Next morning

 

She didn’t know what time it was when she woke up but knew it had to be morning because of the amount of light her closed eyes could make out.  She didn’t dare try and open them yet.  It was too wonderful lying there.  With a deep inhale through her nostrils she could smell the clean sheets since her face was imbedded into one of the soft pillows. Comfort and warmth made her exhale contently, and she eased back a little from where she was lying on her side.  The source of most the heat hit her back as she relaxed her body.  Soft lips pressed against her neck and she felt a nose rub against her shoulder and then those lips pressed against her shoulder and stayed there against her, not moving.   

 

Her eyes didn’t open and she didn’t move or make a sound.  She didn’t even breathe, but enjoyed him fully.  She could hear his heavy breathing and then felt it lightly against her neck, warm and moist.  His lap was pressed into her ass and she felt him there.  It had been a while and she wasn’t for sure, but it seemed a little harder than the normal morning wood that he easily cured by a trip to the bathroom.  No this wasn’t him needing to pee, this was him…

 

She giggled quietly, yawned and then opened her eyes.   Recognition didn’t come to her at first, or at second, and when she finally realized where she was, it hit her that this wasn’t a dream and she wasn’t back in time.  Her stomach started to knot up, and it was only then when she finally, truly awoke that the reality of the situation smacked into her.

 

He sighed heavily and she felt his hand move on her, squeezing.  Her eyes widened.  She hadn’t even realized that his hand was on her breast.  His arm was over hers, curled around her waist and bent upward with his palm flat on her chest, holding it gently in his hand through the material of her t-shirt.  Her eyes closed and she swallowed the lump in her throat.  It was how they use to sleep when they were together.

 

The night before had been a mistake, she realized that now.  So many things were a mistake, from asking him to stay with her till she fell asleep, to pretending to be asleep so she could roll over and hold him, to waking up in the middle of the night sweating her heart out and waking him up as well to tell him to get comfortable.  She should have never slid out of her pajama pants and curled up to him, feeling him against her with him in his just boxers and her in just her underwear and shirt.

 

She felt that one of his legs had pried hers apart a teeny bit and she could feel the hair on his legs scratching and tickling her smooth ones.  She imaged what he looked like, peacefully asleep, contently holding onto her.  The night before she had barely been able to see him in the dark light but had been able to make out a little bit of his bare chest and strong arms when he slid back beside her after removing himself of his hot clothing.  If she hadn’t been so tired she definitely would have tried something on him.

 

He was so secure and supportive laying there behind her and she felt so completely safe.  How could a mistake feel that damn good?

 

It was funny.  If the normal Kristen had been in this situation she would have immediately jumped up, hit at him and screamed at him for being a pervert since he obviously thought he could get something while she was sleeping.  But she knew better and the sensitive Kristen, the one that she knew he thought of as the real Kristen, was there, knowing that he probably had no idea that he was touching her in his sleep.

 

When she had told him to take off his pants and shirt the night before, he had done so promptly, making no noise.  She knew he was still half asleep and probably wouldn’t even remember it when he woke up.  It was something she hadn’t forgot about him.  He either slept extremely hard or barely slept at all.  A sigh hit her ears and she felt his hand slither away and his body, too.  She was automatically cooler by the absence of him pressed against her and turned her head a little to watch him as woke up.

 

His head lazily fell to the side, his tongue coming out to moisten his lips.  The sheet had moved down to his hips leaving his chest bare in the morning light.  She tried not to stare at him too much, but took advantage of his closed eyes and drank him in.  He was fuller now.  His tour-like skinniness had given way to healthy muscles and a full body.  He was still thin as a stick, but she could tell he had been eating well and working out more.  He looked perfect and sexy.  And it was difficult for her not to give in and curl back up to him.

 

His hand moved up to scratch the center of his chest and then moved down and underneath the sheet.  Her eyes widened and she saw his hand moving over his crotch.  This was a lot different from the normal early morning scratch of the balls.  He was his hand playing with himself and he wasn’t stopping.

 

A quiet groan escaped his lips and he took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes.  She gasped, realizing she had completely flipped over on her other side to look at him.  Now he was staring at her.  There was no escaping, no backing out and ignoring the obvious.  They were going to have to talk.

 

She didn’t move her eyes from his but could sense and see out of the corner of her eye his hand pulling out from under the sheet.  He opened his mouth to speak but closed it before any word or sound came out.  She moved to lie against her back and stared at the ceiling, hoping maybe he’d just get up, leave and they’d forget about how awkward it was.

 

But of course, he didn’t and instead croaked out in a raspy voice, “Hey…”

 

“Hey…” Hey parroted back, her voice just as gravely as his. 

 

“I stayed here last night?”

 

She shrugged and kept her eyes on the ceiling.  “I guess.”

 

“How did I…?”

 

She glanced over and saw him looking down at himself dumbfounded.  His eyes met hers and they were so blue, still droopy and puffy from sleep, but still so intense.  “I woke you up in the middle of the night because you were making it a sauna.”

 

“You didn’t kick me out?” The right side of his upper lip moved upward slowly in a very, very small smile.  She just turned the other way and rolled over to stare down at the sheets beside her.  That kind of temptation was what she needed to stay away from.  It was quiet for a few moments and she heard him sigh and say, “I should get up.”

 

“Ok.”

 

She felt him move and heard material shifting, but then the bed bounced a little and he groaned out in satisfaction, something that made her bite her lip and close her eyes tightly.  Was he doing this on purpose?  Was he trying to tempt her?  Was he trying to make her miss him?  “Damn, this bed is almost as comfortable as mine,” he said.

