The next day, early afternoon

-------

 

He was in no mood. 

 

He was in no mood to do anything.  He didn’t want to be around people.  He didn’t want to be standing.  He didn’t want to have to put on a fuckin’ nice attitude to the stupid fans that were asking too many pathetic damn questions.  He didn’t want to be in sound check.   He didn’t want to be on tour.  He didn’t want to be 22.  He didn’t want to be famous.  He didn’t want to be anything but home, home home, in bed with grandma making him cobbler downstairs. 

 

He didn’t want Trace around.

 

He didn’t want anyone around.

 

But most of all he didn’t want her around. 

 

He hadn’t slept at all the night before and that was because he was on the verge of breaking up with her.  After he had gone after her and she wasn’t there, he thought about what she had done.   She didn’t trust him.  She didn’t believe him.  She didn’t realize how he loved her.  And that hurt him to no end.

 

Britney hadn’t trusted him.  And she never realized that he loved her more than his own life.  It was happening all over again.

 

He couldn’t count how many times Britney had done the same thing Kristen had done the night before:  saying shit about him wanting to be with someone else.  He couldn’t handle that again.  He had fought in his head all day whether to just let her cool off, let them cool off, or dump her. 

 

He kept having these thoughts in his head.  What if she was just a rebound?  She wasn’t really his type anyway.  Trace liked her, but then again Trace liked anything with tits.

 

He was confused more than he ever had been.

 

He knew he had been an asshole the night before.  But he was drunk, whether he admitted it or not.  And the fact that he had a headache and threw up that morning was only partially due to the fight they had had.

 

Trace had bounced into his room in the morning and he wished he had a shotgun to put himself out of misery.  He had explained what happened, and of course, Trace had taken her side, even though he swore he wasn’t.

 

It pissed him off more than he could deal with right then.

 

So he had gone to the venue, and after seeing her in the distance with Rick, he had hid in “their” room, locked the door and lay on the couch, trying to get a nap in.  He only opened it 2 hours previously when Chris had obnoxiously banged on the door to tell him sound check was about to start.

 

And here he was an hour and half later, DAMN ready to be off the stage, and seriously thinking about faking sick tonight and saying he couldn’t go on stage.   But then he knew a fuss would in sue and people would hover over him, and he didn’t want that.

 

God, he didn’t want that.

 

“Justin…”

 

He asked without emotion, staring off into the back of the venue.  “What?”

 

“Question.”

 

He looked up over at Lance who was beside him and then down to where his hand was pointing.  There was a slightly overweight girl with braces and glasses and had his face and name plastered all over her body.  He sighed.  “What?”

 

She bit her lip and shyly asked, “Are you seeing anyone?”  She stifled a squeal. 

 

He rolled his eyes and couldn’t help himself.  He snapped.

 

His eyes narrowed down at the poor girl.  “Is that all that matters to you.  What does it really matter?  Does it make me sing better or something?”

 

Her face was a mixture of emotions.  First sadness, then shock, then anger. “I was just wondering.”

 

“I’m single.”  He gritted out, putting emphasis on the word “single.”  He couldn’t believe even after he had clearly shown that he was pissed off a couple girls clapped at his answer. 

 

“You’ll have to excuse him; he didn’t have his Cap’n Crunch this morning.”

 

He rolled his eyes at Chris and the rest of the guys who were giving him a cautionary look.  “Whatever.”

 

The sound check was over pretty much after that and he didn’t even stay to say goodbye.  He ripped off his monitors and handless microphone, threw the handheld microphone on the floor and pulled the hoodie of his sweatshirt over his head.  He kept his eyes down and his hands in his pockets.

 

He knew it.

 

He was going to have to do it.

 

He had to break up with her.

 

 He needed to be single.

 

He couldn’t deal with this drama again.

 

He couldn’t deal with anything.

He needed to work out. 

 

He just hoped to GOD she wasn’t anywhere near his weights.  The bitch would probably break them again.

 

He sighed deeply and the next thing he knew he was being charged.  He almost sidestepped out of his barreling path but instead the out of breath figure stopped right before him, bent over a little, coughing and caught his breath.  “J- Justin… whew…”

 

He was annoyed and almost wanted to laugh at Rick for being so out of breath and for acting like he was high on something.  “What?” he said shortly.

