It was cold. Very cold.
The burst of afternoon rain had turned into a cloudy, crisp evening with
burst of wind that seemed to tunnel in between the large studios and around the
trailers. She held her robe tightly
around her and wished she had on her big furry Cookie Monster slippers instead
of the flip flops that exposed her cold toes to the wind. It felt more like a day in
“Susan.” She sucked in a breath,
plastered a smile and looked up at Jason.
He wasn’t amused. He picked a
strand of hair that had fallen from her hair and tossed it back to where it was
supposed to go. He had re-wet her hair
and then blow dried it, giving it a tousled, flowing sexy look- a bedroom look.
“If you don’t feel good I’ll cover for you.”
“What are you talking about?” She
turned away from him. She didn’t need
him asking her what was wrong and if she wanted to talk. Olivia and him had been good in the trailer. They were silent. She assumed they didn’t know what to say and
she ended up bursting out with what had happened and how much she had cried and
felt like an idiot. She told them that
he had approached her after the shoot.
And then she admitted that she didn’t care who he had called or what he
had done, she still was falling in love with him. But this time, even Jason seemed a little
concerned about her feelings.
“If you’re sick, I’ll cover.”
“Jason, you don’t…” She sighed and patted his arm. “I’ll be ok.”
He blocked the door to the studio
with his body and looked at her in the eyes. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m cold.” She shrugged.
A small smile came to his lips.
“You’re terrified.”
“Well I’ve never been topless in
front of people before.” She rolled her
eyes, trying to pretend she was annoyed with him, trying to get him off her
case. She couldn’t have him be right,
even if he was.
“That’s not why you’re scared.”
“Oh shut up.” She pushed past him
and opened the heavy studio door.
Three steps later and she was
frozen. Jason put his hands on her
shoulders, but she didn’t care, didn’t even really feel it. She gulped.
There he was. There he fucking
was.
He was standing on a dimly lit
set. The apartment set had been rolled
away to a far corner and now there was a bed, your average everyday bed with a
plain green comforter and cream colored sheets.
There were other people around but she didn’t see them. To her eyes there was only him, standing on
the set, arms cross over his chest an open robe revealing only a pair of
basketball shorts underneath. She was
suddenly insanely aware of the fact that underneath her robe there was only a
pair of flesh colored bikini styled panties.
Jason was right. She wasn’t cold, she was terrified.
“He said he was sorry right?”
She nodded, not taking her eyes
from Justin’s lone figure. “Yeah.”
“And he kissed you?”
Again she nodded, watching Justin
sit down on the edge of the bed and stare at the floor. “Yeah.”
“In front of people.”
She snapped out of her daze when a
camera was rolled in between her view of him.
She glared at Jason. “What are you getting at?”
“That’s a big thing for him
Suze. For a guy like him.”
“Yeah, a big mistake.” She turned
to walk away from him. She couldn’t
handle this. She couldn’t afford to be emotionally
drained, again, before such a big scene. Or before such a big moment with
him. She tried to pretend it was just
work. Rolling around topless in bed with
Justin was just work. She kept repeating
it to herself. It didn’t work. Part of her wanted to run and dive straight
for him and just kiss him and kiss him until her lips were numb. But the other part of her knew cameras were
there, knew that Richard was there. And she hadn’t forgotten what had gone down
on camera 30 minutes before hand. Her sore eyes wouldn’t let her.
“Susan.” She groaned and turned
around, wishing Jason would just leave her alone. She looked straight at him and he looked
back. He shook his head. “You’re not a mistake.”
It was probably one of the worst
things he could have said at that moment.
Her sore eyes were sensitive and she could already feel herself start to
get teary. She wasn’t a mistake. Why couldn’t she learn to repeat that to
herself? She didn’t want to be a mistake
and she didn’t want to be Justin’s rebound girl. She wanted to be something, something for
him, but not that. That would break her.
Jason sensed her trouble and was
in front of her in a flash, taking a Kleenex from his pocket and blotting her
eyes to make sure no tears fell. He then
rubbed her shoulders. “You and O will be
in the trailer if I need you, right?” she asked him in a whisper.
He nodded, “We’d come on set but
Richard’s locking it up. Closed set and all.” It didn’t really make her feel
better and he knew. He leaned down and
kissed her forehead. “You’ll be
ok.” He then winked at her and tried to
make her smile, “You’s so sec-say, my little diva.”
That worked a little. She didn’t smile but it felt good to know
that her two good friends would be waiting for her. She just wished Brenda was there. “Thanks Jase.”