 

“It’s nice.”  Her voice was shy, scared, something it rarely ever was.  She tensed up when he touched her shoulder and slid his hand down her arm to her elbow.  She knew then that he realized how much of an effect he was having on her.  She should have kicked him out the night before, but no.  It was all too complicated for her to just push him away.

 

“Kristen,” he whispered into her hair.  “Don’t be scared.  Neither of us meant for it to happen and it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

 

“I know.” She shrugged him off when he was too close.  She could feel his body heat radiating her again.  She could feel him brushing against her ass just a bit.  It was awkward, it was weird, and it was making her stomach uneasy.

 

He asked softly, “Then why are you curled away from me?”

 

“Because…” She didn’t say anything else and he started to laugh.

 

“That’s a pretty lame excuse, girl.”

 

She let out an agitated sigh, flipped over to face him and said in an annoyed tone, “You wanna know why?”

 

“Of course.”

 

She pushed off the covers from her legs and sat up against the headboard.  When the cool air of the air conditioned room touched her bare legs, she pulled the covers back up to her waist.  Then, trying her best to look some what strong, she crossed her arms over her breasts and spat out at him, “Because believe it or not Justin, we aren’t together.  We aren’t supposed to be all snuggled up in bed together.  And on top of that, it seems to me that someone needs to jack off because you’re getting a little too friendly with him down there and it’s making me very uncomfortable.”

 

He was quiet and when she glanced over at him, his eyes were wide and he was licking his lips.  “I take it back,” he said cautiously and then shook his head.  “I take it all back.  Sorry.”

 

“Well you should be,” she snapped.

 

She didn’t look at him as he shifted underneath the material, but when he stood up she couldn’t help but steal another glance.  She didn’t know why she was scared, but suddenly she was terrified of him.  He was there, his back turned to her, bending down to pick up his clothes and mumbling, “Exit cue for Justin.”  Her eyes were glued to his bare back.  She didn’t know what was making her feel that way, and she knew it was wrong to keep pulling him up and down, but it was so hard not to do that when her feelings towards him were as up and down as a roller coaster.

 

She had forgiven him, but forgetting about it was something she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to do.  She believed him when he said he didn’t remember much of it and believed him when he said he was drunk, but that wasn’t what was so terrifying to her.  She knew damn well she wasn’t perfect and knew now, after all this, that he wasn’t either.  And it scared her to think what would happen the next time they fought or hit a low point.  She knew it would happen.  She knew things would be happy and dandy, and then inevitably she’d go through an emotional period or she’d see him at a club dancing with another girl and her mind would start to work a little too hard.  It was that that was terrifying, not the issue of trust, or being with him, but what would happen the next time they fought.

 

Would she flip out?  Would he get drunk and do something equally stupid, or worse? 

 

And the part about the whole situation that annoyed her the most was that it was her issue, not his.  As much as she yelled at him and kicked him out of her bed, really his bed, it wouldn’t change anything with him.  He’d only get more and more worried and probably, after months of torment, give up on her.

 

She was going to have to get over her fears and start acting her age and treat him like a man. 

 

And he was definitely all man.  She cracked a smile at the half open door and bit her lip in the empty room.  Then she groaned and hit her head against the headboard.  “I’ve gotta be bi-polar,” she breathed to herself.

 

She thought about getting up to go apologize, but the more she her mind lingered on that idea the more she realized she should just leave him alone for a little bit.  She had been apologizing too much and needed to suck it up and act normal around him.  That was a problem for her.  She knew they didn’t need to jump back into dating mode, but she didn’t want to treat him like he was diseased and ignore him.

 

She wished there was someway she could just change everything or do something to make all the awkwardness go away.  But she didn’t know how. 

 

It was torture having her body tell her one thing and her mind telling her another.  Like that morning, having his hands against her and his lips on her neck felt perfect, comfortable.  It felt good being with him like that, even though he didn’t realize he was doing it.  But then, when she fully woke up and her mind started to work, she got scared, nervous, and she knew one day she wasn’t going to be able to hold back her restraint.

 

She managed to push herself out of bed and walked over to the door to shut it, hoping that she’d get to see him through his opened door at the other end of the hallway, but he wasn’t there and the door was only half way opened.  She padded back over the floor and went into the bathroom that was on the opposite side of the bed. 

 

With a flick of the light she let out a chuckle at her appearance.  Her hair was everywhere and her eyes were droopy. Bet my morning look was what got him hard, she thought sarcastically.  She closed her eyes and sighed.  Thoughts like that were causing problems and she needed to stop herself from thinking about him in a sexual way.  It only confused her even more.

 

As she sat down to use the toilet she thought about what Trace had said the day before.  He was right, but it was so hard letting go of what she thought she should do and give into her wishes.  She wished she could have gotten over him a long time ago.  Things would be easier, she would have moved on, and wouldn’t be in the confusing situation she was in now.

 

But then she wouldn’t be with him.  She wouldn’t get to see his smile or hear his laugh or make fun of him when he got in his “I’m too cool” attitude.  And she wouldn’t get to be with him when he got down on himself or scared.  She wouldn’t be able to see that part of him that no one else knew about, the part that wasn’t on top of the world, that wasn’t the sex symbol.

 

She wouldn’t be able to be with the guy who took a chance on her and didn’t give up.  He gave up when she broke up with him, but it was what her and Trace had talked about the day before.  The fact that he was that devastated, that messed up about what had happened was a weakness of his, of their relationship, but it was also something that made her feel very, very empowered.  It proved to her how much he loved her.

 

He loved her.  She could see it every time he looked at her.  He still was very much in love with her.  He didn’t bother trying to hide his feelings but instead laid them all out there for her to do whatever she wanted with them.  It was unfair to him the way this had all happened. 

