He paced. Five steps to the right, turn around, five
steps the other way, treading a path into the floor of his trailer. Nothing could calm him down. A glass of water only made him
thirstier. Washing his face made him
cold. Pacing made him sweat. He was out of control, out of his mind, and
completely out of luck.
Justin…
It had rolled off her tongue
easily, sliding against him like silk in the wind. It was impossible for him to feel this way
after ten hours. Ridiculous was the word
he’d use, but this was reality. Ridiculous
reality that had him ruining the soles of his shoes as he walked back and forth
like too much water in a tub, sloshed around by a rambunctious two year
old. It was how he felt: two years old
with a restless heart that ached to be back in that bed with her. It was all ok, all fake, all just for
show. He could control it. He wanted to control it. He could push it away, say it was too soon, blame it on a rebound.
He had been attracted to women before.
He had acted out on it before.
And he did that with Susan.
But then she whispered his
name.
And it wasn’t fake
and it wasn’t a show and it wasn’t just attraction. It wasn’t a rebound and it wasn’t something
he could push away. It was need when she
said his name and not his character’s.
Fear rushed through him, a fear he had never felt before. Sure he had been scared of girls when he was
younger, afraid to approach them. But
quickly he got over that and could melt a woman’s heart with a shy smile and a
quiet attitude. He’d laugh charmingly
and they were his. He learned not to be
afraid and hadn’t been afraid in years.
But Susan…Susan Waters had terrified him.
He had run away like a boy and
felt like an imbecile. Now he had to
live with himself, live with the fact that he had been on top of her, with her,
kissing her, feeling her body against his and proud of his sex appeal. He had made her squirm and she was sexy
underneath him, whispering and begging for it.
The cameras rolling annoyed him and yet in the same sense they excited
him. To be with her like that with an
audience, he could only imagine what she’d be like alone.
But he had been with her alone
earlier that day and she was shy and she was hurt. A broken woman-- no a girl,
a broken girl who had grown up into a cautious woman. And this woman was spending her day with him,
rehearsing with him, kissing him, telling him that she had feelings. This broken girl was calling out his damn
name.
And it felt like a thunderstorm on
a late July afternoon in muggy
She had imprisoned him in
summertime and he couldn’t break free.
He didn’t want to.
The pacing stopped. Suddenly, he found himself sitting on his
couch, staring at the floor, wondering if he should do what he wanted to and
march over to her trailer and tell her all this that he was thinking. But who was he to bring her into his crazy life?
Was he the man that could patch all her tears and clean her wounds and repair
her? Was he hopeless? He sure felt that way, a hopeless fool
completely unable to make this work.
Could he make it work? Would it
work?
Perhaps what was best was for him
to go home, think about it for a while and come back tomorrow with a clear
sense of what was really going on. A
call to his mother, a chat with his dad, maybe a word or two from Trace, maybe
that was what he needed. Support was
always something he liked even though sometimes he guarded his independence
with a hostile nature. Or was this a
topic that needed to be discussed with only himself,
in a darkened room with no outside forces.
Susan, maybe he needed to talk
with her. He shook his head. She would only turn him into mush, and he
would be lost to any ability to say no.
Yes, yes, yes would be the answers she received. Do you love me? Yes. Do you want me? Yes. Do you need me? Yes. Do you think this is a
mistake? Yes…
But no…
No. Hell no.
Susan was no mistake. Susan was…what was she? He tried his best not to glorify her into
some vision of perfection. He had done
that before with women and had ended up completely broken hearted in the
discovery that they weren’t so perfect.
But she deserved to be he worshipped, even for her flaws. For her shy defiance, her constant need for
approval, her genuine unsurity and her fear, all of
it needed to be loved and he wanted to be the one to do that.
But you just had to run away. You fool. That thought still struck him hard and he
shook his head, covering his face with his hands, unable to believe that he was
so scared. What was there to be scared
of when everything in him told him that this was right. She was right.
And he would be damned if—
There was a knock and it rendered
him speechless. He knew he was in a
state of disarray and needed to be careful of letting someone in. He didn’t need Jason or Olivia or anyone else
for that matter going back to her and telling her he was a mess, but he couldn’t
just ignore the door. A moment was taken
and he breathed deeply trying to collect himself. Another knock, quieter than before, and he
found it odd that the visitor would soften their tapping on the second try.
His legs took him to the door, his
hand reached out for the knob, his arm opened the door and his eyes saw who was
there. But his mind and his body weren’t
ready for it.
“Hey…”
He gulped.
“Um,” Susan nibbled on her bottle
lip and looked up at him with huge eyes.
