, how will it be? / together on the sea? / or only me? Love, Your Secret Admirer."
Lupin(snickers): Someone's playing a prank on you.
Black: Of course you dont think anyone would ever seriously write me a love note!
Lupin: Who? Tonks? Hermione? or someone of the male persuasion?
Black: hm.. Uhm.. good point. Maybe it's from a fan!
Lupin: Fans are crazy, that's true...
Diary Room, Lunch Time.
Lord Voldemort sweeps in, stands imposingly before the camera and glares dramatically into it.
Voldemort: Attention, Audience! (pause) This is Lord Voldemort, and for those of you who don't believe in me... I suppose I'll have to be "That Strange Housemate with Red Eyes." (He does not make quotation mark signs.) Now I'm aware that I may have smaller "fan followings" than SOME Characters -- young Draco is right: it's all in the hair, be it greasy, gray, red, blond-white, or jet black - and I am not about to invest in a wig; rather, I merely point out that we BALD characters deserve a little respect and admiration as well. Hair aside. I must come to the point: I am very displeased in you, Audience. I do my best to play this game, be a source of entertainment, "make 'em laugh" as they say -- and what do you in do in return? You vote off the wrong housemate. When I nominate Albus, it means I want Albus to go! What could be simpler? Dolores - Why Dolores? She was a charming lady with spirit, personality - even if possessing a slightly misguided taste in fashion and men - and she was certainly NOT clever enough to upset anyone's bid for victory. Albus, on the other hand, is all scheming and knavery. Don't think he became one of the most powerful wizards in the world by handing out lemon drops! Would - shouldn't I be nominating Harry? Of course, but Albus is much more dangerous. You can trust the bald wizard (taps his forehead). The brain takes up more space! (thoughtful pause) Perhaps I shall open a club exclusively for bald wizards - "The Radical Roundheads"? Certainly has a better ring than "Deatheaters" -- But no more! I expect you to vote responsibly, Audience! (turns sharply and sweeps out)
Later:
Ron: Play again?
Hermione: No! I think I'm going to read some more
Ron: You always read!
Hermione: I'm good at that! (storms off)
Ron: Oh. Well she doesn't have to be so grumpy about it! I guess I'll find Harry.
(Ron finds Harry talking to Dumbledore in the living room.)
Ron: Hey Harry - do you want to play chess?
Harry: er, not now, Ron, sorry.
Ron: hmm.. I guess you don't want to play either, Professor Dumbledore.
Dumbledore: I'll gladly play later. Perhaps for now Tom will want to play with you. (winks)
Ron(pales): er.. yeah, last resort..
Twenty minutes later, Ron has searched the entire house for a chess partner with varying degrees of "no thanks" in response. (Snape's "Are you quite ill, Mr. Weasley?" was probably the most discouraging - or enheartening, depending on which way you looked at it.) Now he approaches Bedroom Number Three, where Voldemort supposedly sleeps. He peeks in. The Dark Lord has pulled a chair to the window, and is looking out, elbows propped on the sills.
Voldemort(not moving): Come in, Mr. Weasley...
Ron(whimpers): h... Uh. -
Voldemort: I believe you had a question for me...
Ron: h... yea..
Voldemort: Well?
Ron(spits it all out at once): Doyouwannaplaychesswithme??!
Voldemort(turns slowly, regards him with cold calculation): ... Yes... I think I shall...
As Ron and Voldemort walk down the hall to the stairs, they can see Draco in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. He is concentrating very hard on applying gel to his hair. Voldemort calls to him as they pass.
Voldemort: Mr. Malfoy, be careful it doesn't destroy any brain cells..
Ron: (rolls eyes) he hasn't got any to spare!
Voldemort(mutters): exactly..
In the kitchen, Hermione happens upon Tonks and Lupin who are sitting at the table eating soup.
Hermione: hi guys
Tonks: Wotcher, Hermione - have you heard about Sirius's LOVE NOTE yet?
Hermione: What? Who's sending HIM love notes?
(Tonks and Lupin snicker)
Lupin: He was actually quite popular with the ladies when we were at school.
Hermione: Well what's it about?
Tonks: Oh.. I don't know - do you have it memorized, Remus?
Lupin: "Dear Sirius, how will it be? / together on the sea? / or only me? Love, Your Secret Admirer." - something like that.
Hermione(chortle): obviously a joke!
Tonks: oh thats the best part - he doesn't think so. It's from "a fan."