 

He said he deserved it and at one point she had believe that, but they were both wrong.  He didn’t deserve the months of no response and the harsh goodbye.  And he definitely didn’t deserve her bitchy attitude and all the mixed signals she was passing his way. 

 

As she tried to figure out how in the hell to get the shower to work, she realized she need to try her damndest to get back a bit of that confidence and excitement she had had when they were on their date.  If she could control her hormones a little better but keep that type of maturity about her, things would go well.  She knew it and she knew that once she had confidence and was able to control her hormones a little better, then maybe, finally, she could give into him.

 

Because that was the reason she was so crazy the past 24 hours.  PMS was always a bad excuse and her fatigue was a pretty sorry one as well.  She was scared and her confidence had disappeared the moment she saw him again.

 

She sat back down on the toilet that was still running as it refilled from when she had flushed it.  She sighed.  The damn shower wasn’t working.  Well, it was.  The tub faucet was going, it had been for a few minutes and the water was perfect temperature.  But there was no lever or button to get the shower head to work.  She slapped the water off and walked back into her room.  She quickly pulled on her pants from where they were pooled beside the bed, walked to the door, opened it, and took a deep breath as she made her way down the hallway. 

 

She was hoping a hot shower would ease her nerves, but that was impossible when the damn shower wasn’t even working.  And even though she wasn’t quite prepared to see him again, she was going to have to.

 

Hell, she lived with him now, even though it was temporary.  She wasn’t going to be able to push all this back because one day it was going to explode, and the result of such an explosion wasn’t one she really wanted to deal with.  Her nerves, pride, and confusion were going to have to be put up on the shelf for now and no matter how much it annoyed, aggravated, or increased her anxiety level, they were going to have to work together.

 

---------

 

He felt like an asshole.  Actually, he felt damn good.  The water was steaming hot and his body was a little achy.  He took in a deep breath, opened his eyes and ran his hands over his wet hair.  He looked down at himself and rolled his eyes at his erection.

 

He should have known better than to have tried to put the moves on her.  But he couldn’t help himself.  He woke up horney and in shock that she was there with him.  It took him a minute to remember what all had happened and when he did, when he remembered undressing in the middle of the night and then feeling her body against his, he couldn’t help his natural reaction.  It had been months and he was getting damn tired of the once a week ritual of getting himself off. 

 

It wasn’t that that was the only thing he wanted from her.  God, no.  He was just hoping that, even if they weren’t dating, she’d be open to some sort of physical contact.  At first she had seemed all for that and now, now she was just cold.  He wished he could change her or do something to snap her out of her funk.  She seemed hell bent on making him suffer, and he didn’t mind as long as she’d be there at the end of it, ready for him.  But he wasn’t so sure she was going to stick around that long.

 

She had a lot to sort out in her head before she could sort things out between them.

 

He loved her, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go back down that road he had been down long before.  He wasn’t ready for the “I miss you, but it’s just too hard, and I can’t do this, but I love you, so I don’t care, but maybe this is just a lost cause” speech he had heard from Miss Spears a couple times.

 

And though he would never tell her this, it was almost worse having her around but not being able to have her than not seeing her at all.  She was too tempting in all of her 5 foot 2 inches.  Her hair was even longer now and her pouty scowl seemed to always beg him to kiss.  He wanted to grab her sides and tickle her and try his best to make her laugh and not think this thing between them into the ground.  Maybe it was self-fish or immature for him to think that he didn’t deserve all this, but she had forgiven him and he thought they were making progress.

 

Hell, he didn’t know what they were doing after all the drama that had been surrounding the last two days. 

 

With a sigh, he moved his head under the steady streams of water and turned around, getting himself completely rinsed down before reaching blindly in front of him to turn off the shower.   He wiped at his eyes.  Maybe she had gotten up, taken a shower and gotten out of her grumpy syndrome and would be normal the rest of the day.  It was with that thought that he opened the foggy shower door and stepped out onto the bathmat.

 

“Justin?”

 

He paused from where he was reaching over to get a towel from the rack.  Her voice was annoyed but shy, and he responded with, “Yeah?”

 

Before he had a chance to move and get a towel, the door was opened and he saw her step in, look one way and then the other.  He didn’t think to cover himself and just stood there, dripping wet, staring at her.

 

When her head turned to him she squealed, covered her face and ran out the door. “Oh my god!”

 

“Good lord girl,” he started to smile, ripped a towel off the rack, pulled it around him and stalked to the door.  “You could have just asked to see the goods.”  She was standing there, face still covered.  “You don’t have to sneak around.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” she moaned into her hands, peaking in between her fingers.

 

“Ain’t like you ain’t never seen ‘em before,” he said with a drawl, keeping one hand holding the towel up and reaching out with his other to poke her in the tummy.  She slapped his hand away.

 

“Ass.”

 

“What?  You want it?”  He turned around and loosened the material on his waist to moon her. 

 

“Oh. My. God!”

 

He laughed, tied the towel tightly around his waist and went back into the bathroom to look himself over in the mirror and get ready to shave.   She looked adorable, trying to act like she didn’t want to see him, but he knew underneath her mocked disgust and narrowed eyes, she was smiling.  Somewhere deep down, she was smiling.

 

“Woman you need to lighten up!”

 

She scoffed and he saw her reflection in the shower.  She was now leaning against the doorway with her eyes in slits, staring at him.  “You need to respect me and not refer to me as ‘woman’.”

 

His hand reached to get his razor and shaving cream that was out beside the sink.  Then he opened up one of the drawers underneath the counter to get a small towel.  “‘Woman’ is nicer than ‘girl’, don’t you think?  With ‘woman’ I’m not subliminally calling you immature.”

