The next day, late afternoon

 

He was starting to think this was a mistake.  So far the only thing he had really been able to get out of her was yes or no answers, grumbled curse words and the occasional yelled “shut up.”  The only thing she had said about his house was “oh god, I better not have to lug my shit around all over the place.”  He then had reached for her two suitcases and she hadn’t even replied with a thank you.  She was back to normal Kristen, hair all in her face, baggy jeans, white tank top and an attitude that needed to be tamed.

 

To say she was in a bad mood was an understatement.  It was so strange.  The night before she had been wonderful, different, and sexy as hell.  Now she was abnormally bitchy.  Even before they got together she’d be rather moody, but this was just uncalled for. 

 

It all started when he went to pick her up at the arena.  He jumped out to help her put her things in his truck and she just huffed and said “I got it.”  Then when they got in the car and he leaned over to give her a kiss, but she pushed him away and yell that she wasn’t some easy slut.  That had been a blow.  He had thought they had all settled it the night before.  They were both happy about the situation they were in, and while he wouldn’t necessarily say they were back to being a couple, they were on their way.

 

Now he was wondering if he really wanted to be a couple with her again.

 

“So are we just gonna stand here all fucking day?”

 

Justin snapped out of staring down at the hard wood floor and looked up at her.  She was rolling her eyes and he shook his head and made a move to pick up her things from the floor of his foyer and take them to her room, where hopefully she would stay until she got in a better mood.  “N-no. We can-”

 

“KRISTEN!”

 

Justin sighed and looked up from the foyer to the small balcony above.  Trace was practically hanging off the railing and smiling like an idiot.  He glanced at Kristen and suddenly felt jealous.  She was smiling and he was curious as to why she seemed to be happy to see Trace, but disgusted with him.  “Oh my god, Hey Trace!”

 

“How you been, girl?”  Trace quickly scooted down the steps and swept her up in a hug.  Justin narrowed his eyes. 

 

“Good, good, you?”

 

Trace pulled away and nodded, “Great.  I heard you were coming to live with us.”

 

“You live here, too?”

 

“Yeah, cool eh?”

 

Kristen looked over her shoulder, whipped her hair around and narrowed her eyes at him.  “Funny, he never tells me anything.”

 

Justin ignored her and looked at his friend who was still admiring over Kristen.  He was starting to feel some sort of jealous rage inside of him.  He knew they bonded those few days on tour but didn’t think they were butt buddies like they were now.  And he was tired of her being more into his best friend than him.  And it wasn’t like Trace was single.  “So, Trace what were you thinkin’ about dinner?”

 

“I don’t know, man.” Trace shrugged and swung himself like a toddler back and forth while hanging onto the end of the banister.  “What do you guys want?”

 

“I was thinking we could just get a pizza or something.”

 

“Gross.” She whined and Justin sighed, “I had those all the time on tour.”

 

He was fed up and stalked to her suitcases where he set them down, grabbed them up and stared down into her face.  He almost wanted to laugh when she looked shocked.  “Well, why don’t you two figure it out? I go put your fucking shit up.  Let me know when you wanna see your damn room.”

 

He didn’t like to be one that snapped that easily, but he just didn’t understand her.  He knew the night before was different from any other time they had been together, but he liked it.  She seemed much more comfortable with herself, and now she was back to being a defensive pathetic little bitch.  He stomped up the steps and marched across the hallway to the bedroom that was down the hallway from his.  Trace occupied the guest house, but he wanted to make sure that she was close to him.  He could have put her in one of the rooms downstairs but decided having her upstairs would give them more room to interact. 

 

Now he was regretting that decision.  He opened the door to the room that would be hers, threw her luggage on the floor and slammed the door behind him.  Suddenly, the urge to go work out came over him.  He needed to get in front of his punching bag in the garage and just go at it.  He stood there in the room and turned around, trying to figure out what to do.  Finally, he just stepped towards the bed and flopped down on it, growling out his frustration into a pillow.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

He opened his eyes and rolled over on the bed.  He couldn’t believe who was standing there with a tilted head and a concerned look on her face.  “Excuse me?”

 

“What’s up, what’s wrong?” She asked. 

 

He sat up and pointed a finger at her.  He narrowed his eyes and locked his jaw.  After a few seconds of staring at each other he spat out in a despicable tone, “Ya know, I’ve held my tongue all day Kristen.  But I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened between last night and this afternoon but it’s no reason to act like a bitch to me.”

 

“I’m sorry, I think I’m pmsing.”

 

He rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed.  “Oh Come on!  No you’re not.  Don’t pull that bull shit.  What the hell is going on?”

 

She didn’t say anything for a moment and he lifted his head to see her holding her arms across her stomach, her hair hanging over her face as she looked down at the ground.  The woman from last night was gone and the shy girl he met months ago in a parking lot in Orlando emerged.  “Look, I don’t know if this is gonna work out.”