“Can I come in?”
He stumbled to find his words and
finally stepped aside “Sure, ‘course.”
She breezed past him and he shut
the door. Was this happening? He shook his head, why was he so damned
shocked?
She was sitting on his couch,
exactly where he had been and she was staring at him. He didn’t move, he
couldn’t. He held up the door
which was holding him. His fists balled
in an attempt to keep himself calm and keep himself from marching to her and
spilling his heart. That…that
would be embarrassing. A deep breath refreshed him and another gave him
a bit of confidence.
“I think we need to talk about all
this.”
He barely heard her and stepped
closer. Her lips were pouting at him unintentionally
and she looked beautiful changed into jeans and a t-shirt. His mind couldn’t stop racing and he kept
thinking about her underneath him almost naked, sighing, kissing him, her body
tight against his, her breasts and her nipples…
“Justin?”
He shook his head and gripped the
back of the recliner. “Right…sure.”
“So…” Susan didn’t move her eyes from him and he
couldn’t move his eyes from hers.
Finally, after about a minute, she patted the space beside her. “You wanna have a
seat?”
“No, I’m cool standing.” He wanted
to sit with her but knew if he did he’d probably be charged with molestation or
sexual harassment. Actually, he was
pretty sure that Susan wouldn’t press charges or anything, but he was a little
worried with getting carried away.
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry.”
Susan’s mouth dropped a little bit
and he knew that she was getting a little annoyed with him, but he didn’t know
what to say. What was there to talk
about? He was in love with her and
wanted her more than peach cobbler in that moment. Moments passed, minutes disappeared and
finally she threw up her hands and sighed fairly frustrated.
“Look, I just came here to get
some sense of understanding of where we were at. ‘Cause you’re confusing the hell out of me
and I really don’t think its fair to me.
Especially since…”
She kept rambling and rambling and
he couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying.
He felt like a pig but she was looking just too damn good, and he was
tired of them trying to dissect something that was impossible for them to
understand. Finally he just said ‘fuck
it’ to himself and interrupted her. “Stand
up…”
“Excuse me…”
He waved her over with his hand, “Just
stand up and come here.”
For a moment he thought she was
just going to sit there and continue to stare at him like he was a mutant, but
after a while she nodded and pushed herself off the couch. “Alright…” She slowly walked towards him and when she
was about four feet away she stared at him and asked, “What?”
He licked his lips and gathered
his thoughts and finally he spilled it out, “I’ve spent the past half hour or
so thinking, raking my brain, desperately trying to do what you want, to
understand us. I’ve been doing it all
day and you have, too. And I think I’ve
figured it out.”
“Thank God someone has.” She
laughed a little bit but he didn’t. He
couldn’t stop looking at her. She was positively
one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen. “Are you gonna
tell me…”
He shook his head and stepped
forward. His hand came up and held her
face and he smiled at her. “I don’t
think we’re supposed to understand it or figure it out or name it or analyze
it. I think we’re just supposed to let
it happen.”
“But…” He couldn’t help himself and cut her off with
a kiss. She didn’t seem too shocked by it and quickly started to kiss him back. It was slow and he knew right then and there
it was going to be ok. This was right,
she was right. Kissing her was damn
right.
She pulled away and pressed her
forehead against his. They both
smiled. “It scares the shit outta me too girl,” He said, knowing that she was thinking
the same thing.
Her eyes opened and lifted to his
and that was the last bit of sanity that crossed his mind, before he was
propelled into madness. Sweet, utter madness.
It started by the chair and ended
up against the wall, laughter and shy smiles led them to the couch and now he
was on top of her repeating the actions he had on set, but this time they were
actually clothed and this time no one else was around. This time they were alone. He didn’t hold back. Kissing her was a privilege, like eating a
really fine desert and he took his time, savoring it, savoring her. The longer he took the more anxious he became
and the sexier her little moans sounded against his ear as he kissed against
her neck. His hands moved over her breasts and she didn’t resist him and didn’t
tell him to stop. In fact she did just
the opposite, and when he heard her whisper “more…” he had to do the best he
could to restrain himself.
His hand went underneath her shirt
and the two of them ended up on their sides, facing each other. Her leg was in between his and he moved his
thigh against her, trying to get her into the same state he was. He was rather erect and he tried to get some
friction against that part of his body, but the way they were laying he was
unable to and decided it would be best to just worry about her for the time
being. His hand cupped her breast
underneath her shirt and bra and he continued to kiss her, hard this time. Skin to skin contact was something he was
unsure he’d be able to control, and he knew that was a line and a barrier that
once was breeched, there was little turning back.
