Chapter 21
She was incredibly nervous and the only reason was because in less than 30 minutes she would meet him. She had hoped and prayed the night before that his plane would get delayed and he wouldn’t be able to make the trip. It was funny that part of her wanted to meet her boyfriend’s best friend and the other part never wanted to see his face. And having Justin tell her to be as normal as possible that morning in a frantic voice didn’t help at all. That only meant that he was embarrassed to have Trace meet her and that made her feel as small as an ant.
The day was hella busy. Being in
Now it was
She had dolled herself up and
tried her best to look as normal and pretty as possible. After pulling her hair back in a perfectly
slick pony tail, slipping into some too tight black pants she had scrimmaged
from somewhere and borrowing one of Marie’s tops, she looked like she might fit
in. She was uncomfortable as hell, but
she acknowledged that she looked pretty sexy so that was all that mattered.
But riding by herself
in a cab was unnerving and so was standing in line without a jacket to get to
the doors of the club. She cursed
herself for telling Justin that she could manage on her own and get there
without any help. He could have had a
limo there for her and quick access to the inside of the club but no. She had to be stubborn.
The funny thing was that now her
stomach really hurt for the first time all day.
It was totally nerves but still, she was almost ready to lean over the
curb and let her insides fly.
She kept thinking up these
horrible mental images of the bouncer not having her name on the list, asking
for her id, which she didn’t have on her, and it wouldn’t matter because it was
probably a 21 and up club and then he would tell her to leave the premise
before she was arrested. Then she
imagined her temper being spawned, her punching the guy and then being in court
for assault charges. The press would find
out she was dating Justin, his image would be tarnished, and he’d publicly
break up with her and she’d become a drug addict.
Her creative imagination died when
she meekly said, “Kristen Topsell.”
“Speak up.”
She managed a smile for the normal
sized man standing there with a clipboard and sitting on a stool. “Kristen Topsell.”
“You with
someone?”
She looked behind the guy and
there were four enormously large men in nice suits standing there, ready for
action. “Uh…” She didn’t know what to say. Justin?
Nsync?
She didn’t know. The tour company? She
was lost and her imagination started working again.
The big guys’s
eyes were narrowing in on her. She was
sure they had some sort of robotic night vision that could cut a person in half
with laser beams. She was about to be
sliced like a tomato.
But the guy on the stool waved his
hand about and did some motion and one of the big guys unclipped the red velvet
rope for her to proceed. “Never mind, I
found ya. Kristen ‘KT’
Topsell, right here. Go on in.”
She was soon immersed in noise
that was way too loud, people dressed way too nice, or
not dressed enough in some of the women’s cases, and way too many fancy
decorations for her taste. Drinks were
everywhere and the place was so big she didn’t know how in the hell she was going
to find them in this loud, drunken chaos of people and music and dancing and
drinking.
15 minutes later she was lost and
about to start crying. Now that she was
there all she wanted was to be with him.
Who cares about his damn best friend and trying to impress
him?
She hated the feeling she had. She felt totally out of place and 10 years
younger than she really was. She started
to panic. She thought maybe she could go
to the bathroom, call him and then he could meet her somewhere, but then she remembered
she didn’t have a cell phone, didn’t
have any money so in case there WAS a pay phone, which she doubted, she
couldn’t call him and tell him to come find her.
She felt like people were closing
in on her. The music was too loud and
too obnoxious and she felt dizzy and light headed.
She closed her eyes and tried to
hold back the tears. She didn’t want her
mascara to run and as girly as that seemed she really didn’t want to look like
a crazed raccoon in the middle of this ritzy place. She looked around, to her
left and then her right and finally set her eyes on the floor, praying maybe
someone who knew her would notice her standing there.
And they did.
Familiar shoes filled the floor in
front of her, and when she looked up he was standing there admiring her.
He licked his lips, smiled and
reached his hand out for hers.