 

Rick took another deep breath and coughed again.  “I’ve been looking for you all over.”

 

Justin clapped his hand on Rick’s shoulder rather forcefully and in a sarcastic tone and fake smile said, “Sound check, Rick.”

 

Rick finally stood up straight ran his hands over his short hair.  “She needs you.”

 

He was talking so low he could barely understand him.  Ok, so he understood him perfectly but he wanted to be annoying as possible to get him out of his eyesight.  Dammit, all he wanted was to be alone.  “What?”

 

“Kristen.”

 

“Sorry, I’m busy.”

 

He started walking away.  He didn’t get far until Rick was in front of him, walking backwards while he talked.  “Dude she’s fuckin’ crying her eyes out and I don’t know why.”

 

Justin rolled his eyes and stopped.  He looked dead on at Rick.  “I know.  She’ll get over it.  And you might want to stop smoking so damn much.” 

 

He took up walking again and he was about 5 feet away when Rick’s voice echoed at him.  “What the fuck?!”

 

He was getting really annoyed now.  If he pushed him any farther, words were going to be exchanged, and after that, if Rick was still being an asshole, fists were going to fly.  He knew it.  He was in no mood to have him being the big brother.  He was cool with them before, happy for them, stayed out of their shit.  And now here he came to save the fucking day.  Well, he’d be damned if Rick was going to make him feel guilty.  “We got in a fight last night, ok?  I don’t need you breathing down my back.  Chill out.  Girls cry.  She’ll get over it.”

 

He shook his head, trying to shake away all his feelings and all the people around him.  He noticed a couple of the crew down at the end of the hallway looking at them.  He didn’t realize their voices had increased.  He needed to get out of there fast.  Maybe he’d just go on the bus and lock himself up and sleep. 

 

But then Rick had to growl out, “Where the fuck are you going Timberlake?”

 

“I’m going to get you out of my fuckin’ face.”

 

“You’re not gonna go see her?”

 

He kept walking away and was almost at the end of the hallway and getting excited about being able to turn right and go 2 doors down and be in heaven, or at least alone.  He threw his hands up in the air but didn’t turn around and didn’t stop walking.   “Hell she could fuckin’ break her damn arm off and I wouldn’t give a-“

 

Before he could do anything in defense he had stopped everything.  He had stopped thinking, stopped walking and stopped breathing for a minute.  He almost had the wind knocked out of him when he felt his back slam into a wall.  He was thankful he had on his hoodie, because his head hit the wall and it would have really hurt if there was perfect contact.  He blinked and focused on Rick.  Rick’s hands were in his shirt and he was forcing all his body weight against him to push him against the wall.  His eyes were narrowed and he was scared for a brief moment even though he would never admit it.  Rick looked ready to kill.  “Listen pussy.  I don’t care what the fuck happened between you two last night.  That’s fuckin’ pretty. This isn’t about that.”

 

And then the adrenaline kicked in.  He could feel it pumping through his veins.  He had an itch.  He needed to go running.  He felt like beating the crap out of a punching bag, and if Rick wasn’t careful he was going to be that punching bag.  He took a deep breath trying to calm himself.  He closed his eyes and tried to center himself for a brief moment.  “Rick, get off me.”

 

“What you gonna do?  Fight me or something?”

 

“Don’t do this Rick.  I’ll fuckin’ punch your face in.”

 

Rick got closer to his face and Justin balled his fists.  He was ready.  “Do it.  I dare you.”

 

Justin looked to the side.  A crowd was forming at the end of the hallway and he was actually quite surprised Mike or Dre hadn’t come flying in between them like superman. “Man you are not being smart.”

 

Rick turned his head as well and eased off him.  He back stepped and sighed.  He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down to the floor.  His voice was low and even.  “We were unloading.  Yeah, I knew about you guys’ stupid petty fight.  Whatever, doesn’t matter.  Carl calls me over the two way saying that I have a call.  I go and answer it.  It’s Kristen’s aunt.”

 

When he stopped talking Justin couldn’t take it.  He needed more.  He dragged out, “Ok…”

 

Rick was talking in short sentences and it made him feel like he was a child.  “I give Kristen the phone.  She says ‘ok.’ Hands it back to me. There’s a dial tone.”