 

“What are you talking about?”  He rubbed his hands over his face and held them there.

 

“I think…”  She started and then stopped, and he pushed himself up and rested himself back on his elbows.  She opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out.  Finally, she got the courage to say, “Last night I got ahead of myself.  I shouldn’t have done everything I did with you.”

 

He sighed, “That’s ok.  But you-”

 

She pulled her hair back in a ponytail with one of the holders she had around her wrist as she interrupted him, “And it’s been a tiring day for me.  I only for a couple hours of sleep last night because I was so excited about us, and then I had to get up early and help pack everyone’s shit up.  Then I had to pack my shit up.  I had to say goodbye to a lot of my good friends that I might never see again.”

 

Her hands flopped back down at her sides and he shook his head at her.  “Well I’m sorry, but that doesn’t give you a reason to take it all out on me.”

 

“I know. Ok?” Her voice started to rise and her attitude came back full force.  She took a breath and let it out slowly, saying more calmly, “I’m sorry.  I just, when I got in the car and you tried to kiss me I just kinda realized that last night was a mistake.” He closed his eyes.  He figured that was a mistake on his part, and it hurt a little to know he had already fucked things up again, but this time so quickly.  She turned around and sat down on the edge of the bed, making him stare at her back, “Don’t get me wrong.  I had a great time, but I was just caught up in everything and wasn’t really being realistic.  We need to go a hell of a lot slower than that.”

 

“Do you think we’ll be able to sleeping down the hall from one another?”  He smirked at her as she glanced over her shoulder and then moved to turn towards him, one leg hanging off the end of the bed and the other bent underneath her.

 

“I...I don’t know Justin.”  She looked down at her hands. “Don’t make me regret coming here.”

 

He sat up and was really close to her, probably too close, but he wasn’t about to move away.  “I can say I’m sorry a thousand times for what happened, but it’s really up to you what happens between us.  I hope you know that.  I hope you know how much control you have over our relationship, how much…”  He paused and she looked up at him. Her eyes were huge and begging him to tell him something, anything.  “…how much you have over me.”

 

“Justin I’m not…”

 

But he didn’t hear her.  He just kept talking, letting every worry he had spill out of his mouth.  “And ya know, I deserve to be treated like shit.  I know I do.  And, and I’m still in love with you so I’m willing to put up with it.  But if you have any bit of kindness left for me please, don’t drag me around and crush my hopes slowly.  Just get it over with.  You can still stay here.  I’ll leave you alone and not even bother you.  I just…”

 

“Shh.  We’re getting over it, alright?”  Before he knew it she pulled him against her.  He was shocked at first, but then slowly eased up a little and rested his head on her shoulder. 

 

“I’m not.” He whispered, “It still eats me up every night when I go to sleep.”

 

But then she sighed and pushed him away.  She stood up and began to pace.  “I can’t do this Justin.  I can’t be going up and down every other day, and I know today is my fault-”

 

“I’ll find you a new place to live.” He interrupted and quickly added, “I’ll have some place nice bought and ready for you by tomorrow afternoon.”

 

“Shut up!”  She rolled her eyes and ran her hands through her hair.  “I don’t want another place right now.  I’m saying we need to, ya know, I guess come to some type of agreement.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Us.”

 

Justin looked at her when she just looked back at him.  He stared at her with widened eyes and said slowly, “Ok…”

 

“Like, maybe we should slow it down.  So, don’t try and get physical with me unless I say it’s ok.”

 

He was so confused.  He knew that girls had a right to say no about what they did with their bodies, but sometimes he just didn’t think it was right that a girl was able to tease him like that.  With guys, it was straightforward, either he wanted to or didn’t.  There was no maybe and was no teasing or changing their minds.  And even though he knew Kristen wasn’t trying to confuse him, she was doing a damn good job of it. He tried to rationalize this to her. “But last night you were the one-”

 

‘I know!” She yelled.  Apparently rationalization only made her defensive and he clamped his mouth shut so he wouldn’t growl at her like he desperately wanted to do.  “And when I do something like that, just kinda hold off for a second.  Push me away and let me-”

 

“Let you bitch at me for not wanting you?  Cause Kristen that’s what you’d do.  I know you.”  When she put her hands on her hips and gave him a look that reminded him of something his mother would give him when he was in grade school, he gave up.  He wasn’t going to put up with her shit.  She sure knew how to drag a man’s ego into the ground, and after feeling like shit that whole day and for most of the past few months, he was fed up with it.  “I’m sorry I just don’t know if this is gonna work.”

 

“Dammit Justin!  I’m at least trying here!  Fucking shit.  You’re the one who fucked up ya know?”

 

He growled out an animalistic sound, tired of the whole situation and fell back against the bed.  He covered his face and finally pulled his hands down and looked at the ceiling.  “Yes, believe me I fucking know!”  It was silent for a second and then there was a soft knock at the door.  They both yelled, “What!”

