The warm water wasn’t much of a
comfort but it kept her teeth from chattering.
The rain was cold and soaked her through and through. Richard words were like ice and she was left
frozen. This was it. She was sure she was done for. She had cracked. There was no use hiding it or trying to
pretend, she sucked as an actress and sucked as a human being and was about to
be handed a one-way ticket back to New York.
But she didn’t want to go there.
She wanted to go home and cry to her momma and have her dad give her
some comforting advice and spend some much needed time with her sister.
The tears that came from her eyes
were not only from the episode she had just had, the embarrassment of being
told off or having Justin see her in such a broken down state. No, she had realized that today was not just
any day, but her sister’s birthday. She
had forgotten. Normally this wouldn’t
have been such a huge ordeal, but she had forgotten this very special date a
year before and had made promise upon promise that she would never forget it
again.
But she did. She had been concerned with her own life,
with her own failure and her mind had been consumed with Justin and she had
completely forgot that her sister turned sixteen. Maybe going home would be a good thing. She had been out of it and out of her family’s
life for too long. The only problem was
she was pretty sure acceptance from her sister would be hard to come by. She sighed and leaned her head against the
glass door of the shower. She never
expected her life to be unraveling before she got to twenty five. She had nothing much to live for except
herself. She had little responsibility
to anyone else and no ties except for her family. It made her miserable.
She was so burdened by what was
going to happen. She really couldn’t
think of anything positive at the moment.
Her family probably hated her, Richard thought she was horrible, the
rest of the crew laughed at her and she was sure her only true friend, Brenda,
was about to be very disappointed in her. There was only one person that was still there, still had hope for her and that was Justin.
Justin.
She tried to fight it but a
soothing calm came over her and a smile spread on her face. It was wrong and it was impossible and stupid
for them to actually try doing…whatever it was they were doing. But he liked her. He liked her a lot. She could tell by the way he looked at her
and the way he touched her. He was soft
and gentle and was scared of pushing her too far and trying desperately to
restrain himself from doing anything.
She wanted to tell herself to be cautious, to not trust him, to not give
in, to not feel anything because they were co-workers-- nothing more.
But his eyes were so blue and his
smile was so genuine. He was cute and
didn’t seem to try too hard with her. He
was always calm and relaxed. His
presence soothed her. Being gorgeous
didn’t hurt either.
She got out of the shower and
toweled off. She squeezed her wet hair
out into the towel and then got another dry one to wrap around her body. It was her lunch break and she was unsure if
Justin remembered about the McDonald’s thing.
She figured she’d make herself a sandwich and then call her sister and
try her best to muster up some kind of apology.
She wasn’t so sure how successful
she would be.
She opened her bathroom door and
then padded over to the door of her bedroom so she could go out and find her
cell phone somewhere else in the trailer.
She opened the door and then stopped all movement.
He was sitting there on her couch,
carefully making a spiral of ketchup on a mound of French fries he had poured
onto a paper plate. He glanced up with
a smile and then back down at his fries, “Hey…”
Then he looked back up at her and
just stared, realizing that she was just there in a towel.
“Hi…” She squeaked back. He looked damn good just sitting there on her
couch, McDonald’s food smell surrounding her and a large bag covered in “I’m lovin’
it” sitting on her coffee table.
“I thought you were hot from the
moment I saw you, but this…” He laughed
a bit and shook his head, scanning her body with his eyes. “This takes the cake.”
“Oh my god…” She suddenly realized what she was wearing
and turned into her room and pulled the door to cover her and be her
shield.
“No, please…” He chuckled. “I don’t mind it.”
She rolled her eyes and flipped
him off before slamming the door. She
knew he knew she was playing around because his laugh was echoing in her
ears. She felt excited and yet calm at
the same time. She quickly moved to pull
some shorts and a shirt over her body and pull her hair back in a wet, sloppy
ponytail. A second without him was a
second much wasted.
She was back in her little den
area in minutes and went to go sit down beside him where he was patting the
cushion of the couch. She perched herself down on the edge and peaked into the
bag, pulling out her burger.