 

“Whatever.  My shower doesn’t work.”

 

He pulled the towel out, laid it on the counter and glanced at her over his shoulder. “Yes it does.”

 

She stepped further in the bathroom that was starting to cool now that a lot of the steam was seeping out into his bedroom.  Her hands were on her hips when she came up beside him.  “No, it doesn’t.  I can’t figure it out.  The water runs, but I don’t know how to turn on the shower head.”

 

“Why did you barge up in here?”  He shook the can of Edge in his hand, took off the top and said in a cocky tone as he squirted a large around of gel on in his palm, “You wanted to see me naked, didn’t you?”

 

She didn’t say anything for a moment and finally, after a long pause, said his name in a bored tone, “Justin…”

 

“I’m being serious.” He tried to hide his smile as he lathered his face up.  His eyes darted to her and she was staring at him as he got ready to shave.  “Like, if it was me, I would have waited and knocked on the door.”

 

“You responded!” she said sighing.  He smiled to himself.  If she was already frustrated with this conversation, he was just going to keep on.  He had a lot stored up and was tired of being over-sensitive around her.  He needed things to get back to the way they were before, with them arguing playfully and then making out.  Of course, he didn’t expect the making out part any time soon but wasn’t about to stop flirting with her like he was in middle school.

 

It was too much fun. 

 

He rolled his eyes playfully and kept lathering up his face.  “But I didn’t say come in.”

 

“Ugh!” She growled and turned on her heel, walking out the door.  “Forget it!”

 

“No...no...no…” he chanted and ran after her, catching her arm in his hand.  “Come back,” he whined, pouting at her.

 

“What?”

 

He didn’t move his hand and was happy she hadn’t gotten upset with him for getting her arm covered in shaving cream.  “I’m sorry, Kristen.  Just…please.  Can we not joke around each other, either?”

 

She pulled her arm away and rubbed her face in her hands.  “Can we just forget this whole thing?”

 

“I think you’re the one that’s having the problem.”

 

She dropped her arms and narrowed her eyes at him once again.  “You got shaving cream on me.”

 

“Sorry.” He shrugged and pointed to the sink with a white sticky finger.  “Will you turn on the water for me?  I don’t wanna get it all over the faucet.”

 

She laughed and walked over to flip up the lever so the water would turn on to warm, just like he liked it.  “Oh, but you’ll get it all over me.”

 

After rising off his hands, he snatched the uncapped shaving cream and pointed it at her.  “Don’t make me use this.”

 

“If you even think about it…” Her eyes widened and she halted all her movement, trying to place her bets in her head on how serious he was.  He wasn’t about to squirt her with it, knowing that a full fledge attack from her would be the result.  He was testing his playful boundaries, but he knew a shaving cream fight was a little too playful for them in this early stage of getting back to one another. 

 

And dammit if he didn’t want to get back with her.

 

“What?”  He laughed, set the can down far away from both of them and watched her shoulders relax.  “You’ll pitch a fit like you did when me and Chris attacked you with silly string.”

 

She laughed lightly and hoped up on the counter a few feet down from the sink.  “Thank God for Lance or I think I would have died.”

 

He turned his eyes away from her, picked up his razor and started to concentrate on the task at hand.  “I thought it was JC who pulled you away and counter-attacked.”

 

“Nope.  Lance.  JC just stood there and laughed with Joey and Mike and some other guys.”

 

“Oh that’s right.”  He rinsed off the razor after the first few strokes against his face and darted his eyes to her. She was intently watching him and he grinned to himself at the memory.  “I remember what happened afterward.”

 

“What?”

 

“In the toyroom.  It was just us, and you decided you wanted to wrestle me.”

 

“I won, too,” she said in a happy voice.  She won the wrestling match, but he let her, wanting to feel her on top of him.  They had ended up making out pretty heavily on the floor.  He remembered taking her shirt off and then her making him get up and lock the door to the room before he they continued.  She didn’t let him finger her there, even though he really, really wanted to.  She had left him with a hard on and horney as fuck and he had to go through the whole concert thinking about her.

 

But after the show…

 

He smiled to himself but turned his head to shave his other cheek, knowing thoughts like that were gonna make his dick harder and either she’d notice or he’d cut himself.  “Yeah, but then we ended up making out.”

 

“Fuck you.  I’m going to find Trace, maybe he’ll help me.”

 

She didn’t move from where she was perched on the counter and he almost laughed at her.  She was such talk sometimes.  But damn, she was cute little fireball, even if she was as hyper-emotional as a pregnant woman.  “He’s not here.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“‘Cause he had to get up this morning to get his girl from the airport.”

 

She made a little surprised gasp and asked, “He’s got a girlfriend?”

 

“Kinda.”

 

“When did this happen?”

 

Her voice was a little bitter and he looked at her closely.  “Whoa, you jealous?”

 

“No,” she shook her head.  “I’m just surprised no one told me.”

 

“Yeah, her name’s Elisha.  She’s from Canada.”

 

“Canada, eh?” She said in a mock-Canadian accent.

 

He reached over and tried to poke her for her silly little joke but just like always, she slapped his hand away.  “You’re so funny.”

 

“How’d he meet her?”

 

He finished shaving underneath his chin, rinsed off his razor and then leaned down into the sink to splash water off his face.  “Oh, she’s been in LA for some auditions.”  He patted his face dry with the towel on the counter and said, “She’s an actress.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

He reached over for his tooth brush and tube of Crest and glanced at her again.  She was still looking at him, in fact, he didn’t think she had moved her gaze from him since she had sat on the counter.  He smiled.  “We’re thinking about going out tonight.  You game?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Yes!” He rooted and shoved his toothbrush in his mouth, putting the paste back in the cup by the faucet.  “I’m definitely taking advantage of you when you are drunk,” he mumbled. 