 

Trace stepped in cautiously and kept his hand on the door so he could make a quick escape.  “Uh, sorry.  I was just gonna call down to that Mexican place at the bottom of the hill.  Is that ok?”

 

“Trace just give us a minute please.” Justin sighed.

 

“No!” Kristen snapped like a little dog.  “I wanna ask him something.”

 

Justin sighed for the millionth time and sat up, rubbing his forehead.  “Kristen, he’s not a part of this mess.  Don’t bring him into it.”

 

“Yeah, don’t bring me into it,” Trace said, backing up and out of the room.

 

Kristen turned to him, her hands still on her hips and demanded, “How was he after he got head from Britney?  Was he bragging about it?”

 

“Oh fucking shit!” Justin yelled and punched one of the pillows.  He couldn’t believe she was acting like this.  She knew how he felt and how he acted about the situation.  He had told her and now she was back to not believing him.  He was so incredibly mind-blown.  The night before she had been awesome and down to earth and sweet, and now she was up in the clouds again, yelling at him for crimes that he thought were forgiven.  

 

“What are you talking about?” Trace asked in a small voice.  He could tell his friend felt awkward and was sorry he had to be apart of their fucked up situation.

 

“Shut up Justin!” She snapped at him and then turned her attention to Trace.  “You know what I’m talking about Trace.  On the damn tour!  What caused us to break up!”

 

“Oh…that.” Trace said, “No, he was fucked up about it.  Real fucked up that he had hurt you.  Which I understand because he cares for you a lot, but then I was kinda like…well, I mean you guys were broken up at the time so…”

 

He didn’t want to hear it.  He had relived that whole damned night, hell the whole week of it, their fight because of the blow job thing, her grandma dying, him getting drunk and messing around with Britney, the lying, and finally the day she found out.  He had relived it every night that he went to bed, and he was tired of having a stupid mistake, which though mostly his fault was a teeny bit of hers too, haunt him every damned day. 

 

So he stood up, and he walked passed her just when she was saying, “Just-Just shut up.”  She was getting emotional about this, and it was about time.  But he didn’t care and he didn’t want to be there when she broke down.  He’d just have to feel sorry for one more thing.  So he kept walking out the door and down the hallway.

 

 “Where are you going?” She called out to him.

 

But he didn’t say anything back and let the slam of his bedroom door be his answer.

 

-----

She jumped when she heard the door slam and a little of her senses came back to her.  She went and crawled up on the bed, right where he had been laying.  She curled up on the comforter that was a little crumpled. 

 

It was silent and she prayed Trace would leave her alone.  “Are you ok?”

 

“Fucking…” She let out a breath.  “…fine.”

 

“Whoa, that doesn’t sound fine to me.”  She felt the bed shift a little and saw him sitting on the edge of it, looking back at her over his shoulder. 

 

She pulled her legs up and sat on the bed, her back to the headboard.  She looked at Trace for a moment and realized he was challenging her to say something to him and make sense of their senseless argument that had just exploded.  “I can’t do this with him.”

 

“I thought you had forgiven him.  That’s what he told me.”

 

She covered her face in her hands and suddenly had the urge to cry.  She knew she had blown up at him and knew she was a little wrong in her actions, but her emotions that day were all over the place.  She was tired and sad from the tour, and she was over anxious about coming to live with him.  The night before had been like an adrenaline rush, and now she didn’t know if her decisions were right.  Having a job and living with him were obstacles she wasn’t prepared to face and even though the night before had been great, she was pretty sure kissing him had been a mistake too.  “I have.  I just…”

 

“Well you’re not acting like it.” She looked up at Trace with a confused look on her face.  He was acting like he was her dad and she knew Justin and him were best friends but didn’t think he’d be scolding her for her poor behavior.  Now she had wished she had left him out of it.  “Look,” He sighed.  “I know you’re gonna think I’m taking his side but I’m not.  Just don’t think that he hasn’t said the same things your saying to him, to himself.  It’s not just the fact that he lost you, or hurt you, it’s the fact that he hurt someone that he loved.  Justin’s weird like that.  He’s pretty even tempered and keeps cool under most stuff, but sometimes…”

 

She watched him as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to regroup himself.  He opened his eyes and looked at her seriously.  “I guess what I’m trying to say is, a lot of times if something really bad happens to him he blows it up into this greater problem.  Now he thinks that he’s the shitiest man ever to live who treats women horribly.”

 

Her heart broke a little at that, and she realized she had been doing that to him and making him feel that way.  “He’s not-“

 

He cut her off.  “I know.  He’s not that Kristen.  He’s a guy, who made a mistake that was caused by lots of other mistakes, and if you can’t handle that then maybe you two shouldn’t be around each other.”

