| Nags's Life Right Now |
| April 28, 2004 What�s Happening? Time again for another fun filled edition of Nags� Life Right Now. This is the 12th edition and marks the 2nd anniversary of the website. More on that later. On to the marginal events that make up my life. Well my last site update was only four days before New Years� so I�ll start on New Years� Eve. I started 2004 the same way I started 2003, hanging around drunks at Chrissy�s New Year�s Party. Always fun. There were a lot of people that I hardly ever see there including Sean Steen, Todd Huxtable, Jon Taylor, my white brother Big Z and of course the one and only, Chrissy. The Sac girls were also at the party and it was nice to see all of them. Batch (Joey) decided to try and go clutch and down a triple shot of vodka with no chaser and he was not alright later. Funny stuff. I won�t be pissed if I spend the first moments of 2005 with the same people at the same place. Ok well, my last site update was nothing that special, at least I didn�t think it was. Apparently it was. I did piss a few friends off with my �Angry Adam� rant in the middle of the update but that just taught me to never type when I�m not in the greatest of moods. Kinda funny reading it again because I know a lot more now than I did before about the situation. I�ll leave that at that. But that wasn�t even the most controversial and newsworthy segment of the last update. Let me restate a line from my last update that was probably the most talked about line I�ve ever had in a site update, and it wasn�t even intended to be controversial in the least, a misunderstanding/overreaction led to it being huge. �I�m kinda happy that nothing ever came into be because as I get to know her more and more, I found out at times that she can be quite......oh what�s the word I�m looking for......bitchy shall we say.� ~ Nags Life Right Now 12/27 I was talking about one of my co-workers who I had also been talking with outside of work. I knew she was going to read it so I didn�t think I said anything that big. No one else at work (save Wendy) even knew I had a website so it wasn�t like it was all going to turn into a big deal with workplace gossip and all that. Well that obviously didn�t happen. She read it and right away she went from ignoring and throwing mean comments at me to just really not being kind AT ALL. Apparently she took me saying she was being bitchy as me calling her a bitch. So she told like everybody at work about it and I guess she said she was going to have someone beat me up and some guy who I really didn�t even know came and starting arguing with me on the floor saying that I was �slandering her� yet he had never even been to the site or seen what I wrote (don't worry, he gets his later in the update). I swore for a while I was back in high school. But with every bad thing comes some good things. Well the first good thing is I got a million and one hits on my website. I think there are about 40 people working at my work and I�d venture a guess and say that at least � of them read the site update. Also a guy at my work, Eric, took it upon himself to register the domain www.nagslife.com and link it to my site which made it easier for people to remember it. I was like damn; one line started all of this. I am NOT sorry I wrote it, just that she misunderstood it. I said bitchy not a bitch�..ROAR. The other problem is now instead of having just my close friends reading the website now I have like 20+ people that I�m not really close to reading the website. But I ain�t changing shit. Good times I think. With all the childish things that were going on I got a few signatures in my guestbook (SCORE!!!) and one of them (that is no longer there), had a link to a picture of me that had been taken from the wall at work and had a big rainbow over it and said �Don�t hate me because I�m different.� I can�t lie to you, I laughed. It was so�..so retarded that I just had to laugh. But in actuality it gave me (what I think) is a good idea. I know I�ve written some shit about people over the last 24 months that they thought wasn�t fair to them and, until now, they had no way to make their voice and their side of the story heard to everyone. Well thanks to my idea (which kept me up because I just had to do it when I thought of it) everyone can now reply to an update and it their thoughts will be (most likely) seen by everyone as it will be posted on my site. Basically if you have something you want to say, positive or negative, about a site update or anything on the site you just click on the link that I�ll provide at the bottom of every update and just write your heart out. I�ll then confirm you wrote this and as long as it follows the guidelines set on the page, then I�ll put it on the site. This whole process is called �My Reply.� The link will be at the end of the update. Chuck, you�re a jackass. Excuse that last line, just had to get that out, a special request was�..requested. Well January was an interesting month. During break I basically did nothing but work and hang out mainly with Josh seeing as we were always bored and we liked playing NCAA on Xbox. I�m not going to lie, we did get in a fight over the game. We lived. But the funniest, or strangest, part of the month was my first experiences as wingman. Josh, being as �attractive� or whatever he is, always got like a million IMs from people seeing him on FTJ or another picture rating site. Well we were bored one night and we decided to go meet one of the chicks and she would bring a friend. Well we picked them up and Goose (my call sign) was alive and well. His girl was semi-attractive and had a pretty decent personality. The other girl, the one I was assigned to distract, yeah��not happening. Weird would be one hell of an understatement. Funny though that the next day his girl emailed him and said that next time could she bring someone else because I was nice and all but I wasn�t her friend�s �type.� WOW!!! Josh then told the truth and said that none of his friends would be her type. About a week later I was wingman again and I was given a different girl this time to distract. I ended up falling asleep because it was that boring. I guess I wasn�t �her type� either. I also got in trouble because I ended up getting home @ 6:40AM�.oops. Well that was like the last time Josh ever saw her due to reasons but he owes me so bad. I had to put up with a freak and a mute and I don�t even think I got a damn hug out of it all (kinda glad in retrospect�.you don�t wanna know). Damn I�m a good friend. Well I�ve taken care of one of the two girls mentioned in the last update; let�s go onto the next one. Well Sarah goes in and out of my life pretty regularly as sometimes she shelters herself from people but she just intrigues the hell out of me. Problem is, due to Sarah�s past untruths, her mom doesn�t trust me. Yes I know, I don�t get it either. Apparently she doesn�t think that I�m only 19 and whatever but she doesn�t want to meet me or something.....WTF? She is one weird girl though but maybe that's why she intrigues me so much. Towards the end of January Josh met a girl, Amy, who he talked to at a concert. I first met her & one of her friends, Ali, (who was kinda smitten with Adam at the time) when the four of us went and got ice cream. I really didn�t think anything of it but I started talking