He sat in the fold out chair
completely motionless. He blinked but
his blue eyes continued to stare straight ahead at the base of one of the large
cameras that was in front of the set. It
wasn’t anger or disappointment that had taken over in her trailer. It was frustration. He was tired and frustrated by this little
game they were playing. He knew things
were going fast and strong, but she was refusing to let go. It was giving him a massive headache. She flirted subconsciously and smiled at him
in a way that proved how she felt about him.
But she wouldn’t loosen her grip.
She was holding on tightly to the railing of security and wouldn’t let
herself fall down to him.
He understood why, but it was
maddening.
And now, now he was going to have
to somehow convince her that they could work, that everything would be ok, but
while they were working and while there were a dozen people around them. This was the worst. Kissing scenes always got his stomach in a
knot, mainly because he was nervous what his woman back home would think. But now there was no woman back home and his
stomach was still turning inside out.
He wanted to discuss this with
Richard and let him know what was going on.
But he was starting to have some of her fear rub off on him and was
terrified of what his director would think about his two stars falling in
love. Was that what this was? Was he falling in love?
He didn’t want to believe it. It was a crush. He liked her.
She was gorgeous. She was peaceful
and sweet and perfect. But love? It was too soon. He cared about her and was attracted to her
and he had to keep telling himself that that was it. He kept telling himself, but he was a
stubborn listener.
The set was one he had worked on
the week prior. It was his character’s
apartment but this time the lighting was dim, as if it were nighttime and only
one lamp was on. He couldn’t believe
that this scene was going to be the decision for them. It was going to be their kiss, their kiss. It was supposed to be the main scene of the
movie. It was the scene where they
finally give into each other and let nothing hold them back. This was the scene that was going to make all
the women cry. At least that’s what
Richard had told him.
Funny now that he didn’t even look
at his script after fussing over it earlier, so much so that she got into
trouble by helping him. This was so much
bigger than some damn scene now. This
was about them, about him proving to her that it would be ok if they acted on
their feelings, even if it was in front of a camera.
“Justin…” He shifted his position on the chair from his
slouch to where he was sitting more upright as Richard approached him. He
didn’t want to get pointers on how he was supposed to act in this scene. He was pretty sure he was going to give himself
into instincts and just kiss the hell out of her, directions be
damned.
“Hey Richard, what sup?” He tried to play it cool and did a fairly
good job.
Richard plopped into the seat
beside him, the seat that was supposed to be Susan’s. Of course she wasn’t out on set yet. “Hello Justin. You ready for this?”
“Yeah,” He sighed and scratched
his head. Was he ready to kiss her? Hell
yes. “I think I’ve been ready for a
while.”
“Well, you know,” Richard leaned
forward a bit. “Make sure that it’s slow and sweet. Seduce her like you really would seduce
someone. In fact it might even be better
to forget that you are acting and just really try to kiss her. She’s a pretty girl it won’t be hard to do.”
He almost wanted to laugh. He wondered if he could ask Richard if they
could just go somewhere private and do the scene, no cameras. “Yeah…”
“I want it to be passionate. This is the money maker. But don’t over do it. Remember she’s soaking wet and you two are
both lonely as a fucking desert and are searching for each other. When you kiss her I want us all to feel
it. I need there to be something there,
something that just…”
“Sparks…” Justin sighed and stared
on stage as a few people stood in the area that he and Susan would be,
perfecting the camera angles and lighting.
“Exactly!” Richard exclaimed.
“I don’t even know why I’m talking this over with you. You know what you’re doing. It’s the other one I’m worried about.”
“Hey!” Justin felt offended by
that comment. This was Susan. This was his, well, not his girlfriend but
his possible girlfriend, and he wasn’t going to have anyone bad mouthing her,
even if it was his boss. “She’s just
paranoid and frightened about being out here.”
“That’s what worries me.” Richard
said in voice that was genuinely concerned.
It hit Justin right then that what Richard had been throwing at her
wasn’t meant to be rude or mean or angry.
He was simply frustrated with her, much like Justin was. He was concerned and could see her going down
a path she wanted to go, but without any armor.
“She’s so up tight. She’s almost
too much like the damn character. Maybe
I should just film her instead of trying to get her to act.”