 

She curled her arms around her knees and hugged them tightly.  “It’s not that.  I just.  I’m scared.  He was everything for me Trace, every damn little thing.  And what if I try at this whole thing again and something bad happens? I don’t know what I’d do.”

 

“Justin’s not the type of guy to just drop the people he loves.”

 

She shook her head and shrugged. “He did when I broke up with him.”

 

Trace chuckled and rolled his eyes at her a little.  It kinda pissed her off.  “That’s because you dropped him girl.  Do you remember at all?  He’d try to come see you and you’d dodge the other way.  He’d try to call you and you wouldn’t answer.  He was terrified you’d cut his damn dick off. Seriously.”

 

He was right.  She slumped her shoulders when the weight of the entire situation fell on them.  She could still see his face as he lay right where she was sitting, frustrated and defeated.  The door slam still echoed in her ears and she realized she had made a mistake.  Another one.  “I feel bad that I wanna be with him again.”

 

“Why do you feel bad?”

 

“Because I’m not supposed to. I’m not even supposed to be here.”

 

“Who says Kristen?”

 

She shrugged.  “I...I don’t know.”

 

“You need to do what’s gonna make you feel good and make you happy, not what you think you probably should do.  I mean, I think you’ve already done that.  You’ve heard him out.  Most guys don’t get that Kristen.  A lot of times we get shut out of relationships without having to say our peace and sometimes without even knowing why.”

 

She licked her lips and stretched her legs out.  “It’s ‘cause we’re scared you all will make us want you again.  When a guy fucks up, the girl is able to have some control.  He’s weak, and some how the girl becomes the strong one and she’s able to let go easily.  But then, if they guy comes back and tries to explain or say he’s sorry, well, I know in my case I was terrified of him.”

 

“You’re gonna have to explain that one.” He smiled.

 

She returned his smile and ran her hands through her hair, tugging on her ponytail to get it free and putting it back up in a messy bun.  “For once I wasn’t all over him.  He wasn’t able to just smile at me and have me go all nuts over him, ya know?  And I was terrified if he came back he was going to say something or do something to win me over again.  You guys don’t realize but when a girl falls for a guy, she falls hard.  He was my world, Trace.  He was my fucking world.”

 

Trace said “wow” softly and shook his head.  “I don’t think he ever knew that.”

 

She scoffed, not believing a word of that.  “I told him he was all I had.”

 

“Yeah, but…I don’t know, guys are weird.  And don’t think that you girls are the only ones that fall hard.  It goes both ways Kristen.  Just know that when a girl breaks up with a guy, most of the time the guy doesn’t know what in the hell he’s going to do.  And most of the time he makes mistakes in that period because he’s just so damned lost.”

 

Her hands ran over her face and she moaned into them, “I think I need to apologize.” She looked up and smirked at him.  “And that’s a lot coming from me.”

 

Trace stood up and popped his neck.  “Just go talk to him.  Don’t worry so much and don’t think so much.  Just be yourself and have fun.  You guys have been hurt too much by this whole situation.  Don’t let it rule your relationship.”

 

“You’re a lot smarter than you look Trace.”

 

He laughed uncomfortable and turned to the door.  “Uh thanks.”

 

She followed him and said to him genuinely.  “I’m glad you’re here.  I had fun hanging out with you.”

 

“I know.” He shrugged and started down the steps.  “I’m a cool guy.  You got any more shit in his car?”  He stopped halfway down. 

 

“Just a couple small bags why?” She ask leaning on the banister.

 

“I’ll go get ‘em and then I’m gonna go get us some food.  You go get your man.”

 

“Thanks Trace.”

 

He smiled at her, “What do you want to eat?”

 

“Get me a chicken quesadilla or something.”

 

“Alrighty.” He walked down the rest of the steps and then turned back to look at her, pointing at the closed door on the far end of the hallway. She saluted him and slowly started to pad her way in that direction. 

 

When she got to the door she took a deep breath.  It was going to take a lot of courage on her part to bring herself to apologize and to keep herself from either attacking him verbally or sexually.  She had never believed in that saying that you never knew love until you lost it, but it was true.  When she lost Justin her whole world went out of whack.  And though she hated with a passion to admit it, she had grown really accustomed to affection.  Months without it made her desperate for it. 

 

She rapped on the door lightly, and when he didn’t respond she called out his name, “Justin?”

 

When nothing was said back to her she put her hand on the knob and creaked the door open.  She peeked her head in and called out again, thinking he might be in the bathroom, “Justin?”

 

But once again, there was no response. 

 

It was in the quiet bedroom that she realized the scale of the house.  She had been so confused emotionally before that she hadn’t really taken in the house.  Now, calmer and without any distractions, she was at awe.  His bedroom was incredible with a huge bed and a fireplace, views of the SoCal hills and two balconies.  She could see that the bathroom looked pretty damn big from where she was standing, which meant that it was huge.  She smiled as she eyed the unmade bed.  She knew he was sometimes a neat freak, not necessarily crazy on tour, but he definitely didn’t like things filthy.

