Chapter Nineteen: Some Revelations and Those Realizations
(We see Merry and Pippin sitting on a patch of grass near a tree. Apparently they would still be at the Entmoot. Man, I guess these guys really don�t get anywhere fast. My grandma is faster than these guys. Wait�..I don�t even have a grandma. I�m the parenthesis guy. I�m just here. Whatever.)
Pippin: This is so boring, Merry! When are they going to finish talking?
Merry: I have no idea, Pip. They probably haven�t even finished saying �hello� yet.
Pippin: I really like old things, Merry. I�ve learned that they are all wise and everything, but they�re all so slow!
Merry: I know. Well, Gandalf wasn�t that slow. He sure isn�t now.
Pippin: That�s not my point. You�ve got to be fast to fall into the abyss and kill a balrog thingy. Not to mention Gandalf has to save the day and everything.
Merry: (stares at him) Stop making sense.
Pippin: Why?
Merry: Because that�s my job. You�re just supposed to do that Pip thing that you do so well.
Pippin: (scratches his head) What? Eat everything, except for lembas because they give me horrible gas, or be cute and unaware of the world around me?
Merry: Oh, forget it. (points a finger at him accusingly) Oh, and for the record, you are never allowed to eat lembas again.
Pippin: (becomes defensive) Well you weren�t any better than I was about all of that.
Merry: (lies back on the grass) I�m not talking about this with you, Pip.
Pippin: Fine. Be that way. (lays back on the grass and is silent for a moment) Merry?
Merry: What is it, Pip?
Pippin: I�m hungry.
Merry: (groans) Be quiet and go to sleep. It will be a long while before they get anywhere, so we won�t miss anything.
Pippin: I feel so neglected. No one ever listens when I say I�m hungry. You all just ignore me!
(Now we�re back at the Gladden River with Harper and Boromir. They appear to have been busy setting up a �home� of sorts. This is considerably easier than it would be anywhere else because they have the ruins left over from years of people who had settled there. Thus far, the remnants of a hobbit-type house has been pulled apart and is being adapted to suit people who aren�t vertically challenged.)
Boromir: Hannah, hand me that piece of wood, won�t you? (in a sort of singsong voice) Hannah? (raises voice slightly) Harper!
Harper: (jumps) Crap! Oh, what? Sorry. Here. (hands him the piece of wood) I�m having a hard time getting used to you calling me by my real name.
Boromir: I�m not surprised. You�ve never let anyone call you that for a long while. You�ll get used to it, I promise.
Harper: I guess. Where exactly did you learn to remodel hobbity-houses?
Boromir: Learn? I�ve never done this before.
Harper: Well, that�s reassuring. If this thing falls and crushes us or something it is *so* you�re fault.
Boromir: (smirks) Whatever you say, dear.
Harper: (throws a rock she found on the floor at him) You butthead.
(Meanwhile, back at Edoras, things are still fairly calm. Well, all would have to be calm, because interrupting one of Stevie�s cuddle sessions is just something you never *ever* want to do. Just trust me. Don�t do it. So there are Stevie and Aragorn cuddling.)
Aragorn: Quiet. I like this. Quiet is nice.
Stevie: So do I. Shut up. You�re ruining the effect.
Aragorn: You are so mean to me. I don�t think I�m appreciated.
Stevie: Of course you are appreciated, but that isn�t the point. The point is that I want you to be quite and now you have to be quiet because I Stevie has spoken.
(Just then Legolas walks in on them and just stares at them for a moment. After a few moments he gets this odd sort of a smirk on his face and Aragorn glares at him.)
Aragorn: What are you laughing at?
Legolas: I�m not laughing at anything.
Aragorn: Yes, you are.
Stevie: No, he�s not. He�s smirking. There�s a difference.
Aragorn: I don�t care. You�re laughing. Get out.
Legolas: I do believe I have wounded his �manlyness� as you put it, Stevie.
Aragorn: (looks shocked) Why you�
Stevie: Yep. (gives him a thumbs up) Good job, Elf Buddy.
Legolas: (returns the thumbs up) I think I�ll be on my way.
Aragorn: That is a wise idea; else I�d have to kill you!