He turned and walked away, swaying
his hips and calling back over his shoulder in a loud, embarrassing voice, “You
better give him a boner.” She blushed,
and turned toward the set, staying behind the camera so she’d not have to look
at him. But the closer she got the more
her feet took her around the camera and soon she was standing five feet from
him, hugging herself in her robe and trying not to make eye contact.
He was still looking at the floor
when she said, “Hi…”
He turned and it was too
late. His blue eyes locked onto hers and
he stood up from the bed. He smiled a
little but didn’t come any further. “Hey…”
“How are you?” God, she thought, how fucking lame.
He laughed and made a face that
looked like pure horror. “I’m about to pee my pants.”
“I’m freezing.”
Margie quickly walked by, shooing
away any people of the crew that weren’t restricted to this shooting. She waved at them and the bed, “Rich says go
ahead and get in.”
Susan looked at Justin and he
passed her a sympathetic glance. They
each quietly took their own side of the bed and pulled back the comforter. He slipped in first and after a moment’s
hesitation she slipped in beside him, kicking off her flip-flops. “This is so fucking awkward.” He said,
pulling off his robe, balling it up as best as he could and throwing it off the
set.
She watched him, stared at
him. He was too good looking for her, or
so she thought. He quickly pulled the
sheets up under his arms, covering his top like he was embarrassed. At least she wasn’t the only one. She thought about going ahead and taking off
her robe, but then thought against it.
The set wasn’t totally cleared and she wasn’t quite prepared to be naked
with him yet. She didn’t think she would
ever be prepared, but she’d rather be told to get undress than just take the
liberty herself.
He was right. This was awkward. It was actually more than awkward. It was mortifying. She didn’t mind being in bed with him, but
they were on separate sides, both inches from the edge. Three feet separated them. She looked up and saw two insanely large
cameras pointing in on them, protruding on their possibly intimate moment. The whole day had led to this. The kissing, the flirting, the vague mentions
of love to each other, it all led up to this, being in bed together. And it was so wrong. It was all so wrong. They hadn’t even been able to talk about what
had happened earlier. She wanted to tell
him everything. She wanted to spill out
all her inner insecurities and just go with it, but she couldn’t. She held back and the damn cameras were
getting in her way. It wasn’t a matter
of “if” now, she knew it was going to happen, she just didn’t know how to go
about doing what she wanted. She didn’t
know how she was going to tell him.
Richard walked up to them,
smiling, being the bastard that he was and eating up their misery. Actually, the past couple scenes Richard had
turned into a pretty nice guy. He seemed
to love her work. She seemed to be doing
good work. Funny thing was, the past few
scenes hadn’t involved much acting for her.
“So, how do you two feel?”
“Cold.” She said, dreading that
she was a few moments away from shucking her robe and being exposed to
him. She wondered if she would be this
nervous if it was someone else, if it wasn’t Justin who was lying beside her.
“We’ll try to make this quick.”
Richard smiled, trying to make them at ease.
It didn’t work. “It’ll just be
you two and me, and Margie and Derek and Russ.
So try not to be too nervous.” Justin mumbled something under his breath
but she didn’t make it out. Richard
laughed. “Just make out. You know your
lines. We’ll see where it leads us. You two have been awesome at improvising and
adlibbing today, so we’ll just let the camera roll until I think we got it,
alright?”
They both nodded and Susan watched
as the lights started to dim ever more on the set. It was quiet and she looked around the set to
see if anyone had snuck in. There were
only four other people beside her and Justin.
And it was four people too many.
“You ok?”
She bit her lip and looked over at
him, knowing now that she was going to have to take off her robe since Margie
was pulling her flip flops from the set.
“Not really.”
He chewed on his lower lip and looked
at her curiously for a moment. Finally
he pulled up the covers from her body and pulled them up so they were a shield
from the cameras and himself. “Here, get
under and do it.”
“Thanks.” She was blushing but
touched at the motion. Her body scooted down
against the mattress and she fumbled with the tie around her waist and got the
robe undone. Pulling it from her arms
and shoulders was the hard part, but after rolling around like a worm she got
it away from her body. She gathered it up and threw it out from under the
covers. Her hands took the sheet from
him and she securely tucked it under her arms, blocking herself from view. She
didn’t know why she was being so weird about having anyone see her breasts. She had signed her contract, she knew when
she got offered this job that there was a topless scene. A body double had been offered and she had
refused. She was a professional. She
could do this.
She looked over at him. No way.
She couldn’t do this.
“Be sexy and shy and, you two are
hot, you know what to do. Ready?” She
gulped and couldn’t answer Richard.
Margie called out the scene and before she had time to think they were
filming. A warm hand grabbed hers
underneath the sheet and soon a body was hovering over her, carefully not
putting too much weight against her own.
