Chapter Forty Two: Lock, Stock, and a Guy with a Really Big Sword
(We find that is now the next day and a great many things have happened. Lord Denethor and Lord Theoden have passed on, a great many others have been lost to the horrors of the Pelennor, and most of the White City is in shambles. There is much good, though, for through Aragorn�s miraculous healing powers are Faramir, Eowyn, and Merry resorted to full health. The distant relations of Boromir and Faramir from Dol Amroth have arrived, and while some heal others plan for the offensive of the Age. So now we find ourselves in the Citadel with a great many people present, those being Aragorn, Boromir, Eomer, Prince Imrahil of Dol Amroth and his sons Elphir, Erchirion, and Amrothos, Halbarad, Gamling, Gandalf, Legolas, and Gimli.)
Eomer: I do not know what you really intend to do, Aragorn. There are not enough of us to fight off the forces of Mordor in their own lands.
Aragorn: Maybe we don�t need to really fight them, Eomer. What if we just distracted them a while�..give Frodo and Sam and chance. That�s all we need.
Gandalf: Aragorn is right! If we keep the Eye of Sauron on ourselves then they can sneak in undetected!
Boromir: We will need as many men as can be spared. Uncle, are your men ready for battle?
Imrahil: Aye, the Swan Knights of Dol Amroth are ready to fight.
Legolas: Then we should prepare to march tomorrow. Aragorn?
Aragorn: Yes, we shall go and ready things. (chuckles) I do believe before then we all have appointments to visit the houses of healing, eh?
Gimli: Oh, aye. If only those young girls of yours would stay out of trouble!
Eomer: Oh, well based on what I�ve seen of Stevie all by herself, she�s going to have quite the fit when you tell her she cannot go to the black gate with us.
Aragorn: (groans) That is going to be loads of fun. How about you, Boromir?
Boromir: (shrugs) I really don�t know. Harper should do as I ask�..she�s been pretty good about that lately.
Gandalf: Harper? Behaving herself? Boromir, I have a hard time conceiving that image.
Boromir: She�s good about it�..just have to be nice to her about it. She isn�t fond of being told what to do. Either is Stevie, Aragorn.
Aragorn: (rolls his eyes) She doesn�t listen to me either way, so I really don�t see what difference it makes anymore.
Imrahil: Well, let us not waste any more time. I am anxious to see how my youngest nephew is fairing!
(And so off goes the crew of dudes off into the Houses of Healing.)
(Meanwhile, we have been neglecting to tell of the Brotherly Trio of Elfyness�s adventures with babysitting our dearest Arwen while she stays in Lothlorien. Well, more like her magical adventures with a certain Lord Figwit who at some point in time managed to sneak into the Golden Wood. No one is really sure how that happened seeing as it is a heavily guarded elven realm. Regardless, his presence has undoubtedly kept Arwen�..busy�..)
Haldir: I underestimated what Aragorn said about the uber wench.
Rumil: That is disgusting.
Orophin: I think I�m going to puke.
Rumil: Orophin! We�re Elves! We don�t puke!
Orophin: We don�t?
Rumil: Of course not! Puking isn�t fancy and graceful. We purge.
Haldir: That�s the exact same thing as puking, Rumil.
Rumil: Yes but it sounds fancy and graceful!
Orophin: How about hurl?
Rumil: Eh�.. (shrugs) I�ll settle for hurl.
Orophin: Oh, good. I�ll be back after I cough back up my breakfast.
Haldir: Have fun. Ugh, Rumil, that can�t be legal! Make it stop!
Rumil: Me? You�re all-knowing Big Brother March Warden! You make it stop.
(Back at the Houses of Healing in Minas Tirith, everybody�s talking to everyone else�..like a big reunion of crazy people. Anyway, Imrahil and his son�s are visiting Faramir with Legolas, Eomer and Gimli both went off to see Merry, and Harper and Stevie are hanging out with Merry in his room.)
Merry: I feel so silly! Like a little girl all stuck in bed!
Harper: Oh, Merry, you don�t know what you�re talking about. You�re a macho man! Grade-A Hero of Insane Buffness.
Merry: Really?
Stevie: Absolutely. You saved Eowyn! You�re awesome!
Merry: Oh, cool!
(Then Aragorn and Boromir stroll in, obviously needing to talk to Harper and Stevie, but paying a happy little visit to Merry in the meantime. This obviously makes Merry very happy, but that�s just based on the humongous smile on his face.)
Boromir: Hey, Merry! How are you?
Merry: Well, enough, thank you.
Aragorn: Very glad to see you in such high spirits! Though, I fear that we have to steal Stevie and Harper away from you for a few moments.
Merry: Oh, well, that�s alright.
Pippin: (strolls in) I guess you�ll have to settle for me instead.
Merry: Pippin! I�m so glad to see you!
Pippin: And I you. I have to tell you of all my adventures while here and the city, and you can tell me all of yours!
(So, whilst those two talk about hobbitty things, Boromir, Aragorn, Stevie, and Harper go outside. Stevie looks partially annoyed, and Harper looks like she�s expecting something.)
Aragorn: You two know we march to war tomorrow.
Stevie: Yes, everyone does.
Boromir: And we want to make it plain to you that the both of you are to stay here. You are not coming into battle with us.
Harper: Obviously. We�ll end up getting ourselves killed. We shall stay here and care for those in need for our caring.
Stevie: We will?
Harper: Of course we will.
Stevie: Does that mean we don�t get to save the day?
Harper: You get to help care for those who were wounded saving the day. There are others still to save the day out on the battle field.
Aragorn: Yes, Harper is right. I�d like you two to stay and help run things for a little while, at least here in the Houses of Healing.
Boromir: Aye, Eowyn and Merry will need some company, and I would appreciate it if there were people here I know and trust to care for Faramir.
Stevie: (smirks at Harper) Oh, we have just the plan for that!
Harper: Aye, just the plan indeed!
Aragorn: I really don�t like the sound of that.
Boromir: Either do I, but I trust you two implicitly. I know the future Queen and Lady of Gondor won�t let us down.
Stevie: Of course not.
Aragorn: And just as a precaution, I�ve ordered that if you try to leave the city you�re to be arrested.
Harper: So much for trusting us implicitly.
Boromir: (pointing at Aragorn) That was his doing. I trust you, but based on you�re history of obeying orders, Aragorn�s precautions are founded. Don�t get worked up about it. He�s the guy with the big sword, remember?
Stevie: Oh well, yeah. We really mean it this time, though. I don�t feel like fighting again. I was traumatized by the Orc with the foot growing out of its forehead.
Harper: The what?
Stevie: Oh, come, I must tell you about this one! Definitely a priceless war story.
Harper: It had a foot growing out of its forehead?
Stevie: Aye! And the foot was like�..web-footed. It was weird!
Aragorn: I worry about you two.
Boromir: As do I.
Stevie: Hey, you two aren�t allowed to talk. You aren�t exactly normal anymore either.
Boromir: Well, at least I don�t have a foot growing out of my forehead.
