Dawdle: Hello everyone. Please pardon me for a moment while I discuss matters of great importance with our lady friends.
(We see our heroines in the weird black place with the bean bag chairs and the stool and the lava lamp. They�re all talking about something.)
Dawdle: So, let me get this straight. I send you two (points to Kit and Van) to Isengard where you will tell Saruman everything he wants to know, and then I send you (points to Stevie and Harper) to Lothlorien where you will rejoin your friends, and then lure them into the clutches of Saruman?
Stevie: That�s about it, yeah.
Dawdle: Hmmm�..I like it. Consider it done!
Van: (raises her hand and jumps up and down) I have a question!
Dawdle: Yes?
Van: (stops jumping) What did you do with Spry?
Dawdle: I shall show you!
(A floating image of the room that Spry is in appears. She is still screaming and now is clawing at the walls looking for a way out. She is still watching Pokemon episodes.)
Harper: That�s cruel and unusual punishment. Do you think you would let her out?
Dawdle: (eyes her suspiciously) Why would I want to do that?
Kit: Because we could use her, and because she has done nothing to deserve this type of punishment.
Dawdle: Absolutely not!
Stevie: Fine, then. At lest turn off the Pokemon episodes and leave her in there.
(Dawdle stands there thinking. He nods his head abruptly, as if he had just decided something.)
Dawdle: Fine, I shall turn them off, only because of the help you are giving me. I will not let her go, though. Perhaps if you fulfill your task, then I shall release her.
Kit: Alright. So, are you going to send us or what?
Dawdle: (snaps his fingers) Oh yes, I was so excited I almost forgot!
(With a poof and a creepy flash, Kit and Van appear in a large room with shiny black walls. Sitting in a chair in the corner is a creepy old man who is looking through some books.)
Van: Uh�..Saruman?
Saruman: (jumps) Don�t sneak up on me like that!
Kit: Sorry.
Saruman: Are you the girls that Dawdle sent?
Kit: Yeah.
Van: Yep.
Saruman: Terrific! You know the fate of Middle-earth, don�t you?
Kit: Yes. And I would be supposing you want to know what happens?
Saruman: Of course! That would give me advantage over the enemy! You will tell what I need to know.
Van: We will tell you all that we can, old guy.
Saruman: (stares at the two for a moment) Why are you so willing to do this?
Kit: Because we want revenge.
Van: Yes. We want revenge on the men we traveled with. They never showed us any respect!
Saruman: (shrugs) Sounds good to me! Now sit, and tell me all.
(The girls sit down and start talking to Saruman, slowly conveying misinformation to him, as they had planned.)
(Another poof and a flash of creepy light, we find our heroines standing in the middle of Lothlorien. It is night time, and conveniently, the members of the Buddyship are sleeping right in front of them.)
Stevie: Well, we didn�t have to go far to find them!
Harper: Yeah. Do you think we should wake them?
Stevie: Nah, let them sleep. They need it.
Harper: Aighty. Let�s get to sleep before some crazy Elf tries to kill us.
(The two start to walk over to a patch of comfy looking grass below a huge mallorn tree when three random Elves pop out with bows pointed at their heads.)
Stevie: It appears as though you spoke too soon.
Harper: There�s something new. Yo, whassup?
Elf 2: Who are you, and how did you get in here?
Stevie: Oh, hiya Haldir!
Haldir: How did you know my name?
Harper: A little birdy told her. Who are these dudes? Your brothers?
Haldir: (looking disturbed) Yes. To my left is Orophin, and to my right, is Rumil. They do not speak your tongue.
Stevie: Oh, well, that�s cool. We�re gonna go to sleep now.
Haldir: You still have not identified yourselves.
Harper: This (gestures to Stevie) is Stevie. I am Harper. We are two of the Fellowship�s missing traveling companions, because I would be assuming that someone around here knows about that.
Haldir: Yes, they spoke of you. How did you get here?
Stevie: It�s a long story. We�ll tell ya�ll tomorrow. I need sleep first!
Haldir: But�
Stevie: Sleep first, talk tomorrow!
Harper: Ditto!
(The two go back to that patch of grass, pass out, and are dead to the world. Haldir, Orophin, and Rumil, just sort of stare at them strangely and then leave.)
