Something had happened to
her. Whatever it was it was, it was
bad. She was scared, curled up on her
bed cowering away from him. He was determined
to get to the bottom of it. Someone like
her, someone with her grace and her smile shouldn’t sit on their bed crying and
afraid of a friend. Unless of course
that friend was the one who hurt her.
He breathed heavily, realizing
that Jason and Olivia must have been telling her about him, about his reaction,
about what he said about her. And now
she was scared of him. She was scared he was going to make another
move on her and put her in a compromising position. He should have known better than to have
gotten a crush on his co-worker, and then have the nerve to go blab about it to
everyone.
But they, they forced it out of
him. They knew from the moment they
looked at him that he had feelings for her.
Trace was right; he was a shitty actor.
Words left him and he felt like a
complete fool standing in her bed room as she cried and cried not doing
anything to comfort her. He didn’t feel
like he had the right or the privilege to console her, and yet he couldn’t
leave her upset. He couldn’t see her
upset. It ached
him to stand there and just watch her.
It was slow torture and he didn’t know how to stop it.
He couldn’t handle seeing her cry
anymore. It was almost as bad as seeing
his mother cry. He stepped forward,
unable to control himself, and said her name, “Susan…”
“Just, just go away Justin.” She moaned into her hands and then fell over
on her side and curled in a ball. He
didn’t know what it was he had done to make her so upset, but whatever it was
he felt horrible for it. He knew he
shouldn’t have fell for her or to try and kiss her, but it was too hard not
to.
“I’m sorry.” He said and bowed his
head and quickly left the room. He
stopped when he stepped outside the bedroom and stared at the couch where he had
almost made something happen between them.
He almost wished he had just gone for it and not cared about any
knocking or Jason’s voice. Then maybe
she wouldn’t be confused, or hurt, or whatever feeling it was that had her so
miserable.
He was at the door of her trailer,
about to exit, when he heard, “Wait.”
His body did just that and he turned back around and walked determinedly
straight for her when she said, “Come back.”
“Did I do something wrong?” He asked desperately as she rolled over to
face him. He didn’t care if he was
getting too close and sat down on the edge of the bed, turning his body so she
could look at him.
She sniffed and rubbed under her
eyes. “No, it’s not you…” She sat up
against the pillows and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I just can’t get Richard to like me. And I really think that if I don’t quit he’s
sure as hell going to fire me.”
“No he’s not. He likes you.”
“Spare me the bull shit will you?”
She replied harshly.
He was taken back for a
moment. He had never got the impression
from Richard that he didn’t like Susan.
In fact, he had always been told that Richard thought very highly of
Susan and was glad he got to be the person to discover her before any one
else. He had been told that their director
had been a little hard on her lately, but sitting in a trailer crying her eyes
out seemed a little extreme.
“He’s always told me that he likes
you. Maybe he’s changed his
opinion. I don’t know. But I don’t see any reason to believe that he
hates you or is going to fire you or anything else.”
“Whatever…” She rolled her eyes and he stared at her
hard. There was something else there in
her eyes. There was fear in her eyes and
a distance that seemed to veil her from the rest of the world. She was scared right then with him. He nodded to himself and didn’t move his gaze
from where she was trying to pretend she didn’t notice him staring at her.
“This has to do with something
else.” He stated.
“Like what? My job? My dream collapsing in on
me.”
“That kiss…” He said causally. “Or me trying to kiss you.”
She was staring at him now, those
sky blue eyes staring back at him, terrified of him. “You were just practicing.” She mentioned weakly.
He shook his head and smiled. He didn’t know why she was trying to play it
like nothing happened. They needed to
talk about it, they needed to talk it out and come to some sort of agreement
about how they were going to be with each other. He knew he shouldn’t pursue her, but he
couldn’t help himself. She was just too
good. “You know as well as I do, that
wasn’t no damn practice.”
“Justin…”
He immediately became annoyed at
her whiney tone. It made him feel weird,
like he was back in time with previous girls and their previous immaturity with
relationships. He didn’t want to get
into it with her if she was going to act like that, if she was going to whine
his name until they didn’t talk about it anymore. “God, what’s wrong? You make it sound like it’s the worst thing.”
“But it is!” She said and she said
it so forcefully and with such meaning he was taken back for a moment. No, he knew she wasn’t an immature girl. She was a woman, a woman who had reservations
about dating him and probably for damn good reasons. He just hoped those reasons were ones he
could smash and get past.