 

But the one thing he never, ever did was make the bed. 

 

She tiptoed around the room, curious as to where he was hiding.  She didn’t see any escape routes unless he was under the bed, or had jumped of the balcony.  She eyed one of them and stepped towards it, but then she felt a draft and realized the door to the other balcony was a few inches opened.  She smiled and stepped towards it.  She opened the glass door and stepped out side.  All she saw were two chairs and a set of stairs.

 

She said “ah ha” quietly to herself and walked towards them.  She slowly made her way down the spiral stair case and ended up on the side of the house.  She looked around and rolled her eyes to herself, hoping it wasn’t going to be some hide and go seek game with him for the rest of the damned day.

 

Then she heard a loud clearing of the throat that was distinct to him. It was coming from in front of her so she walked ahead and then looked to her right.

 

He was there sitting in the chair with his legs propped up on a little footstool on the patio underneath the alcove in the back of his house.  His arms were crossed over his chest and he was staring straight in front of him and pouting.  He didn’t say anything as she approached, but she was sure that he knew she was there.  She got close enough and pulled a chair closer to him and perched herself on the edge of it.

 

“Hi.”

 

“What?”

 

He sounded dead and almost looked it, too.  He didn’t move a muscle, and she bowed her head whispering, “I’m sorry.”

 

“What?”  His voice had attitude but also longing.  She could tell he wanted her to say more, but she didn’t really know what else to say.  She didn’t want to make excuses or talk about it anymore.  She just wanted to apologize and forget about the whole fiasco for a while.

 

“That’s it.” She lifted her hands in a half shrugging movement and watched his eyes turn to her.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t like fighting with you Justin, even though it may seem otherwise.  And I know it’s not an excuse but I am exhausted, and all I wanna do is take a nap.”

 

“You can go up and take one” He nodded above him towards the upper floor.  “I mean, this place is your home until you decide otherwise.”

 

“I think I’m too tired to go back up the steps.” She lazily smiled at him and slouched down in her chair, putting her feet beside his on the stool.  He tried to hide a grin but he failed.

 

“Lazy ass.”

 

It was quiet for a while and she looked around, taking in the scenery and the patio.  She turned around and looked through the window to the inside.  It was hard to do with a glare on the glass, but she could tell it was incredible.  She wish she hadn’t been so bitchy before and could’ve gotten the grand tour.  When she turned back around and hit his shoulder lightly, felt stupid for doing it and then felt pathetic when she said, “Nice place, man.”

 

But he just smiled and that eased her nerves a little.  Maybe that was what made her so anxious.  It was like they were back to the beginning.  They were back to dating.  They knew they liked each other and knew they wanted to have a relationship again, but didn’t know when or what was appropriate to do.  So instead they made fools of themselves.  Well, so far only she was being foolish but she was hopeful he’d do it soon as well. 

 

“You like it?”  He asked.

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

He nodded and lifted his arms over his head to stretch.  She looked down when his t shirt rode up a little to his lower stomach.  She caught a glimpse of the happy trail she had become incredibly familiar with over the spring.  “Me and Trace will probably put in a movie after we eat, whenever he gets back, if you wanna watch it with us.”

 

She looked up and he was staring at her.  He didn’t smile but she knew that he wanted to.  She knew he wanted to rub it in her face that she was gawking at him.  She did her best to look away and shrugged.  “Sure.”

 

“And I’m sorry I was too flirty with you today.”  She felt his hand on her bare arm and wished she had worn long sleeves even in the 80 degree weather.  His skin on hers was too much.  She had forgotten the feel of his hands and the night before she had felt them again.  She had tried everything in her power to forget the images and feelings from the night before, but that failed when he didn’t move his hand.  She glanced over and he was leaning towards her with mischievous eyes and a bright smile.  “I guess I’m just eager to get things back to how they were and for some reason last night just catapulted me back into that world, and I kinda forgot myself.”

 

“I think I did too,” she said quietly.

 

He squeezed her arm and smiled before righting himself in his chair again. “I won’t do it again.”

 

“Justin I’m not saying that we won’t get back-”

 

He interrupted her, still staring out at the lawn and she was thankful so he wouldn’t see her turn red.  “Let’s just stop.  I’m really, really tired of talking about if we get back together or not.”

 

“You’re right.  If it happens it happens.”

 

When he started to chuckle she glanced at him and he was looking at her.  He licked his lips and laughed a little more while saying, “And It’ll probably happen because you have the hots for me.”

 

“You’re flirting.”  She narrowed her eyes.

 

“Oh come on!  I can’t help myself!”

 

She sighed and shook her head at him.  “What am I gonna do with you?”

 

“I don’t know, you want some tunes?”

 

“Tunes?!”  She was confused how he switched from flirting to the word “tunes” in moments.  Plus, who really used the word “tunes” anyway?

