The room was quiet. Normally she would be freaked out by the lack
of noise in a small room occupied by three people, but not then. It might have been quiet to everyone else, besides
the random sound of someone shifting weight, or the sound of plastic makeup
containers clinking together. To Susan,
she couldn’t even hear the silence, couldn’t even register that it was
there. She was numb, lost, and
completely gone.
She bit her lip as she stared at
her reflection. Jason was working on her
hair and Olivia was putting on Susan’s makeup, occasionally getting in the way
of her reflection, getting her read for the love scene. She blinked slowly. It still hadn’t sunk in. It hadn’t hit her yet and she was a little
curious as to what would happen when it did finally collide with her. What would happen then?
Seven takes. Seven perfectly sweet takes. Seven times with him there, looking at her,
kissing her. The first was the best
take. The second they
ended up giggling at each other.
The third was too reserved and the forth Justin cleared his throat in
the middle of the take. The fifth was
divinely sweet and slow and the sixth was hot and passionate. The seventh was more like the first and was
the only other one she was able to squeeze out a tear for. She was too happy, just too damned happy to
cry.
He kissed her. And even though she knew there were people
all around and that it was their job to kiss, something was there. When her lips touched his that first moment
there were sparks or something. She
didn’t know what it was, but it was there and it wasn’t going to fade
away. It was building, burning inside of
her and nothing was going to be able to put it out. Her throat worked at a large gulp and Olivia
once again got in her way.
The breaking of the eye-contact
with herself propelled her out of her dazed state and she relaxed back into the
seat and groaned. He had kissed her,
seven times, and each time was so absolutely amazing. She forgot what it was like to be kissed and
couldn’t remember ever, ever receiving kisses like that in her lifetime. They were promising kisses, sexual and
tempting. They were sweet and soothing
and felt so damn good.
“Oh my god…” She whispered to
herself and both the people that were working on her stopped, stared at her and
started to smile. She looked at Jason
who started to make kissing faces to her and then looked at Olivia who was
smiling and shaking her head. “I think
I’m in love with him.”
“Oh Lord!” Jason said, putting down his brush and
walking away towards her door. “They
couldn’t have been that good.”
“You apparently didn’t see them.”
“You were there?” Susan lazily
turned her head to Olivia. She began to
apply some eye makeup.
“A lot of people snuck through the
side door and hid over there in that little shadowy part.” Susan opened her eyes in time to see her
smile and then shrug and then she was back with her eyes closed, feeling
something heavy and creamy applied to her eyelids. “Richard was oblivious, as always, and you
two…” She chuckled. “Well, you two weren’t paying any attention
to anything except each other.”
“Can you blame me?” Susan asked seriously, looking up at her
friend. They heard the sound of a door
open and Susan whipped her head around, hoping, praying, that just maybe he’d
be there to see her. But he wasn’t. It was only Jason, opening the door to
leave. “Where are you going?”
“Yeah, not gonna
stick around for gossip and details on Mr. Timberlake’s luscious lips?” Olivia
laughed and Susan turned to stick her tongue out at her.
“I’m going to find out how they
are myself! You’re
not the only diva with hair to groom.”
Susan laughed, happily. “He hardly has any hair.”
“Shush. Doesn’t mean I can’t go over there and see
what he’s saying about you.” Jason
promptly shut the door behind him and Susan turned to sink into her chair. She felt like she had melted. She was warm and her body felt light, easy,
relaxed. The feeling that had taken over
her was a feeling she had been missing for a long, long time. The last time she had really felt that way
was in high school, when William and her started
dating. Nothing could stop her,
everything in the world was made right, and she had no fears.
“So…” She turned her eyes up to Olivia, who was
making a point in avoiding her eyes, and busing herself with her makeup
bag. She cleared her throat. “You know what you’re doing?”
“Huh?”
“Look,” Olivia sighed and leaned
against the counter in front of Susan.
“I don’t wanna bring you down or make you
upset or anything. I adore you and I
like Justin, but, you haven’t been here long.
It’s very, very common in this town for guys to break up with their
girlfriends and fall in love with someone else and then a week later be back at
it with their girlfriend. I’m not saying
that’s gonna happen with you and him, just be
careful. I’ve been there before and it’s
not fun. They dated for like two years,
you don’t just cut something like that off from your life. I mean, I think they were living together.”
That feeling, that really horrible
feeling you get when someone kicks you out of the cloud you were sitting on,
the feeling of falling, seeing the ground below and dreading the pain that will
happen when you’re smacked into the ground, that
feeling started to creep into Susan’s gut.