“Oh…”
Realization of what she had just
said slowly came to him. She thought
kissing him was horrible, “the worst thing.”
He took a deep breath and looked down to the floor.
It hurt.
“I can’t fall in love with a
coworker, I can’t. I can’t do anything
Justin. I can’t kiss,
I can’t go on a date. I just can’t.”
felt before vanished. It
left an empty cavity that was filled with hope.
He could see himself with her for a long, long time.
“Why not?” He asked.
She pushed herself off the bed and
began to pace in the small space of her bedroom. “You don’t understand Justin. You’re set.
You’ve got your career and your life.
I don’t. I have to work for
it. And I don’t want the press and the
crew and Richard wondering what’s going on with us every five seconds.
“You’re gonna
have to get over that Susan. That comes
with the business. Being out here,
everyone wants to know what you’re up to.
And not to sound cocky, but for some reason everyone takes notice of me.” He sighed and watched her as she began to
clean up some clothes that were on the floor and put them in a hamper in the
corner. “So, if you, if you associate
yourself with me they are going to ask questions.”
“That’s why this won’t work.” She
said simply. “It never works.” She turned her back to him and he couldn’t stand
it anymore. He stood off the bed and
walked to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. She tensed up and then relaxed.
“Don’t…” She whispered. “Please don’t.” But despite her words she leaned back against
him and he took the invitation to wrap his arms around her and hold her
tightly.
“Why not? I like you…” He
started to kiss her ear, wanting to be with her but she roughly broke from him
and turned around, narrowing her eyes at him.
“What are you trying to do to me? You just…you think this is fun don’t you?” Her voice turned angry. “You think this is going to work out? Well it’s not.”
“Susan…” He sighed. He didn’t mean to get her
upset. It wasn’t a game to him. He didn’t like to play games with girls. He had when he was younger, before Britney
and every time he had not only hurt the girl but tore a little bit away from
his soul. He couldn’t explain what was
happening to him. He was scared, yes, he
was terrified that if they got into this, if they went so far as to have a
relationship and something happened and she pulled a Britney, or a Cameron, or
even a Rebecca and left him for one reason or another, he knew it would be the
last straw for him. He knew it would end
him.
But with her, there was just something
there. Faith or Hope or something was
there and it was strong enough for him to want to jump into the vast abyss and
discover the truth about the unknown future they had at their fingertips. And some deep feeling within him told him
that that future was a damn good one.
He honestly, truly, had feelings
for her and he wasn’t just going to check them off as rebounds.
“Justin god, you just broke up
with your girlfriend and I’m a lonely little girl out in LA for the first
time. It’s just all the stress and the
pressure of this movie that’s bringing us together. That’s all it can be.”
He said, “That’s a lie.” and
gripped her arms tightly, shaking her a little to
prove his point. She was slipping away,
slipping past the point of accepting him and he couldn’t let that happen. “Dammit, that’s a lie.
You can’t tell me you didn’t feel it?”
“What?” She asked.
His hands eased their grip and he
slowly moved his hands up over her arms, rubbing them and suddenly wanting to
feel so much more of her. “This morning,
when the pole fell, when we were practicing, dammit
right now Susan…” She wouldn’t look at
him and finally closed her eyes and her lips parted in a soft sigh with his
fingertips skimmed softly across the neckline of her shirt. “You can feel it, I know you can.”
“Don’t do this…” She whispered when his hand came up to her
neck. He didn’t listen to her, and
continued to touch her, caressing her neck softly with one of his hands and
linking their fingers together with the other.
“What are you afraid of Susan?” Her eyes opened and they were watery with
tears. God, he didn’t want her to cry
again but he wanted to get inside those tears and find out why they were there. “God it’s like you want to be lonely. It’s like your afraid of not being that way.”
“I’m…” She took in a deep breath and he felt his
body shiver just a bit when her small hand came up to his wrist and she clasped
him there, where he was holding her cheek. “I’m afraid of being left
alone. So…so I’d rather just stay this
way, instead of being crushed again.”
“I won’t-“
She gripped him tighter and pulled
his hand off her and throwing his other hand away from where it was clasped
with hers at her side. “Don’t promise me things you don’t know about
Justin. God, what is this? You’ve known me for like 4 hours. And you don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me and here you
are telling me that I shouldn’t care about the crew and Richard and basically
shouldn’t care about my career. I can’t
just blow that all away on my attraction for my costar.”