 

She rolled her eyes and he spit out the used toothpaste in the sink.  “You’re an ass, Justin.”

 

He smiled a foamy smile, “You’ll probably be begging me for it.”  He spit out the rest of the contents in his mouth, deposited the toothbrush back in its holder and leaned down to get a drink of water.  He looked at her as he swished, and she was just staring at him with a raised eyebrow and an expression on her face that held more attitude than he knew what to do with.  He spit again, wiped his mouth with the towel and walked over to her.  “I remember very clearly how friendly you get when you’re drunk.”

 

Her expression changed.  No longer was it annoyed or teasing.  It was sad, and her eyes were staring at the floor as she hopped off the counter and walked to the door.  “Let’s not talk about being drunk.  Alcohol has gotten us in this fucked up mess we are in now.”

 

“Hey…”  He called out softly and followed her as she walked through his bedroom to his doorway.  He didn’t mean to make her think up any bad thoughts about him.  He cursed himself for taking it too far.  He should have cut off his playing around long before and now he was in trouble again.  And even worse, he had hurt her again.

 

She stopped and looked at him with wide eyes.  “What?”

 

He stepped forward and watched her as she looked at him, wanting him to say something that would make it all better.  But he didn’t know what to say and there was only one thing that he could think of that might make her not worry so much.  “I won’t drink tonight, or ever, if you don’t want me to.” She didn’t smile or change any expression on her face, but he was shocked when she stepped forward, wrapped her arms around him and pushed her cheek into his bare chest.  He didn’t hug her back, scared to, wondering what the hell had changed in her.   “Whoa, what’s this for skitzo?”  He laughed uncomfortably, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“For…”  She sighed and pulled away a little bit so she could look up at him.  “For still being the same Justin from four months ago and still being so nice to me even though I’m a crazy bitch and even though we’ve been through a lot.”

 

He brought a hand to her forehead and raised his eyebrows in doubt.  “I think you are sick.”

 

“Shut up.” She pushed at him and when his towel almost fell off he realized that they had spent all that time together with him barely naked and she didn’t seem too weirded out by it.  In fact, she had hugged him with just a towel on.  Yes, this was a progressive step.

 

He winked at her and pulled her along outside of his room, down the hallway to her room so he could turn her shower on for her.  “So, does this mean it’s ok to flirt with you the rest of the day, or do I need to keep my hands and comments to myself?”

 

She laughed and followed him as they walked into her room.  “Am I really that bad?”

 

He turned around and stuck his tongue at her. “Worse.”

 

“Shit, I’m sorry.  I just got a lot in my head.”  He nodded and walked into her bathroom and towards the shower.  He fiddled with the lever and knobs and got the shower to work.  “See…”

 

“Hmm…guess I’m dumb.”  She shrugged, “Thanks.”

 

“It’s ok.”  He walked past her and stood in the doorway of the bathroom, knowing he’d soon be kicked out.  “First time momma came to stay she didn’t know how to do it either.”

 

“I didn’t mean to snap at you this morning.” She changed the subject and licked her lips, which at first he thought she did in a very sexual, teasing manner, but he then realized she probably had no idea she was doing it. 

 

“It’s ok.”  He laughed and turned to walk out the room.  A thought crossed his mind as he looked at the bed they had slept in the night before, and he wanted to say it but was sure it’d piss her off.  After a second of deliberation figured he’d be dangerous and go for it.  “I got to feel your boobies so it’s all good.  Have fun in the shower.”

 

“Wait…”  He heard her call out and sped up his pace as he trotted to his own doorway.  A moment later she screamed, “YOU WERE AWAKE!?”  He turned and watched her stalking towards him yelling, “ASSHOLE!”

 

He laughed, pulled off his towel, making her squeal again, and tossed it at her. 

 

“YOU LOVE ME!” he sang and ran into his room loving the fact that this time she smiled and this time she didn’t dare close her eyes.

 

--------

 

The song was absolutely horrible.  It was rap and it was cheesy and he was absolutely loving it.  “I think my butt gettin’ big,” he sang in a hitch pitched tone with almost every girl in the club as he danced in front of her.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said, shaking her head and turning around, thinking maybe it was time to go back to the table and have a couple shots.  Before she had a chance to step away she felt him against her back.  His arms came around her a little bit and she felt him roll his hips into her ass.  She knew she should walk away from him and his sexually responsive body.  Her feet were killing her in her heels and he had almost shit himself when she walked down the steps earlier.  He didn’t know she was capable of wearing heels.  She didn’t wear them often but still, she had changed and wasn’t so anti-girly as before.  Plus, she wanted to tease him a bit. 

 

But the teasing was hurting her feet. 

 

It had been a weird day, a good day, but a weird one.  He hadn’t held back from flirting with her but had been cautious and a couple times she had to ignore him because he was testing her too much.  She had seen him naked that morning and she couldn’t keep those images out of her mind of him smiling and dripping wet.  She couldn’t block the vision of him in just a white towel, casually shaving.  When Trace and Elisha busted through the door with lunch she was thankful for the distraction and was happy to have someone she could focus her attention on, besides Justin and his intense sexuality he was passing to her.

 

But it was very, very hard to ignore it when he was against her, grinding into her, and whispering in her ear, “I like it when you uh…uh…”

 

“This has got to be the worse song I’ve ever heard.”

 

“So…” She felt him move and soon was met with a drunken smile. “Does it matter?”

