As you can probably tell, I developed an instant and complete enthusiasm for the concept of One. I would wake up in the middle of the night and write new insights. I continued to follow the thread of how it all works. I looked at everything from angels to reincarnation to UFOs as part of One and each made sense. Good and Evil, free will holy men and demons, It all works in this framework.

Soon after the illumination experience in my bedroom, the book fairy adopted me. Everything that I needed to read began to come to me in the exact order that I needed to read it in order to fully understand what was there. The light experiences continued for several months. I could be driving down the street when my car would fill with beautiful light. Off would come the sunglasses to see where the light source was. Always it was from all around me. At these times I felt like spinning around and around until I could fly into the light. I was not dizzy and I did not actually spin. I just felt very good and full and light.

It was about here that Wolfy decided that I had been sucked into a dangerous cult. It did not help to explain that as far as I knew at the time, I was the only one who thought this way and that the thoughts were coming to me in bursts of light at all times of the day and night. We agreed to disagree, Or that I would shut up about it and quit explaining everything he discovered in terms of One. He continued to study Celtic magic and the Red Road and Nordic magic and Huna while I had suddenly realized that this was all very nice but unnecessary. All paths lead to One. It would be as well to pick a path that feels right as a tool for study or take off into uncharted waters and find out how they all flow together.

Wolfy has now decided that I am not a cult and has come to look at things in this light more and more. It seems that he is seeing this message of Oneness in everything he studies. At this point he has been devoted to Huna for a goodly time and has grown and drawn much from it, partly as a result of the One view. He begins to comprehend. Power is no longer the ultimate goal, but sometimes a reward. Now all he has to do is to realize that realizing power is also unneeded. When you understand, you experience. You make the experience what you need by understanding. This then is the real power, not a trick, a reality.

Opportunities for learning began to come my way as well as terrible things to discourage me. It seems as though attracting the light also attracted the dark. I met a Mohawk medicine man during this time who had a lot of both. My husband, who is part Cherokee, saw him as his teacher on the Red Road and , for awhile, became his virtual slave. I saw him as an opportunist with more power than sense. Bears had a very compelling personality and a coyotes way of using it. He was proud of his one foot in the dark and believed that all useable power is from the dark. He was attracted to me because I represented light and he was intrigued by my views and the fact that I did not see power as an end in itself.

I am unsure how much I would like to say about this time. The end result was that everyone survived, except Bears I think. Bears is around still but has become too dark to see. Darkness will in the end become light. I hope that for Bears the time will come soon. Out of the nightmare, came two good experiences that I might have missed if Bears had not come along. I like to believe that it was worth the horror and the testing. One of the experiences was a sweat lodge in Bastrop Forest. The other was a soul and power animal retrieval with a female shaman in Dallas.

My first sweat was put together by Bears and his father Chief Spotted Pony and took place in Iron Shirts old camping area. It was apparent that Bears had not done this often. His father seemed to be the expert. Near the end of the fire, spider medicine came into effect. The eyes of the Wolf spiders glowed red everywhere all around the fire site. As I approached the lodge, I kept seeing not only blue lights flashing above it but a doorway on the side that did not have a door. Various animals began to appear in the darkness of the doorway. I remember Horse, Elk, Bear, Buffalo, Mountain Ram and Wolf. I believe that there were other. I do not remember now. There was also a shield of some sort followed by an old man I knew was Grandfather. I asked the others if they noticed anything and they mentioned the blue lights. I left it at that. We entered for the first door. a door is a round in a sweat lodge. The door is opened between rounds to honor the directions.

There was a painted turtle shell hanging above the stone people. As soon as we were all inside it fell into the pit and many sparks erupted. We sat and prayed and sang. There was a strong sense of spirit. Blue lights whizzed and sang, showing silhouettes where no one was sitting. Again, when we came out before the second round I continued to be fascinated by what I was seeing on the side of the lodge. By this time I was seeing the beautiful old man beckoning to me with his pipe. The message came through that we needed to honor the pipe more seriously before returning. I passed the message to Bears without mentioning the visions. He was not thrilled but he complied and paid attention to the directions.