“She’s good though,” Justin said.
Richard laughed under his breath
just a bit. “She’s fucking incredible,
but I’m scared she’s gonna let her self get eaten
up. I’m going to go check on the
lighting crew.” He patted Justin’s
shoulder and went off towards the set, listening in on a conversation before
putting in his ideas.
Justin looked after him and after
some more restless staring, Olivia came over and
smiled at him. She sat down a bag on a table
and shrugged off her rain coat, throwing it out of the way and on the concrete
floor. It must have started raining
again. She then opened up a little
compact and came towards him with it.
“Look up,” She said simply, and he
did what she asked while she gently patted his face with a round puff.
“How is she?” He couldn’t help
himself.
“Who?”
He rolled his eyes as she smirked. “Funny Olivia.”
“She’s fine. Wet.” She chuckled and then shrugged. “Annoyed with me and Jason, I think. Copped an attitude with us. You’re doing a damn good job of leaving that
girl hanging.” She finished by narrowing
her eyes at him.
He dropped his jaw a bit. Now they were blaming him for her
insecurities. This was ridiculous. “It’s
not my…”
“Oh please.” Olivia pulled back
and made a pretty dramatic expression before looking at him dead on. “If you wanted to kiss her so bad you would
have planted one on her long ago, despite what she said, no matter how much she
protested. You would have grabbed her
and smacked her one. Admit it.”
Justin was quiet for a moment as
she continued to put something on his cheeks and forehead. He had never thought of that. He was always a very forceful person when it
came to what he wanted in life. But
relationships were different. He
couldn’t force anyone to go against their will.
Maybe what he wanted was her to admit it back to him, for her to
approach him.
He wanted her to give in. He wanted her to kiss him.
He looked up at Olivia and asked, “Are
you saying that’s what she’s wanted me to do all this time?”
“Are you that blind?” She smiled.
“She keeps telling me that we can
and we shouldn’t and all this other shit!” He exclaimed in his defense.
“Quiet your voice,” She
scolded. “You need to be calmer for this
scene.”
“I am calm.” He was annoyed with her and sat up in his
chair as she stood there fiddling around in a bag she had on the small table
beside them. “But I’m determined, too.
Are you done?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes.”
With that he pushed himself off
his chair and walked off to the side and away from the set. He needed to clear his mind and get away from
everyone. He needed to pace. He got in a few short laps, staring at his
feet, thinking about how he should approach her, if he should approach
her. He didn’t know what to say to her
on set and was trying to think of something good, something not forceful, but
something that would win her over. He
stopped, closed his eyes and stood there defeated. Now he was turning into a manipulator.
He opened his eyes.
She was staring back.
There were several feet in between
them and she wasn’t making a move to come near him, but she was staring. He felt breathless looking at her. Her eyes were insanely beautiful and were working
their way deep inside of him. Finally, she
turned away and looked down at her hands as she stood in front of her chair and
listened to what Richard was telling her.
He felt drawn to her, unable to stop himself. Without knowing it he walked over to her
where she was standing. She stood there
quietly with her hair damp and hanging against her shoulders, wetting the dry white
men’s t-shirt she was wearing.
He got close, close enough to
where he could hear Richard telling her the same thing he told him earlier. He wanted to reach out and touch her but
forced himself to be still and just admire her
profile. He then went on to talk about
the background scene, which was a scene where Valerie got a flat tire after
leaving a party. Justin’s character
leaves soon after and finds her stranded on the side of the road in an unusual
He gives her dry clothes. They talk.
They kiss. And then they have
sex.
“Hey!” Richard said him as he
approached but Justin kept his eyes on Susan as she turned and looked at
him. “You guys ready for this?”
He was stunned for a moment and
had to jolt his brain back to working order, tell himself to breathe, blink and
finally to respond. “Oh yeah…” Justin
said in an arrogant manner and looked away from her, strolling casually onto
the set. He wanted her to know how much
he was looking forward to this, but he also didn’t want Richard to catch on.
One of the assistant directors
pointed to where she wanted them to sit and he plopped down on the floor,
resting his back against the couch that was there. He looked up to Susan and she was standing
there biting her lip, trying not to get caught glancing at him. But she was caught and he grinned up at her, patting
the space beside him. He watched her take
in a deep breath and then carefully move herself into
sitting position beside him, her knees up by her chest.