His eyes looked at hers for a moment and he smiled.
He laughed awkwardly, but it was a
sexy laugh, deep, quiet, husky the laugh of a lover in bed. He kissed her. It was different, he lowered his face and his
lips swallowed hers. He tried to suck her into himself through his mouth,
pulling, forcefully. He bent down lower
and his chest pressed against her breasts.
Kisses rained down her neck and she sucked in a breath. This was wrong, this was cheap. There were cameras there and people. He sucked on her skin right below her
ear. This was fucking perfect.
“I don’t want to stop.” He
whispered against her skin. She felt her
skin prickle with goosebumps and ran her hands up his back to find that they
had invaded his skin as well.
He looked up a her and she smiled,
“Then don’t”
His eyes bore into hers and she
wanted him to take her right there. It
felt so good. It felt so fucking good
and she wanted him to rest in between her legs so she could feel him. But he was still laying half beside her and
he was still aware of the cameras. He
proved that when he bit his lip and whispered, “Valerie…” And then he kissed her forcefully, pushing
her head back against the pillow.
“Cut!” She jumped at the sound. It was too soon. She felt him pull away and plop beside her,
uncaring, being professional. This
wasn’t good. “Uh sorry guys. Justin your
arm was in the way. We couldn’t see you
talking.”
“Oh.” He paused and she watched him nod
blankly. “Right…”
She felt cheap and used and bit
her lip as they waited for them to get ready for the scene again. Why was this day just getting worse and
worse? She couldn’t kiss him now. She couldn’t…
She felt his hand on hers again.
He held it, squeezed it and when she looked at him he was staring at
her.
“Cover up Susan.” She heard Margie say and broke away from
their desperately staring contest. She
didn’t have much time to think before Margie pulled the sheet down to their abdomens
and Susan immediately covered her breasts.
“Sorry, Rich wants to be able to see more than just two heads and a big
mass under some covers.”
Margie left them, and she moved a
bit so that her arms were crossed over her breasts. She bit her lip. The reality that she was topless in front of
other people hit her like a car crash, sudden, unexpected and probably
preventable. She wished they were
filming, kissing, something so that he would cover her, protect her from the
embarrassment of people seeing her nipples.
Her lungs took in a shaky breath and
he noticed. “I’m sorry about this.”
She licked her lips “What?”
He crossed his arms over his
chest, copying her position and looked out at the cameras with some bitter,
resentful look on his face. “I wish we
could be sharing this…” He glanced at her
and whispered, “alone.”
Whatever it was, some things in
that simple moment changed. Desire and
attraction faded away into something bigger.
It wasn’t need, because it wasn’t begging and it wasn’t hunger because
it was quiet. She felt like she was underwater
on a hot day, cool and calm, alone in a swimming pool, floating in slow motion,
bored but content, waiting for something to happen, waiting for the hot
afternoon to pass and ease into a muggy evening with crickets and cicadas and
stars. She floated, swam but didn’t come
to the surface, she didn’t have to, she didn’t need to breathe.
And then he dove in.
She didn’t know the cameras had
started to roll and hadn’t even heard anyone tell them to start. But she felt him, flushed against her, in between
her legs, settled, pressing into her.
Her hands were pinned beside her head, fingers interlaced with his. A
point was made to push into her breasts, her nipples responded and her eyes
couldn’t move from his face. He looked
lazy, heavy, relaxed and happy. He just
stared and breathed until suddenly, with a quick flick of his tongue over his
bottom lip he dipped into her, slow and soft, caressing her mouth like it was a
rose, delicate and fragile. He pulled
away and seemed to be breathing her in, a second from her mouth. She could feel him smile, she could feel him
everywhere.
He kissed her again. And then again, keeping her pinned beneath
him, keeping her right there with her legs on either side of his hips,
bent. Yes, he had her locked beneath him
but she had him snuggled perfectly against her body. She wouldn’t let him go. She couldn’t help it when a little bit of a
moan came from her mouth and he moved down a bit, sliding against her so that
she could feel the erection bump against her through his thin shorts. His lips moved against her collar bone and
his hands let her go, let her loose, let her free to do whatever she wanted to
him. Her fingers moved against his head,
pulling at his hair as he turned her body on fire.
His arms inched in between her
back and the mattress and he pulled her tight against him, pressing his crotch
against hers. He moved against her and
she moaned.
“Fuck! Cut…just cut.” She gasped and her eyes opened to look into
his. He looked just as surprised. She heard
Richard growl in annoyance and didn’t care to look and see what was wrong. She then realized, it was dark, one of the
dim lights had busted. “Guys don’t
move…”
Justin was still lying on her,
their laps pressed against each other, as well as their chests. She could feel his heart beating and relished
in the warm of his breath when he sighed her name, “Susan…”
“Are you ok?” She asked him
quietly.
