Warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash," NUDITY.
Day 20! Monday
Peter Pettigrew has been assigned to Bedroom Number Three, where, according to Sirius Black, "he has the least chance of being smothered to death in his sleep." He wakes up early - nervous habit- and goes to inspect the bathroom. The bathroom which is a prank war zone.
When he opens the door, he is greeted by a huge and colorful banner stretching across the top of the shower stalls; it reads "WELCOME, RAT BOY!"
Pettigrew: .... this isn't good.. (steps into the room, and immediately becomes stuck to the floor) eh?? (looks down - the floor is covered in some honey-like substance - he tries to lift his right foot again with more force - too much so, and falls over on his side. Now half his body is stuck to the floor, and he can't roll over to get up again.) ew.. I don't want to know.. what this is..
(looks over his head; he is close to the doorway, and if he can just reach...he stretches his right arm out, the silver hand glittering even in the dull bathroom light...Dumbledore suddenly appears in his field of vision.)
Dumbledore: Peter.... what are you doing?
Pettigrew: ah - Professor Dumbledore..
Dumbledore: .... (amused at the scene) Someone's been here during the night, I see..
Pettigrew: .. I ... I'm stuck.
Dumbledore: Yes, I see that as well.. But.. unfortunately, I have water on the stove... don't want to burn the house down now, do I? (turns and leaves)
Pettigrew(scowls): I see... kick at the people in the dirt.. hm.. (stretches his arm out more - success! he has grabbed the edge of the wall at the door) Ok.. (tries to pull himself towards the door; he accidently squeezes too hard, and the handful of doorway breaks off and crumples in his grip) damn it....
Draco Malfoy is the next one awake. He is surprised to find Pettigrew on the floor when he reaches the bathroom.
Pettigrew: Ah...Draco Malfoy..- help me! (waves his silver hand)
Draco(refined distaste): I see what you did to that wall. Do you think I'm going to let you do that to my hand too?
Pettigrew: Oh yes, sorry - (waves his left hand instead) come now - dear boy, we are all on the same side...
Draco(pause): ..... actually, you're not really stuck to the floor.
Pettigrew: What?
Draco: Your robe is stuck to the floor.
Pettigrew: Oh... but I can't undress!
Draco: Didn't you bring a towel?
Pettigrew: ... no..
Draco: Wait. (exit; goes to Bedroom Number Two, where he takes Black's towel; returns to Pettigrew; holds out the towel as if dispensing cloths to lepers.) Here.
Pettigrew: Oh thank you!! I shall repay this act of kindness in the future!
Draco: (sure you will) Right. I'm going to use the other bathroom. (exit)
Twenty minutes later Sirius Black wakes up and notices it's a bit earlier than he's used to - at least, Snape is still in the bed across from him. He's about to doze off again when he realizes his blue towel is not in his peripheral vision as it should be..
Black: Where's my towel? (looks around room; reaches up and pulls on Lupin's foot) Moony, where's my towel?
Lupin: (grumbling sound)
Black: I guess I can use yours.
Lupin: aghm! (sits up) Wha'?
Black(smirks): You've never been a morning person, have you?
Lupin: why would I be a morning person!?
Black: ... I know. But I'm taking your towel. Mine's missing in action.
Lupin: whose towel am I taking then?
Black: You can have Snape's. (grins and reaches for the towel hanging near Snape's head - a pale hand shoots out and seizes it from him)
Snape: ... just because you are careless with your belongings, Black, doesn't mean you are entitled to steal from the rest of us....
Black(growls at him): Don't you ever sleep-
Snape: How can I sleep with you in here?
Black: My towel was here when I went to sleep - I bet you know about this..
Lupin: Wasn't there a time when you two agreed to put your past BEHIND YOU and get along???
Black: I suppose so.. (stands back) Well, Snivellus, if I find that you have been in any way involved in the disappearance of my towel-
Snape: Save it, Black... You shouldn't be one to recall the past, given your ability to choose friends... (both Black and Lupin scowl in pain at the reminder) Yes.. So I thought.. perhaps he's behind it...
Black(Storms out): I'll kill him...
Black is so fortunate enough as to run into Pettigrew in the hallway. Pettigrew has showered (in the women's bathroom) and is now going back to his room - with the blue towel wrapped around him.
Black: MY TOWEL!! DISGUSTING BEAST! YOU STOLE IT!!
Pettigrew: ah - Sirius! Now isn't a good time-
Black: WRETCH! (grabs towel, rips it away, leaving Pettigrew quite naked - Black storms back down the hall)
Pettigrew: AHH! What are you doing!?! (calls after him) I can't - there's a girl in my room!