Hermione: a fan of humour - hey, what kind of soup is that?
Lupin: Chicken noodle.
Hermione: oh, is that all?
Tonks: You sound like a Malfoy; "Oh chicken soup - how droll!"
(Ron and Voldemort go past in the hall)
Lupin: What was that?
Hermione: ....I guess Ron really wanted to play chess. (shrugs)
In the Sun Room, Voldemort and Ron settled down on the sofas near the coffee table and set up the chess board.
Voldemort: Now we shall see, Mr. Weasley, if your chess-playing has improved any since your first year...
Ron: (eyes narrow) I hope you've been practicing..
Lucius Malfoy is bored. He has tried to convince Draco to let him test the precious hair care products too, but Draco is quite possessive. ("Order your own.") Now he wanders into the den, hoping to find an interesting book. Instead he finds Snape snoring on the couch.
Lucius: hm, long night, Severus? (sits down on end of sofa with much force; Snape wakes up with a start; wand directed at the offender)
Lucius: No magic!
Snape: I didn't know who you were...
Lucius: Only Lucius, my dear - The Dark Lord, while angry at you for defeating him at tiddlywinks, is not trying to kill you just yet.
Snape(grumble): .. reassuring.
Lucius: Well, Severus, now that you're awake, you can suggest a course of action.
Snape: ... for what?
Lucius: Anything.
Snape: ... What do you usually do all day?
Lucius(shrug): ... torture small animals.. sm-
Snape(are you stupid?): We have a cat!
Lucius: oh yes... Yes we do.. I suppose I shall look for it.. Thank you, Severus..
Snape: (glares after him)
Kitchen. Hermione has joined the other two with a bowl of soup. They are all gossiping.
Hermione: I think they would be a cute couple-
Tonks: They would be darling!
Lupin: What would Ron say?
Hermione: I don't know.. I guess he wouldn't- (stops when she sees Lucius Malfoy in the doorway)
Lucius: Has any of you seen the cat?
Lupin: She's right - (suddenly suspicious) What do you want with the cat?
(Bertie looks up from her seat next to Lupin and Hermione.)
Lucius: oh.. the .Voldemort asked me to bring her to him.
Hermione: For some ritual sacrifice, no doubt! (scoops cat protectively into her arms) You can't have her!
Lucius(glares): Very well... (exit)
Two hours later in the sun room:
Ron(standing up, leaning over the board threateningly): CHECK!
Voldemort(eyes burning bright red): Clever, but you are too anxious, Mr. Weasley! (takes his knight with a bishop, ending the threat)
Ron(sits back down, glaring ferociously): Just the beginning!
Dumbledore and Harry have decided to help Lupin and Black make dinner. The four of them are stumbling around the kitchen, trying to organize everything without making too much of a mess.
Black(triumphantly from the counter near the refrigerator): Coffee is at least brewing.
Dumbledore(at stove with Lupin): And tea.
Lupin: I thought that was the water for the asparagas?
Dumbledore: ... No. I thought that was. (points at the pot full of water that Lupin holds)
Lupin: ... No, that's for the pasta.
(Suddenly there is a loud explosive sound that rocks the foundations of the house)
Black: Dear-
BigBrother: ATTENTION, MR RIDDLE - WHAT PART OF "NO MAGIC" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!
Dumbledore(chuckles): He does his best to control his temper, but sometimes...
Lupin(pale): wasn't he playing chess with Ron?
Harry: Let's go! (runs to sun room)
Sun Room:
Ron is crouching behind his sofa whimpering in terror; Voldemort stands in a black cloud of fury - some of the windows are broken. The chess game is ablaze with dark red fire.
Voldemort: I have had NO luck with tabletop sports this week!!
Ron(weakly): You did yourself in 6 moves ago!
Voldemort: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!
(Enter Dumbledore, Harry, Lupin, and Black)
Voldemort(calmer): Ah, the peanut gallery has arrievd. Mr. Weasley, we shall have a rematch! (storms out, leaving a trail of black smoke; Lupin coughs)
Black: Was that about Chess??
Ron(stands up from behind sofa): er... I think I got him mad.
Harry(grins): good going!
Dumbledore: Well, glad that's settled.. water's boiling..
Ron: Who's going to clean up all this mess?
(Black shrugs, turns nonchalantly to go)
Lupin: We're all cooking... (exeunt all but Ron)
Ron: oh! Very nice, that!