Day 3, Friday
The morning shower routine is still a bit tricky. With nine guys and six showers, there's always a line at 830, as Harry finds out today.
Harry(wrapped in towel, loitering about in front of a mirror): HEY! Someone hurry up!
Black(from a shower): BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
Harry(rolls eyes): Already did!
(Harry hears a shower turned off. Voldemort walks out from a stall in huge black towel that covers him completely save the head; Harry glares)
Harry: You don't need to shower!!!
Voldemort: It's a good thing you aren't trying to set up a new world regime, Potter- personal hygiene would go to the dogs!
Harry: What!
Voldemort(condescendingly): Civilization as we know it would be completely gone. (sweeps out majestically)
Harry: WHO LET HIM COME!!?
Black: No temper tantrums at this hour!
Harry(goes out in the hallway and yells after Voldemort): THE WORST OFFENDERS OF PERSONAL HYGIENE ARE YOUR DEATH EATERS - PEOPLE WHO DON'T WASH THEIR HAIR! - PEOPLE LIVING AS RATS!
Ron(from shower): HEY!!
(Meanwhile Lupin wanders in, yawning)
Lupin: oh good, a shower. (takes the empty one)
Harry: WAIT! agh..
Meanwhile, Tonks is singing in one of the ladies' showers.
Tonks: WATERLOO - Couldn't escape if I wanted to!!
Hermione(brushing teeth at a mirror): er... Tonks?
Tonks: WATERLOO - Knowing my fate is to be with you!
(Umbridge comes out of the end shower wrapped in a large pink towel): Hermione, hem - I wanted to speak with you yesterday.
Hermione: yes ? (tries not to look directly at the pink blob)
Umbridge: I think we need to have a little talk about bathroom etiquette.
Hermione: What's the matter?
Tonks: WATERLOO - finally facing my WATERLOO!!
Hermione: TONKS!
Umbridge: I don't think she can hear you over the shower.
Hermione: Over her own singing!
Umbridge: - hem! Anyway - I think we need to discuss in particular the issue of .. (she looks imperiously at the sink) toothpaste waste.
Hermione: Toothpaste??
Umbridge: You can't leave excess toothpaste in the sink. It sticks to the sink walls and becomes quite nasty! (points a flabby white arm at sink)
Hermione: I didn't do it!
Tonks: So how could I ever refuse - I feel like I win when I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!
Umbridge(goes over to Tonks' stall and bangs her fist on it): WILL YOU PLEASE REFRAIN FROM CONCERTIZING, NYMPHADORA?
Tonks: WHAT? -YOU WANT AN ENCORE?!
Hermione(chuckles): Now's a good time to make my timely exit (sneaks out)
Downstairs, Hermione finds Dumbledore removing a teapot from the stove, as Voldemort sits expectantly at the kitchen table.
Hermione: Morning!
Dumbeldore(smiles): Hello, Hermione. Glad to see you up and out before 9.. I feel sorry for those who forget the simple maxim "the early bird gets the worm."
Voldemort: Oh, go on - deep down you are an old curmudgeon who hates children and candy, Albus.
Dumbledore: My "Inner Dark Lord," if you will.
Voldemort: Indeed.
(Hermione isn't quite sure how to react to this banter; luckily she doesn't have to say anything. Lucius and Draco Malfoy make their grand appearance instead.)
Lucius: Ah, Albus Dumbledore is cooking... Intriguing.
Dumbledore: No, no - Just making tea before they take over the stove.
Draco(sits delicately next to Hermione): You're a mu...(thinks better of this) You've lived with muggles. Do you know anything about hair care products?
Hermione(the air of nerdy superiority): I don't use hair care products.
Draco(long ponderous stare directed at her head): ........... I should definitely invest in some then.
Hermione(red-faced): I Was Going To Say that I once used Sleekeazy's Hair Potion - but that's (Draco chimes in at same time) - a potion.
Draco: Yes, I know - I have used it once or twice myself.
(Enter Ron and Sirius Black. Ron immediately sits next to Hermione)
Ron: What are you talking about?
Hermione: Hair potions.
Ron: With HIM?
Draco: Obviously not your cup of tea, Weasley - not that you could afford any of them anyway..
Black: Where is everyone this fine morning?
Dumbledore: Sleeping in?
Ron: Everyone was in the showers at once!
Black: Hmm, that's not a good sign, is it?
Hermione: I'm not sure what you mean by that, Sirius, but I hope it's not what I think you mean.
