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| EXAM BLOOPERS! |
| ANSWERS GIVEN IN VARIOUS MUSIC EXAMS! (but not by my pupils!) |
| The principal singer from of 19th Century opera was called Pre-Madonna. |
| A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. |
| I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say! |
| Henry Purcell was a well known composer, that few people have ever heard of. |
| Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. |
| A harp is a nude piano. |
| Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing. |
| It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm. |
| Diatonic is a low-calorie Schweppes. |
| My favourite composer was Opus. Agnes Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music. |
| An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next. |
| Agitato is a state of mind when ones finger slips in the middle of playing a piece. |
| The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork. |
| All female parts were sung by male castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known decendents. |
| Young scholars have also expressed their rapture for the Bronze lullaby, the Taco Bell Canon, Beethovens Erotica, Tchaikovsky's Crack Nutter Suite, and Gershwins Rap City in Blue! |
| The main trouble with a french horn is that is is too tangled up. |
| Refrain means "Don't do it". A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing. |
| Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago! |
| and finally.... |
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| Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions, and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. |
| Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel. If they sing without music it is called Acapulco. |
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| A metronome is a small dwarf creature that lives at the bottom of gardens. |
| Heard any more? E-mail me at [email protected] to add your favourite to the list! |