“I’m...I’m…” He blushed and moved his hips, pulling away a
little.
She smiled. He was hard and embarrassed by that, but she
thought it was sweet and felt the same embarrassment. She was just as turned on as he was. “I don’t mind.” She said and touched his
face. “I don’t mind.”
“You’re so…” His face embedded against her neck and he
kissed her there. Was this ok? Was this right? She didn’t know. It felt wonderful but she couldn’t forget
that they weren’t alone and she couldn’t push away the embarrassment and
awkwardness of sharing this with him while they had an audience.
“So?”
He chuckled against her and
pressed his hips against her. Then he
whispered into her ear, “You taste so good.” She wanted to respond and she
wanted to give into him but she couldn’t, not with Richard coming up to
them.
“You guys ok?” She heard him ask
and then she blushed and tried to squeeze out from under Justin, but he was
staring at her, keeping her pinned beneath him.
And Richard noticed. “Wow, ok sorry.”
She gulped, pushed Justin off of
her and covered herself promptly. She
heard Richard mutter, “fuckin’ awkward.”
Then he said to them, without looking, “Just one more shot ok? Get really into it. Doesn’t seem like that
should be a problem.” For a
moment she wondered if they were about to get scolded. Was it in her contract not to have relations
with her co-star? Did Richard know what
was going on between them? What was
going on between them? Of course he
knew. It was clear to anyone with a
brain and two eyes what was happening between Justin and Susan.
But then Richard laughed, patted
the bed and turned to walk away, saying, “We need this scene to sell to all the
sex-deprived women.”
“And men…” Justin said, running a
hand over her bare stomach under the sheet. Susan felt her whole body flush.
Before she had time to calm
herself down, or cool her body down from the heat of embarrassment and having
Justin’s skin against hers, he was back on her again. She was back with him on top of her, moaning
his name as he kissed against her neck.
She forgot where she was, once again and melted away in a world that was
only them. It wasn’t until minutes later
when she heard Richard’s laugh and another cut that she was able to regain her
sense of self and what she was doing.
She kept forgetting. She kept
forgetting that she was at work; she was an actress and supposed to be
professional. He was making her lose her
mind.
“Ok guys, why don’t we call it a
wrap on this scene. “ She sucked in a
breath. It was over. She didn’t know whether to be happy or sad
and couldn’t tell in Richard’s voice if he was pleased with the shoot or not. “I might have to do some reshoots later
on. I’ll just have to see if I can
splice this footage together.”
She closed her eyes and slid down
under the covers. She wanted to grab his
hand and say something to him but she kept her eyes closed and kept to
herself. She wanted him to make the
first move. Her eyes quickly were forced
opened though when a certain giggle met with her ears.
She peaked from under the covers
to her right and saw Margie approaching her.
She handed her her robe and Susan slowly put it own. Margie was still giggling at her and she
wanted to smack the girl for making fun of her.
Wasn’t she a professional? Hadn’t
she ever worked on a movie with a sex scene in it before? Her laugh was grating
on Susan’s nerves and she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut, not this time. “What the hell is so damn funny?”
“You said his name.” She whispered
and covered her mouth.
“What?” Susan asked, utterly
confused.
“Justin’s. On that last shot, you were saying Justin instead
of Daniel.”
“But…” She felt like she was about
to throw up her stomach. “That can’t
be. He…he...” None of this made any
sense. She had always been a little bit
of a shy, awkward person. But this was
humiliation. This was torture. And now she was damned sure that Richard
knew, the whole crew knew and her life was over. “But he didn’t stop me. Justin didn’t stop
me.”
Margie laughed even louder and
walked away, “Exactly.”
It was then when Susan turned to
look at Justin, to ask him what was going on.
Was this a game? Was she on one
of those prankster shows? But Justin
wasn’t there. He was already at the door
of the studio, robe around him, flip flops on his feet, flying away from where
they had just been. But she wasn’t
going to let him run away this time. No
way. Whatever this was that was going on
between them was going to be let out in the open. She would be damned before she let him spend
another hour confusing her and tying up her emotions. If he wanted her saying his name, or anything
else, he was going to have to ask her-not let it be some damned cheap thrill
with cameras in front of them.
She had been hurt in her past and
had found herself in a comfortable position of being alone, miserable and
scared. But he had changed that. Dammit he changed
that. She had become comfortable with
controlling her love life and making it non-existent. And she was determined to make their
relationship become real before he forced it out of control.