 

He stepped forward and screamed at him, “Get to the FUCKIN’ point Rick.”  He had a bad feeling about all this.  Rick was being vague and it he could hear it in his voice that something bad had happened.  And it wasn’t like Kristen to cry.

 

Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes.  His hands went back over his head and to his neck.  Then he dropped them like they were dead weights.  “She started bawling.  I can’t get her to stop.”  This time Rick stepped forward and they were back being close again.  Rick got that narrowed look in his eyes and started pointing at Justin in a menacing manner.  “Just suck up your fuckin’ pride for a minute.  She’s still your girlfriend.  Something happened and she won’t tell me.  So if you would please get the stick out of your ass and go, maybe, I don’t know, comfort her?  See what the hell is going on?  Be a man, maybe?”

 

He knew somewhere in the back of his mind he was loosing his pride and manhood as Rick talked to him like that, especially with an audience at the end of the hall, but that didn’t matter.  He was scared now.  Something bad was happening. “Where is she?”

 

“Toy room.”

 

She was curled in a bawl in the corner and he was scared.  She looked really frightened, unlike he had ever seen before.  He walked over to her slowly.  She hadn’t noticed him and he didn’t want to scare her.

 

But before he got to her, she looked up at him.  Her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks drenched. 

 

She sniffed and wiped under her eyes and over her cheeks. 

 

He felt like the biggest retard in the world.  What the hell was he doing pretending he was the fuckin’ king of all and walking around challenging Rick and talking shit about her?  Here she was upset as hell and he was being a damn prick.  He sighed and got ready to kneel down to her.  “Kris-“

 

“My grandma died.”  Her voice was loud.  He didn’t think she meant to be that loud but she had been crying so much she had lost the ability to control her volume. 

 

This time the wind really was knocked out of him and he fell back a little from where he was trying to sit down and landed on the floor a little harder than expected.  “O-oh.”

 

She looked him with those eyes, those big eyes, bigger than normal, pleading with him for something.  “She had a heart attack.”

 

“Baby…”

 

He scooted over and wrapped her into him, holding her closer than he ever had before.  She had curled up in a bawl but let him hold her.  Her head was bent so far down in her knees he barely heard her when she said, “I have no one left.”

 

“What about your grandpa?”

 

She pushed out from him and he had to let her go a little because she was so hurried.  She was almost yelling and he watched her hands shake as they tried to fix her ponytail.  “He has alztimers Justin he cant do shit on his own!  Gra-grandma was everything for him.  What am I gonna go back to now? Oh god…”

 

He gathered her back with him and pulled her body that seemed too light into his lap.  She curled up again and held onto him.  “Shhh, shhh.”

 

He kissed her hair and rocked her a little, hoping to get her to calm down, and if not, he wasn’t gonna let her go.  She could let it all out on him.  He couldn’t even think, he just wanted to be with her and help her.   He was so sorry and he didn’t know what the hell to do about it all.  “My grandma, the ONE that took care of me when no one else wanted me.  I just, she was in perfect health.”

 

“Shhh, it’s ok.  I got you baby.”

 

“I just, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry about-“

 

He turned her and grabbed her face to keep it from ducking.  He looked straight into those eyes and forced his words into her ears, hoping she would understand.  “Don’t even think about last night.  Ok?  I don’t care.” Tears fell and she started biting her bottom lip to keep from sobbing.   He leaned in and kissed her briefly.   “Kristen I don’t care.  We were drunk.  Shh baby, don’t think about that, ok?”

 

She nodded.  “O- ok.”

 

He held her tighter, knowing that shame would settle in later but he couldn’t pout.  He needed to be strong for her and he needed to do like Rick said.

 

He needed to suck it up, and be a man.

 

-----------

2 hours later

 

They were back in his room.  He had come back with her and convinced her to take a nap and he was about to convince her to take a shower.  It was something that always made him feel better.  He didn’t know though, she hadn’t slept at all and she was quieter now, which he didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Maybe her emotions had just overcome her and now she didn’t know what to think.   “I…I have to go home.”

 

“I know.  Do-” He stopped, knowing he shouldn’t ask because there was no logical way he could ever do this:  drop everything for her.  But he needed to offer.  And dammit, if he had to, he WOULD drop everything.