to Amy online and she seemed pretty cool. Then I met like three more of her friends, Jenny, Caitlyn & Rori (it�s pronounced ROARy......how fucking great is that). They were all pretty cool but again I didn�t really care too much because with me being the ugliest of all my friends, I didn�t really have to fight them off with a stick and I didn�t really talk to them too much. But then Adam kinda dropped Ali like a bad habit and when Josh was going to hang out with Amy & Ali I came along. Eventually I started to talk to Ali online and I started to realize that she was hella cool like Amy (I felt other things too but I�ll get to that soon enough). Pretty soon I was hanging out with Amy, Ali, ROARy, Jenny & another one of their friends Nicole (I know too many Nicoles). Well they were all hella cool and I started talking to them all online and it was like damn, all 5 of you are just like the greatest group of girls I�ve ever met. I mean there�s not like a bitch or a ho or anybody like that in the group. I called them the Bamb Girls (after how they say bomb) one time and it�s kinda stuck so I call them the Bamb Girls. It�s cool because they all like me too (or they�re good at faking it) and it�s cool having a bunch of different people to talk to and hang out with at times. And the compliments I get from them, which do happen, make me feel better and they usually pick me up even if they didn�t know I was down. Jenny says she has to meet my mom and tell her she did a fabulous job of raising me because I�m the nicest guy she knows. Good times. Well......Ali, yeah......she�s one great girl. Like I just stated in the last paragraph I started to have feelings for her. I had hung out with her all day with Josh & Amy and I really didn�t feel anything for her at all. I think it was still in my mindset that she was �Adam�s Girl� even though she never officially was and she definitely didn�t want anything to do with him at that point. But then I started talking to her online and it was like damn, she is one hell of a great girl. I mean all the Bamb Girls are above marginal to say the least, so looks isn�t a problem with any of them and Ali is no exception, but I just hadn�t paid attention too much I guess. For some reason I had just started liking her from our online conversations. I told Josh who kinda guessed it and of course he blabbered it to Amy but thankfully she didn�t tell Ali. All four of us hung out for another 9 or 10 hours the next day and, yet again, I�m not going to lie, I started to like her even more. Of course that lasted a whole 24 hours. Josh, who knew the longer that I like someone the harder I fall when I get rejected, talked to Ali and then did told me that line that I hate, �We need to talk.� He then proceeded to tell me what I probably knew but didn�t want to realize, she thinks I�m cool and she wants to be friends but nothing more. But you know I can�t really be that pissed because she�s hella fun to hang out with and we hang out like once a week and talk and all that. Semi-decent Times. But something happened that hadn�t really happened to me in any recent time when I started liking Ali�..I got inspiration. I hadn�t written any good poetry in forever and I know it had been at least 6 months since I had last written a mini (6 months ago was Sarah). The day after we hung out for forever I broke out of my slump and I wrote around 10 minis and at least another full length poem (�Try My Luck�). After she just wanted to be friends I wrote another 8 or so minis and four, count them 4, full length poems over the following two weeks (�Hi Life�, �Lover�s Regret�, �The Problem with Hope� & �My Demands�). I also found two old poems I had written a while back too (�Llama King� & �Roller Coaster�) Also I wrote this other one that had nothing to with her but if you read into it you can figure out what/who it's about ("Front Porch Nights"). While not all of them were about her or about the situation the feelings that came to me just allowed me to generally write poetry again. Some were positive, some were negative, some were really specific toward her and others were vague, just reciting a feeling. I know I used a strong point in a mini when I mentioned a .45 but that�s all just my creative freedom, I�m not like that anymore. I just took a feeling I had and amplified it to create my work. Here's all the new poems listed on one page. So again, out of something kinda bad (getting rejected), something good happened with my sudden creative bug. I also kinda wrote a song, it�s not done and I only really have the chorus nailed down but if I ever finish it I�ll post it. Well intertwined in all of this was one of my least favorite days of the year, Valentine�s Day. It�s strange, I don�t really like the day because it�s the one day that makes me feel even more alone than normal but yet I somewhat always find myself looking forward to it in the days leading up to it. Last year I gave every girl on the varsity soccer team a rose but I was not going to do that again because I don�t really know as many girls and I didn�t go out as often this year as last. My plan though was to give a flower to certain friends (about 9 of them) and then a rose to every girl at my work who was working on that day. Due to my believe that if a girl wakes up with a flower on her doorstep that she�ll wake up in a better mood and then her whole day will be better, I woke up around 5:30AM to make my drops. I started off with Sarah in Livermore then went to P-town and gave one to Ali & Amy. Next was all the Dublin girls: Hallie, Debbie, Brandi, Angelita, �Mom� & Nicole. I then got home and went right back to bed because I had work in like 3 hours. I then went to work and was talking to Eric and I told him that I was giving a flower to every girl that was working that day; he was the first to know as I had told no one else. Then he was like, �so am I.� I beat him to a manager and was able to go on break first and then made the rounds and gave every girl, even if I didn�t like them, a rose. Then as a new girl would clock on to work throughout the day I gave them one as well. I went home during lunch and on Ali�s away message she said that I made her day (this was like 3 days after I entered the �friend zone�). We talked a little and we were discussing the plans for tonight, which we had none to speak of. I went back to work and she left an away message to call her when she got off and that she was probably just going to chill at home all night and what not. I got off, called her and then I went over there but not before grabbing my last 3 roses. ROARy & Jenny were also coming over so I grabbed one for them and then another for Ali. Hugs ensued. We were all watching Freaky Friday on the couch and then my phone went off and it was Mark. Now you think I�d be smart enough to not answer it since it was only three girls with me but I did and I tried to not have them come over since Adam was with them and I knew that Ali didn�t like him and because hell, I liked just chillin with the girls. Of course they ended up coming over and it was the girls, Mark, Adam, Joey, Rob and me watching Dumb & Dumber. It still was a good night as I hung out with my friends and some of the newer girls. That�s like two straight V-Days that weren�t bad. Ok that�s enough talk involving females���..at least for a while. On