“Take it off…” She whispered and he realized she was tugging
at his shirt. He pulled away from her
for a moment and tugged it over his head.
He smiled as she looked over his body and her hands ran over his
chest.
“You’re turn.” She smiled and he helped her pull her shirt
away from her body to reveal the sexiest, simplest black bra he’d seen in a
long time. His lips immediately went to
her cleavage where he pressed small kisses against the swell of her breasts and
the valley in between. She arched her
back and lifted her body against him and he figured it was time for her to give
him a little something, if she was willing.
And she was. She pushed him against his back and pulled
herself up on top of him, straddling him.
The weight of her body against his lap made his eyes roll back in his
head. She shifted and when he looked up
at her she was sporting a small smile.
Oh, she knew was she was doing, and that turned him on more than
anything. He grabbed her again and sat
up against her, kissing her and pulling at her lips with his teeth. He moved his hands up her back and over her
shoulders as she continued to move against him, rubbing their bodies together.
It was blissful.
He moved the black straps off her
shoulders and kissed against her collar down to her breasts, pulling the bra
down over so that he could get to where he wanted and see what he wanted.
“Wait…”
His eyes moved from her excited
nipples up to her face. She had to be
joking. He shook his head. “Oh hell no…”
She laughed and quickly moved to
pull her bra back into place and the straps over her shoulders. She then wrapped her arms around him and
said, “Come on, not like this…”
“You gonna
make me work for it, girl?” He was
slightly annoyed that she had stopped them but he didn’t want her to see that
pig headed part of him. Still, she had
worked him up to huge hard on and was now gonna cut
them short. Now that wasn’t fair.
“Well, shouldn’t you?” She pulled
away, smiling but giving him a look.
“Yes.” He kissed her. “I should.
I should beg for it, girl. You
should make me crawl and beg ‘cause your that good.” He knew why she had stopped them though. He knew damn well why. And he didn’t blame
her.
“I was thinking more like, just
not here in a frenzy on the floor when all those people out there are gonna be wondering why I haven’t come back in an hour or
two…”
“Come home with me…” He blurted
out and she stared at him in shock. “Come
home with me tonight. You don’t have to
stay and we don’t have to do anything.
But, let’s get away from here. We’ll go get some dinner or something.” She smiled and he knew he had won. He was playing a wild card with the whole you
don’t have to stay the night thing. He
wanted her to. God, he was craving her
more than anything in that morning.
Having sex with Susan would be amazing, perfect. He knew it.
But he also knew that it could
fuck things up if he was an asshole about it.
She bit her lip and then a smile
broke out on her face and she nodded, “Ok...”
That made him happy and he kissed her.
But she kissed him back, again, and again. And they were soon back
against the couch, her down on top of him.
His hands moved over her back and down to her ass and soon they were
searching to go beneath her jeans. When
that happened she laughed and pulled off of him. “Ok, stop!”
He chuckled as she rolled away from
his body and put her arm in between them, clearly trying to pull her self
away. That made him hot, knowing she
couldn’t help herself with him, knowing that she wanted him, too. Her handed her her
shirt and then tugged his own back over his head. Once they were clothed, she sat herself back against
him and curled up to him with her arms around his neck.
He kissed her simply and asked,
“Why don’t you go get your stuff together?
Do you wanna just follow me so your car’s not
left here?”
“Nah.”
He sighed, not wanting to bring it
up but knowing that he had to. She was
paranoid on set and he knew she was worried about what the crew thought about
her and especially what Richard thought of her. “There’s gonna
be speculation about that Suze…”
“Ya know
what…” She sighed and pulled her arms
from him. “Who cares?” He looked at her strangely. There was a new confidence about her and he
was curious as to where that came from so suddenly. “It shouldn’t matter and if it does, well…fuck
them.”
That made him grin. That made him fucking happy as hell that she
didn’t care. That she just wanted to be
with him, no matter what. “That’s hot
girl.”
She pulled away from him and
stretched. “Let me go get my stuff and then I’ll meet you back here, alright?”
She was gone a few minutes later
and he had a thought, a scary thought, that maybe she was running away and
doing what he had done to her time and time again that day. He deserved it. He deserved to be turned on to no end and then
have her just disappear. But she didn’t,
and while he was getting his own stuff together and working himself into a
panic about her unsure return, she knocked on the door and let herself into his
trailer.
Justin could only smile when she asked him
“Ready?” with a large tote bag over her shoulder. Hell yes he was ready, ready for her, ready
for whatever would happen that night. ‘Cause
he just knew, it was gonna be a fantastic evening.