(Just then Snape walks out of his room - sees Pettigrew throws a hand to his eyes, and slowly turns and walks back into the room.)
Lupin: hah - what's going on out there??
Snape: ..... don't... go out there. (lets his hand fall down)
Black(comes storming back in, holding the towel far before him between thumb and index finger): Give me strength!! I could kill him! contaminating my towel!!
(Suddenly there is a high-pitched scream from the hall)
Lupin: Yes, but.. perhaps you shouldn't have taken the towel off him..
(Hermione runs into the room)
Hermione: AGHHH! (slams door shut, leans against it panting in fear) WHAT!!
Black(chagrined): Ah -
Hermione: DIDN'T THEY GIVE HIM A TOWEL!??
Lupin: .. Sirius...
Snape: Miss Granger, he had a towel... Mr. Black removed it from him.
Hermione(turns angrily to Sirius): WHAT!?
Black: Now now-
Hermione: WITH PEOPLE IN THE HALLS - ARE YOU SICK?
Lupin: (ducks down on bed so no one will see his grin; too late, Snape has already noticed, but remains quiet.)
Hermione: agh - give hima towel-
(the door opens - they all freeze - but Draco walks in, wrapped in towel WITH robe on too. He has a hand over his eyes)
Draco: what.... what..... wh...
Hermione: Look, you've traumatized him too.
Black: Well... that's ok.
Draco(opens his eyes): What are YOU doing here, Granger?
Hermione: hiding until that rat gets some clothes on!
Draco: I gave him a towel!!
Black: YOU!!!!
Snape: Excellent, Draco.
Lupin(has lost the battle and begins laughing out loud): Ohahahah - too early for all this...
Draco(draws himself up to appear more aristocratic): I certainly wasn't going to give him one of mine...
Black(seething): You....
Hermione: Who wants to see if he's gone yet?
(silence)
Draco: I suggest you use the ladies' bathroom, Professor - since ours is covered in some disgusting gooey substance.
Snape: Fine..
Hermione: (sigh..)
Breakfast proceeds in hushed tension.. Voldemort is back at the table; it's the first time in nine days; it's a good thing too, or Wormtail would have no one to sit next to.
Voldemort: Good to know there haven't been any profound improvements in food quality while I've been out..
Black(suddenly): Where's Harry? (all eyes turn to Pettigrew)
Pettigrew: What - I haven't seen him!
Black: Liar. What'd you do!?
Lucius: Let us not jump to conclusions, Mr. Black..
Tonks: I haven't seen Harry all morning.. although, he usually doesn't shower in our bathroom....
Pettigrew: Maybe he's stuck too.
Snape: Stuck?
Lupin: Stuck where?
Pettigrew: .... didn't any of you go to the bathroom today ? On the right end of the hall - right as you come up the stairs, that is--
Voldemort: Stop blathering.
Pettigrew: sorry!
Draco(amused): Oh yes.. He's just the stupid sort to go... putting his foot in it, wouldn't you say?
Pettigrew: hehehe
(Tonks and Hermione exchange a worried glance - then suddenly spring from the table and run upstairs..)
Lucius: It would seem that plan number.. -what is this, Five? - has backfired..
Voldemort: What plan?
Dumbledore(wryly): The children are waging a battle of the sexes, Tom.
Voldemort: How did I miss ths?
Pettigrew: battle of the sexes - fun! remember in third year -
Black&Lupin: QUIET!!
Pettigrew(squeak): sorry
Meanwhile in the men's bathroom:
Harry has fallen on his back in the sticky goo; he has been stranded here for the past hour, and has about given up hope. Now he stares helplessly at the ceiling, his voice outlining a soft melody..
Harry: .... So by my woes to be, nearer, my God, to thee....
Hermione(hands on hips in doorway): Harry, are you singing spirituals?
Harry: HERMIONE I thought they'd never find me!
Tonks: What - you've been here.... an hour?
Harry: I thought it was the end- help!
Tonks: I still think we need to count this as 5-1..
Hermione: I think it should count for two if it's reduced Harry to singing spirituals.
The house dynamic is greatly changed now that Pettigrew is around - and Voldemort up on his feet again.. They are a duo not to be trifled with, but it is apparent from the moment of Pettigrew's arrival that Voldemort does not want him hanging on all day. They now walk into the living room - Snape territory...
Pettigrew: And - and I thought it would be a nice place for you to hang your cape, so I put it right next to the ficus tree - that's a very bad fake ficus tree, too, you know. I don't understand why these muggles don-
Voldemort: Wormtail. Silence.
Pettigrew: oh - yes, my Lord.
Snape(now deigns to look up from his reading): ....