to the other ish in my life, at least I think there are other things in my life. Well like I think I mentioned in my last site update, I had two tickets to Wrestlemania XX in New York. Well Sean & I decided that we wouldn�t be able to make it to Wrestlemania due to the time off needed and money that would have to be spent on travel. So we sold our nosebleed (no seriously you could only go like 10 rows more and you�d be at the top) seats that we bought for about $160 for the pair. We got $460 for them, including shipping. So after the fees from PayPal and shipping we made about $215 each. So what�d we do with them? We bought ringside tickets for the February PPV in San Francisco. They ended up being $215 each. Yes I know that�s expensive but it�s something I like and I�ve never done before so oh well, it�s all good. We (Sean & I) left early in the morning and went to the hotel that most of the wrestlers were staying at to go get autographs. I ended up with around 19 autographs including the soon to be WWE Champion Eddie Guerrero (he won it that night), who was so nice and friendly, and the owner Vince McMahon who also shook my hand. I can know say I�ve shaken the hand of somebody who, at one point, owned a Fortune 500 company. Good times. The event itself was pretty good, the Cow Palace sucks trying to get in but the event was pretty good and the crowd was hot (mainly due to the fact they were mostly Mexican and 2 of the 3 main events starred Mexican wrestlers). At the end we got to keep our chairs because we were ringside and in fact, that�s what I�m sitting on right now as I write this. I can�t wait to go back to another PPV and luckily it�ll probably be next years� Wrestlemania as it�s going to be down in L.A. That should be fun. No Way Out (the PPV name) started what would be a jam packed three weeks of stuff. That Friday after the PPV Dragon himself, Jeremy, came home from Germany (he had been in Germany about a week since getting back from Iraq). It was good to have him home but not to see him as he�s still ugly (don�t worry he said the same thing). We had about eight days before the wedding was going to take place and we had lots of things to do within that short time period. The first thing was the casino run to Cache Creek because Jeremy loves that place. I lost my money quick because I didn�t have much of it and I�m marginal like that. But damn Cache Creek for making probably one of the most addicting casino games ever. The game we�ve all probably player, �War� is now a casino game. You beat the dealer you win money, you lose, you lose your money. Not good. So Mark, Jeremy & I are all walking back to the car after losing our money and we�re almost there and Mark turns to Jeremy and says �You put $100 down on a game of war and I�ll match it.� Well then I say �Mark if you spot me the $100 I�ll put in on it and if I don�t win you can sell a bunch of those old toys I have.� So of course he says yes and we go in there and put $300 on the table for one hand of war. We got a 5. We didn�t win. So we�re walking out and Joey, Darryl & Happy are standing outside. So we get about � of the way to the car and we all decide to make a table limit $500 hand on War. Everybody puts in $100 cept Darryl who put in $60 and me who put in $40 (which I probably borrowed). So we all walk up there for our $500 hand and we won. Then we go and split the $1000 into two hands and we win again. We ended up winning $1500 in 2 hands. WOW!!! Jeremy at the end of the night was up like $200-$300 and he was down $300 at one point. The best time I�ve ever had at a casino, bar none. Next up was the bachelor party. Not really going to talk about it too much because it�s a bachelor party, what happens there stays there. It was just an interesting mix of people and it showed me how much I like my friends. Some of Jeremy�s old friends were so disrespectful I was like, damn, my friends are so much better than them. Like it was a non-smoking room and we told them not to smoke yet they started smoking and of course then other people would follow. The two rooms smelled like one huge cigarette by the end of the night......well yeah actually by the beginning of the morning. Wrestling matches broke out around 2AM and soon thereafter cops came up saying that they had been having noise complaints and that if they had any more they would kick us out. So the matches stopped but Adam had invited some girls to come to the party to break up the sausage fest. Well they were about to leave around 4AM and they were being loud. Well about 15 people left at the same time and there were only 5 of us left. 4 were already in bed and I was taking a piss before goin to bed when the phone rang. The front desk said that they had been havin complaints and that they were having some people come up to talk to us. I told them that we just kicked them all out (I lied.....they left willingly) but they said they were still sending people up. Of course the people they sent up were cops that said we had 5 minutes to get our stuff because we were out of there. So I had to wake everybody up, grab what I could (I forgot some thing and had to leave a bunch of open alcohol behind) and then drive everyone home. Still a good night but damn, was I ever tired the next day. The one guy who had changed the most since high school that was involved in the wedding was Miles Lak. I've known Miles since 2nd grade so we were always cool with each other. But I mean in high school we were completely different people and his life wasn't looking like it was going to amount to too much. But he spent about 4 nights in jail for something (I honestly don't remember what it was) and it's changed his life so much. I think he's found religion, he doesn't drink anymore and he doesn't do any drugs anymore. I think he realized what it was that he didn't want in his life and he's just like an inspiration as to how much he's changed his life. But damn, I'm proud of him and it's great that he's on the good track in life. Of course the next day I had to be up like @ 10AM because that�s what Hallie was ordering for me to do. What, you think I was going to argue with her the day before her wedding? You obviously don�t know Hallie then. So after I fell asleep in the shower and got over to Jeremy�s we then went to the Mormon Church (where the reception was to be held). There I saw Krista for the first time in a while (as she had moved) and met Krissy (one of the bridesmaids I was to walk down the aisle with). We then had a bunch of busy shit to do before the rehearsal dinner and then had the whole rehearsal and the dinner. Nothing big. Of course the next day was the big day so I went to sleep fairly early as I had to wake up early. But then @ 1:40AM my phone rings with a drunk phone call but at least it was a funny drunk phone call. Such is life. The wedding was cool. I woke up at 8, took a shower and then went to the hotel to change. Hallie was stressing a bit as to be expected and about an hour later we went off to take pictures. We took pictures for days and days and it seemed so long. But that was over eventually and we went to the chapel to marry off Jeremy. Contrary to some people�s perspective, I did not cry during the ceremony.......I almost did. So hah. The reception was cool too. Hung out with Mark & one of the bridesmaids, Krissy, for most of the time. Also talked to Lauren Glover who I hadn�t seen in days but she was looking pretty good, lot different than how I remembered. All and all it was a good day. The night was a little weird. I went over to Ali�s from the reception fully decked out in my tux. I looked pretty marginal, which is an improvement. Of course since the parentals were gone for the weekend there was a little partying goin on. It was just Josh, Amy, Ali, ROARy, Caitlyn & myself. There was a little dancing in the beginning, which was niiiiiiice. But of course in the end Josh ended up kissing 3 girls while I ended up with a blank score in that department. Of course he got a guilt trip which was funny. But it was just a weird night in so many ways that I can�t express them all here due to the fact that I�m not trying to break the record for longest site update. BTW, who the fuck is asked the question �What would you do if I kissed you right now?