“We’re gonna
do a run through of the scene real quick, but I’m gonna
roll cameras on this one, ok?” Richard said.
“So this really is a take?” Justin asked.
“Yes, but a practice one.” Richard smiled, then turned on his heels and
called out, “Clear set!”
He sat there and licked his lips,
going over the lines in his head but really wondering how she would taste. He wondered if she had brushed her
teeth. He had, but he wouldn’t mind a McDonald’s tasting girl.
Suddenly he heard a whisper, “I
won’t use tongue if you won’t.”
He could help the smile on his
face and turned to look at her dead on.
“What if I want to?” He could see
her gulp but didn’t have a chance to do anything about it or provoke another
response because someone called out, “Action...”
A moment passed and then another.
“I think you saved me from
drowning,” She said with a slight laugh.
Yes, she was different now. She
was being professional, acting, becoming Valerie.
He stretched his arms across the
seat of the couch and shook his head. “This
is rain like back home. So strange for here.”
He looked at her as Justin, not Daniel and she looked away bashfully,
afraid to look at him just like her character was. Just like she was. He chuckled after a moment and said, “It’s so
weird. I never thought it’d be the same.”
“What is it?” She asked with a deer in headlights
type of look.
“
She smiled sympathetically and lowered her legs to stretch
them out in front of her. Her guard was
being lowered. “Yeah, and it’s worse here because you don’t expect it.
You think the sun and the beach and the laid back attitude would just soak you
up and you’d be part of the crowd.”
“But you’re not part of the crowd.” He moved so his
hands were running over his head, trying to show how uncomfortable and
frustrated he was. It was amazing how
the emotions he needed to portray on camera were the exacts ones he felt. It was getting hot under the dim lights and
he just realized that there were people watching them, silent, waiting for them
to kiss, to mess up, to finish the scene. They weren’t in a trailer, or in his house,
or in a car, or a dark corner of a club, or on a secluded beach. They were in public, being filmed and there
was no way she would be able to push him away.
“I can’t keep doing this, Val. I can’t keep putting all my faith
into every chance and then not receiving anything in return. I can’t keep
living out here, wasting my money on auditions and clubs and living a life that
I don’t even know if I really like that much.”
“What else would you do?”
“I don’t know.” He
laughed sadly and shrugged, “Go back home.”
“Home?”
He looked at her and her eyes melted into his. “
“But…”
“But nothing…” He shook his head and turned to
her. “I can’t…I can’t do this
anymore. I gotta go back.”
“But you can’t…”
“Why?” He asked her.
She bit her lip, and
got a nervous look in her face. She was
good, she was perfect. She knew exactly
how to act. Richard was probably thankful that he was taping this. “Be…b-because…”
“Valerie…”
Her voice broke through louder, desperate to tell him the
truth and not being able to hold it anymore.
“’Cause then I’ll really be alone. What will I do?” He watched as
her eyes watered. It wasn’t in the
script and would be a nice touch. The
only problem was he was sure those tears weren’t the marks of a gifted actress,
but of a destroyed woman who was tired of being alone. It was disgusting this was on film. He didn’t care about being forceful
anymore. He wanted to protect her and
hide her and hold her and let her know that it would be ok. He wouldn’t leave her, he couldn’t. “I mean…” She sniffed and looked up in his
eyes, wanting, waiting. “I’m here.
It’s not so bad with me here, right?”
This was it. It was
about to happen. He shushed her from
getting too excited and leaned closer, touching her face. He lowered his eyelids and looked at
her. She was trembling and he knew she
was nervous. It had been so long for her
and she was terrified. He thought it was
childish of her. He thought she should
have grown up and gotten over it and moved on to him. But sitting there, looking at her, watching
her try her best not to cry, her best not to let it all break down, he almost
felt himself on the verge of tears.
He stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles and
moved them down to the side of her mouth.
But she broke it, making him snap his hand back a little bit as she
sucked in a breath and whispered, “A-are you going to seduce me now?”
He was supposed to smile.