Black: Oh, hah -Hermione's here too! Don't worry - I'm not sure what I meant by that either. (winks then turns attention back to Dumbledore; Hermione is completely lost and remains so throughout breakfast.)
Things slowly begin to settle in the household. The afternoon goes by smoothly, but there's a bit of a row over the last chair on the back porch. There are three comfortable wicker rocking chairs, and a small table before them. Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape are already lounging in the first two chairs drinking and discussing something esoteric.. the third chair lies tantalizingly unclaimed..
Lucius: Draco tells me it's a complete waste of time.
Snape: With that woman teaching it? - it must necessarily be, although I haven't investigated myself...
Lucius: Well, I gave him our family volume of Trithemius; I said "Let the old master teach you divination."
Snape: Which Trithemius?
Lucius: The Secret Writing.
Snape: hm - good. In English?
Lucius: No. In Latin, of course - I don't know of any translations.
(enter (thankfully) Tonks; the other two eye her suspiciously)
Tonks: Wotcher, gentlemen. (sees the bottle of alcohol on the table) Ohh, what's this?
Lucius(lazily): Don't touch that.
Tonks(picks it up): Vodka. This is muggle alcohol!
Snape: We're not allowed magic - what do you expect?
Tonks: well - Is it any good?
Lucius: Tolerable.
(Enter Lupin, followed shortly thereafter by Umbridge)
Lupin: I thought there'd be a gathering out here for the sunset.
Snape: Speaking of sunsets.. (raises an eyebrow in the direction of Lupin)
Lupin: heh - ' haven't quite figured that out yet. Big Brother hasn't said anything at least-
Lucius: Merlin knows they want us all dead.
Tonks(reassuringly): I'm sure we'll find a way to work it out.
Snape: We'd better.
Umbridge(closes porch door clumsily as she comes out): ah - what a fine.... large group of people here!
Tonks(suspiciously): Weren't you expecting any?
Umbridge: I didn't notice there were three chairs earlier. I thought just two!
Lupin(looking strategically into the yard): Well - there's one left. Someone can sit.
Umbridge: how gallant of you offering chairs to the ladies-
Tonks: -I'll sit!
Umbridge: hem! - don't you think you'd better defer in this case?
Tonks: To .......?
Umbridge: I think that's perfectly clear.
Snape(to Malfoy): What we were talking about?
Lucius: .. Vodka?
Lupin(turns around, grins): Are you two drunk?
Snape: Potions Masters never get drunk.
Lucius: ahem.. (chuckles)
Snape(glances at him darkly): At least not on cheap muggle alcohol.
(Meanwhile Tonks has physically sat in the chair, but Umbridge won't have it, and rocks the chair back and forth in a threatening manner)
Tonks: HEY! (grabs onto the wicker arms)
Umbridge: The young should defer to the -
Tonks: -Old and Infirm!?
Umbridge: MATURE!
Tonks: I was out here first - I don't see you trying to uproot one of these two (gestures towards Snape and Malfoy)
Umbridge: You are the youngest here! Now - I'm afraid you're just going to have to move! (they get into another struggle as Umbridge attempts to pull Tonks out of the chair - it's quite the match since Umbridge, while "old and infirm," has more brute strength than the iron-willed Tonks.)
Tonks: This is about my SINGING - isn't it?
Umbridge: I don't think we should bring that up right now!!! (tugs at her foot)
(The three men sit/stand by watching in mobid amusement)
Lucius: Droll entertainment, eh, Severus?
Snape: Pass that cheap muggle alcohol.
Lupin: Well, looks like you two are so popular the women are fighting over the last chair next to you. For my part.. perhaps I have seen more sunsets than I need to. I'll go find the Scrabble game. (exit)
Snape: He's dangerous already and there are still two weeks to full moon.
Tonks: OWWWW! That's my HAIR!
Umbridge(girly, high-pitched voice): Oh was it?? I thought it was part of the upholstery it's such an awful shade of purple!
Lucius: Let's abscond with the cheap muggle alcohol, shall we?
Snape: hm, yes. (they leave, and the others continue to fight for a good two minutes before they realize they have cleared the porch)
Umbridge: Hem! No one's here!
Tonks: You scared them off!
Umbridge(sits - collapses rather - in an empty chair): I should say, Nyphmadora, such displays of unruly behavior are no way to make friends!
Tonks(rolls eyes and sighs): Did they take the alcohol?
Umbridge: I'm afraid they did.
Tonks: Damn.