“Where are my fries?”
He popped a fry in his mouth and
pointed to the heap of them on the paper plate.
“I thought we could share.”
“We’re gonna
need a lot more ketchup than that.”
He smiled and dug down into the
bag and pulled out a handful of small packets and put them on the table. “There.”
“Thanks. Thanks for the getting the
food, too.”
She watched him take his Big Mac
out of the little box it was in. He held
it in his hands and looked at her, “You can thank Trace next time you see
him. He went on home for the day,
though.” He then took a huge bite out of
his burger.
“Oh ok.” She unwrapped
her hamburger and carefully pulled off the pickles, turning up her nose a
little as she did so. He immediately
picked them up from the spread out wrapper and sucked them off his fingers. She
didn’t understand why such a stupid little movement so amazingly sexy to her.
“So you wanna
tell me what you’re thinking? Cause
Richard came down pretty hard on you back there.”
She groaned and set down her
hamburger as she chewed. “Can we not
talk about that? I’d like to enjoy the
last few minutes I have with you if that’s ok.”
“Last few minutes?” His eyebrows rose.
She shook her head and
sighed. “You know I’m going to be fired
Justin.”
“No you’re not. He came down hard on you, yes. But he’s not gonna fire you. And you need to buck up some.” He nudged her with his elbow and took a slurp
from the straw coming out of his cup.
She couldn’t believe what he was
saying. She should “buck up?” What did that mean? “What?”
“You give in so easily. Get a back bone,
stand up to him, stop saying you’re sorry.”
He smiled at her and then took the last bit of his burger and threw it
into his mouth.
“But I am…” She shook her head. “I mean was.”
“Well, they aren’t firing you
because…” He took another sip and then
relaxed back against the couch, looking at her.
“Jason informed me that he and Olivia were going to bust up on our sex
fest in a half hour to get you ready for the next scene.”
She choked on a fry and stared at
him. Slowly her brain started to work
again. He was looking quite inviting
laying there with his arm across the back of the couch, smiling at her. “Sex fest?”
“His words, not mine.” He lifted up his hands in defense and then
winked at her. “Just
my fantasy.”
She pouted at him in a flirting
manner and turned back to the French fries, making a small puddle of ketchup on
the paper plate with the packets. She
was a ketchup fiend. “You’re bad.”
She felt his hand rubbing her back
and then felt him squeeze her to his side a bit, whispering, “You like it.”
He was calming her and even though
his flirting made her excited and on edge, it wasn’t bad. It was pleasant, welcomed and now that she
had convinced herself that her job was about to be taken away from her, she didn’t
see the harm in indulging in him. She
laughed and dipped a fry into her ketchup pile.
“I’m having such a shitty day. I
think having you around is the only thing positive about it.”
“Really?” He asked surprised,
“Me?”
“Yeah, I mean the crew probably
thinks I’m so stupid, Richard hates me, my sister
probably won’t ever speak to me again.”
“What happened with your sister?” He leaned forward and took a few fries and
then relaxed back against the couch
“I forgot her birthday and well, I
forgot it last year, too. She turned
16. I’m such a moron.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’ll forgive
you. That’s what family does.” He shrugged and smiled.
“I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to
make it up to her.” It was
hopeless. Her sister wasn’t a very
materialistic person. She didn’t care
about gifts or money. She cared about
her family though and was a good kid.
Susan knew she deserved a sister that was there to talk to her when she
needed her. She had been less than
suitable.
The only thing she knew that she
had ever gotten her sister that truly meant something was when she waited out
in the rain with her at Ticketmaster for three hours
to get tickets for her and her friends to go to an *Nsync
concert a few years ago. Her sister was
so happy when they got home with floor tickets and she was able to call up her
friends and tell her that they were able to go see the boys. She was supposed to go with her sister to the
concert, but got the flu and their dad ended up being the chaperone in perfect
“I’m the dad of a 13 year old girl” fashion.
She slowly turned to Justin. Maybe there was something she could do.