 

“How you feel about Mr. Hendrix?”

 

“He’s a classic.”  She said matter of factly and then suddenly was surrounded with the sound of Jimi’s version of Bob Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower”.  She was first shocked at the incredible sound that seemed to be coming from every direction.  She looked over at him and he wiggled a little remote in his hand and then sat it on the glass table that was on the other side of him.  “Whoa…”

 

“Cool, eh?”  She was then a little shocked that Justin would listen to such music, but then figured if you weren’t a Hendrix fan you really weren’t a fan of music.

 

After a while of listening and swaying her head to the electric guitar and tapping her feet with Justin’s along to the beat, she rolled her head over to him and said, “Does that remote bring out a robot with a joint?”

 

“You little devil!” He said shocked. 

 

She just laughed.  “Or LSD.  I always feel like I need to be high to thoroughly enjoy this.” He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she smiled,   “What about drinks, does a robot come out with drinks?”

 

“Like the maid on The Jetsons?”

 

“What was her name?”

 

“I forget.”  He looked down at his arm rest and pointed to it.  “I wanted to get something where you had a drink pop out of the armrest but momma told me I was getting too spoiled.”

 

“Momma’s right.”  She laughed.

 

“She’s coming up in a week or two.”

 

Kristen felt a knot tie in her stomach and gulped as “Voodoo Child” surrounded them.  Suddenly she was starting to think that searching for an apartment was something she didn’t need to relax about.  She wasn’t prepared to meet his mother. “Really?”

 

“Yeah.  You’ll get to meet her…” He paused and winked at her. “…finally.”

 

“Great, add to my anxiety about being here.”

 

“Nah, don’t worry.  She’s great.  Hell, she puts up with me, doesn’t she?”

 

“Very true.” She laughed.  She knew she would be anxious about the mother thing, but figured not to worry about it until that day came.  She had a week or more to get use to the idea, so she was going to try and forget about it until the last minute.

 

“Wanna drink?”

 

“Sure.  Coke or whatever is fine.”

 

He stood up and gave her a weird look.  “No its not.  Girl, I got you Sunkists up in da fridge.”

 

“Aww thanks, JT.”  She said in a sugary tone.

 

“You totally just used that to get back on my good side.”  He narrowed his eyes at her and turned to walk towards the door.

 

“Gotta do what I gotta do.”  She shrugged and watched him disappear.  She could see a little bit of him walk through the house, but it was still incredibly hard with the glare.  Instead of straining her eyes she just turned around and looked out at the yard.

 

A few minutes later, completely enraptured with the beginning of “Foxy Lady” and trying her best not to giggle at the naughty thoughts running through her head, he came back and handed her drink to her.  She took it and said, “Thanks.  We need to change it.”

 

“Why?”  He asked sitting down.

 

“Just do.” She smirked and couldn’t help it when it took over her face in a full fledge smile. She didn’t want to tell him about the time on Ozzfest, right after he had called her up drunk and described how good she tasted, when she got rather drunk and started dancing on a table to this song.  She had had a couple guys come up to her with propositions later on that night.  It was empowering and she couldn’t help it when she went back to her hotel room, covered up in the covers and fantasized about being a stripper and turning on a particular blue eyed boy that happened to be sitting right beside her at the moment.  She wasn’t one to fantasize a lot, but the alcohol in her system and the sensual sound of the song made her think about things that were starting to come back and haunt her.

 

And now she was right beside him and was suddenly hit with how much she wanted him. 

 

She started to breath hard.

 

“Gotta tell me now missy.” He grinned in a boyish manner.

 

“You’re gonna get mad at me for flirting.”

 

“And you call me the skitzo.”  He laughed. “Today you’ve yelled at me, had a normal conversation, hugged me, and now you wanna flirt with me?”

 

“Dammit Justin!  Do you wanna know or not?”  She asked, not liking it when he picked on her.

 

Ok, she liked it a little.

 

“Yes.” He licked his lips.

 

She shrugged and turned to look at him with a challenged eyebrow raised. “I’ve always wanted to strip to this song.”

 

He dropped his mouth a little and started to laugh bitterly, “Oh you’re just being evil now.”

 

She chugged a bit of her drink and then stood up and walked over to him.  She licked her lips and winked, “You said it yourself.  I have the hots for you.  Now show me your house.”

 

He stood up quickly and towered over her.  She knew he’d do something just like that to be all cocky and try to win their little game of whatever it was.  And she hated to admit it, but she loved it when he won.  His hand grazed down her arm lightly, “Ok.  Let’s go up stairs to the bedroom first.”

 

“In your dreams!”  She scoffed and pushed him away.

 

He stuck his tongue between his teeth and pinched her in the side.  “In yours too apparently.”

 

“How pathetic are we?” She laughed.  “We fight like dogs earlier and now we’re all…pathetically flirty.”