 

“What do you mean?” He had had quite his share of alcohol, starting off slowly with couple beers and then asking her if it was ok for him to get a Gin and Tonic.  She realized he was still thinking about their earlier conversation and she told him to get whatever he wanted.  She had had a sip of his drink and Elisha ordered them both a Sex on the Beach, which of course caused some comments from both guys and even Todd who was sitting off to the side of their table, completely relaxed.  Trace and Justin wanted to do body shots, but she refused.  Tequila was soon on their table and she took on shot and almost threw up, she didn’t understand the appeal and just sat there and poured shot while they drank up.  If only they had gotten Vodka.  She wanted to ask, but was having a pretty good time seeing Justin get plastered and Elisha get more and more giggly.

 

“Come on.”  Suddenly she was being dragged along with his hand in hers as he maneuvered his way back to the booth they had occupied in the VIP section.  It had been a fairly fun night.  Elisha was a very nice girl, but couldn’t hold her liquor well at all and her giggles had quickly turned into incoherent statements. Trace seemed unaltered by the alcohol and had moved onto a bottle of Jack Daniels that he had slowly been working on for a while.  She was sobering up from the small amount of alcohol in her system, and even though she didn’t mind, she kind of hoped drinking would have made her a little less reserved with Justin.  So far, nothing much had happened.  The idea of body shots started to sound a little better with each moment she spent with him. “You need more drinks.”

 

“You are trying your best to get me plastered.”

 

“And the problem is?”  He wrapped his arm around her and reached down to test his boundaries.  She didn’t scold as he lightly squeezed her ass but instead passed him a sly look. 

 

“You want some ass so bad?”

 

She was shocked when he pushed her up against one of the pillars beyond the velvet roping and guards that were marking off the VIP section.  His body pressed into hers and whispered close to her mouth, “And if I do…”

 

She swallowed hard when he began to grind into her, thrusting his hips against hers so she could feel how excited he was.  She knew if Todd were seeing this he’d go crazy at the scene they were causing.  But damn did it feel good.  He was staring at her through almost closed eyes and was licking his lips like he was going to kiss her.  Dammit, she wanted him to, but doing this drunk would be bad, and she knew, in the morning when she was tired and had a bit of a headache, she’d bitch at him for trying.  Sometimes she hated the way she acted.  “If you want it that bad I’m sure there are plenty of girls here that are ready and willing.”

 

“I don’t want them.”  His mouth opened slightly and he leaned down a bit.  A silent moan escaped when his lips touched her slender neck.  “I want you.”

 

She couldn’t handle it and fisted her hand in his short hair and tried to pull him away.  He just laughed and she had to know if he was really in control of what he was doing.  “What’s my name?”

 

“Huh?” He pulled away. 

 

“What’s my name?” She asked, searching his eyes.

 

“Uh? Kristen?”

 

She left out a deep sigh and said, “Good.  Just making sure you didn’t think I was some other girl.”

 

He pulled away and his face fell into a pout. “Don’t bring back bad memories.”  He pulled away and reached down for her hand.  They walked over to the corner booth that wasn’t too far away. 

 

She figured she’d give him a hard time and try to keep her mind off the way his lips felt against her neck, even though the skin there was now on fire.  “Oh, so kissing me was a bad memory.”

 

“Ughhh…”  He plopped down beside his best friend and leaned his head on the table, moaning, “Trace, she’s being difficult.”

 

“Not my problem,” Trace said, lifting a shot glass to his lips, but drinking it slowly.  His other arm was around Elisha who was leaning against him, curled up in a ball in her seat and giggling for no reason.   Kristen tried to find a place to sit, but Justin was hogging all the space so she was forced to go on the other side of Elisha. 

 

She sat up a little bit and tried her best to speak clearly.  “I’m sure she’s not being difficult because she wants to.”

 

“What?” Justin asked, making a hand motion to one of the bartenders that passed them at that moment. He winked at her and she rolled her eyes, watching Elisha try to make sense of herself.

 

“You know,” Elisha took a sip of her mixed drink.  “You’re probably making her have difficulties or whatever.”

 

“That makes no sense.”  Justin shook his head at her and she just fell into laughter and leaned against her boyfriend. 

 

“I don’t care…”

 

She watched Trace and Elisha interact and was suddenly completely jealous.  She wanted that.  She wanted to be sweet with someone, no matter how inebriated they were.  Trace said, pulling her drink away and turning to kiss her on the forehead. “No more…”

 

“But Traacceeee….” Elisha whined, reaching for her drink.

 

“But nothing.”  He looked her in the eyes and smiled at her, “I don’t want you sick tomorrow.”

 

Kristen leaned forward and looked at Justin, “See Justin.  He tells his girlfriend to lay off.  You tell me bottoms up.”

 

Justin smiled and slid out of his seat dancing toward her to some Jennifer Lopez song. “So, you my girlfriend now?”

 

“You are?!” Elisha squealed.  “I’m so happy!”

 

“Oh ‘lish.” Trace laughed and hugged her against him.  Kristen looked away.  Now their PDA was just disgusting.  “Babedoll, we need to get you back home and in bed.”

 

She glanced and saw the girl laughing and then leaning in to kiss him. 

 

“Why can’t you be all drunk and horney like her?”

 

She jumped and turned to see him beside her, sitting down.  She shrugged, “I’m kinda drunk.”

 

She felt his arm around slide around her and his lips come close to her ear, “What about horney?”

 

“Excuse me?” She pulled away but couldn’t go far with one of his arms holding on to her and his hand now on her thigh.  She closed her eyes and cursed herself for wearing a skirt. 

 

“I want you…” He breathed against her ear, his lips brushing against her.  His voice was rushed, excited and out of breath, and she wished she were drunk so she would just melt into him and not be able to hold back.  She wanted to lunge for him, but not then.  They weren’t ready.  At least, she didn’t think so.  And plus, she didn’t want them to hook up in a drunken horney moment.  She wanted the first time they were back together, if it ever happened, way down the road, to be completely sober and very special.  “I want you so bad Kristen.”