“Why are you staring at me like
that?” He asked with an uneasy
laugh. She just continued to stare and
wonder if he would do what she’d ask him.
It would be silly and kind of stupid, but it would make her sister
happy, even if her sister had moved more to music like Good Charlotte and
Simple Plan. Her sister was a huge fan
of Justin’s and when Susan had told Heather about her movie and who would be in
it. Her sister was more excited that she
was working with Justin, than the fact that her sister was moving to LA, or
that her dream had come true and she was going to actually being in a movie.
Susan didn’t answer him, but
instead leaned forward to get her cell phone off the charger she had put it on
that was lying on one of the end tables.
She held it in her hands and passed it to him. “Would you call her?” She asked.
“Who?” He paused for a
moment. “Your sister?”
She looked away for a moment
almost embarrassed or ashamed to ask him this.
She knew it was over stepping her boundaries and she didn’t want to force
him to do something he didn’t want to. “She’s
a big fan.” She finally said, “It’s the only thing that I think could make her
happy.”
The phone was snatched from her
hand and she turned to see that he was smiling.
“Sure, she just turned 16?”
“Yeah…here…” She dialed the number for him and watched as
he carefully pulled it up to the side of his face. “Her name is Heather…” He winked at her and she knew right then and
there that she was in trouble. He wasn’t
just her hot co-star or a crush. He was
lethal and she had been too blind to realize that he had already infected her.
“Hi, is Heather there?...Thanks.” He pulled the phone away from his mouth and
said, “I think that was your mom. She
sounds nice.”
“Well, she is.” Susan giggled and
chewed on a fry as he waited.
She watched his face pick up and
say, “Hey, Heather? Yeah, this is Justin.” He paused and chuckled, “Justin
Timberlake….No, this isn’t a joke...I’m serious! I’m using you sister’s cell
phone! Here talk to her.”
He handed her the phone and rolled
his eyes a little bit. Susan smiled and
brought the phone to her ear, “Hey Heather…”
Her sister didn’t say anything for
a moment and then finally, breathed out, “Oh my god….”
“It’s really him Heathie. I’m sorry
about earlier.”
“Oh my god…”
Susan laughed. Her sister was freaking out and she knew
immediately that she was off the hook and forgiven. “Here, talk to him and stop saying that.”
She handed the phone back over to
Justin and giggled, listening in on his half of the conversation. “Hey, so I heard you just turned
sixteen. Heather?...Hi,
yes…Naw, girl it’s ok. So you get your license and all?...For real!? Awesome. You’ll have
to come out here and visit your sister and you can drive us all around…Nah,
it’s easy…Yeah, I’d love to hang out.
Your sister is awesome so that means you probably are, too...Yeah, I
like her a lot.” She bit her lip when his eyes darted to her and he stared at
her. And he didn’t stop. “I hope you have an insanely happy birthday
and don’t go to crazy with driving and all.
Come up some time soon, ok?...Sweet. I know your sister is really busy and all
right now Heather, but she really loves you alright?...That’s
awesome. Bye girl. Hope to see you soon.”
The phone snapped shut and he
placed it beside their half eaten fries and McDonald’s cups and bags and
wrappers. She heard him sigh and say,
“She’s happy and she loves you back.” He
licked his lips, nodded in a cocky manner and said, “I’m so awesome at peace
keeping.”
“You’re awesome at a lot of
stuff…”
“Like what?”
She laughed. It seemed so weird to her to hear a man like
him fish for compliments. Didn’t he
know? “Oh, I don’t know. Singing, dancing, acting, being hot, getting
chicks…”
“Getting chicks?” He chuckled.
Her light blue eyes glanced at him
and she patted his shoulder. “Oh, let’s
go down your past, shall we? Britney? Christina?”
“Christina never happened.”
“Really…”
He shrugged, “We’re like…I
wouldn’t call us brother and sister but like cousins, ya
know? We’re close and shit, but not THAT close.”
“Ok, then there was the girl from ‘Who’s
the Boss’?”