He couldn’t help himself and his
hands went back to holding her face, pulling her close to him and searching her
eyes. He licked his lips and asked softly, “what about your attraction for a
guy named Justin. What about his
feelings for you. I can’t explain it
Susan. Dammit,
I wish I could. But I like you.” She
started to say something but didn’t and instead just stared at him. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to kiss her like
it was his dying wish, but instead he just lowered his eyes and whispered. “I
like you…” He stroked her cheeks with
his thumbs and couldn’t help himself when one of his hands dipped lower and he
brushed his thumb over her lips. She
sighed and closed her eyes. “I like you,
I don’t understand it, but…but I do.”
The faintest smile appeared on her
face when his forehead touched hers and he moved his hand from her lips to the
back of her neck, with every intention of pulling her forward for a kiss. He could feel her breath against his mouth
and could feel her hands on his arms, not pulling him away but holding on for
the ride, ready to enjoy the bliss they were both about to experience.
It was going to be so damn good.
“Susan? You ready?”
“Shit…” She whispered and he felt
his forehead fall to her shoulder in defeat.
“I understand that.” She said.
He pulled away, knowing the moment
was ruined with Olivia’s voice echoing in her bedroom. There was no point in trying anything further
“Are we ok?”
“Yeah, just…” She sighed and smiled at him. “Let’s just let things happen and not push
anything.”
He returned her smile and it made
him feel like jumping knowing that she wasn’t just saying no to them. She was actually giving them a chance. “That
sounds good.”
“I…” He melted when she blushed and pulled her
close in a hug when she said, “I like you too Justin. I just…”
“I know, I know.”
“Susan?”
She pulled away and straightened
out of her clothes she was wearing and stepped out of her room, looking back at
him for a moment. “I’m here.”
He walked behind her and found
Olivia cautiously standing by her trailer door with a hanger of clothes wrapped
in plastic and a small little bag in the other.
“I’m sorry but I really need to get you ready.”
“It’s ok.”
He stepped behind her and put his
hands on her shoulders, squeezing her.
He saw Olivia notice and bit his lip nervously when she started to smile
at them. “I probably should go. We have
lunch after this right?”
“I think so.”
He pulled away and stepped towards
the door. “Do you want me to have trace
get you something?”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” He smiled at her and
liked it when she smiled back at him. He
was starting to fall in love with her smile.
“We’re probably going to McDonalds.
But we can run by and get you something else.”
“McDonalds is fine.” She shrugged and moved to walk over towards
her makeup area.
“I get everything free there.” He winked at her and she laughed at him
through the mirror as she sat down in the chair. Olivia followed her, setting down her bag.
“You’re lovin’ it, huh?” Olivia said and then hummed the
famous theme song he was so overly annoyed with. But he didn’t mind the monthly check or the
free food.
“You want something, O?” He asked.
Olivia sucked the air through her
teeth and shook her head in mock disappointment as she began to put powder on
Susan’s face. “McDonald’s isn’t very vegetarian friendly.”
“They’ve got salads.” He said and then all his attention was forced
on to Susan. She was laughing at him,
but it was a purely happy laugh and it made him feel warm inside.
He was starting to think that just
maybe, just maybe, he liked her a little more than he thought. Maybe he was on the verge of falling in… No, too soon, way too damn
soon.
“I’ll pass.” Olivia chuckled.
He got her order and then quietly
left the girls alone. They were already
chatting about something and when he began to close the door he caught her
staring at him through the mirror. He
smiled at her and left her to go tell Trace what they wanted for lunch. Trace noticed his chipper attitude and
immediately questioned him about what had happened, but he kept a tight lip.
He didn’t want to jinx anything
and didn’t want any more people in their business or more information swimming
around the set than had already done so.
He normally told Trace every sizzling or not so sizzling detail when it
came to women he liked, but with her, for some reason with her he felt every
moment they shared was sacred, and retelling of those moments seemed
sacrilegious in some weird way. He
wanted her to like him and even though he had told her otherwise about the crew
and Richard, he wasn’t about to take that chance of having everyone looking at
them wondering, whispering, questioning.