� and replies with something along the line of �Uhhhhhhhhh, sit here........kiss you back.� WHO DOES THAT!?!?!? I sometimes wish I could give up all my comedy skills for some game......then I realize that then I wouldn�t be able to make other people laugh at my lack of game, and dammit, I�m good at that. Oh well, such is life sometimes. The next day I really didn�t do too much. Jeremy & Hallie came over to eat dinner with my parents and me and then Jeremy & I headed over to Rivulation (a place for nerds to be nerds) and for the last time (in at least a long time) Jeremy, Happy, Mark & I hung out and played games. In fact it was the last time I saw Happy as just two days later Happy would be gone. It�s kinda weird but as the time got closer for him to leave to go to the Army we ended up getting closer again. I mean we weren�t as close as we were 18 months ago but we were still getting close again. Our relationship changed a lot as basically I just told him everything bluntly, sometimes too bluntly, and I was honest in all my opinions. I mean I didn�t hold back at all, what I felt I said, even if it was maybe not the smartest thing to say. But I mean it�s just weird how our relationship was. I still don�t think he should have gone to the Army as his goal is pretty unattainable (making Special Forces) but you know, he wanted to and he is pretty damn stubborn (pot calling the kettle black, I know). We�ll see how it works out. The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Friday morning wasn�t though. I got up at the butt crack of dawn (or would it be the whole ass since the moon was visible�.yes I did honestly think that) and dropped a little something off @ some Canadian�s house and then went to Jeremy�s house. It was time to drop them off at the airport and never see them again for a long time. I�m not going to lie, it was not the easiest day I�ve ever had in my life. And yes, I did cry when I was saying goodbye to Hallie. Not that much but still a little. Did you guys expect anything less than that from me? I said goodbye to Jeremy too but no tears so HAH! But yeah I drove home talking with Hallie�s mom trying not to think about things too much. It did hit me when I got home and I did cry a bit more in my bed before I fell back asleep. Wouldn�t be the last time my emotions from missing Hallie would cause me to cry. Before I finish off the day and get to the weekend I just felt it would be an appropriate time to just go over something that I thought of and was like wow that sucks. About 20 months ago I had four close friends in life that I spent just about every day with at least one of them, usually more than one of them. Those four would be Jeremy, Happy, Hallie & Nicole. Now all four of them, for the most part, are no longer a part of my everyday life. I�m used to Jeremy & Happy being out of it due to the fact that Jeremy�s been in the army for almost 18 months and Happy and I had our falling out a few months before that. For Hallie to be out of my life it�s so hard. She was my �North Star.� By that I mean she was my constant in life and if I had to look for direction or guidance then I would just have to look her way and I�d find it. Sure sometimes clouds (arguments) interfered with it but in the end the star was still there, I just had to wait to see it. Being someone�s North Star is, to me, the most important thing someone can be. I don�t know if I am somebody�s but I can only hope. But now my star is gone, away to move on with her life and open up a whole new chapter of it. Some might say that I�ve been hanging out too much lately (and spending too much money) with/on the �bamb girls� and in particular, Amy & Ali. But if you think about it, all the time that I spend with all of them now, is just the same amount of time and money I would have spent with/on Hallie. I can�t thank the girls enough for being in my life now to help with this, even if they had no idea how much they are helping. They help make my dark night a lil bit brighter as I search for another North Star (and who knows how long that will take). As for Nicole��.she�s not gone in spirit as I talk to her online a lot but in body, she�s MIA. I mean it's a no duh that we won't be nearly as close as we were before the whole thing with her mom thinking that I'm crazy but damn, we aren't even a fraction of what we were before. The last time I hung out with her I was 18, now I'm less than four months from being 20. I don't know who to blame, or if there even is anyone to blame, that it isn't just part of life growing apart from those who you are closest to, but it hurts. Sometimes I feel as if I get lost in the shuffle of all her friends. Nicole now is a lot different than the Nicole I met a couple years ago. She's a whole lot more popular and has a lot more friends than before. I mean I'm there for her always and I know she knows that I just think she loses sight of it sometimes because all her other friends are there and I'm not heavily needed like I used to be. I just find it frustrating because she's just right down the road from me, the last of the four left, and I can't see her and have her be a more active part of my life. I mean I've expressed this all to her and she doesn't mean to hurt me or whatever and we are closer right now than we have been in recent months but I still find this so hard. She says everything will be better when she goes away to college next year (scholarship to San Jose for soccer!!!) and I really want those words to come true but I don't know. I hope so. Anyways, now that I've said that we can move on. After I woke up I went and ate lunch with Josh and then we attempted to dye our hair black. I say attempted because my first attempt at it didn't work because.....I don't know actually. Well while we were doing this the girls (Amy & Ali) came over and I was womanized by Ali. I'm not going to go into details but let�s just say that I went out and bought gloves that I only wore that weekend. Well I got more hair stuff, dropped off Josh, did my hair again (this time it worked) and then I went out to the Lacrosse game to watch ROARy & Nicole (of the bamb variety) play. Good times. I dropped by Sarah's house to see her for the first time in over 4 months then picked up Josh from work and then I picked up Angel (one of my teammates) and then we headed down to Hanford (think boonies) for our state soccer tourney (our last of our "careers"). We weren't expecting to play anymore soccer after our season ended in November but due to the fact that we got second place and that we wanted one last tournament to play in, Josh & I decided we should go to the Association Cup. It's just a Nor-Cal soccer tourney (yet it took place south of Fresno) that is competed within our level of play and the level right above us. So we knew we'd be in for a fight since most of these teams had more talent than us but we were up for the challenge. We got there around 12:30AM (made the 180+ miles trip in 2hrs & 5 minutes thank u very much) but had a lot of trouble sleeping. My dad and the trains going by were having a contest on who was louder. I think my dad's snoring won.....I couldn't stop laughing though. Funny shit. We had one game on Saturday and we came up just short, losing 1-0. I couldn't have stopped the goal as it was a bullshit goal that happened due to our inability to clear the ball. The rest of the day was a kinda slow day as we had it off. Amy & Ali tried to convince their parents to let them come down and see our games on Sunday but Amy's mom vetoed that so there went that idea. But that night I went with Josh, his dad & his grandpa to an Indian Casino about 10 miles away. It was alright but I only had $20 to spend there and that didn't last too long. So I spent most of my time outside of the casino on the phone talkin with Sarah. We went out to eat and then off to bed for another game. The morning game I played the field (much as I do in my dating life) and we ended up tied 0-0. The main reason we did was due to the outstanding goalkeeping of the other goalie, Dan. Although I do feel as though I'm a better overall keeper than he is, he was better this weekend. Hard for me to say that on the most important weekend of games I've had since high school that I was the second best keeper on the team but it's the truth. We still had a shot to make the second weekend of games if we could only win the next game and then get some help. I was expecting to play the field yet again and have Dan in goal due to his stellar performance he put on in the second game. Of course that's why my dad put me in the box....roar. Well I would be up to the challenge as would my team. I mean we were playing a team whose goalie didn't even have gloves and only had 10 players (11 are needed to fill every position). They scored no less than 30 seconds into the game. That goal was not my fault but still that sucked. They ended up scoring another time that half that I should have stopped but I played it wrong. I was pissed to say the least but we were only down 2-1 at the half. But again they ended up getting another one past we that I think I should have had but it got just underneath me. So much bullshit. We put one more in but couldn't get the equalizer and ended up fallin 3-2. After the handshakes I was just so pissed that in what had to be my biggest game since NCS Semi-finals my senior year I came up with my worst game since my JV year. I was kickin shit around and then I just resigned myself to tears realizin that I was done with soccer after 15 years of playing. While I was kneeling there with my goalie jersey on my head one of the moms came up to me and was talkin to me but I wasn't really being the responsive as I was so pissed at myself and saddened by the end of my playing days. I've always prided myself on being a big game player, someone who just focused in on games that I knew I would be needed and that it was do or die. I had let myself and my team down. But she was just talkin to me asking me about playin adult league. I finally got up and realized whose mom it was. She then said what might be the most heartfelt words I've ever been told. Her son is sick mentally and is having a lot of problems as of recent due to not taking his medication. She said "You've given me the joy of seeing *name* play his last game and I'm going to be forever thankful for it. You put this all together." That's not verbatim but it's pretty damn close to it. Her voice was breaking a little while she was saying it and I just hugged her and thanked her. Sometimes things happen and you don't understand but that's because you're too focused on the big picture to see what it means to the individual. This meant a lot to her and her family and I really couldn't be too pissed about the game anymore because it would be selfish of me to be. So I just got my stuff together and drove home, knowin that although my soccer days were over and I had felt I left everyone down, I hadn't....I actually brightened at least one person's life and soccer gave me the avenue to do so. I still play soccer @ Las Po once or twice a week (I'm actually about to head out there as I right this) but I doubt I'll ever play another competitive game again for a league unless I play adult league. Like I said last update, I hope that when I have kids that they'll be into soccer and I'll be able to see the joy as they grow to love the sport and make friends and lasting memories through it. There was really nothing big the rest of the month. I mean I suffered an indignity or two during some parties at my friend's houses but nothing I'm not over already. I did go through a one day breakdown though. I was planning on going to church (yes that place) with Amy & Ali in the morning. I didn't get to sleep till like 4 or so and I knew Ali was still up when I left so I didn't think we'd be going. She called, we did. This church was better than Mormon Church, I�ll tell u that. So afterwards we went to Jamba Juice and then I went home to change. Dropped of Amy then visited Rori. Long and the short of it we decided we'd go see "Passion of the Christ" in the evening and I dropped off Ali and went home to sleep. I was kinda pissy but I fell asleep and was awoken by a text message from Ali saying that both of them weren't feeling well and said they'd like to delay the movie for another day. So I got up, got the money back for the tickets and went home. I was just thinking about some ish that had happened over the last couple of days and I just started missin Hallie so much. I don't know why but for the first time since she had left I just started missing her to the umpteenth power. So yes, I laid in bed and thought/cried about it. God I cry too much but eh, what can you do? I just wanted to go on a long car ride with her like I used to do and we'd (mostly me) vent out our feelings and in the end just feel better about everything. With her gone and Nicole unable or whatever I had no one to take that trip with. It was just shitty. I did talk to Amy about my feelings and I felt a little better about it but you know, kinda hard to just fully open up to someone when part of the problem your having involves one of their best friends (go on you Sherlock Holmeses, I'm sure you'll figure it out). But then I was talkin to my old friend Todd and we decided we should go see a movie that night and it would be free so it'd be that much more enjoyable. Ok there are exceptions to that rule; I saw Rollerball for free and still wanted my money back. But anyway we decided on Jersey Girl because we both like Kevin Smith's movies (Dogma, Chasing Amy, Clerks). Well nobody else wanted to go because it was a chick flick so it was just Todd & I going. We walked into the theater and I shit u