“Alyssa…” He eyed her and then started to smile. “You’ve been watching your tv and reading your magazines.”
“My sister really does love you…” She shook her head. He really had made her sister’s day. “And there’s Cameron. I’m gonna leave out
Janet.”
“Let’s not go there, please…” He
groaned.
She was shocked. She had heard the rumors from her sister about
him and Miss Jackson, but assumed them to be false. “Really?”
“No, about Cameron. Janet’s a wild girl
who can tease the hell out of a guy.
She’s…” He sighed and widened his
eyes just a bit. “She’s too much for me
and pretty serious with Jermaine…”
“Right…” She didn’t really know
who he was talking about and ignored most of his comment. “But like I said, you’re good with chicks.”
“What about you?”
“What do you mean?”
His smile was slick. “I haven’t gotten you yet…”
“Yet is the key word…” She winked at him in a purely flirting
manner. The more time she spent with him
the more she convinced herself that she needed to pursue whatever it was that
was happening between them. He was just
too good and so what if he was a little out of her league. It wasn’t every day a man like him had
feelings for her.
“Ha, ha. I don’t know. I think you’re a little out of my league.”
She almost spit out her sip of
drink and scooted to the side so she could turn on the couch and look him full
in the face. “ME?!”
“Yeah, you’re…” He cleared his throat. “You’re a classy gal, Susan. Most the girls I date are just goof balls who
are fun. You got a lot more going
on. Up here…” He tapped his head and
then brought his hand down and tapped the center of his chest. “And here…”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged and mumbled, “I don’t
know.” And for a moment she thought that
was all she was going to get from him.
But then he turned on the couch and rested his elbow on the back of it
to put his head in his hand. “I’m just
trying to figure out why it’s been two years since you’ve been with a guy…”
“Whoa, way to
turn the conversation around.” She said nervously, not wanting to go down
that road.
“It’s a gift…so why is that?”
He didn’t miss a beat and only sat
there, staring at her, waiting for an answer.
“Why I haven’t dated?” She asked
slowly. “I guess, I just don’t like a lot of
guys. Guys are evil. So are girls, but…evil in a different way.”
“So who was he?”
She gulped. She really didn’t want to go down this road. “Huh?”
“You got fucked over didn’t you?”
She blinked and he didn’t. A moment passed and she looked down at her
lap and mumbled, “I guess you could say that…”
“What happened?”
She rolled her eyes at
herself. It was a sad, stupid little
tale and she couldn’t believe she was going to tell him her sob story. But she did.
“I guess it’s kind of pathetic. I
mean, I guess you could say I’m still getting over my first love and all. Like, we broke up his freshman year when I
moved up to
“For sex?”
She took a deep breath looking at
him. He was still staring at her,
listening to her intently, understanding more than she ever thought
possible. Soon she found it flowing out
of her easily. She found herself glad to
tell him about William, about her inability to get over the past, about her
fear of falling again.
“Yeah, pretty much. And he’d always say that he had changed and
that he wanted me back and every time I would buy it cause I was still in love
with him. And he knew how lonely I was
in
“Damn…”
She didn’t mind that he was now
scooting a little closer on the couch.
In fact, she was hoping he would touch her or hold her or
something. She wanted to feel like she
did when she was in his arms earlier, when she had to force herself from giving
into him. She was tried of forcing
herself to do things she didn’t want to do, like bathroom cleaner commercials,
and blind dates, and a life of loneliness.
“Yeah and then like, I finally get this phone call from him and he’s
just apologizing for being an ass and treating me like he did and he told me he
wanted to see me again and stuff. He
said he’d call the next day and we could talk about when to meet up, cause see,
he went to
“Did he call?”
“Nope, and I knew better than to
try and call him back. I got a call from
my momma though, about three or four months later, wondering if I knew that
William was getting married.”
“Shit.” He said and closed his
eyes.
“Yup.”