 

She needed him. 

 

“What?”

 

He cleared his throat and said a little quieter, “Do you want me to go with you?”

 

She shook her head.  He was sitting on the edge of the bed now.  She had gotten up to start to pace and it made him worry.  She looked more stressed than he had seen someone in a while.  “No.  Y- you, you gotta stay and do the tour.”

 

He was quiet because she was right.  He wanted to go with her, though.  Ok, really he didn’t want to go back to a place where he didn’t know anyone and he was getting prepared for a funeral.  Plus if her dad showed up there might have been a war.  But he wanted to support her.  And he didn’t want her to be alone. 

 

Her hands were on her hips as she paced and stared at the carpet in front of her.  “I don’t even know if I’ll be back.  I mean I have to help my aunt with the- I don’t even know what all.  I- I guess I’ll get my shit outta the house and I don’t even know.  Where am I gonna live?”

 

“With me.”

 

He said it without thinking but it wasn’t a shock, at least for him.  She stopped and looked at him.  “I can’t-“

 

He grabbed her hands and pulled her toward him.  “Yes.  You can stay with me as long as you need.”

 

She took in a deep breath and it left her shakily.  She closed her eyes.  He could see the fatigue setting in on her.  It hurt him so much to see her this way.  She sat down beside him and let him hold her hand. 

 

He squeezed it and she said, “I- I love you.”

 

She leaned in to kiss him and he let her.  They fell back on the bed and after kissing her deeply for a few moments; he pulled her up further on the bed and rolled on top of her.  He looked in her eyes.  For the first time that day she looked slightly pleased.  “What time is your flight?”

 

“9. I’m getting a cab for 7.”

 

He smiled and leaned to kiss her lips softly. “No…I’ll get someone to take you.  Who called for tickets and stuff?”

 

“Rick.”

 

He dipped down and brushed his lips against her neck and shoulder, thankful that she had worn a tank top so he could get to some of her skin.  He talked in between kisses.  “You want first class?  Ya know, I can make some calls and get you a private jet.  That way you don’t have to worry about security and crap.  You’ll get there faster, too.”

 

He smiled successfully when goose bumps appeared.  “I’ll be fine.”

 

“Still, I’m getting someone to take you.  I don’t trust you with a New York cabby.”

 

She giggled and wiggled a little underneath him.  Her knee hit the inside of his thigh and he stopped his tickling kisses immediately.  He didn’t want her accidentally getting too close to other parts.  “So protective.”

 

He scooted off her and lay on his side.  He let his hand wandered underneath the fabric of her shirt and he rubbed back and forth across her abdomen.  “Well you’re my girl.”

 

“We need to talk about last night.”

 

His hand stopped.  “Let’s just forget it.”

 

“No Justin.  That hurt me.  But I know I hurt you with what I said.”

 

He sighed and really wished she would just drop it.  He didn’t want to think of anything bad anymore.  He wanted to make her smile; it was all he wanted to do.  And he was doing a good job until she brought that up.  “Kristen, I was an asshole ok?  I was drunk.  I deserved it.”

 

“Ok.”

 

He turned over and looked at the red numbers that were glowing in the room since the only light that was on was the one to the bathroom and that just illuminated the part of the room near the door.  He saw he had some time to hang out with her and smiled. 

 

He moved his hand up her shirt and cupped her breast, keeping his hand there and smiling.  “That gives us a good two hours.”

 

“I- I don’t know. I’m not really in-.”

 

He squeezed her again.  His hands had a habit of finding her breasts, even if they were just sitting there watching a movie.  He didn’t know what it was.  He just felt comfortable when he lay with her like that.  He leaned in a kissed her cheek.  “I can’t hold you and kiss you.”

 

“Well you can do that…I mean, if you have to.”  She fake scoffed and rolled her eyes.  She looked bored with him and it made him smile so much.  It made him feel good to have her be her normal self again.

 

“There’s my KT. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her against him, breathing her in and sighing with pleasure the feel of her there.  He was in love with her. 

 

And all it took to make him realize it was a bad fight that almost caused them to break up and a depressing day full of her tears.  It was weird how things worked out that way. 

 

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