Ask Us...

We have no doubts that publishing your trauma's on the web will make you see your miserable life in perspective.

And have a look at the other whimpers here. You are not alone!

Now go on, write us: [email protected]

-"Hello. I was run over by a car last week. I feel so ignored. I am contemplating suicide."

from a very depressed Mussel.

Mussel, dear, you are not suicidal. If you really were, we wouldn't have received an email at all. The word you are looking for is "pissed off, 'cause some idiot drove me ugly". Your feeling is perfectly understandable.

What you need to do now is SPOIL yourself, 'till you realize your life really aren't that bad, you just happened to run into an idiot (well, probably you were just standing still) and that if he hit you hard enough, you might be able to make out the license plate number from your shell. Now go sue him, shellfish!

"I look so ordinary. I hate what I see in the mirror. I never change. What should I do to become more interesting?"

From a boring Mussel

We recommend a change of lifestyle:

Drape yourself in some lovely second hand curtains a la "Sound of Music", put on a pair of worn out squirrel slippers (use you grandma's hand-me-downs), and attempt to climb the City Hall dragging a heavy bundle of empty cans on a string singing your own falsetto version of Tom Jones' " Sex Bomb".

You now no longer have a problem. The society has a problem. And when they too, like us, have had enough of you, you will quickly and painlessly be put down. All worries are over. This is for people with interesting problems! So please don't write again until you've had a go with the City Hall thing...

-" I don't believe you are real doctors. You don't now anything about psychology!"

Anonymous

Sod off.