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Day 5, SUNDAY CHALLENGE DAY.
Breakfast has become a bit more routine these days. Lupin, Tonks, and "Variable Third Party" usually do the cooking. The housemates are all seated around the table (except Ron and Hermione at the counter), eating the meal when Big Brother makes the fatal announcement.
Big Brother: ATTENTION HOUSEMATES!
Voldemort: What is that?
Umbridge(looking around confused): I thought there was no magic allowed! Who's talking??
Lucius(sarcastically): Spirits from beyond the grave, surely.
Harry: er, it's a speaker system, guys.
Big Brother: BIG BROTHER WILL NOT BE INTERRUPTED BY HOUSE RESIDENTS. Today is Sunday-
TheAuthor: It's an A/U after all, isn't it?
BigBrother: NOR WILL BIG BROTHER BE INTERRUPTED BY THE AUTHOR! Sunday is Challenge Day. This means you must overcome some TRIAL we have set up for you. Today's Challenge is a simple contest: A Creative Playdough Sculpture Contest. (much confusion on part of housemates, except for Harry and Hermione) You will be in pairs and must work together. Playdough will be found in bowls on the living room table. Challenge begins at 10:00 and your finished creations must be turned in by 4:00 in the afternoon. The winners will receive a prize. Now your pairings. First pair: Ronald Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks. Second Pair: Hermione Granger and Albus Dumbledore. Third pair: Dolores Umbridge and Sirius Black. Fourth Pair: Lucius and Draco Malfoy (they smile smugly). Fifth Pair: Severus Snape and Remus Lupin. And the Final Pair: Tom Riddle and Harry Potter. No quarreling. That is all.
(long silence; Black makes it all the more obvious by repeatedly hitting his spoon on the teacup walls as he stirs his sugar in.)
Black: So.... does anyone know what Playdough is?
Voldemort: I might guess dough that's for playing.
Harry(resignedly): That's right. I wonder what colors they left us.
Kitchen: The Malfoys are setting up camp.
Draco: I think we should lay claim to this room, Father.
Lucius: There is something surprisingly comfortable about these chairs.
Draco:
After breakfast, the housemates go to investigate the challenge supplies. On the coffee table they find a wide array of playdoughs in gigantic crystal bowls. They are generally wary. Hermione bravely steps up to the table and shoves her hand into a bowl of green. (gasp from Umbridge).
Hermione: Ok, look. This is just harmless dough - like bread dough? (they nod) And it's used by muggle children to make sculptures. No, Ron, it's not edible.
Ron: Aww.
Hermione: You just.. mold it however you like (demonstrates by shaping the bit of green into a smiley face with big ears.) There. Simple.
Dumbledore: Wonderful! What shall we sculpt, Hermione?
Hermione(gathering handfuls of colors): I don't know. Let's go find a place to settle down, then we can discuss it. (Dumbledore helps her collect playdough, and they leave. Soon the others follow suit and disperse around the house. Ron and Tonks go to the den; Umbridge and Black begrudgingly go to the back porch; the Malfoys take the kitchen, their favorite room; Snape and Lupin disappear upstairs, and Voldemort and Harry are left standing in the living room in front of the coffee table.)
Harry: Well.
Voldemort: Well... what shall we sculpt?
Harry: I don't know!
Voldemort: The Thinker. He can have a scar on his forehead. How do you like that?
Harry(eyes narrow): I am not amused.
Voldemort: Big Brother says we have to play nicely together.
Harry: Why don't we sculpt two .. statues? you make one, and I'll make the other.
Voldemort: Fine. (takes his materials, leaves; Harry scowls and sits on the sofa, pondering the playdough.)
Upstairs, Snape and Lupin are sitting in one of the bedrooms sculpting. They've placed a piece of paper over a book and are using that as a foundation for an entire playdough scene.
Lupin(molding a mountain): So... how was Afternoon Tea in the Living Room?
Snape(working on a craggly tree): ..he told you about that already, did he?
Lupin: Told us yesterday.
Snape: "us"?
Lupin: Oh, everyone knows - except Umbridge, but she doesn't know anything anyway.
Snape(ironically): She knows what she wants..
Lupin: (grins) No, she doesn't know that either- believe me..
Snape: Speaking of which, have you worked anything out yet?
Lupin: Well, your book is very interesting - but it assumes one is capable of magic-
Snape(scoffs): I know - tragically losing a large audience of muggle werewolves..
Lupin: I often wonder about the target audience, actually.. (grins) I particularly enjoyed the first chapter, "Discovering Your Pre-Transformation Personality Type."
Snape(smirks): Clearly the authors do not think highly of werewolf native intelligence. But the book does suggest some interesting potions.