(Meanwhile, back at the Orthanc�.. Saruman is sifting through his creepy picture books again, and Van and Kit are being escorted to their chambers by a really big and ugly Uruk-hai.)
Shplurgshgashk: Here is your room. You are to stay here unless I come for you.
Kit: Why thank you�..what did you say your name was?
Shplurgshgashk: Shplurgshgashk.
Van: Can we call you Shplurgsie?
Shplurgshgashk: I guess.
Kit: Okay, thank you, Shplurgsie. Have a nice day.
(The two girls walk in the room and close the door in the Uruk�s face. He just sort of stands there and stares at the closed door in confusion. Guess he�s never been exposed to the oddness of teenage girls. He�ll get used to it. Inside, the two girls are laying in cots that hanging on opposite sides of the room.)
Van: I think that went well.
Kit: Yeah. He actually believed us too. That was somewhat upsetting.
Van: Yeah. I mean, come on. It�s was so obvious that everything we told him was a load of bull.
(Suddenly the door swings open and Shplurgsie walks in. He closes it behind him and he stares at the two girls who are now attempting to sit upright in their cots.)
Shplurgsie: I heard you two talking. I was standing outside the door.
Van: Kit, is this bad?
Kit: Maybe. What are you going to do now, Shplurgsie? Tell Saruman everything, and have him hand us over to a bunch of orcs to torture and murder us?
Shplurgsie: No. I want to help you. I don�t like Saruman. He harasses me.
(The two girls exchange glances and try not to smirk. An Uruk being harassed by Saruman? Well, hey, there�s a first time for everything.)
Van: Okie dokie. But Shplurgsie, you can�t tell anyone! Promise?
Shplurgsie: I promise!
Kit: Okay. Now all you have to do is pretend like you know nothing!
(Back in Lothlorien, the members of the Fellowship begin to awaken. After going through the basic stages of waking up, they start to wander around until a certain loyal gardener discovers something very special nearby.)
Sam: (yelling) MR. STRIDER! MR. STRIDER! COME QUICK! COME QUICK!
(Aragorn rushes over to see what all the commotion is about when he sees Sam standing near the sleeping figures of Stevie and Harper.)
Aragorn: Sam, did you just find them?
Sam: Yes I did. They�re just laying there!
Aragorn: (yelling) BOROMIR! COME Have A LOOK AT THIS!
(Aragorn bends over and picks up the sleeping form of Stevie and cradles her in his arms when Boromir comes over to the base of the tree and spots Harper. He kneels down and starts shaking her shoulder gently.)
Boromir: Harper? Wake up!
Harper: Huuuuuhh?
(Boromir picks her up and holds her in a fashion similar to what Aragorn in doing with Stevie.)
Boromir: Are you all right?
Harper: Put me down, you big oaf!
Stevie: (wakes up) Will all of you shut up! I�m trying to sleep here. Oh, hey Ranger-dude. Fancy meeting you here. Can you put me down?
Aragorn: (smiling) Can I? Of course! Will I? Not any time soon.
Harper: (whining) Boromir, put me down!
Boromir: Perhaps I do not wish to?
Harper: And perhaps I wish to kick your freaking head in! Put me down!
Sam: We�ll I�d say they�re both they�re old selves! Where are Miss Van and Miss Kit?
Stevie: (sighs) We have some explaining to do.
Harper: Yeah, and If Cap�n Crunch here will put me down, we can get started!
Boromir: It is quite obvious, dear, that you do not need to stand on your own two feet to speak, thus I see no reason for me to put you down.
Stevie: Aww�..how cute. Come on Harper, knock it off. He�s not hurting anything, he�s being sweet. Besides, it�s a free ride over to wherever it is we�re going.
Aragorn: (chuckles) Come, I�m sure the others will want to know everything that has happened, and of Kit and Van�s whereabouts.
(Aragorn and Boromir start walking back over to their little �encampment� with Sam trudging along behind. There the Buddyship is chillen� and looking very not awake.)
Harper: (to Boromir) You�ve been spending too much time around me. You�re becoming obnoxious. This will never do.
Boromir: I thought I was already obnoxious.
Harper: You are, but now you�re all lovey-dovey obnoxious. It�s disturbing.
Stevie: (turning her head to look at them) Boromir, don�t listen to her. She�s stupid.