He opened his eyes again and
nodded. “So let me guess, every time
he’d fight with his girl he’d make a trip to
“Pretty much. I don’t, I don’t
want to feel that way again. I don’t
want to feel that type of rejection and that type of loneliness. I’ve moved on from him and gotten over
him. But not what he did to me and how
he made me feel. I don’t want to feel
that ever again and so I don’t risk it.
I don’t date.”
“Guys aren’t evil, Susan.” He sighed.
“They’re just really, really, really stupid. Sometimes we can’t see outside of ourselves,
and it’s not that we’re selfish, it’s just that we’re
blind. We really are fucking blind.”
She laughed and figured they had
opened up enough in the past few hours that she could tell him what she wanted
to tell him since she saw him first thing in the morning, “So to say that I’m
nervous about kissing you, well, that’s a little bit of an understatement. I hope it’s not the worst thing you’ve ever
experienced. I haven’t done it in so
long.”
He smiled in a boyish manner and
poked her in her shoulder. “You almost
kissed me earlier.”
“I know.” She closed her eyes when she felt his fingers
move to tuck a piece of her still hair that had fallen from her damp ponytail
back from her face and behind her ear.
He was so gentle and sweet and she forced herself to pull back a little
bit and stare at him dead on. “You’re a
dangerous man.”
He half smiled. “And you’re a very tempting, beautiful
woman.”
“Shut up…” She pushed at him but wasn’t able to contain
her smile.
“You shouldn’t be scared,
Susan. Some of us guys are still idiots,
but at least we can see. And I’m not
blind to what’s sitting beside me right now.
I’m not blind to see how great you are, how much you’re worth. Which is so much more than
whatever that bastard gave you.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Like I said…dangerous…”
“What’s wrong with me?” Ha laughed and asked in a way that exuded
innocence but proved his guilt. “Why am
I dangerous?”
She sighed and stood up to pick up
all their trash. She wanted to live in
the fantasy that they would be good together and live happily ever after. He’d cure her of all her fears and she’d give
him some spark in his life that he was so desperately searching for. But that was all a fantasy and she knew the
truth and she knew the ending. She stuffed
their trash into the McDonald’s bag and moved to go to her kitchen so she could
throw it away. “Cause I can see the way
this will end. I hate admitting to it
but in relationships I’m a high maintenance girl. I need attention. I need to know that I trust you. I have to see it. And I know this life style out here in
“You don’t know me.” He said to her and she turned from where she
was safe, in the kitchen, several feet from him. She caught his eyes. He was still dangerous and she realized she
was far from safety. “You don’t know how
much attention I give. It’s what I think
pushes a lot of women away. They think I
go overboard. I push too much, I ask too much, I want too much emotionally. You don’t know how I’m like Susan.”
“You’re right…” She nodded, happy that he had unknowingly
given her some excuse to why they wouldn’t work. “I don’t know you.” She knew she was an idiot for pushing him
away and doubting any possibility they had.
But she couldn’t get her hopes up.
She just couldn’t.
She wouldn’t be crushed again, no
matter what he said or promised or did.
“Don’t play that card.” He said harshly, standing up from the
couch. “You know enough. You know enough to want to know more.” He walked towards her and she backed up
against the refrigerator. This was
it. He was going to get her good this
time. She wouldn’t be able to say no.
And she would fall and things
would change. And she hated change. “I
feel the same way girl. I wanna know you, like really know you and get inside of
you…”
She tried to stop it, tried
anything to stop it. “Oh my god, was that a pick up line…” She forced laughter.
But he didn’t flinch. “You know what I mean Susan…”
He was close now. “Do I?” She sucked in a breath when he was a foot
from her. He was grinning. He knew what he was doing to her. It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t fight back, he had the entire
upper hand and it wasn’t fair. And she
didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. She was conflicted. She wanted to be with him, she wanted him to
kiss her. But she knew that was the last
thing she needed in her life. She had a
whole new thing going for her and getting involved with a co-star, a celebrity,
or even a regular old guy that worked at a coffee shop or a gas station was
something she couldn’t afford to deal with.