Lupin: That's what I thought, althought right now it doesn't do any of us any good -- where are you putting that tree??
Snape(unguarded insult for a moment before the inevitable scowl): Here (hands him tehf inished playdough tree) Mark it, it's your territory now.
(Lupin frowns, sticks the tree fo their foundation on the other side of the mountain.)
Meanwhile in the den, Umbridge and Black are sitting on opposite ends of the sofa from each other. Much to Black's amusement, he's managed to convince Umbridge that they can win the contest if they sculpt a hippogriff ("Life-sized!" "I don't think that's feasible, Mr. Black"). Now they are working rather efficiently.
Umbridge: So.. er... hem - Aren't you the least bit concerned about the ministry?
Black: Hm? Oh yes. (Nods earnestly)
Umbridge: Well?
Black: Yes, I don't see how they can blithely carry on when there are clear indications that Voldemort is alive and well - indications such as he's in the living room right now sculpting!
Umbridge(bristles): I think we're deliberately trying to change the topic, Mr. Black!
Black(grins): I'm just making a point. If you dno't believe that Voldemort's alive, you'll never believe that I'm not a serial killer.
Umbridge(cloyingly polite girly voice): My, we are just full of interesting stories, aren't we?
Blac(chuckles): Oh yes - I love telling stories (off-handed, as he counts them on his fingers) Voldemort's Back is a good one.. I'm Not a Serial Killer is another one.. Mad Eye Moody's Body Was Once Inhabited by a Death Eater is good too; Remus is a Werewolf -- that's an old classic-
Umbridge: WHAT!!?
Black: Oh yes, that's one of my favorites.
Umbridge: YOU ARE A BAD MAN, MR.BLACK! A-HEM! (controls herself) Don't go spreading rumours about your housemates!
Black: Ah what - he hasn't told you yet?
Umbridge: I think for the sake of this challenge that we should not speak to one another any more. Hmph!
Dumbledore and Hermione are in the sun room, finishing their sculpture of a cat smoking a cigar.
Hermione: I didn't know what to tell her!
Dumbledore: It's all right, I think you acted well-
(Suddenly they can hear Umbridge's shrill voice from the den)
Umbridge: MR. BLACK -- HOW DARE YOU THROW THINGS AT ME!
Hermione: Uh oh-
Dumbledore: Good to know they're getting along so well..
Den:
Umbridge is furiously trying to pick a piece of blue playdough out of her hair with one hand while reaching for th green handful of dough with her other.
Black(hotly): Oh - retaliation is sweet, is it, madam?!
Umbridge: YOU -- YOU!! - FOUL, VICIOUS FELON!
Black: Oh come now - if I were really all that would I bother throwing playdough at you!?
(SMACK! Umbridge hurls the green glob at Black, hits him squarely in the face)
Black: OOOOOhhhh!! That's it!! (jumps up, grabs the remainder o the red and attacks Umbridge with it. She takes the purple and shove it at his face; struggle ensues)
Umbridge: AGH! HARUMPH!!
(Just then Boldemort sweeps into the room, his eyes brilliant red)
Voldemort: STOP!
(They pause and look up - Umbridge has Black in a headlock; he is clutching at her grasp with one hand and using the other to push a chunk of red playdough into her left ear)
Voldemort(angry voice of authority): What are you fools doing?! You are to work together, not kill each other - How's a man to have any artistic solitude around here with you squawking like rabid chickens?!
Umbridge: Er - (Lets Black go) I think we may have gotten.. a little.. carried away?
Voldemort: See that it doesn't happen again! (storms off, the black robes creating a slight air current that ruffles Umbridge's hair even more.)
After the rabid chicken outbreak, things settle down, and everyone reports punctually to the living room at four with their finished products.
BigBrother: ATTENTION HOUSEMATE! This is Big Brother. Clearly you all remembered the cut off time for this challenge. We will now judge you on the artistic quality of your work, your efficiency, and your teamwork. However, we will graciously allow you to Present your creations to us and your other housemates. Pair Number one - Ronald Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks, SPEAK!
(Ron nervously presents their sculpture.)
Ron: This is what we like to call "Wizard in Repose." (Its a superannuated, bearded wizard with a pipe lounging in an arm chair. The smoke from the pipe is drooping.) As you can see... he's.. er. in repose-
Tonks: - pondering matters of profound import to the world!
Lucius(slightest hint of mischief): What exactly is he smoking?
Tonks: None of that. We have underaged wizards here, Mr. Malfoy.
BigBrother: GOOD!
Tonks: We weren-
BigBrother: NEXT PAIR: Hermione Granger and Albus Dumbledore!
(They stand next to their cat sculpture)
Dumbledore: Why don't you explain, Hermione?