not, everyone in there was couples cept for us. I did feel kinda gay but I got over it. Decent movie. I also have to question my own judgment. Who brings over a Kevin Smith movie, let alone Chasing Amy, to watch with two girls and then doesn't change their mind even when he knows one of the girls' dad is going to be watching? I've had brighter ideas to say the least. By the way, this is the BEST speech ever given in a movie I've seen. READ IT!!! I do pull clutch on occasions. Josh & I were talkin about what to do for spring break and I actually came up with the idea of going down to SoCal and we could stay @ my sister's house and it'd all be good. For once one of our plans came to fruition. Mark was going to go too but ONE of our friends was havin a dickish moment and wouldn't work for him so he couldn't go. That also reminds me, doesn't it annoy the shit out of you when someone asks u a hypothetical yes or no question but really they'll only accept one answer and say that you�re lying if you give them the other answer. That bugs the shit out of me. Hi welcome back from the little journey. Anyways we left Tuesday morning (originally supposed to leave @ 6, I woke up Josh @ 9:30, we left Dublin at 10:20) and got down there around the evening time. After we dropped off all our shit at my sister's apartment we headed to Huntington Beach. It's nice there but there wasn't much for us to do there so we just shopped a little and looked out at the ocean. I did think of the bright idea of going surfing but of course Josh shot it down by saying we don't know how to. I still wanted to but I was a one man army and I wasn't going to win that battle. I will one day, and probably get bit by a shark with my luck (I was swimming and then, ow). Went to Newport and walked on a bike trail. We laughed at the 5MPH limit on it and wondered if anybody could actually be pulled over by a cop on bike patrol for roller bladeing too fast. I'd laugh. Went to Hooters, fell in love a few times, then back to my sisters. We were just shooting the shit about nothing really and I said a mean thing about God, called him a name (what it was we'll keep on the d/l). Not only did I get yelled at by Amy for it, the next morning I went out to my car and had a ticket for parking within 15 ft of a fire hydrant and for not having a front license plate on my car. Damn. I guess he does listen to me sometimes after all. Anywayz to make a long story short, the next day we went and picked up some chick Josh knows in a town called Hemet, convinced her to go out in her slippers, went to a mall, and then convinced her to decide whether or not to go to San Diego with us by flipping a coin. It went heads and the three of us went off to see my friend Krissy in San Diego. I think the 2 best parts of my trip happened down there. 1) I bought alcohol without being I.D.'d and 2) I saw Josh on the dorm room bathroom floor unable to move without throwing up for 4 solid hours. I felt bad for him so much that I couldn't stop laughing. Krissy was so nice that night as she wouldn't leave Josh's side for hours because she felt so bad for him. I did want to strangle her at that time because she wouldn't go to bed and she had midterms the next day but she still was extremely nice. Can't wait for her to get back to Livermore for the summer so she can party with us. We couldn't leave till like 4:30AM and we got back around 5:30 to my sister's place. Josh was woken up with the news that he's going to be sued which I found added insult to his already injured like state. I laughed more. I drove Serena (that chick from Hemet) home around noon and got home around 4:30 courtesy of L.A. traffic. I did get to take to Sarah for like 35 minutes though which was a treat I don't get to have often enough. Josh had finally gotten the strength to lift himself off the floor by the time I got back. I still laughed at him. We were thinking about going back down to San Diego and meeting up with old DHSers Clint, Alvin & Rock but due to lack of sleep and somebody not feeling too well, we decided against that. We waited for my sister to get home, packed our shit, went to dinner with her and then drove home. I wanted to make it home in four hours. Speed limits (not the ones posted by limits set by drivers in front of me) made me take 5 1/2 hours to get home. 3 days and 1500 miles later I could say that it was a good trip and that I now like SoCal a lot. If and when I ever move down there I see myself being a beach bum with some Gatorade and headphones. I will of course have my shirt on (put on your shirt Jim, you're scaring away the chicks). I love music. Seriously though, I mean I must listen to at least 5 hours of music a day on average. Considering it's always playing at my work and I work 8 hour shifts at times and then go home and turn on Winamp I listen to more than 5 hours some days (hence the reason 5 is the average). But I really hadn't been to many concerts until recently. In my first 19 years of life I attended one, Not So Silent Night 2002. Since November I've been to 4 concerts. Talked about two of them last update and I was to two very great ones recently. First was the Billy Talent, Sugarcult, MXPX & Simple Plan concert at the Warfield. It was one great concert. Sugarcult played good live and Quit Your Life by MXPX life was off the hook. We were able to get on the floor for Simple Plan (thanks to Adam) and it was fun down there. We may have been surrounded by a lot of little girls but eh, what can you do? The other one was the Stereogram, Something Corporate & Yellowcard concert also at the Warfield. Something Corporate put on a good show, not as good as the one in Sacramento but still a good show. All 6 of us were drenched in sweat by the end of SC playing due to the fact that there was mass humanity on the floor level. Yellowcard was amazing live. Of all the bands I've seen live I enjoyed their show the most and they played a long set. My favorite songs live were "Empty Apartment" & "Back Home" although just about every one of their songs was great live. I love live shows and I think we might be going to the Finger Eleven, Smile Empty Soul & Trapt concert at the Fillmore in a few weeks. If we do that should do a different type of show and draw a different type of crowd. I think it'll be just as fun. Fuck you Sean........ok now I�ve talked shit about you. Way to ask if I�ve talked shit about you right before I update my site. Tragic. So who thinks that I should get totally wasted during the summer at least once? Yeah that might be interesting. Well I haven't really been to many professional sports games. In fact besides baseball (2 Giants games, 1 Indians game and a shitload of A's games) and one Arena Football game, I haven't been to any professional or college games (Las Po does not count as a college). Also, for those of you that don't know, Ali is a MotherCanucker, born and aged till 6 or so in Canada. What do those two things have in common? Well she loves hockey because it's in her blood, I love playoff hockey because it's so much fun to watch and the Sharks are in the playoffs. What do those three things have in common? I knew it would make her day and probably her week if not her month so I got 2 tickets to the Sharks/Avalanche game 1 game of the second round. Not only that but I went with Sean to collect autographs on