 

She took in a shaky breath when he said in a very small voice, “Can I sleep with you again tonight?”

 

She almost gave into him and turned against him, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him near and said, “Take me home…” but thankfully the bartender came by with a tray full of little shot glasses and a bottle of vodka.  “I don’t know if that’d be such a good idea.”  Her voice was uneasy and she cleared her throat to make it seem like she had something caught in it.  The waitress poured shots into the glasses and Kirsten slid three over in front of her immediately.  “Thank you,” she said to the girl, glad that she left the bottle of Stoli behind.

 

She took a quick shot and coughed as he said, “Don’t you wanna feel me against you.  You can’t say you didn’t like it this morning when I had my hands against you and my dick was-”

 

She reached for a shot, elbowed him away from her and said, “Justin you’re drunk and need to stop.” Then she took another shot, shaking her head a bit. With a deep breath, she put her hands around another glass and decided to let those two settle for a minute before she went with another.  Trace and Elisha were kissing right beside her and she could feel Justin shifting uncomfortably and knew he was going to say something any minute.

 

“Am I in trouble?”

 

“No.”  She turned and widened her eyes at him with a smile.  “I just need a few of these…”  He reached in front of him to get the last shot that was poured and held it up to her.  “Cheers,” she smiled.

 

“To you not slapping me.” Justin laughed, clinked his drink with hers and then quickly drank it back.

 

“Why would I?” She asked and then quickly gulped down her shot.  This time it didn’t sting as much.

 

He “ahh”ed and sat the glass down, reaching for the bottle. “Cause I’m being bad with you and I know you don’t like it.”

 

“I never said I didn’t like it.”  He raised his eyebrows at her and poured her another shot.  “I just…I’m being cautious.”

 

“Extremely cautious.”  He laughed and she could feel his eyes on her as she tilted her head back with another swallow.  That time it burned and when she opened her eyes things were dizzy for a moment.  Now, finally it was starting to hit her.  “We should probably head home soon.  They’re about to fuck.”

 

She laughed in shocked, feeling a buzz quickly come over her. “What?”

 

He smiled and nodded at the couple beside them.  They were kissing pretty heavily and Elisha was trying her best to straddle his lap.  “Trace has his ‘I’m ready’ look.”

 

“And you know this by…” She nudged him in his side and smiled at him. 

 

He shrugged, “He forced me to go to a lot of clubs the beginning of the summer.  He took girls home a lot.  Then he met ‘Lish and he stopped.” She couldn’t move her eyes away from them.  Trace’s hands were up the back of her shirt and he was kissing her so passionately that Kristen started to feel jealousy surge through her.  She wanted to do that with Justin, but because she was a little idiot bitch, that was the only correct way to describe her, she wasn’t allowing them to give into it.  She pouted.  A moment later she felt his hand on her face, making her look at him, and she was forced to stare into his blue eyes.  They were shining and he licked his lips at her, “And before you ask, no…I didn’t.”

 

“Didn’t what…”

 

“Take girls home.”

 

“I didn’t-” She was cut off when he used his hand, which was still on her chin, to pull her face close.  Right when she thought he was going to kiss her, he lifted his lips to her forehead.  He pulled away with a shy look on his face and reached down to hold her hand. 

 

“You haven’t left my mind Kristen.  You’ve been there since the day I met you and I don’t know what that means but, whatever it is, it’s pretty damn strong.”

 

“You-”

 

He cut her off again with his nervous laughter.  “I’m still in love with you, ya know?” His hands broke free of hers and she watched him pour himself a tall shot and one for her as well.   “Like…”  He brought the glass to his lips and whispered, staring blankly out in front of him, “a lot.” He then tipped the glass up.

 

“I know.”  She whispered back but didn’t think he heard her because he was already sliding out from behind the table. “Come on guys…” He said and reached for her hand.  She quickly took the last shot and stared at him, but he didn’t dare look her in the eyes. 

 

She wondered if she had done something wrong.

 

The car ride back was uneventful.  Justin had called shot gun and she had started a tickle fight with him in a drunken fit as they made their way to the car.  On the ride home, Trace and Elisha were having a full fledge make out session right beside her in the backseat of the car, completely obviously to anyone else’s presence.  She was left there, forced to hear them whisper and laugh with the last few shots of the night hitting her like a brick.  She was dizzy as she stared at the bright lights and car whiz by them on their way back to Justin’s house.  She also felt very, very alone.

 

At one point, she noticed his seat getting closer to her and thought her body had given up its balance.  Then she realized he was tilting his seat back until his head was almost right under hers, lying in her lap even though the headrest was between them.  He smiled up at her and puckered up but she shook her head, playing hard to get.  She wanted to kiss him desperately and figured later on, when they were alone in his house, probably his bedroom, she’s sneak him a kiss, but not in the car, not where everyone else could see.

 

She wanted it to be special and private.  The sober part she didn’t really care about anymore.

 

Waiting to kiss him was hard, so she concentrated on playing with his hair.  He had grown it out since the tour and though it wasn’t anywhere near the fro like stage she had seen pictures of, it was still curling just slightly and long enough for her to mess with a little bit.   At first he sighed and groaned at her fingers massaging his scalp, which was a hassle for her hormones to handle.  But soon, she looked down and his eyes were closed, a content smile was on his lips and his head was turned, resting completely on the seat.