“We just kissed.”
“Just a second ago you said you
thought you were in love.”
She was getting closer to the
ground, flying down through the sky and she knew her hopes and every wonderful
thought she had about her and Justin kissing was about to be taken away. Olivia was going to be her voice of reason,
needed, important, but not at all welcome.
“Just shut up Olivia.”
“Susan!” Olivia blocked her from leaving her chair by
planting her hands firm on the armrests.
She shook her head in a comforting manner. “Don’t do that. I’m not trying to burst your bubble. I think you guys are awesome together. I mean you obviously have some chemistry and
make each other happy. He’s a fucking
little giddy boy now. He hasn’t been
that way lately. But,” She sighed and
leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms and looking away. “I’ve been there, ok? I’ve fallen for a guy, more than once mind
you, who was just getting over a long-term relationship. I just ended up hurt and I don’t want that to
happen to you.”
“I can handle myself.” Susan said,
trying to keep some shred of her confidence that was not even there to begin
with.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,
girl but, you’re really fragile.”
Susan made her retreat and stood
up from her seat and gritted out at Olivia, trying to sound as menacing as
possible. It came out quite
humorous. “What the hell do you know
about me?”
“Don’t get defensive!” Olivia
rolled her eyes.
Susan became furious. It was something she had rarely felt in her
life. Normally anger never fazed her.
Sure, she’d get upset or disappointed, but anger was a foreign feeling and she
was mad, very, very mad in that moment.
How dare Olivia try to mother her on a relationship she knew nothing
about? How dare Olivia try to act like
she knew anything? It was disgusting and
she felt like spitting. She was worked
up, her breathing started to get heavy and she almost called her dearest friend
in
He burst open the door and hung
in, holding onto the doorknob. “He’s
coming!” He squealed.
Anger and fury dissipated and a
storm of surprise flooded her. “What?!”
Jason leaned back out to look
outside and then came in and started to wildly talk with his hands. “I went over there and he wouldn’t shut up
about you so I told him to come over here and find out how you were doing himself.” He paused and waved his hands about. “And he said ok, I’ll be over in a few
minutes. So…” He paused again and screamed, stomping
towards them. “AH! Come on Olivia! Let’s let them fuck in privacy. Leave the camera rolling, though.” He grabbed Olivia’s hand and started to pull
her from the trailer.
“Let go fag, I’ll be there in a
second.” Olivia slapped his hand away.
“Harassment at
the workplace! I’m telling!”
Jason screamed and ran out of the trailer with a smile. As soon as they were left alone the anger
came back again, but not as powerful.
She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t
need a lecture, thank you.”
Olivia came over to her and
grabbed her upper arms, forcing Susan to look her in the eyes. “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me, ok? Just, breathe and take a minute before you
hop on a flight to Vegas with the man.”
The thought made her smile. Flying off to Vegas with him wouldn’t be a
bad idea. Being alone with him wouldn’t
be a bad idea and she was about to get that chance. Her heart beat quickened, eyes widened and
she felt that she might faint. She
wasn’t ready for this. She was in love
with him, ready to marry him and have his kids but now he was going to walk
through the door. She almost pulled
Olivia back, having her stand between her and him so that she would have some
shield, but Olivia was gone before she had the chance to blink.
But she did blink, alone in her
trailer. She did it again. And then there was a knock. She gulped.
He had kissed her, really kissed her.
It had been in front of cameras and people but it wasn’t fake. It was real, so
so very real.
She felt it, felt him and she wanted more. But she was still uncertain and terrified and
not quite sure. She didn’t know what was
going to happen, but she was going to let him through that damned door.
“Come in.” She said, but her voice
faltered and she had to repeat herself.
The door opened and she braced
herself against the chair, holding onto the back of it. “Suze?”
She smiled at the nickname and stared with a smile as he slid himself into the
room, smiling back at her. He shut the
door behind him and stepped forward, then stopped.
“You’re alone?”
“Yeah.” Her smile came like
his, slowly, mischievously. They both
knew what that meant. But for some
reason she felt the need to explicate. “Olivia
and Jason bolted when they found out you were coming over here.”
“What?” He asked, stepping a
little closer.
“Well, Jason forced Olivia out of
the room so we could have sex, his words.”
He nodded slowly. “Oh…”
She sucked in a breath and gripped
the chair. He was looking very, very good and the determination in his eyes was
making her weak. He licked his lips and
she couldn’t help herself from staring. “Yeah…”
“So I just kissed you back there.”