The second and third rounds were much the same. Each better than the last. Strong with welcoming spirits. Once again the blue lights continued. The feeling of other was stronger and comforting. I felt that I was with my people. (My people, having little to do with those in the lodge). Wolfy had a vision that named my daughter Buffalo Woman. He thought at first that it was me but it was not. The spirits were to name me later. After the third round I finally mentioned what I was seeing. So far I was the only one. The old man continued to beckon and became clearer. I was still not sure what to do. (Yes, I know, I can be oblivious at times.) Finally I told the others and of course they pointed out that going through the door would make sense. After all there was a sense of yearning and beauty that was drawing me.

When I allowed myself to go toward the door, the doorway filled with spirits welcoming me. Grandmother was jumping up and down behind Grandfathers shoulder, reaching to welcome me home. She was so beautiful. I found the true family that I have always sensed. It was a good visit. I was given gifts before I left, including my spirit name and the reason for it. I use only part of that name with my closest friends. The rest remains secret. Standingtree is a name given to me by my dear friend Jeff. The spirits gave this name to him during a visit to the mountains in which I remembered how to talk to the trees and developed a special bond with a couple of beautiful cedars. This name does not pertain to the Standing Tree used in Sundance.

Although the "doorway" was actually on the left side of the sweat lodge and only a few feet away from the others, it felt like miles to and from. When I returned I asked the others what they had seen. I felt that I could not tell them what had happened until they confirmed it. Everyone saw Grandfather and Grandmother clearly. They all saw what happened until I joined the Elders, and then, just empty space. I was surprised that they saw that much. They watched me welcomed and transformed into a much younger girl. My clothing was changed for a white deerskin dress and my hair was braided in front. They saw me walk into the circle of Elders with joyous greetings on both sides and then disappear. They saw me welcomed home as one long missing and then return after about 1/2 hour full of peace and joy.

After a brief discussion we went into the lodge for the fourth round. During this round I was able to clearly see many of those who sat with me on the other side of the doorway. A blue light spun around and around lighting each face for only a second at a time. We all saw a beautiful wolf enter at the end. Our wolf friends waiting outside howled greetings to their spirit brother. When we left the lodge I think we had each found something unique. When I lay down to sleep near the lodge I kept the feeling that I was curling up in the arms of my Grandparents. I cannot begin to describe the peace.

Strangely enough (or not), that was not the last surprise from this lodge. When we returned home I went to see my daughter Sara. I managed to get out "The sweat went really well..." When she said "Wait, wait! Let me tell you what happened to me first!" Sara knew absolutely nothing about sweats. All she knew was that some time during the weekend I would be attending some mysterious spiritual thing. Sara had been on her way to bed and unable to relax. It was around 1:00 in the morning. She put on an ocean waves cd to relax only instead of ocean wave she started to hear drums and then singing. She realized that she was in a small dark round room. A light was going in circles flashing off of the faces of people opposite her. The descriptions match exactly those I had seen in the lodge. She had managed to be there with me. Since that night she has found a guide that appears in her dreams. Surprise surprise, a young native american man.

If that weren1t enough, Wolfs ex wife Tansy , unable to sleep, was getting into a stress reduction bath when a doorway appeared before her. She was afraid to go through it and did not participate. Soon after, lightning hit a very old tree in her backyard and the scorched limb looked just like a wolfs head. She wishes she had gone through now. I really believe that she might have joined us around the fire. Tansy is a very spiritual person and one off my best friends.

Since the lodge, I have seen Grandmother and Grandfather many times. They are invited any time I meditate and often come to me then. I always invite them and the Beings of Light and my Guardian. Now that I have discovered my Power Animals they are often invited also. The room is often crowded with loving spirits.

Something else related to the lodge happened not long after also. One night Grandmother and Grandfather appeared in Hindu costume. This was a little unexpected. Since Hinduism best defines my beliefs, I was not totally surprised, but still wondered why this would happen. My meditations are predominately used on my quest to find God, The Source. The next day while looking through a book on Hinduism I chanced upon a description of Brahma. Brahma is the nonquantifiable God. He is the One. The others are all faces of Brahma. In ancient times He was called Grandfather. In all my searching, it had never occurred to me that I had found Him.

Directory

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Chapter 1 My Story
Chapter 2 Some Beliefs
Chapter 3 Signposts
Chapter 4 Quantum Aspects
Chapter 6 Teachers and Shamen
Gods Dream/Alan Watts
Quotes and Poems
Suggested Reading List
Book Reviews / Opinionated Mystic
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