She went from panicking and feeling
like her life was going to end to floating on air.
He looked so good too. He was in his nice pair of jeans, his
favorite pair to wear out and a cool light blue shirt. His hand squeezed hers when the crowd got
tight as if he didn’t want to loose her, and she didn’t want him to, ever.
It was times like these when she
knew she was already there, already fallen, already so far gone in love that
nothing could rescue her.
Moments later she was smushed in
between Justin and Trace with them calling each other vulgar names and both of
them trying to out-embarrass each other with different stories. She just looked back and forth with a smile,
happy to be pressed up against Justin so close that she could smell him.
The night proceeded uneventfully
but perfectly. She danced with Justin,
drank with him, talked with Trace and tried her best to get some dirt out of
him, but he didn’t seem to want to spill too much without Justin present. He only told funny childhood stories and that
was when Justin was around.
But it was about an hour later,
when Justin had gone to the bathroom, when it all happened. She was sitting there with Trace listening to
some hilarious story about a prank they did in grade school when she heard a
voice. Normally a voice like that
wouldn’t scare her, but something about it made her heart beat a little faster
and her palms sweat.
And when she heard Trace’s
response, and the sound of HIS voice, she knew her worries were legit.
“Trace Ayala?”
“Wow, uh, hey
“How ya doing? It’s been a
while. Last summer, I think that’s the
last time I saw ya.”
She watched the exchange take
place and watched them shake hands.
“Ya know how it goes.”
“Sure do. You in town with the guys?”
“Yeah. Justin’s floating
around here somewhere.”
“Cool, cool. B’s actually in town right now.”
She saw Trace’s expression, and
she didn’t like it. She didn’t know who
this guy was or who “B” was but if her intuition was right….she didn’t want to
think about it. “Really?
That’s…interesting.”
“Yeah. This you’re new
girlfriend?”
Trace scratched the back of his
head uncomfortably. “Uh,
not exactly.”
The guy stretched out his hand and
her fears were confirmed. “Hey, I’m
Bryan Spears. Nice to meet you.”
“Kristen,” she squeaked out.
“So how do you guys know each
other?”
She rubbed her hand against her
forehead and tried to wave off the migraine that was starting to form. She understood he wasn’t over her. She understood part of him would always be in
love with her. But the last thing she
wanted was for them to be in the same town with each other.
--------------
He saw her sitting there, looking a
little distressed, so he slid in beside her and put his arm around her in a
half hug. “Hey baby you wanna go
dance?” He kissed her cheek, trying to
relax her.
When her face turned to look at
his, he didn’t like the look in her eyes at all. “Not uh, really.”
He was about to look over at Trace
and ask what the hell he had said to make her stressed out, but he soon found
out it wasn’t Trace’s fault. “Justin.”
He knew instantly whose voice it
was and when he looked up and he saw who it was, the wind was kicked out of
him. “H-hey.”
“How you doin’ man?”
He forced a smile. “Alright, how are you?”
He watched
“You too.” He knew by her
tone, she was not happy.
A minute or so after
He was glad his friend was there to
make light of the situation, but he was in no mood for jokes. “Shit.”
“Shit is right. I told you she was in town.”
He looked over Kristen to
Trace. This couldn’t be happening to
him. “WHAT?!”
Trace narrowed his eyes in thought
and then nodded. “Oh yeah, you weren’t
back yet. He said Brit was in town.”
His head and mouth dropped. “You’re shitting me.”
“Nah, surprised you haven’t gotten
a call yet.”
He felt his head start to throb
and rubbed his temples. “I don’t need
this right now.”
“Chill bro. No biggie. I’ll fight her off.”
He was tired of Trace’s voice,
tired of the music, tired of being there.
He didn’t need this. He didn’t
need her coming back. Not now. “Shit…Shit!”
“Chill man. Hey,
where you going?”
He thought he heard Kristen’s
voice say, “To get a drink.”
