8.2.01
dinner with my family in edison for my dad's birthday. my mom was impressed that i ate THREE steamed dumplings.. a new record for me-they were soo yummy i had to eat them. by the time i get back i have a sudden urge to go rent a movie at blockbuster.. what to rent.. an azn movie? something funny? or scary? a cartoon? nope...'Sweet November', the ultimate chickflick (you can even tell from the cover). i had planned on watching it alone but since the dvd player was already in use i fell asleep until will came. hmm i still didn't watch the movie yet...so what do we end up doing? if 'The Very Thought Of You' wasn't enough, we watch 'Sweet November' too. but it was reallyy good! i didn't even fall asleep! but somehow i don't think i'll be picking the movies we watch anymore.

8.1.01
went to the house emily was housesitting for.. i can't speak for everyone else but i could very well be the definition of control. haha. i must say i was very impressed by hanem's pool skills displayed in her condition. will and i got to visit our friend at mobil, i think he was surprised to see us there so early...haha.. as usual, couldn't stay too long bcuz of curfew but i didn't mind much bcuz it wasn't anything big when i left anyways. just happy that everyone is ok and everything else will be good. i still want to know who nader is!

7.31.01
i try to see it from my parents' perspective but whether i go out or not, i never get anything accomplished anyways so i might as well go out rite? keeping me on lockdown at home always forces me to drag other people over to entertain me, so really staying in punished other ppl as well. i had a feeling i wasn't going to be able to leave the house tonite so i was prepared and asked michelle, will and tiff over to watch 'The Very Thought Of You' with me. always trust your instincts.. as soon as get home i find out i'm staying in...AGAIN.. at least the movie was good, i think 'cute' describes the whole movie in one word. yay i finally remembered to give will his bonsai, now i can't be responsible for killing it! jk.. its ok, its easily replaceable since we were told "the warranty lasts until the tree dies" haha

7.30.01
nyc with will.. first stop chinatown to get my hair cut and redyed at this new place my mom told me to check out. i've decided never to go back there again and stick to the place i usually go to, its not supposed to take three hours! 70dollars badly spent.. but oh well, not my money...haha jk. i was having a hard time sitting still in there for so long.. will has an unbelievable amount of patience to wait for me.. we got there around 1 and by the time we left it was almost 4. walking around chinatown all my money managed to get spent no matter how hard i tried. i wanted to go to the sweet-n-tart restaurant bcuz its in the nyc 50 top restaurants but "what do white ppl know about chinese food?" haha in other words, it wasn't that good.. the bubble tea at ten ren's afterwards made up for it tho. lastly, went to flushing to 'pimp out my phone' and stopped by a cute korean cafe (yummy except for the bananas) before we left. thanks to my never-ending quest to save money (this time a mere 3dollars or so) we took the train from newark and didn't actually get back to nJ until 11ish.

7.29.01
myshelly729's bday! actually slept in this morning so i wasn't as dead tired as always.. no work/appts = wake up around 1230 instead of the buttcrack of dawn(715am). bcuz she specifically told everyone not to, i had to get michelle a bday present. my parents were going to bridgewater commons and i was broke so i figured if i went with them they'd give me money.. normally i don't go shopping with my parents but it was fun since will came too...bought a bunch of stuff from spencer's for michelle, matching boxers from banana, and a bonsai tree for will (haha!) we went out of our way to be early for myshelly's bday dinner at olive garden--part2 of her bday gift--but she still beat us there even tho we were 15minutes early. i amused myself coloring the kid's menu waiting for everyone to come. after dinner we all went to pearly's...haha me and tiff randomly decided to play spit. i really thought i was gonna have a heart attack.. she was beating me in the beginning but eventually i came back and ended up kicking her butt...nice.. haha so fun!