Trace got distracted with a phone
call from Elisha and left to go get their lunch. He was left alone, for what seemed like the
first time all morning. Being that way,
being alone with only himself to talk to, he thought about her. It was the only subject in his mind. She was fragile and yet at the same time
strong. She knew what she wanted and was
grateful to be where she was but she was torn and she was terrified that her
position wasn’t a stable one. She
reminded him of himself when he first started out, almost 10 year before.
He had a sudden desire to guide
her and protect her. He wanted to show
her everything he knew and at the same time be with her for every new
experience she had. She was
special.
He shook his head. He was getting way too ahead of himself. Cameron and him were
just now finished and even though he felt like he was almost ready to go run
away with this new girl, he’d be lying if he denied that part of him was
afraid. Now that he was alone, he saw
the truth everything Susan had told him.
God, it had been less than a week
since Cameron had officially called it quits and less than 24 hours since she
had drove off with all her stuff. Maybe
he was just on the rebound, or lonely.
Maybe he was just like her, maybe he was scared of really being left alone.
“Shit…” He muttered and ran his
hands through his hair, realizing he had been leaning against his door this
whole time, thinking.
It was almost time for the shoot to start and he knew he needed to get
there to go over some stuff with Richard.
He needed to ask him how to approach her, how to kiss her, how to
romance her.
It dawned on him.
This was the kissing scene.
He walked slowly towards the set,
reluctant to have to do this scene, and on his way he passed her trailer. He tried not to pay attention and pretended
not to notice that she was walking out of her door as he was passing, but it
was no use. She looked beautiful. Her hair looked like it had been soaked and then
lightly towel dried. It hung in long
waves on her shoulders. She was wearing
a pair of men’s shorts, drowning in them as well as the white t-shirt she
wore.
“Hey…like the outfit?” She smiled at him and once again, he found
himself breathless.
“Yeah,” He laughed as she walked
down the steps of her trailer towards him, tugging at her stringy hair and
making a silly face. “You look kinda wet there.”
Jason ran up behind her and
sprayed her with a little spritzer bottle and then
ran off, “I get to spray her continuously during the shoot. I love it!”
“Shut it Jason.” She yelled after him and then shook her head
and nudged him with her elbow as they slowly started walking toward the big
building in front of them. “Are you ready?”
He chuckled and felt chills come
over him when his hand accidentally brushed against her as they walked. “I guess we’re gonna
find out.”
It had suddenly become cool
outside and a breeze ripped through as they walked to set. He pulled down the sleeves of his hoodie that he been pushed up to his elbows and looked at
her as she squealed lightly and rubbed her forearms.
“Cold breeze, huh?”
“Weird as hell. Feel like I’m back
in
He chuckled, “Yeah…”
They got inside and started
walking over to their chairs where Jason and Nicole were getting everything set
up. He looked over and she was already
thumbing through her script and he started to do the same, but immediately
realized he didn’t have his script.
“Shit...”
“What?” She asked and slowed down her pace.
He stopped walked. “I left my
script.”
“You can share with me.” She shook
her head a little confused.
“But, but mine has all these notes
in it that Richard gave me last week and…” He ran his hands through his hair
and sighed, “shit…”
“Go run and get it.” She shrugged. “I’ll try and stall.”
“I think it’s in your trailer
actually. I accidentally left it
there…” He felt his face turn red.
“…before.”
“Oh…” It made him feel a little better when she
started to turn a bit pink as well at the memory of their two almost kisses. She bit her lip and looked at him and then
handed him her script. “Well, let me
go run and get it.”
“I can go.” He shook his head.
“No, I’ll be quick. Plus, I’ll get
us some Altoids.”
“You need some…” He snatched the script from her and swatted
it at her as she started to jog away.
She turned and stuck her tongue out
at him playfully and it made him smile like he was 10 years old again and Beth
Mitchell from across the street kissed him in her treehouse. She made him feel that way. She made him feel young and carefree and
excited. But she also made him feel desires
that not even Cameron had pulled out of him.
Maybe in the beginning of their relationship he had felt them, but it
had died down so quickly. Those feelings
rushing back to him were making him feel invincible.
“Justin! Where’s Miss Susan?”
Justin jumped and turned to see
Richard stalking towards him. “She uh,
had to go run get something.”
Richard shook his head in
disappointment and put his hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Well she better hurry up, this is a precious
scene. Remember what we talked about
earlier this week? About
how this scene is laid out? How Daniel’s feelings are very guarded but not with her?”
“Yeah. I remember.”