 

He wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her with him towards the door.  She tried her best to steady her hand so she wouldn’t drop her drink.  “We’ve always been a special pair.  Come on, you wanna tour, you’ll get a tour. Complete with an animated host who really knows the historical facts.”

 

“Ooo I can’t wait.”  She rolled her eyes sarcastically, but in reality she was pretty damned happy.

 

------------

Later that night.

 

 

Justin took a long swig from his beer and then set it on the coaster that was sitting on the end table beside him.   All the lights were off and he was slouched against the couch.  He wanted to sprawl out but Trace was taking up the other couch and Kristen was stretched on theirs, her little feet resting in his lap.  He could have gotten up and gone to sit in the recliner but was too lazy to move.  He chuckled with Trace as Data yelled “slick shoes” to his friends.

 

They had all eaten an hour or more ago and come to be lazy on the couch.  They channel surfed and watched, while Kristen protested, the episode of MTV Cribs at the Playboy mansion.  And finally they decided to watch a movie.  They debated for a while about whether to watch a comedy or action.  They even had almost persuaded each other to break out the PlayStation and just mess around with that all night.  But then Kristen had got up off the couch gone to the entertainment system, scanned the DVDs while they watched her silently and finally pulled one from the shelf. 

 

The Goonies was a good choice and they all seemed happy about it.  They had been pretty quiet during the movie, just enjoying it and occasionally laughing or quoting a line or two.

 

“Dude, remember that Goonies club?”

 

Justin groaned and looked over at his friend, “Don’t remind me.”

 

Trace craned his neck back and smiled at him, “You’re still pissed because we wanted you to be Sloth.”

 

“Man, do I look like a Sloth, no?  I look like Mikey or Mouth at least.  Come on now.”

 

Trace laughed.  “At least you weren’t Chunk.”

 

“I’ve just always been jealous of you, Mikey.” Justin sighed dramatically and took another swig from his bottle.

 

“Hey, you got your wish and was Mouth.”

 

 He looked over and put a hand on her foot.  She was so far sunk in the couch that he could barely see her head. “Hey Kristen did you ever do that type of shit?”

 

“Yeah,” Said Trace.  “Did you like pretend to be a Goonie, or were you only concerned with Rainbow Brite?”

 

She didn’t move and didn’t respond so Justin called out, “Kristen?”

 

Trace moved a little on the couch and dipped his head down.  He chuckled and then turned his eyes to Justin, “I think she’s gone.”

 

“She said she was tired.”

 

“Shit man,” Trace looked at his watch.  “It’s not even 9 yet.”

 

“No wonder she was grumpy.”

 

They both looked at her as she peacefully laid there.  Then they turned back to the movie.  After a few moments, Trace cleared his throat and said, “How you think this is gonna be with yall?”

 

“I don’t know man.” Justin sighed.  “But, I hope if we can keep afternoons like this one to a minimum and have fun like we did tonight then we’ll be good.”  She shifted and made a little groaning noise, rolling over and curling into the back of the couch.  Justin smiled and moved his hand softly to her calf, squeezing her there and leaning over to say her name,   “Kristen…”

 

“Huh?”

 

He tried not to laugh when she squinted open an eye and glared at him.  “You wanna go up to bed?”

 

“Mmmkay.”  She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into the couch.  She had a blanket over her and pulled it up under her chin. 

 

He pushed at her feet and she just groaned.  He laughed at her, “Well you gotta move.”

 

“I don’t wanna.” She whined.

 

“Do you want me to carry you?” He laughed sarcastically. 

 

But she didn’t find it sarcastic and nodded and rolled back over, keeping her eyes closed but stretching out her arms.  “Mmmkay.”

 

Justin laughed and managed to get himself off the couch without disturbing her feet too much.  He shook his head at Trace who was giving him an amused glance.  He stepped over to where Kristen was and ripped the blanket from her body and threw it in a ball where he had been sitting.  Her body retracted like a spider that died and she pouted.  He reached down and quickly hoisted her up in his arms.

 

“Night Kristen.”

 

He felt her head rest against his shoulder as she said, “Night Trace.”

 

“Night Justin.”

 

He walked behind the couch and towards the steps, calling back to his friend.  “I’ll be back.”

 

“Sure.” Trace laughed.

 

He ignored his friend and quickly and easily made his way up the steps.  He realized how light she really was.  She was a small girl, short, with a tiny body.  And even though he was just carrying her tired self to bed, he couldn’t help but love how she felt in his arms.  He also smiled at the fact that this was the first time he had actually carried her.  Britney use to beg him to and he’d often do it or toss her over his shoulder when they were about to go upstairs and have sex.  He liked carrying Kristen.  She wasn’t a burden and fit nicely against him. 