But then the more he stood there,
looking at her, the more she couldn’t help but wonder. What if she was wrong? What if what she needed this whole time was
someone to love her, someone to hold her and care for her? What if all she really needed was a good lay,
or a least a good kiss?
“Susan, I want to kiss you.”
She gulped.
His voice was low and he ran his
finger down her arm to her hand and held it saying, “I want to kiss you really,
really bad and not in front of cameras and people. I want to do it right here. I don’t want you to push me away or back out
or break it off and tell me we shouldn’t.
I just want to kiss you.” She opened her mouth to say something but
nothing came out. “If you don’t want to,
walk away from me. Just walk away.”
“I can’t.” She croaked and was immediately sure he would
laugh at her for sounding like a frog.
But he didn’t. Instead her kind of smiled and stepped closer,
cupping her cheek with his hand, “Can’t kiss me? Or can’t walk away from me?”
“Please don’t make me do
this.” She whispered harshly, “I want to,
but I can’t Justin. I just…”
“I’m not that guy Susan,” he
pleaded. “I’m not gonna
break your heart and use you for your body and make you hate yourself and lose
faith in any possibility of finding someone.
I’m not that guy, I won’t do that.
I just want to kiss you. That’s
all.”
“But…”
He cut her off. “It’s just a kiss Susan. We’re gonna have to
do it out there.”
He was pressuring her and she was
tired to if. She couldn’t have him
pressure her. It was supposed to happen
naturally. It was supposed to just pop
up and happen without cause or reason, just like her feelings for him had just
sprung up on her. There was no logic
behind it and yet here she was, falling for him. But she wouldn’t have him pressuring her like
she was in middle school. “Stop it! Ok?”
She pushed at him and went to pace in the kitchen. He just stood there, looking at her like he
had just lost the championship game in little league. “It’s not just a kiss. It’s not!
It’ll start out that way and then I’ll give into you, fall for you, and
you’ll tell me you feel the same but it won’t be true. I just.
I can’t do this, ok? It’s hard
enough when I already have feelings…”
She sucked in a breath, terrified
of what she almost said, of what she almost admitted to him. His forehead furrowed for a moment and then
relaxed and he looked at her dead on, about to walk determinedly over to her
and kiss her. She knew it. She knew it.
She had given up too much information.
She didn’t have to finish her little speech because he already
knew. He was dangerous and she just got
marked as a target that he was about to start firing on.
She was in trouble.
But then a banging on the door
sounded. She sighed relief at Jason’s
voice and watched as Justin rolled his eyes and his shoulders slumped in
annoyance. “Sex fest must finish or I’m
going to break out the video camera and sell it on ebay!”
He ran his hands over his face and
then just looked at her. She didn’t know
what else to say to him. She didn’t know
what had just happened between them. Had
something changed? We’re they now just
as confused as ever? He started to walk
towards her and she amazingly wasn’t frightened. He was going to kiss her. He didn’t care that Jason was at the door or
what she had just said in her little speech.
She had tried to convince herself that he was going to hurt her, or that
he was dangerous. And he was, but he
wasn’t dangerous in the sense that pouring lighter fluid on a flame was
dangerous. He was the type of dangerous
that was involved with bungee jumping, or sky diving, or falling for someone.
She licked her lips. Maybe she needed him to kiss her.
He got closer and closer and then
she realized, he wasn’t going towards her. He looked upset, not angry or sad, but upset
about something and walked straight to the door, opened it and then turned back
to her. Jason was there looking as
curious as ever, and had somehow gotten a hold of a boa and was wearing it
fabulously. Justin was looking back at
her. His eyes held a strange mix of
defeat and determination.
“See ya
on set.” He said and she couldn’t figure
out what his tone meant.
Jason moved to the side to let him
pass and he disappeared from her view.
She stared after him blankly.
Something was about to happen between them. He didn’t want to kiss her in front of
cameras and people. He didn’t want them
to have their feelings displayed like that.
But now, now the moment was minutes away and she wasn’t so sure what was
going to happen when Richard called action.