It was quiet between them again
and when he looked up he saw his best friend giving him a serious look. Coming from Trace, that usually wasn’t good
news. “You need to get your act together
before you make your girlfriend feel like shit.”
“What?”
“She didn’t look too happy. You basically sat here and acted like she was
nothing while you stressed that your ex is in town. Chill out.”
He looked straight ahead, afraid
that if he looked at him his anger might boil over. He didn’t really know why this was making him
so on edge and mad, but he was. He felt
like he needed another beer. “Don’t
start another fight with me on this.”
“Look, I’m not trying to. I’m trying to save your ass here bro. Forget Britney. I like Kristen. She’s cool as fuck and she keeps you in your
place and she’s grounded. That’s what
you need. You need someone like her to
keep you grounded. Britney’s a nutcase,
you know her. Hot one minute, cold the
next. I don’t want to see you drug around
like that again. You deserve better, you
deserve Kristen.”
He sighed, feeling a little
better. He hung his head and looked down
and then over to this side, with a smile at his best friend. “She’s cool ain’t
she?”
Trace smiled back. “Cute too.”
He started thinking about how damn
good she had looked that night, and everything that had just happen was
forgotten. “Damn, when I saw her tonight
man, standing over there by herself. I about…”
He was cut off. “I really would
prefer not to hear about your uncontrollable ejaculations.”
“MAN!”
“What?”
He winked and pulled a beer that
was in front of him, not sure whose it was, and took a sip. “I’m just glad you got your own damn room.”
“Goin’
to be hittin’ that tonight?”
He made a clicking noise through his
teeth. “We’ll see.”
“Well do remember that hotel walls
are thin.”
He was startled by her voice,
“Don’t worry. He’s horrible anyway. The best he can get is a sigh out of me, and
usually that’s because I get tired and frustrated.”
His mouth dropped and he was
shocked to see her there with a smile, looking fine, three
beer bottles in her hand. “What?!”
Trace was laughing when he said, “Told ya, cool as shit.”
---------
Exactly 2 hours later
He was so beautiful in the
moonlight.
His skin looked like some precious
mineral that hadn’t been discovered and was incredibly rare. She couldn’t believe that someone could look
that undeniably sexy by just laying in a pair of boxers, turned on their side,
with their head in their propped up hand and their other hand sliding gently up
and down her side.
She was naked except for the thong
she was wearing and lately it had been a recurring theme for them to just go to
bed with underwear on. While she wasn’t
completely comfortable being entirely naked with him just yet, being topless
was something she could deal with and felt kind of liberated to not have to
worry so much about being covered up with him.
He was still pretty drunk and even
though she had stopped drinking a lot sooner than he and Trace had, she could
still feel a buzz in her system. It made
her feel like she was walking on air and seemed to heighten the sensation of
his fingers on her bare skin.
He licked his lips and lowered his
head.
His body fell into hers. His mouth moved gently but purposely over
hers. Her leg instinctively curved over
his hip until his body settled in between her legs and she could squeeze him to
her with her legs. He
thrusted against her in their normal position of him pretending to do things to
her. She knew if she had heard
from anyone else the same things that her and Justin did together when they
were alone, she’d probably laugh at them.
It was a little stupid looking, she figured, but it felt good, damn did
it good. And since they weren’t ready to
have sex and she wasn’t ready to push the oral boundary, they did what they
could.
They’re kissing had graduated to
much more heavy and deep. His mouth
moved from hers to let him breath a little and he said something to her that
sounded like “god you feel good.”
He rubbed his body against hers
and she reciprocated the action, but suddenly his body moved off hers
completely and when she looked up he had pulled back a little so he was resting
back on his knees more. They stared at
each other for a while in the darkness. He was out of breath and she could see
how much he was ready for her by the tent in his boxers.
Before she could think he had
lunged forward, growling “I want you so bad.”