Hermione: I think it's self explanatory. It's a cat smoking a cigar. (the cat is orange. The cigar is brown. There's no smoke.)
BigBrother: Smoking is a theme today. What sort of message are you presenting to the audience?
Hermione: Beg your pardon - most of our audience aren't cats or wizards.
BigBrother: Thank you, Miss Granger. NEXT PAIR: Dolores Umbridge and Sirius Black.
(Umbridge rises loftily from her chair, and holding her head high, stands next to their creation. Black looks like a little child who's embarrassed to be caught stealing cookies.)
Umbridge: This is.. our sculpture. (It is a finely detailed hippogriff - to about the midline. From there up it is more a mass of two blobs, supposedly riders. Its neck keeps falling down.)
Black: You can see he has two riders..
Draco: Hippogriffs are wretched, disgusting creatures.
BigBrother: No critical commentary is necessary, Mr. Malfoy. FOURTH PAIR: Lucius and Draco Malfoy.
(Lucius sighs, clearly he is not about to remove himself from his comfortable spot on the sofa.)
Lucius: Tell them all about it, Draco.
Draco(looking at their sculpture, four chairs and a rectangular table with a flower arrangement on it): This is a .. still life. We call it "Old to our Kitchen." (Black snorts in the backgrou; Draco glares at him) You can see the finely detailed nightshade collection (gestures to the flowers), and here (points to table top) the grain of the oak top is interrupted only by the inscription "Mafoy."
Voldemort: How did you manage so many details?
Lucius: Knives. The kitchen is a good place for sculpture.
BigBrother: Thank you, Malfoys. FIFTH PAIR: Severus Snape and Remus Lupin.
(They glance at each other from across the room - of course they arent sitting together.)
Snape: Do you want to talk, Lupin?
Lupin: You're far more eloquent than I am , Severus.
(Slight eye-rolling on part of Snape, but he gets up to present their sculpture, and speaks slowly and deliberately, with apparent dead seriousness.)
Snape: I must direct your attention to this.. monstrosity of a playdough creation. (gestures to their work, which has by now filled up the entire paper). It is a wild landscape of sorts, possibly from southern Europe, possibly from eastern Europe, or possibly from Derbyshire. Notice this fig tree (it's the craggly tree he had been working on, its limbs are drooping now). It is barren, abandoned loveless to this rocky abode - it is so angst-filled it cannot even hold its own limbs aloft. (Lupin puts his hand to his mouth and looks out the window.) This towering mountain peak is the focal point of the piece. Even in its terrible magnificence, its jagged apex seems incomplete and its treeless sides in need of friendly ground cover. The salty lake below--
BigBrother: THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH, PROFESSOR SNAPE!
(Snape goes so far as to put on a look of indignation as he returns to his seat, but he soon glances to Lupin, who nods, still doing his best to seem serious.)
BigBrother: LAST PAIR: Tom Riddle and Harry Potter.
(hushed silence as they both walk to the coffee table and produce their own sculptures. Voldemort's is a self-portrait, tall, thin, but not floppy in the least. The only spot of color inthe hooded head is his red eyes. Harry's sculpture is the suggested Thinker with the lightning scar on his forehead. They place their statues side by side.)
BigBrother: What is this?
Voldemort(deep voice of pompous authority): This is the most important artwork in the world.
Dumbledore(grin): Always from the modest beginnings, Tom.
Voldemort(as he slowly turns the two statues so they are facing each other as if on a battle field): This is Conflict. Power. (he gestures to his own ) And... (sideways glance at Harry, who shrugs) .. Solitude. They cannot be together. They must necessarily conflict. (suddenly loses the voice of authority and adds, with the slightest hint of irony in his voice) Now if we were allowed magic, I'd bring them to life and you could witness the conflcit being fought out, (clears throat, back to pompous strain again) BUT! As this is not possible, Mr. Potter and I shall have to animate them..... by hand. (harry watches in confusion as Voldemort takes his own statue, disattaches an arm and whaps Harry's statue with it.)
Harry: HEy! (grabs his Thinker, smashes it down on the remainder of Voldemort's statue. The Thinker's head rolls off in the process.)
Voldemort: A pyrrhic victory for Solitude. The end. (he bows, Harry follows suit; some clapping, mostly from Dumbledore.)
BigBrother: CONGRATULATIONS, PAIR NUMBER SIX! YOU WIN THE PRIZE!
Ron: What!! that was-
Hermione: That was pretty funny, Ron.
BigBrother: Your prize will be waiting for you at the breakfast table on Monday morning - the breakfast table, which, incidentally, does NOT belong to the Malfoys.
Lucius: Aww..
BigBrother: Have a nice day, housemates.