“You want her in this scene.” Richard said quietly, “You want her
badly. You need to exude some type of
feeling like, if you don’t get to kiss her you’ll just die. Like, you’re thirsty for her. I don’t want to see hunger. This isn’t a soap opera or a porno. I want lots of passion, but sweet
passion. Calm passion. Quiet.
Got it?”
“I think so. Does Susan know all this?”
The director rolled his eyes. “Well
she would if she were here.”
Justin felt bad that Richard was
annoyed with her again and began to explain, “It’s my fault, she went to get
my-“
“Oh god…” He heard someone say. It sounded like Jason.
He turned and saw her, standing
about halfway between them and one of the doors of the set. Someone walked quickly to the door and opened
it and outside was a blinding rain. She
had been caught in it on her way back.
Her outfit, her hair, his script and her whole body was dripping with
cold, wet rain. She smiled sadly and
began, “It…”
“Susan!” Richard yelled in a disappointed tone, much
like a mother would give a child when they found out they were making bad
grade.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered and
Justin longed to reach her. She was
obviously freezing and wetness that was now on her face wasn’t from the rain.
“Oh my
god…” Richard sighed and ran his hands over his face.
He watched in agony as she ran
forward and set down his script on a chair, grabbing a towel from Jason and
drying herself off rapidly while quickly saying, “Just let me dry off for a
minute and I’m sure Jason and Nicole and get me back set up in no time.”
Justin knew it was a lost cause,
her outfit was ruined, and her makeup was running. He glanced at the director and was suddenly
scared of what was about to come. “Time?” Richard
laughed bitterly. “Do you have any idea
how much time has been wasted today?
Every minute wasted is production money that we can’t afford to lose.”
“Richard, she didn’t know.” Justin
said. He coughed a little not realizing
he had just stood up for her. The place
was deathly quiet. You could hear
someone clear their throat in the back and the squeak of her wet flip flops
against the cemented floor echoed in his ears.
Justin laughed nervously. “I
mean, you can’t predict the weather.
And she was going-“
“I left my script.” She interrupted, staring at him and then
darting her eyes to Richard. He didn’t
know why she stood up for him and lied, putting all the blame on herself, but
she did and it made Justin feel horrible. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. And if it does I wont go back to get it last
minute, I’ll just borrow it from someone else.
I’m ready to do the scene.”
“Well, I’m not ready! I can’t think.” Richard sighed and shook head. “Let’s just…move lunch up to now and we’ll
shoot this scene in an hour. Hopefully
by then, you’ll really consider whether you want to do this part all wet or
not.”
“I’m sorry-“
“I know Susan, you’re sorry.” He shook his head and Justin realized why
Susan was always so upset about Richard being so harsh on her. But he also saw that Richard wasn’t mean to
Susan out of pure hatred, he was worried for her. He saw disappointment in Richards’s eyes, and
as the man stared at her, he knew that their director was trying to teach her
to buck up.
If she didn’t do that now…she
wouldn’t last in this business.
He wasn’t mean to her because he
wanted to be, he was that way because he wanted to protect her. He was trying to give her a hard shell so
later on she’d be able to handle it. But
she wasn’t handling it.
“You’re always sorry. Every damn
day on this god forsaken set you’ve been sorry.” He shook his head again and
then turned to the crew and yelled with a smile. “We’re
gonna post pone for an hour. Go ahead and take lunch.”
He watched Richard walk off
talking with one of his assistants. He
didn’t really know what to do but knew that she was probably really upset with
herself for once again messing up their schedule that day. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. It was his fault she had ran out and gotten
caught in the rain.
It was weird and funny in a
way. It was like the movie was coming to
life in a sense. The scene they were
planning on shooting was supposed to take place right after his character and
hers got stuck in the rain on the side of the road. It was like someone somewhere was trying to
tell them something, but he wasn’t quiet sure what that was.
All he knew was that he needed to
comfort her. He turned to her but she wasn’t there and when he glanced at the
door that a few people were looking out of, amazed at all the rain that was now
coming down, he knew she had run back to her trailer.
He sighed and slowly walked
towards the door, hoping he could find an umbrella, and praying that if he
found her in her trailer he’d be able to convince her to stay there that day,
to stay with him and not give up like he knew she was on the verge of doing.
He couldn’t have her give up on
her dream, on this job and he’d be damned before he let her give up on the
possibility of a relationship with him without giving it a chance to begin.