sticks for the whole Sharks team and he said if I got two signed I could keep one (he sells them on Ebay for like $100 or more). So what did I do with my stick? I gave it to Ali who is the biggest Sharks fan I know (besides Kimi). She almost started crying when I showed her the tickets and gave her the stick. Of course this prompted her to ask the awkward question of "We're just going as friends right?" I answered yes and threw in a smartass comment because that's who I am and that's what I do. I did take a lot of shit from some friends for the tickets but oh well. So anyways, game day comes around and we get there about 75 before the first face-off and there's a playoff party going on outside the Shark Tank so we head over there and grab a couple signs and she gets her hair colored and we decide (ok she decides and, being the soft sumabitch I am, agreed to as well) that we'll get our faces painted for free. Needless to say we both looked damn good going in to the game (not that she doesn't always look damn good, but that's beside the point). The game was sick as the Sharks won 5-2, Marleau got a hat trick (after the 3rd goal about 100+ hats were thrown on the ice) and a 5 on 5 fight broke out with about 2 minutes left to go and it was sick. Of course I went the wrong way going home so it took us about 45 minutes to get home (yes she was right and I was wrong.....HAPPY NOW ALI!). We then scared the living shit out of Amy and I dropped her off and went to sleep. It was a good day and we're going to go back, hopefully, when the Sharks reach the Stanley Cup Finals. Ali......let me address this individual and our status one more time as our relationship has come under a little bit of fire. We are just friends, good friends, close friends but just friends. Whether I like her or not it not what I'm going to argue as the fact of that matter is that when it all boils down to it, she's just like Nicole or any other girl I've ever liked and is just my friend. I am not trying to buy her affection, I just tend to spend money on my friends (bite me Josh). See what most people don't get is that the money I spend on Ali and, to a lesser extent, her friends is the same amount I would spend on Hallie. Just when I was spending it with Hallie no one knew because it was just her & I and she had no contact with my friends for the most part. I am so thankful for Ali though. If not for her I honestly might be going insane right now. I mean without Hallie here I had no idea who was going to be able to at least partially fill that hole left behind. I wished it would be Nicole but that was way too much wishful thinking. While there is not another Hallie out there, Ali does just fine. Without her many nights would have been spent talking to no one and sitting by myself at home. Instead I'm out with her and have done things I've never done before, like going to the Sharks game. These are some of the times I'll always remember (so I have an impeccable memory I know). The main problem I have with Ali has nothing to do with her personally, it's her friends. Now I like them and they're my friends as well. I've kicked it with them without Ali and I hope I do so again. I don't even know if it's all her friends or just a certain one or two of them. But they get in her ear and they tell her things because they don't understand me. They don't understand the fact that what I do with Ali I do with a lot of girls, that it's near impossible for girls to pay around me. Of course this plants the seed in Ali's mind and now she's untrusting of it all and yada yada yada her we go with the fun. But her and I do keep a fairly open dialog so we can talk this stuff out but it's annoying havin to deal with issues I shouldn't have to. I have a hard enough time not screwing up things when it's just the two of us. Throw in a couple more girls to think about things and there's no man in America who'd be able to do it (Johnny Depp lives in France). The one thing that did piss me the fuck off was when one of our mutual friends said that I only spend money and time with the other girls so I'd have something to back my story up with; that I'm being nice to them because of Ali. That's such bullshit and that bothers me to no end. I hate having my intentions questions and I damn sure hate being thought of as a fake. It's just so ROAR. But I'm still ultra thankful that she's in my life and that she'll be around for at least the next 4 months. Damn college. After that it's back to square one. I'll miss her. Ok this goes out to somebody who...shall we say......has earned the nickname "BIG PUSSY." You are in fact, the biggest pussy I know. First you don't say shit when I'm in front of you and you have a bunch of your friends and I have 3 of my friends and then after we drive past you, you flip me off. Only by looking in my rearview mirror could I see you do it. That screams PUSSY. Then again you don't say shit when I'm sitting there with my friends and my 145 pound friend mugs you and you can't even stare him down.....why? Because you're a pussy. Then as we're getting in the car you are driving away, not even face to face but DRIVING away and you muster the effort to put the bass in your voice long enough to say "Adam's a pussy and takes it in the ass." Ironically enough you called me a pussy when it was you that was driving away and in fact, was the pussy. Of course you start getting followed and couldn't shake shit because you're a horrible driver. So we follow you for about 4 minutes and what do you do? You take the pussy way out and call the cops saying that we've been swerving in and out of traffic. Why do you do such a thing? Well the theme that I'm getting from all this is that you're a pussy. The girls who were in the car with you apologize to me and one of them says that they really don't like you whatsoever. Also I'm talking in a group of four and you walk over and wonder why maybe the whole group is laughing. Maybe it's because I just said that you're a, and I quote "Big Pussy," and they all find it humorous and factual. And to top it all off, you can't even say a word to me. Could it be that's because you're a.....let us all say it in unison......>crowd< BIG PUSSY. I don't care if you get your "crew" and you and your white ass arms sticking out of your flaming sleeveless shirts with your "hella sick" tattoo decide to beat my ass because when all is said and done I'll get back up and come back to work the next day and forever and ever you'll be referred to as "BIG PUSSY." But see I didn't even use your name so I guess this wouldn't be referred to as slander now would it? Gosh I love loopholes just like you like guys' glory holes, BIG PUSSY. I think I've realized something. I think being mature isn't growing up and thinking different; it's just growing up and being able to hide the old way you used to act. I'm not really good at hiding it sometimes. :-) On to a much much more serious topic. Seeing as I'm usually bored I read everybody's away messages, sometimes I read the same one more than once (which pisses me off because I've already read it). Well I was reading people's away message when I got to Chris Young's and it said "Our thoughts and prayers are with the Klien family." Of course that really doesn't hint at anything positive so I called him up and asked him what that was about. He said