His hands had clasped tightly around her wrists, pinning her to the
bed. His mouth covered one of her
breasts and suckled her until she couldn’t hold back the moan in her throat.
He continued and continued to
torture her with his mouth and tongue all over her torso. Her stomach sunk in and she felt oddly cold
when his tongue started to lick underneath the top rim of her panties.
She literally shook her head to
get her mind back into sanity. “W- what are you doing?”
He started at the part of her in
between her legs, covered by light green material. “I want this.”
She started to sit up. “Justin, you know-“
He just gripped his hands around
her wrists tighter. “I’m not going to
make love to you Kristen. Well, not in
the way you’re thinking.”
She gulped, scared of what was
going through his mind. At least she
thought it was fear, maybe it was excitement.
She wasn’t really sure. “What way
are you thinking?”
He answered her, but not by
talking. It lasted two seconds but it
told her everything she needed to know.
He briefly and simply kissed her on top of her panties.
She couldn’t catch her
breath. She was panting. She didn’t know why. It was supposed to be amazing. He was already a great kisser and great at
everything. She was sure he’d be
wonderful at this as well. Still, she
was sweating.
“You don’t know how many times
I’ve fantasized about you laying there, whimpering and moaning, and my head
down here tasting you.”
His eyes were dark and heavy and
she looked away. He was turning her on and
she didn’t know if that’s what she wanted to happen. Was she ready for this? “D- don’t talk like
that.”
He shrugged. “Just being honest. Apparently you like when I’m honest.” She
looked down and he looked at her. Her
mouth dropped open in shock and pleasure when he firmly pressed his tongue on
her and licked. “Mmm you taste good.”
She tried to move her hips away
from him but somehow he had put his weight on her so that she couldn’t
move. “M- maybe
we should talk about this.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
She looked down and he was kissing
on her thighs, staring at her panties like he was a cheetah stalking antelope.
“We’re drunk.”
“Buzzin, maybe.”
“But…”
He took his gaze from her
underwear to her face and he sighed like he was frustrated with her. “Stop thinking so much. Let yourself go Kristen. It’s just me.”
So she obeyed him. And seconds later she was naked and a little
ashamed. He was studying her, and even
though he had done things with her body no one else had, she had never had someone
that up close to her, studying her, getting a better look at what made her
female than anyone else, even herself, ever had.
But soon she wasn’t thinking about
that, soon she wasn’t thinking at all.
She couldn’t think if she tried.
But it was all tainted afterwards. She had had this magical, heavenly moment and
then he had laid beside her, happy as a dog being fed table scraps, and pushed himself into her. He
was naked. He was hard as a rock. And
when she caught her breath he wiggled his eyebrows and said, “Return the
favor?”
She was a little shocked that he
would ask her to do that. Before he
hadn’t really pressured her or asked her to do anything to him that was past
her boundaries. “But…”
“I did it for you.”
He was pouting and she didn’t know
if he was joking or not. It was hard to
tell and she was starting to wonder if she was still drunk or just light headed
from the previous events. Either way she
was confused. “Justin I don’t know.”
“Oh. Ok.”
The way he said it ticked her off-
more than ticked her off. She was
furious. He acted all pathetic and sad,
like she had mistreated him. It was as
if he expected her to put her head down there and suck him off JUST because he
pleased her that way. It was stupid and
immature and definitely not something that made her happy. If it were any other guy, she probably would
have broken up with him on the spot or at least done some physical injury. “Did you just do that so- you’re an asshole.”
“What?!”
She stormed out of the bed and
blindly searched on the dark floor for her discarded clothes. “Where the fuck is my underwear?”
“Kristen, baby...”
His pleading voice wasn’t going to
work. Not this time. She turned, naked, clothes in hand, her fists
clenched and ready to swing if he made one more comment. “Don’t.”
