| SCREW ATKINS |
| With Calendar Girl's totally revolutionary two-step diet, you'll be kissing your sweet fat ass goodbye! |
| STEP ONE: STOP EATING |
| Limit your daily intake of food, or if you're really cool-- just stop eating entirely! You can measure and monitor your food intake by examining the amount of your shit output. Just think about that for a minute... |
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| STEP TWO: GET OFF YOUR ASS |
| Once you start dropping pounds (starvation is a wonderful thing!!) I suggest you take part in some kind of physical activity. Calendar Girl's obvious recommendation: Sex. |
| Random Fact: Sex burns more calories than running, biking, or swimming. Take that, Triatheletes! |
| So, have sex-- have good sex-- and have as much of it as possible while you can. For added help on this subject, you can check out my council to Smelly Losers. By the way, thumb wars and jerking off do not qualify as physical activity. |
| Before you know it-- you'll be looking as great as she does!! |