Boromir: I never listen to her anyway.
Harper: Aragorn, don�t listen to Stevie. She�s a Master of the Obvious.
Aragorn: What? That�s absurd. Stevie always seems to have a valid point.
Harper: Really? Than you�re an idiot too.
Stevie: (laughs) Haha. I�m a master of the obvious!
(Aragorn sits down on one of the giant mallorn roots with Stevie now sitting upright on his lap. Boromir tries to do the same thing but when he tries to help Harper to sit up on his lap she tries to get away. This goes straight into the two having this little brawl. By time the five minute dispute is over, Aragorn and Stevie are several feet away from them, and Harper is sitting in Boromir�s lap, with Boromir�s arms restraining hers to her sides. Save for the pouting expression her face, and her tousled hair, Harper appears unscathed. Boromir is now sporting a black eye.)
Stevie: Oh, yeah, Boromir, you should watch out. She�s got a nasty left hook.
Boromir: (gently presses some fingers to his black and blue eye) Thanks for the warning.
(The rest of the Fellowship is just standing there looking at them oddly. Guess they never expected a teenage girl from goodness knows where to give the future Steward of Gondor a shiner. Guess they never tried to get Harper to do something she doesn�t want to do.)
Merry: (smiling) You�re back!
Stevie: Of course we�re back. We�re just so annoying you�ll never be rid of us!
Pippin: Now that�s not true!
Harper: Of course it is. Now can you all sit down so we can tell you what we need to tell you and then Boromir will leave me alone?
(They all come and sit down, well, save for Legolas, who never seems to sit. He just stands there staring at them in that creepy sort of �hey I�m a creepy Elf� way that he always does. Frodo trudges over and sits right in front of Stevie and Aragorn, looking up at them in that pathetically cute and sad sort of way.)
Frodo: Where are Kit and Van?
Stevie: They�re fine for now. We can�t tell you where they are.
Legolas: Why not? They know that we are here, and where we intend on going. If the enemy finds that out the quest will be doomed!
Harper: We cannot tell you where they are because that would put them in danger. Legolas, I�ve seen the way you look at Van. Sure, she�s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she knows not to tell anyone anything. If the love you feel for here is as true as it seems you will be able to trust her.
Aragorn: So you know where they are?
Stevie: Yeah, we do.
Aragorn: And you trust that they will be safe?
Harper: They know what they�re doing. I can�t guarantee that they�ll be safe, just as I can�t guarantee my own safety, or any of yours.
Stevie: We know they will be safe enough. Neither Harper or I would ever risk putting them into a dangerous situation that had absolutely no way out.
Gimli: I don�t like this.
Frodo: (standing up and turning to look at the others) We may not agree with this and we may not like it�..but I trust Stevie and Harper in what they are saying. I have faith in Van and Kit. If I can trust them, I don�t see why you can�t.
(Everyone stays silent for a while, contemplating Frodo�s words. If the Ring bearer, the one with the greatest burden, could trust these girls, why couldn�t they? Just then, Haldir entered their encampment.)
(Back at Isengard, Kit and Van are still locked in their rooms. Well, Shplurgsie let them out once, but after running into creepy orc after creepy orc, they decided that staying in their room wasn�t such a bad idea. So here they are, on the floor playing a game of I Spy.)
Kit: I spy something black.
Van: That�s not fair. This entire freaking place is black! The floors, the walls, the ceiling, the orcs, everything!
Kit: Actually I was thinking of that splotch on your boot, but hey, whatever.
Van: (sighs) How much longer is it going to take for the dudes to come here and get us?
Kit: A week or two.
Van: You can�t keep me here for two weeks. I�m going insane!
Kit: You�re already insane.
Van: Well, so are you!
Kit: We can always see if Shplurgsie wants to play a game of tic tac toe or something.
Van: You can�t play tic tac toe with three people.
Kit: Who said I wanted you to play?
Van: Ooo�.. That hurts, Kit.
Kit: Yeah, I�m sure it did. So, what now?
Van: Wanna sleep?
Kit: Sure. Not like there�s anything else to do.
Van: (hops into her cot) Wonderful dreamland, here I come.
Kit: (trudging over to her cot) I miss my hobbits. I miss Frodo. I miss being able to do stuff. Ugh. Evil old wizards suck!