“But-“
She threw her clothes on the bed
and angrily pulled them over her body while he stared at her dumbfounded. She knew he wasn’t that dumb. She knew what this was about. She knew now that omens were true. The magazine the other day and the thoughts
she couldn’t get out of her mind. She
knew Britney was going to be the start, and probably end of whatever this was
that was going on. Whether it was a test
or the end of their relationship, it was going to happen. She was just thankful there were only six
more dates on the damn tour. So if
something did happen, she’d never have to look at his inconsiderate face
again. “You’re such an asshole. All you wanted was me to suck you off. You
were probably thinking about Britney this whole fuckin’ time weren’t you. I knew when her damn brother or whoever the
hell that was came by that it was all downhill.
Thanks for getting me off one last time.”
He shot out of bed faster than she
could have guessed, ripped his boxers back over his hips and forced her to back
step with his speed and loud voice.
“Wait a FUCKING minute here. What
the hell does Britney have to do with anything?”
She pulled Marie’s shirt back over
her head, ripping one of the straps but not caring. Then she pushed him away by thrusting her
palms into his chest. “She’s everything
to do with it. You’re still in love with
her and I’m the rebound chick. Well, she’s
back in town, back ready for you to go fuck her crazy. Go on, I won’t hold you back.”
His arms spread wide and he looked
to the ceiling for a moment and then rolled his eyes back down. “God Kristen! I DON’T!
I don’t WANT her anymore. I want
YOU. I love YOU. Why can’t you understand that? GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!” He screamed the last line.
It scared her and she curled into
herself and backed away from him and towards the door. Her voice was quieter this time. “Because I know you. At least, I think. And tonight you totally freaked out that she
was in town. You’re afraid you’re going
to see her and want to be with her. You
know it, I know it. I’m just something
to tide you over.”
It was quiet for a moment. She held her arms around her, scared that he
was realizing how right she was.
So it made her think she was
hearing things when he sighed out the words, “Get out.”
“What?”
His cold eyes met hers and he
nodded to the door. “Get out of my
room.”
She knew he was just being dramatic
so she didn’t move, she watched him. He
walked over to the door with his shoulders slumped and opened the door wide,
and held it open.
She was shocked. Her mouth literally dropped and she asked in
flabbergasted tone. “You’re kicking me out?!”
His voice was so cold and so even
and his body language wasn’t giving off much of anything that she thought he
was a robot. His eyes seemed to look
through her and his voice was rather monotone.
“This is my bedroom. I want you
out of it. I don’t want to talk to you
right now.”
She stared at him and grabbed up
the rest of her stuff, barefoot, pants on, shirt on, and everything else
bundled in her arms. “Fine.”
She knew once she stalked past him
he’d swing her back around and kiss her or hold her or at least say “wait, no
don’t leave.” She knew he would. It was the way he worked. They were both over dramatic at times, and this seemed to definitely be a time like that.
But soon she was out in the
hallway, by herself, listening to the echo of the door slam from behind
her. She turned and leaned against the
wall across from his room, staring at the room number posted on the door,
waiting for him to open it.
917. She kept staring.
She knew he would open it. It was how they worked; how he worked.
But after five minutes there
hadn’t been any movement. She looked at
the doorknob; stared at the bottom of the doorway to see if she could see any
flicker of light. But there was
nothing. Just the stupid numbers 917
Finally, she walked down the hallway
and pressed the down button for the elevator.
Her body ached and suddenly she felt horrible.
She couldn’t stop the tears from
falling and by the time the elevator got there, she was holding her bra to her
face and crying into it.
She couldn’t hear and couldn’t
think and couldn’t see. She just cried
more than she had in a long long time.
She couldn’t stop herself and couldn’t control her body from shaking.
She stepped onto the elevator,
pressed her floor number and watched through blurry eyes as the doors
closed.
She was too late. She never got to see the door of 917
open.
She never got to see a worried man
look out into the empty hallway, only to have his hopes crushed. And just like her, he was too late.