Voldemort: What's that, Severus? (reads title) "Hoax Hexing"? "Bluffing"? What's this all about?
Snape(with every appearance of earnestness): The title itself is a hoax. The book is really about poaching ramora.
Voldemort: One of these days I will not be in the mood for your joking, Severus, and you will suffer for it, I fear.
Pettigrew: So.... what's new with you, .. Severus?
Snape(coolly): Absolutely nothing.
Voldemort(malevolent smile): You know, that's a good idea, Wormtail.. You two are working together now - you should shake hands and put the past behind you....
Snape: (twitch)
Pettigrew: oh! good! (stumbles over to Snape and sticks out his silver right hand)
Snape(eyes it suspiciously): Have you learned to control that yet?
Pettigrew: YES! I only broke that wall today because I was stuck!
Snape(sits unmoving): ...
Voldemort: Come now, you two - it will only be detrimental to the cause to have infighting..
Pettigrew: I want a friend..
Voldemort: Perfect..
Snape(glances to Voldemort, dares to show him the displeasure - but Voldemort only smiles viciously): .... Fine... (takes Pettigrew's hand and firmly shakes)
Pettigrew: good! That wasn't so bad, was it??
Snape(inspecting hand for traces of damage): Not... terrible.
Voldemort(turns and walks out): You two spend some time getting to know each other.. I'm going to lie down again..
(Snape glares after him)
Pettigrew: So! ... what do you think he'll want to do first?
Snape: Now is not the time for that discussion.
Pettigrew: Oh.. (looks around).....do you think anyone would mind if I cooked something this afternoon?
Snape: .... that is a good idea.
So Pettigrew heads for the kitchen and begins gathering supplies - flour, eggs.. Lucius Malfoy walks in the moment the first sound is made..
Lucius: ... what is happening here?
Pettigrew: ah - hi, Lucius.
Lucius(off-handed): That's Mr. Malfoy to you. What are you doing?
Pettigrew: Cooking.
Lucius: ... cooking.. in this kitchen... it's 3 o'clock.
Pettigrew(nervous as if he's on trial): ... scones to be had with tea at 4.
Lucius: ..........Don't have any ice cream. (turns and sweeps out)
Pettigrew(lost): ... what do you suppose... ice cream?
The smell of cooking pastries brings Tonks to the kitchen. Her eyes immediately alight on the tray of scones cooling on the stove. She is surprised to see no Malfoys on duty. She approaches. Then Pettigrew appears from the pantry.
Pettigrew: ahem-
Tonks(startled): Ah! ... You... I didn't see you here..
Pettigrew: .. would you like a scone?
Tonks: Whats in them?
Pettigrew: I could only find raisins inthe pantry...
Tonks(darkly): I mean... what else is in them?
Pettigrew: .. flour, eggs... baking soda-
Tonks: POISON!?
Pettigrew: ... no...not.. at present... Would you like some of that too?
Tonks(glares, reaching for wand - catches herself): No thank you.
Pettigrew: well you can leave my kitchen then-
Tonks: YOUR kitchen!
Pettigrew: yes. I'm here now, using it-
Tonks: HAHAHA! YOUR kitchen - this is the Malfoys' kitchen! (catches herself again) Well, I mean - not exactly-
Pettigrew(sarcastically): Oh! Well!
Tonks: They're always here! They LIVE in here!
Pettigrew: I only saw one today, and he left.
Tonks: Agh! Impossible. (storms out - grabs a scone on the way)
Pettigrew: HEY!
Tonks(from hallway): NOT BAD! - YOU'LL KNOW IF I KEEL OVER AND DIE, I SUPPOSE!
Pettigrew(suddenly lights up): Ahhh.. if I COOK for them.. maybe they will LOVE ME!
3 hours later: Dinner Preparations.
Lupin, Tonks, and Hermione reach the kitchen to cook dinner. Meanwhile the Malfoys have deemed it safe to return to their table, and are in the midst of some discussion when the others arrive.
Draco: no -
Lucius: Yes-
Draco: Absolutely not!
Lucius: You can't go around handing out towels.
Draco: It wasn't mine.
Lupin: It did have...... amusing repercussions, though.
Hermione: AMUSING!
(They turn and glare at the intruders; suddenly Pettigrew enters)
Pettigrew: What are we cooking?
Hermione: .. "we"?
Pettigrew(poutingly): I made scones today
Lucius: Those were good, actually.
Tonks(embarrassed): yeah...
Lupin(evenly): Then you can help instead of me. (walks out)
Hermione: wait, Professor Lupin!
Lucius(ironically): ... No magic doesn't necessarily mean no murder..... I don't see why they're so quick to avoid confrontation...