 

He pushed the halfway opened door all the way ajar with his foot and walked into her room.  She was breathing heavy against him and he was shocked to find out she had dozed off again.  The room was dark and he almost tripped over her luggage.  She sighed and woke up when he tripped and clutched him.

 

“I’m gonna put you down ok?”

 

“Ok.”  She whispered.

 

He sat her down on the bed and slid his arms from around her back and underneath her knees.  She immediately laid down and curled up.  “You gonna be alright?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Ok.  Night girl.” He half smiled at her and turned to walk away. 

 

“Will you stay?”

 

He paused by the doorway.  He couldn’t believe his ears.  Did he want to spend the night beside her?  Hell yes.  But he thought they had agreed to go slow.  Sure that afternoon they had picked on each other but it was all in fun.  This was something serious and he didn’t want her to yell at him later on for doing something that she in fact asked for.  “Wh-what?”

 

“Just lay with me until I fall asleep?”

 

“Are you sure?”  He had to clarify this.  He knew she was tired, and possibly was still quite out of it. 

 

“I’m not asking you to make out with me Justin.  I just want…”  She sighed and seemed annoyed as she moved her legs and pushed them underneath the covers. “Just…please? It’ll help me get to sleep faster.”

 

“Ok…” He moved to lay down, but stood back up and eyed her from where she was holding the covers open,  “Maybe I should stay on top of the covers.”

 

“No you can get in.” She laughed.  And he eased himself in.

 

It was odd because surprisingly it was very pleasant but nothing outrageous.  He had this fear she would attack him or he would attack her, and they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other and a fight like that afternoon would happen again.  But oddly enough, laying there beside each other, flat on their backs, not touching, in sweat pants and t-shirts, nothing sexual was thought of.

 

He had a little bit of a thought when she sat up a little and started fidgeting through her t-shirt in the back and after twisting and moving her arms, slipped her bra out of her arm hole and threw it across the room.  She relaxed back into the mattress and rolled over on her side. 

 

He laid there and closed his eyes, relaxing his body.  It was hot and he really wanted to take off his sweat pants and tee but knew if he did he’d get too comfortable and maybe knock out right beside her.  And she hadn’t invited him to stay the entire night.  “Good night Justin.”

 

“Night Kristen.”  His body couldn’t relax though and it had nothing to do with the temperature.  He could sense her so close to him but he felt like there was a wall between them that couldn’t be broken.  He wanted to curl up behind her and hold her, or have her snuggle up to his chest.  But that was impossible.  Too much had happened and they had a long way to go to get there.  The night before he would have willingly gotten into bed with her, slipped out of his clothes and pulled her against him so they could sleep tightly together.

 

But she had put him in his place, back in harsh reality.  It was awkward and uncomfortable and he prayed she’d go to sleep soon so he could slip out, go back downstairs, finish his beer and talk to Trace about the whole mess. He knew the two of them had talked after he had stormed out and was dying to know what she had said. 

 

And he really didn’t understand why she wanted him there in that moment.  It wasn’t like they were snuggling or any affection was given or taken.  It was almost what he felt like when he was younger and Jonathan or Stephen would come to visit and have a nightmare or something.  They’d come into his room, poke him in the arm and whisper his name.  After groaning and probably acting worse than he should they would crawl up on the bed and curl up on their side a couple feet away.  They wouldn’t say a word and wouldn’t explain themselves. 

 

He never knew if it was a bad dream, or if they were scared of the dark in their room, or if maybe they just wanted to be near him.  Maybe that was what Kristen wanted.  No affection, no ulterior-motives, she simply wanted him near.  He smiled and then it faded and he prayed their relationship wouldn’t transform into a brother-sister type.

 

He would take anything she gave, any type of relationship she wanted to be a part of with him, but that didn’t mean he’d like it.  He fell in love with her because of the way she was with him and just him.  He loved the fact that at heart she was a romantic, though no one else knew it.  He loved how needy she was, though everyone assumed she was a badass chick who didn’t give a flying fuck.  He loved how soft she felt when she slept against him.  How smooth her legs were and how her breasts would press into him gently. 

 

He mouthed shit to himself and looked over at her back.  He needed to get out of there and figured she was being quiet enough and breathing deeply enough that he could sneak out. 

 

He moved his hips towards the edge of the bed and almost had a leg out and was about to push his body up when the bed started to move.  He heard her sigh and she rolled over and groaned and then stopped.

 

He laid there, flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, his heart beating rapidly.  Her leg had curled over his and her arm had flung itself over his torso.  Her head was against his shoulder and he could feel her hair tickling his neck. 

 

He slowly relaxed himself and closed his eyes at the feel of her against him.  It was what he had been missing for so long.  His arm came around her shoulders and he moved slightly so he could rest his cheek against the top of her head. 

 

He couldn’t move without waking her up and when he looked down at the top of her head and had to force himself not to kiss her there he realized, he didn’t want to move.

 

He never wanted to move.

 

Forward

 

Back