Legolas: I�m sure.
(Legolas walks out of the room. Stevie laughs and Aragorn gives her this angry look. Sure, he�s allowed to be angry! His manlyness was wounded and Stevie taught Legolas how to do a thumbs up and didn�t teach him. Aragorn�s emotionally scarred.)
Stevie: Oh, I�m sorry.
Aragorn: You�d better be.
Stevie: I am.
Aragorn: Good. (shoves her off the bed) Victory is mine.
Stevie: (glares at him) Ow! My butt!
Aragorn: (laughs) The day is mine. (he gets up and walks out of the room) Oh, and your apology is accepted.
Stevie: (gets up, clenching her fists) Alright, pal. This means war.
(We now see two people who we haven�t seen in a very long while. The two, who have traveled a great distance, are none other than Frodo and Sam, passing through the marshes with a certain Gollum as their guide.)
Sam: Ugh! I hate this dreadful place! It smells horrible!
Frodo: Oh, come on Sam. It could be worse.
Gollum: Yesssss�..much worsseee�..
Sam: You bugger off! No one asked you.
Frodo: Sam, stop harassing poor Smeagol.
Gollum: Massster is a nice hobbit. Massster cares for usss.
Sam: Oh this is ridiculous. You trust that wretched thing more than you trust me, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: (sighs) Sam�
Gollum: Now is notsss time for fightingsss with the fat hobbit. Hurry we must. Yesss, hurry!
Sam: I�m not fat. Not like being fat is a bad thing. Hobbits are supposed to be fat. You�re all skin and bones, you are, you little wretch! Stop talking and start leading. The sooner we get out of this place the better.
Gollum: Stupid, fat hobbit! Come on. Good Smeagol leadsss the way.
(Meanwhile, back at the Gladden River our two friends are yelling at each other. Or maybe not. They just appear to be standing on the river bank yelling. What in the name of all that is good are they doing?)
Harper: (yelling) I HATE THIS ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD AND ALL OF ITS DAMNED INHABITANTS!
Boromir: (also yelling) I HATE THESE OFFWORLDERS AND THE WHOLE OF TEENAGE GIRLS EVERYWHERE!
Both: ARRRGGHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Boromir: (no longer yelling) You were right. This does make me feel better.
Harper: (stops yelling) See! I do it all the time. Just don�t do it around large groups of people because they all think you�re insane and they�ll try and have you arrested or something because they are stupid.
Boromir: (laughs) You are quite odd, my love.
Harper: You say that like it�s a bad thing.
Boromir: No, it isn�t bad at all. I�ve gotten quite used to it, now I just find it even more amusing.
Harper: (starts to turn away) I think we should get back to the house. It�s getting dark.
Boromir: (grabs her by the wrist and she stops) Wait but a little longer. I wish to speak with you of more serious matters. Come, sit with me.
(Harper nods and Boromir sits down on the river bank and then Harper situates herself next to him. They sit in silence for a while, watching the sky turn dark, before Boromir finally speaks up.)
Boromir: (staring up at the sky) I promised you that I would do as you wished as far as our staying here was concerned. You said that I might leave later, that you would know when, but you did not say how you would know.
Harper: I still do not know. When the time is right for you to leave I will let you know.
Boromir: I trust you about that, but that is not my concern. You said that *I* might leave. You never said what you would be doing.
Harper: I shall accompany you as far as the outskirts of your city, and then I shall return here.
Boromir: (looks at her, surprised) You shall do no such thing. I will not allow you to travel so far alone! You will come into the White City with me. I would have you rejoin your friends and meet my brother and my father.
Harper: (smiles at him) I know you would, and I would love to, but I cannot go into your city.
Boromir: Why not? I do not understand you.
Harper: I must be here.
Boromir: (lifts her chin with his hand) Stop speaking in riddles, Hannah, and simply tell me why you will not join me.
Harper: I have this feeling�..that when you go back to Minas Tirith things might not go as you have hoped for. If I�m right�..you�ll need somewhere to come back to. You can come back here. I�ll keep things in order for you until you come back.