To hide her smile she bit her lip
and looked up at him. He was smirking,
close now, close enough to reach out to her, pull her
to him and kiss her. If
he wanted to. “Yeah you did.” Her
voice was quiet and she let go of the chair and turned to him.
His hand brushed her elbow and he
breathed her name, stepping closer, very close. “Susan…”
The light touch was too much too
soon for her. She wanted him, oh yes she
wanted him, but she needed to be eased into it.
It wasn’t hitting her that he was there with her, completely alone and
she had to check herself before she attacked him or did something equally as
stupid. “Don’t we have to be on set
soon?” She asked as she skirted by him.
“Nope. They canceled
it. We’re doing the fight scene next and
then…then the fun scene.”
She gasped and looked at him with
wide eyes. “Fun?”
He stepped towards her again,
smirking in that arrogant way that only he could pull off. “The rolling around with
each other in a bed and half naked scene.”
“Justin…” She sighed his name
when he took her hands in his.
“What?”
He leaned down towards her and she
turned her head so that if he did kiss her, he wouldn’t claim her mouth, and
wouldn’t claim her. “We probably
shouldn’t do this.”
“Who cares?”
“No…” She tried to pull away but he pulled her
back.
“Susan…” He said with his hands firmly on her
shoulders. He shook his head and smiled
at her. “Who cares?” His grip eased on her and he ran his hands down
her arms and back up again, holding onto her neck and cocking his head to the
side. “I care about you and us, but I
don’t care about any of them out there and what they think we should and
shouldn’t do.”
She smiled and hope filled her, “Us?”
“Yeah, whatever the hell we are.”
Her arms went around his middle
and she rested her forehead on his chest, holding onto him and sighing when he
wrapped his arms around her back and kept her flush against him. He was solid, something she hadn’t had in her
life in a very, very long time. He was
warm and comforting and smelled delicious.
It was perfect being there in his arms, quiet, just enjoying the feel of
him being against her and around her.
His hands started to run over her back and the small movement
made every muscle in her body relax.
She was so happy in that moment, not taking any warning from anyone, not
caring what anyone thought. Something
had happened that day that she had not expected. She had woken up that morning with a headache
and dread of what the day would bring.
And then he sat beside her. Everything went wrong and it was all put back
together again but differently, better.
She wouldn’t change a thing, not even the humiliation or the fights with
Richard. It had all led to this. It was all part of some plan that resulted in
him holding her. And she loved being
held.
“Look at me…” He whispered.
She pulled away from his chest,
keeping her arms around his torso and she turned her face towards his. He wasn’t smiling but she knew he was
content. And soon after their eyes met,
his lowered and their lips touched.
He kissed her deeply,
immediately. He didn’t hesitate and kept
her close in his arms, sweeping his tongue through her mouth again and again
and again. She held on and tried her
best to keep up. She did her best and
felt the warmth spread up from her chest and fill her body with laughter and
happiness. She didn’t laugh, not out
loud, but her spirit was in giggles, happy girly giggles. She felt his hands move up over her shoulders
and up to her face cupping her neck and cheeks, holding her in place as he
continually ravished her mouth. He was
so good, too. And this was a thousand
times better.
He moved his body forward with a step,
and in that movement things changed. The giggly giddiness she had been suppressing
left her and a deep heavy passion started to kindle in her being. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and
kept her mouth pressed against him when she felt the wall against her
back. He was pushed up against her,
devouring her. She felt all of him, she could feel him down there, hard and pressed against
the front of his pants. He wasn’t
completely there yet, but she knew much more of this kissing and he would be
ready to go, completely excited and just for her. It had been a long, long time since she had
felt that with a man. Years since she
had had sex, years since she had experienced intimacy, years since she had been
pressed up against a wall ready to make love, ready to fall in love.
When his lips moved down from her
mouth to her neck she smiled breathlessly and made a move to speak. “Don’t give me a hickie.”
He pulled away and his eyes were
sparkling blue. “They can cover it with
make up.” He wiggled his hips against
hers and bit his lip.
“We need to stop.”
He pouted. “Why?”
With every bit of her strength she
pulled her hands from him and laid her palms flat against the wall, trying to
pull away as much body contact as possible.
“Cause, I don’t…I don’t want us to get too carried away and someone walk in, or us have to go to set…”
“And not finish…”
She bit her lip and tried to suppress
her smile, but he was right. He had read
her mind. She was ready to do anything
and everything in him. He looked good
and he smelled good and he even tasted good.
