National Liar: Alien Relations

In This Issue:
Alien Relations Policies Compared

As the presidential race warms up and the hapless American public approaches the critical mass of boredom needed to pry them away from their reruns of "Survivor" and into the confining little voting booth, numerous policies have been discussed by the candidates: education, military readiness, military gays, military uniforms, military berets and foreign relations.

One thing as been left out in the cold: Extra Terrestrial relations.

The current administration (which, according to Bush, only does good things when it doesn't include Gore) has held aliens at bay for eight years. The only insidious act yet attributable to any alien influence has been the depressingly bad Olympic coverage.

National Liar political analyst Agnes O'bstreperous believes the main issue here is who will be able to avoid starting an interstellar war.

"Voters should base their decision on which one will not get New York blown up like in that shit-fest Independence Day," she said. "Also, Will Smith sucked in that movie. Little children are going to come to school with city-destroying laser because of that movie."

National Liar designated small child Little Billy favored a more authoritarian approach to Alien policy.

"My mommy says that aliens are bad and that they are communists and they smell bad just like old-daddy after new-daddy beats him up," said Little Billy.

George W. Bush

W's plan for aliens consists mainly of non-sensical statements followed by nervous, dimwitted laughter.

"Well, I'm a Texas man, and in Texas, when something is different, we kill it. Dad taught me that one," said the candidate on the subject.

Bush's policy in the event of an alien invasion was more clearcut.

"An Alien tried to take over the world? He's gonna get the death sentence. Burn baby burn!" At that point the Republican nominee choked on his taco with laughter. "Seriously though, if it was in Texas, we'd fry the ass hole.

For more information on George W. Bush wouldn't want you to know if he could read, go to:

George W. Bush Controlled By Radio in His Ear?
Al Gore

Al Gore has long been known to be receiving fuzzy money from extra-terrestrial special interests groups. However, Gore assures voters that his first allegiance is to planet Earth with special interest groups as distant second.

"If I am entrusted with the presidency, I can assure you that no child will be left behind in this new millennium. Let me give you an example, there's a child in Rhode Island who has been left in the year 1992 with his poodle and Winnebago."

Discussing Aliens, Gore said, "I want to get back the question about medicare."

For more information on Gore's Alien Relations Polcy, go to:

AL Gore in Cahoots With Aliums?

It's Much Prettier on Paper.

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	As the presidential race warms up and the hapless American public approaches the critical mass of boredom needed to pry them away from their reruns of "Survivor" and into the confining little voting booth, numerous policies have been discussed by the candidates: education, military readiness, military gays, military uniforms, military berets and foreign relations. One thing as been left out in the cold: Extra Terrestrial relations. The current administration (which, according to Bush, only does good things when it doesn't include Gore) has held aliens at bay for eight years. The only insidious act yet attributable to any alien influence has been the depressingly bad Olympic coverage. National Liar political analyst Agnes O'bstreperous believes the main issue here is who will be able to avoid starting an interstellar war. "Voters should base their decision on which one will not get New York blown up like in that shit-fest Independence Day," she said. "Also, Will Smith sucked in that movie. Little children are going to come to school with city-destroying laser because of that movie." National Liar designated small child Little Billy favored a more authoritarian approach to Alien policy. "My mommy says that aliens are bad and that they are communists and they smell bad just like old-daddy after new-daddy beats him up," said Little Billy.
George W. Bush W's plan for aliens consists mainly of non-sensical statements followed by nervous, dimwitted laughter. "Well, I'm a Texas man, and in Texas, when something is different, we kill it. Dad taught me that one," said the candidate on the subject. Bush's policy in the event of an alien invasion was more clearcut. "An Alien tried to take over the world? He's gonna get the death sentence. Burn baby burn!" At that point the Republican nominee choked on his taco with laughter. "Seriously though, if it was in Texas, we'd fry the ass hole. For more information on George W. Bush wouldn't want you to know if he could read, go to: George W. Bush Controlled By Radio in His Ear?		Al Gore Al Gore has long been known to be receiving fuzzy money from extra-terrestrial special interests groups. However, Gore assures voters that his first allegiance is to planet Earth with special interest groups as distant second. "If I am entrusted with the presidency, I can assure you that no child will be left behind in this new millennium. Let me give you an example, there's a child in Rhode Island who has been left in the year 1992 with his poodle and Winnebago." Discussing Aliens, Gore said, "I want to get back the question about medicare." For more information on Gore's Alien Relations Polcy, go to: AL Gore in Cahoots With Aliums?

It's Much Prettier on Paper.