Boromir: Hannah, do you even know the extent of my hopes? Now I begin to understand you. Do you mean that if something goes wrong and I am not welcomed into my city, and if they disown me as one of their faithful protectors that you will wait here for me?
Harper: (nods) If something goes wrong you can come back here. I�ll be waiting.
Boromir: (smiles at her) You truly are an amazing person. You have no idea what that means to me, but I still will not allow you to stay here by yourself, let alone travel back here by yourself.
Harper: (stares at him) Do you enjoy being this difficult?
Boromir: Sometimes. (looks her in the eyes, changing his tone to one of total seriousness and authority) You will come with me into my city. I know, I know, you do not wish to, but if things do go as you fear, I will need you by my side to get through them. Then, I promise, we shall return here if you so wish it. You will not argue with me on this. You shall do as I say.
(Harper groans and lays, more like falls, back on the ground with a sort of thump, and then proceeds to cover her eyes with her arm. Boromir leans over pokes her. When she doesn�t respond he begins to tickle her mercilessly and at some point amongst the shouts and laughter Harper consents to do as he wishes.)
Boromir: (smirking) I knew you would see it my way.
Harper: You�re a little cheat, you are. That wasn�t fair!
Boromir: So? We could have had a long and heated argument over the whole thing. I think I just saved us quite a bit of time and anger.
Harper: (pokes him) You are such and arse, Boromir, do you know that?
Boromir: Why thank you!
Harper: (getting up) Come on you big oaf. I want to go to sleep.
(Back at Edoras, Stevie has apparently already begun to take out her revenge on Aragorn, for in the Golden Hall of Meduseld, there is a very unexpected event taking place. Behold, for we have a food fight. We see Stevie and Legolas behind a table which has been turned on its side. Across the room is Aragorn, also behind a table. Gimli is watching from a safe distance, and Theoden is sitting on this throne with something that looks like mashed potatoes all over his face.)
Legolas: Stevie! You can�t throw food at the King of Rohan!
Stevie: Says who?
Legolas: It is a rule! It�s not exactly a way to respect royalty.
Stevie: Well, we�re both throwing stuff at Aragorn over there. Is there really a difference?
Legolas: Well�..alright, you have a point. Sort of.
Theoden: Never in all my years has anyone dared to do such a thing. Lady Stevie!
Stevie: Yeah?
Theoden: Now it is time for me to have revenge of my own.
Legolas: Oh no.
Aragorn: (throws a chunk of food at Theoden�s head) Come and join us! I need your help!
(Theoden goes and ducks behind Aragorn�s table and the throwing of food resumes. After several moments when it appears that the food throwing has ended, Aragorn gets out from behind his table and goes over to Stevie. Legolas, afraid of what might happen next, crawls away to hide behind the other table in the spot that Aragorn was previously occupying. Aragorn proceeds to kneel down across from Stevie and he takes her hand.)
Aragorn: I am sorry for what I did before. It was wrong of me, and you had every right to do this. You had every right to extract your revenge in me. Now I beg for your forgiveness. Stevie, please? I shall do anything you say just to win your favor again.
Stevie: (smirks) Your apology is accepted.
Aragorn: (releases his breath, which at some point he had held in) Thank you, my love.
Stevie: But, first you must do something for me, dearest.
Aragorn: (stares at her, eyes widening with fright) What is this thing, my love?
Stevie: You have to walk around the town outside just as you are now.
Aragorn: (gulps) Is there nothing else I could do? Something less humiliating?
Stevie: I�m sure there is, but I want you to do this.
Aragorn: You are merciless.
Stevie: (smiles) I know.
Aragorn: (nods slowly) I shall do as you ask.
Legolas: (chuckles) This should be interesting.
Stevie: Oh, Legolas, my dear friend, you get to go with him.
Legolas: (stops laughing, his jaw drops) What? What have I done?
Stevie: You started this whole thing on purpose, you wretched little Elf! Now, the both of you! Go and start walking, you have to cover the whole of Edoras before nightfall so everyone can see you. Legolas, don�t look at me like that. Go.
Aragorn: Well, at least we get to do it together, Legolas.
Gimli: Have fun! I�ll be watching.
Legolas: When I get back, Gimli, I am going to kill you. I swear it. I am going to kill you.