She felt like she was on fire, tingling flames flicking across her skin,
inside her skin. And when his head
dipped lower and she felt his lips against the neck line of her shirt and all
over her exposed skin, soft, sweet, brushing them against her like she was as
delicate as a flower. His hands were
encircled around her waist, pulling her against him and she couldn’t help
herself and touched him again, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, letting her
own hands run up through the hair on the back of his head. She gripped his curls there and pulled his
head up a bit so she could kiss him, really, really kiss him. She did.
But he pulled away and she was
left searching for air.
“You’re right.” He said, shaking
his head and pulling his hands away from her, slowly.
Her voice was rushed, harsh.
“What?”
His eyes didn’t meet hers and he
just stared at the floor, “We need to stop.”
“Why…” A weird, unpleasant feeling crept into her
stomach, worse than the one that Olivia has evoked, and she braced herself
against the wall where they had just been making out and prayed he didn’t just
crush her back to reality. She couldn’t
deal with that again. She stared at him, unblinking
trying to read something on his features that would make her feel better.
“We just,” He gulped and when he
finally looked at her she could see something in his eyes, something that was
unsure and scared. She felt she could
throw up. “We just do.” He said in a
pathetic attempt at an excuse. “I need
to get ready for the next scene and so do you.
So, I’ll see ya on set, ok?”
He turned to leave and before she
could do anything he pivoted back around, caressed her face for a moment,
searching her eyes. He looked like he
was going to say anything but instead quickly pecked her cheek. Then he was gone, out of the door, and she
knew, out of her life. It had happened
before and it was happening all over again.
She was doomed.
It didn’t help matters when Jason
busted in a minute afterwards talking rapidly, yelling at her, blaming her,
asking her what she did, why she fucked things up. Why did he leave the trailer, disappointed
and rapidly pressing number in on his cell phone, was his question. She didn’t say anything but stayed braced
against the wall.
Olivia was there, too but she
didn’t speak. She just reset her place
by the vanity mirror, every now and then looking through that mirror to catch a
wide eyed and dazed Susan, staring off into space. Jason’s phone rang and she blinked but didn’t
move, listening to his conversation as he said “hello” then screamed “WHAT?!”
in an unbelievable tone and then snapped the phone shut.
And then it came. “Bridge says he’s on the fucking phone with
her! With HER Susan! What’d you do?!”
She moved her eyes slowly to
his. “Who?”
“Who?! Who do you think? Cameron Diaz herself! Apparently he kicked all them out and the
last
Susan sucked in a shaky breath and
balled her fists. She had done something
wrong. She didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was just believing
that he could care about her so soon after he had cut it off with one of the
most desired women in
“Susan! Susan!
Talk to me! What’d you do?!”
She shook her head and snapped out
of her daze, staring straight at Jason.
He was looking at her like she had just done some crime and hadn’t told
him and was expecting him to defend her.
But as far as she knew she hadn’t done any crime, unless of course,
falling for someone was a crime. She
could see where this was leading already.
She could see how he would be awkward the rest of the day and then
tomorrow he’d be back like he was earlier, flirty, he would probably even kiss
her but then she would visit him on
set and the reality that he had gotten back together with her, that he had
never really gotten over his ex would hit her like hurricane. And she would have to sit there in the wind
and the rain and bear the beating of reality.
She just couldn’t believe she had let this happen again.
“Jason get
out.”
He turned away from her and looked
towards the makeup chair. “What?”
“Go…”
He rolled his eyes. “Fuck off O.” He turned back to Susan. “Look, I’m not trying to be a little bitch
but just a few minutes ago you were talking about how in love you were and now
you’re in almost tears and he’s calling his ex.
I just don’t know how someone can fuck up that much.” He scoffed and made a move to leave.
When the door slammed she sighed,
and then when Olivia tried to come over and console her she pushed her away and
headed straight for her chair. She sat down and looked at herself in the
mirror, staring at her neck and her lips and the places he had kissed her. She couldn’t shake the feeling,
she couldn’t get him off her. She was
about to break.
Olivia came back over and put a
hand on her shoulder “Suze, are you-”
“Just do my makeup. I really don’t wanna
talk.”
Olivia didn’t say anything to her
while she got her makeup on for the next scene, which was now changed to the
fight scene. And when Susan asked her to
leave so she could make a phone call she didn’t try to comfort her or talk to
her, she just left quietly. When the
door closed she found her cell phone and walked into her small bed room, laying
down against the pillows and curling into her side. A familiar number was dialed and when the
person answered she sighed and let it all out, tears, pain and all.
“Brenda..”
She said, her lip trembling. She gulped and squeezed out the tears that
were in her eyes. “I...I think I’m in trouble.”