that Beth's (as in Beth Klien) dad had passed away of a heart attack. Now as I mentioned in a site update a few updates ago Beth is the only person from high school that I'm not really as close to as I wanted to be and had kinda lost touch with her. Since Dublin is a relatively small town, news spread fast and just about everybody knew about it within a day or two. I decided that I wanted to attend the memorial, even though I never met Mr. Klien. I just wanted to show Beth that I care. I didn't expect the memorial to be as emotional for me as it was because I didn't know the guy. Of course I didn't take into account that fact that when other people are crying, I generally have a hard time not crying so I dropped a few tears. I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen for a while, including Beth who I even got a little smile out of. Nicole was even there and gave me a hug. It's just sad considering he was only 49 years of age and still had two kids in high school and two in college. What makes everything even sadder is that Grant's dad isn't doin too well. He has cancer and is fighting a losing battle. It's a little too reminiscent of Mr. Stager for me. I just hope when the time comes that I can be there for Grant and the rest of his family. RIP Dennis Klien 2/17/55-4/16/04 March 22nd 2002 I started this website because I wanted to do what I just did, get out my feelings out and let people know the truth behind the rumors or whatever. I was going through a weird period in my life (not saying much cuz it seems I'm always in a weird period of my life) and there were a lot of stories going around and I wanted to clear them up. My sister had a website, and still does, and I decided to bastardize her idea and make it my own. The good old days where I used to be able to do a site update in like 45 min and it would fit all on one page. Now they are so long that most of you hardly even read all of it. I try and condense them but then I just ramble on but it's all good. More people get recognized this way and I like recognizing my friends because they do mean so much to me. This site update marks the 2 year anniversary of the website and I intended to post it on or near the anniversary date but seeing as it's MAY (or close to it) this didn't get done. But yeah in honor of this so very special occasion I have put together a "Best of" section that is just a compilation of the sections that I have written in the previous 11 updates that I like the most or were the most memorable or whatever. That included what I feel is the biggest "must read" section that I've written, that being about "my Depression." I also either added on to parts or just added comments to some of the sections and I will note where I did. So click here for the Best of Nagslife. I also added another little thing to the site. Since it's always between 4 and 5 months between site updates I need to give you some stuff to read in between and I know my poetry inspiration is running out so I can't count on that. Also sometimes I just need to vent and go on about things or there's a topic that's totally unrelated to things in my life that I want to write on. That's why I've decided that about once every couple weeks I'm going to do a rant. Basically it's just a small blurb on some random topic. Sometimes it'll be about what's bothering me, sometimes it'll just be like a top 10 list or something. My Reply will also work with that too. Basically it's just something to keep you coming back like crack addicts. I've already done one which can be read here. The last thing I added was a whole picture page. I did bastardize most of the pictures from Sean's page but eh, he'll live. I give him free advertising, as he does for me so it's a mutual scratching back thing. I'll be getting a digital camera sometime in the near future, I think. But until then I'll have to wait for him to update when I want to add more pictures. Anywayz go to www.geocities.com/nagspicspage to view pictures. Random Thoughts/Quotes I hate MEEEEEEECHIGAN (that'd be directed towards you Paige) I'm God's gift to women. Of course not all gifts are liked by the recipient. (yes I mean that) "I'm not fruitcup but you are a decent looking guy" ~Scott, the funniest drunk person I know "My tits are bigger than yours" ~Again Scott when he was trying to get a gril to flash "She will bathe in that shit" ~Sean Steen "Having sex with a virgin is like a white heavyweight boxer. They don't move a lot and end up covered in blood." ~Nick Dipallo "I'm sure you won't end up covered in blood" ~Grant Weathers to above quote "I don't like porno movies. Cuz first you see this beautiful women and she's big and beautiful, everything's big and she becomes like your girlfriend. Then some guy with a huge schlong comes in and fucks your girlfriend." ~George Carlin �You see one girl naked you��..want to see them all naked� ~Ron White "I love you but only as a brother, no Mark Barnett shit" ~Everyone "Chicks......no no no fuck chicks, I got to dance" ~Dane Cook "I think Christian girls would be easier to manipulate. You could go I just talked to God and he said to put it in your mouth" ~Jim Norton Being as I turned 19 on the 19th this is supposed to be my so-called "golden year." Well the first day was good, I've had some good days since then but what the hell has been so golden about the year. I've got about a handful of new friends and that's been my highlight. Hell I've had a couple leave too so that about evens out. I WANT GOLDEN!!! I got less than 4 months left dammit. I swear if this year doesn't turn out to be golden I'm going to.....well I'm going to do nothing but bitch about it but dammit, I want the Mitas touch on my year. ROAR >=O Well that's it for now I guess. So let's do a recap. New Years was cool, a misunderstanding caused work drama and lots of hits, met a bunch of new girls to be friends with, met a girl, got caught in the friend zone again, Jeremy came home, Jeremy & Hallie got married, Jeremy, Hallie & Happy left. Nicole being "gone" bothers me, soccer is officially over for good, spring break was cool, went to a couple concerts, added a couple features to my website, condolences to the Klien family, the Sharks game was great, girls cause needless drama, 2 years and still going and BIG PUSSY. I'm sure I forgot something or someone, although I don't know how I would but eh, such is life. I think just about everyone of my friends was at least mentioned in this site update so yeah, good times. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read what I write. Without you I would just be typing to myself and that would just be a waste of time. Over the last 2+ years we have had one hell of a ride. I hope this ride doesn't end anytime in the near future. I'll be adding more things in this site as we keep going and if you have any ideas just use "My Reply" and let me know. But seriously, thanks for the support, it means a lot. As for those of you that hate it, HAHAHA, I tricked you into reading it. Oh and (as long as you aren't retarded in doing it) don't forget to sign the guestbook. Well until next time, when I'll probably be 20 (which makes me realize I've done absolutely nothing with my life) take care. Until Further Notice, Adam Use "My Reply" to speak back against this site update Best of Nagslife Nags's Pics Page New Poems |