7.28.01
out of nowhere, debbie calls me about justin being in nyc! haven't seen him for the looongest time so i had to go see him. i knew i'd get lost.. from work it took me an hour not the 15min it said it should take on mapquest. met up with debbie in chinatown to meet sandra and justin in little italy at 5.. nothing was working out as planned.. meeting place and time changed to wtc at 615. as if spending $22 on parking for a measly 2hrs wasn't enough, the whole mess of events climaxed.. debbie and i stuck behind 3cars outside wtc watch in awe as this black lady starts pummeling another guy in the car behind hers through an open carwindow. honestly, it was sorta amusing but we were both so confused.. my theory: the guy the woman was smacking all over the place hit her car and she somehow got it in her head that beating the living crap out of him would make things even.. after her husband prys her away, the guy tries to make a quick getaway but the woman situates herself in front of his car while she calls the cops blocking the entire road as the line of cars behind continues to grow. debbie and i were right behind them with a courtside view of all the action. i ignored debbie's pleas for me to keep my mouth shut and stay in the car, she thought i'd end up getting beat by the black lady myself. sitting there for what seemed like forever & fed up witnessing the amount of stupidity present, i got out of the car, it took convincing but the ppl i talked to listened and i manage to get a lane open. thoroughly annoyed, i let road rage get the best of me, slammed on the acc and smashed my sideview mirror from a sideswipe to a parked car. ahh! i freaked and stopped the car to push it back in place and thank god it was good as new.. the worst part of the night was since it was getting late, i had to go and never saw justin!! (don't worry about it debbie i wasn't mad, just annoyed) i got home around 7, rented 'The Very Thought Of You' and called tiff over to watch. my parents were already watching, it was late and i kept falling asleep so tiff left. i dont know how but seeing will later just made my crappy day all better.

7.15.01
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7.4.01
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6.29.01
the moment i woke up i began to dread what i had planned for later on. to keep my mind off it debbie and i went to morning glory. i didn't buy anything.. which says a lot in itself about how horrible i was feeling. no amount of preparation could prepare me enough.. thinking it's now or never, i left for philly. even though i've been there and back soo many times i was so distracted by what just happened i missed my exit and got lost coming home and immediately go shopping (my cure-all for everything) but then not wanting to be alone, i get andrew to drive me to dorothy's.. didn't call will bcuz didn't think it'd be good a good idea but to my surprise, he was at dorothy's too.. go figure. its good that he was there though bcuz by the end of the night i felt better from somehow knowing he understood.

6.28.01
two back-to-back sleepless nights. only one thing left to do...go to philly.

6.27.01
after two long and confusing weeks of drama, i made up my mind. the conversation i had with michelle the other night played a huge part in helping me realize how blatantly clear my decision had been all along. i knew, and had known for a while, what to do but it took time for me to acknowledge and admit to myself bcuz i just didn't want to deal. if i could take it all back and do it over again, without a doubt, i'd handle things MUCH differently.. not my final decision but the events leading up to it. nothing excuses the last couple of weeks but until now i couldn't decide what i wanted or who i wanted to be with.. my poor judgement resulted in a series of misguided actions. all i can hope for now is forgiveness and that people will eventually look past it all...

6.26.01
for the first time since pearly's, i took time alone to really think things through. had a long and much-needed talk with michelle at barnes&noble.. i can't even begin to describe how much i owe her.. a friend to sit with me and hear me out was exactly what i needed. had so much on my mind and even more to consider...anniversaries and all made me so overwhelmed with guilt and confusion, didn't sleep more than 20minutes all night. i never would've imagined that i could single-handedly muster up such a disaster.

6.19.01-6.25.01
pearly's house...its crazy all that can happen in one night and what a mess can be made of everything when you let your guard down. can you believe that there are people out there who believe that "at parties, everyone's free game bcuz bf's and gf's don't count"?? that has to be one of the most screwy comments ever made.. figures it was made by a guy huh? a couple days after the party, friends/witnesses filled me in on all the events that took place that night.. i still can't believe what happened-things i'm ashamed i had allowed to occur and had been a part of considering my situation.. but looking back, there's nothing i regret even under the circumstances. forfeiting all expectations, i've been letting things happen as they come bcuz i really don't know what else i can do.

6.16.01
first day at work.. what a way to spend my first day as a hs graduate huh? really didn't want to start working today of all days but its not like i had much of a choice.. tues-sat 10-6 in jersey city, 45min driving/train ride from home. i just know the commute to work's gonna be annoying but hey, $10/hr...and considering i'm always broke, i reallyyy need this. it's almost 8 when i get home.. me and debbie decide to go to michelle's graduation party extremely fashionably late. i'm so mad i didn't bring a change of clothes, i wanted to go in the pool soo badly! after some neighbor complaints the dj had to shut down and the party was over. too early to go home, we all went to alice's for avalanche.. except for me that is.. i had to be home by 12 and i guess i developed a reputation after the sarah kim incident.