He was supposed to give a cocky little half grin and be so sexy that
every woman in
“What do you mean?” She whispered.
He forgot the world.
He forgot Richard, the cameras, the set, the crew, the studio, the world.
He could only see her. He felt her,
creeping deep inside of him. He felt
himself falling in love with her. He
felt like a match out of the box, in between two fingers but not yet lit, or a
candle, one that had already been burned down a bit, a hump of wax with a
blackened wick in the center, begging, thirsty to be lit again.
He licked his lips and pressed his forehead against hers,
cupping her cheek. He was looking at her
through lowered eyelids and she was staring at his mouth and then darting her
eyes up to his. “Don’t be nervous,” he
whispered to her and to himself because he felt more on edge than he had ever
been in his life.
Yet, he was calm, collected and very, very sure of himself.
It was time and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He tilted his head, completely closed his
eyes, and lowered his mouth. The match
was struck, the candle was lit.
And he felt sparks.
He didn’t push her but only pressed his lips against hers,
parted and blissfully soft. A moment
passed and he pulled away ever so slightly, just enough to let out a gentle
breath. He brushed his thumb across her
cheek and felt a streak of dampness coming down from the corner of her
eye. He thought about pulling away and holding
her. He didn’t want to push her anymore
or force her to do something she didn’t want to.
It was too much for her and she was breaking down.
But before he got the chance to pull away any more he felt
her lift her head again and felt her lips against his. She kissed him purposefully this time,
pulling away to take a breath again and then going back in. This time she opened her mouth and kissed him
full on, no guard, no barrier, no cameras, no world, no rules, just kissing
him. And it felt…God, indescribable.
He moved one hand down to her neck and the other moved to
the back of her head, tangled in the wet strands. He moved his tongue against hers and sighed
from the pleasure. She didn’t taste like
toothpaste, or McDonald’s, but something completely different that was only
Susan. Her lips were soft, heavenly and
he seriously thought that kissing her was probably the best thing he had ever
done. Two years did nothing. She was incredible. She was heaven defined.
He pulled away and pressed his forehead against hers,
smiling, out of breath and enthralled.
They had kissed. They had really
done it. And he realized there was no
coming back now. Everything had changed,
everything was perfect. And he was
pretty damn sure he was in the process of falling in love with her.
“Cut!”
His eyes popped open and so did hers. They had both completely forgotten everything
and everyone in that room. She licked
her lips and he was terrified. She was
going to cry or break down or run away.
He could feel it. This was
bad. He should have talked to Richard or
kissed her before or something. It
wasn’t fair to her. Her first kiss since
that asshole crushed her and he did it to her in a crowd, with “acting” as a
cover up.
He shook his head and tried to think of something to say to
her but couldn’t find the words. And he
didn’t have to. He heard a giggle and
immediately looked at her. She was
sitting there, biting on her thumb and smiling at him shyly. She looked away with a grin and pulled her
knees so she could hold them.
“That was fucking fabulous!” He looked up to see Richard
standing in front of them, looking down at them in shock. He turned to Susan and said, “Susan, that tear!
I could kiss you myself! That was genius. Can you two do it again? I wanna get a
little more lighting on your faces. But
God! Oh my God, I could cry.”
He walked away rambling about something and then yelled at
the lighting guys to get to work. They
just sat there, silent and all smiles.
He didn’t know what to say to her and hoped she didn’t mind his
silence. He didn’t want to stare at her
too much, but after awhile he couldn’t help himself and glanced at her.
She bit her lip and looked at him saying, “That wasn’t too
bad” in a quiet voice.
He laughed, loud, and full.
“No, not at all.” And then nudged her
playfully.
They sat there giggling at each other and giving each other
shy glances. He didn’t know why he was
acting this way, but he was giddy and thrilled that he was going to get to kiss
her again. Cameras and people be damned,
he didn’t care any more.
“Are you two ready?”
Richard called from behind the cameras.
It was hard to see now that lights were being shone directly at
them. They weren’t bright, but did make
everything shadowy that was behind them.
“Oh yeah!” Susan called out
and he laughed at how free she seemed now.
She was happy, smiling and it was all because he kissed her. It was all because as soon as their lips
touched the world was changed and he was damn sure neither of them would ever be the same.