 

She patted his shoulder when they pulled up his driveway and he didn’t say a word, but opened his eyes, blinked a few times and moved his seat back upright.  Trace and Elisha quickly got out and walked across the pavement to some stone steps that led around the back of the house and to the guest house.  When she stood up out of the SUV, the alcohol hit her and she stumbled a bit on her heels.

 

“Whoa, you ok?”

 

She felt his arm come around her and she giggled and leaned against him.  “Mmmhmm.  I think it’s hit me.”

 

“Me too, but in the sleepy sense.”  He turned to look over his shoulder and said, “Thanks a million Todd.”

 

“Ey, I’m getting paid!” He called from the driver’s seat of the car.  “Have a good night.”

 

“You wanna just stay here?”

 

“Nah, I need to get back home to Erica or she’ll call the cops on my ass.”

 

“Later man.”  Justin slammed the car door shut and Todd backed up and did a three-point turn to turn around in Justin’s driveway.  She let Justin lead her up to his front door.  “Did you have fun tonight?”

 

“Oh yeah…”  She looked over him, feeling her body ache to be against him again as he unlocked the door.  They were alone and she just knew something was going to happen. “I’m having a lot more fun now.”

 

He held the door open for her and immediately went beside the door, flicked on the lights to the foyer and pressed some buttons into the alarm code panel.  “You need anything?  Water? Advil?”

 

“No….just…”  She pulled herself against him and wrapped her arms around his middle, rubbing herself against him much like a cat.  But he didn’t respond, and didn’t even put his arms around her, just leaned his cheek down on her head and sighed tiredly, “Justin?”

 

“Hmm…”

 

“You there?” She giggled. 

 

He pulled away and yawned.  “I’m going up to bed.  I’m tired.”

 

She felt immediately rejected when he gave her a half smile and turned to go up the steps. “Oh ok.”

 

“Night girl.”  She watched him walk up the steps with heavy feet.  He scratched his hair, yawned as he walked down the hallway and silently went into his room and closed the door. 

 

“But…wait…” She said quietly and then realized he couldn’t hear her and probably didn’t want to.  With a pout she followed his actions and stomped up the steps, but turned right instead of left, flicked off the foyer lights from the top of the steps, walked in her room, flicked on the light and flopped down on the bed.

 

It felt really good when she closed her eyes.  But with closed eyes she pictured him, the way he used to look at her without such a scared and cautious way.  He was flirting with her at the club but apparently was tired of it now, or perhaps he had given up.  She didn’t want him to give up.

 

She flipped over and stared at the ceiling knowing she was going to have to be the one to make the first move.  The room spun a little bit and she closed her eyes so she wouldn’t get dizzy.  It was up to her.  He had said it, she controlled their relationship.  Time was what she needed.  She needed to get use to him again and get over everything that they had been through.

 

But four months was a long time to be without him and the longer she deprived herself the more she craved.  It was some sick form of self-destruction the way she was forcing herself to be without him.  Would it be end of the world?  Would it do so much damage if she went to him and told him she wanted him?

 

Would it change everything?

 

Would that be so bad?

 

The questions in her mind gave her a headache and she was tired of it.  She was tired of forcing herself into pushing him away and forcing her feelings deep down inside.  To hell with waiting.  She was wasting valuable time.  Her heels came off, her body rolled off the bed and she pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail from the band around her wrist.  The lights flicked off and her bare feet padded across the carpeted hallway silently.

 

She put her hands out in front of her when she knew she was getting close to his room so she wouldn’t run into the door and when she felt the wood underneath her fingertips she balled her fist and knocked lightly.  There was no response and she opened the door, stepping inside the dark room and closing the door behind her.

 

“Justin?”  She called out in a whisper, but got no response. 

 

The moonlight was shining through his opened windows and slowly her eyes adjusted and she made out a lump in the bed.  She also could see articles of clothing pooled on his floor at the foot of his bed.  She stepped closer.

 

He was face down on the mattress, his arms hugging a pillow.  She couldn’t see his face but stared at his bare back as she lifted her tight tank top over her head.  She turned her skirt around and unzipped it letting it drop down by her feet.  Now, only in her underwear, she licked her lips and crawled up on top of the comforter.

 

“Justin?”  She called out again but was still met with no sound.

 

She made her way close to him on the large bed.  Her fingertips touched his back and then she couldn’t control herself and leaned down to kiss his spine.  It was like someone else had taken over her body, or perhaps, her mind had left her and she was really doing the things she wanted.

 

Her hand moved over his arm and she snuggled up against him, kissing his shoulders, wishing a light was on so she could see his freckles.  She pulled away for a moment and pulled the covers down from underneath her and slid her legs in between the cool sheets. 

 

When her body touched his all she felt was warm skin and when she spooned up against his back she realized he was naked.  He hands took over and she moved her fingers over his sides and down to his hips and even his ass and then back up.  She curled her arm around him and slithered her hand in between him and the bed, her palm flat over his heart.

 

“Justin?”  She whispered against him and kissed his neck, sucking slowly just like she knew he liked.

 

But he didn’t move and when she felt his heart beat underneath her hand, slow, steady she knew it was going to take an army to wake him. 

 

Then he snored. 

 

She giggled and snuggled deep against his back, molding her body to his and laying half on him since he was facing down.  She sighed and realized she was going to get no action that night, even though he was naked and she was ready. But she wasn’t about to move.  Her head felt heavy and when her eyes closed she smiled at the feeling.  She yawned heavily as his warm body relaxed her about as much as the alcohol in her system and sighed against him.

 

She kissed the back of his shoulders sweetly and laid her cheek against his skin.  It eased her mind knowing sleep would come easily.

 

And sometime, after she had relaxed her body and before she had completely dozed off she had absently mumbled a few words, but she was far too drunk to realize how important they truly were.

 

“I still love you, too…”

 

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