| 2004: |
| january / feburary / march / april / may / june / july / august / september / october / november / december |
| rantings archinve |
| beautiful today. so beautiful, in fact, that i can almost forget the terror of a time i had last night. you see, it always happens this way. i like him. he likes me. we flirt. its fun. its games. i'm coy. he's gentlemanly. he makes jokes, i giggle. i dance and spin a world around myself and i invite him in - but just so far. my problem is, this is where i'm happy. one step closer, and i'll get scared. one step back, and i'll be bored. but suddenly, without warning or permission, he becomes serious. my balancing act isn't working for him, he wants more. he wants in. the game we've played to perfection isn't enough anymore, and so i drop the ball. why? why do i do this? why must i keep every potential guy at arms length? i want another boyfriend. i do. i just... [oh god, how many relationships have i ended before they began because when i realize i might actually have a chance at liking this guy enough to fall for him - or him for me - i immediately push him away]. i enjoy the chase. i know many guys do too. we like the tension, the electricity, the knots in our stomachs. the uncertainty of the pre-dating tango is exhilarating. the nuances. the subtleties. the sexual undertones and verbal ping-pong. but no one wants to chase and chase and never catch you. no one wants the girl who won't stop running. no one wants the chase that never ends. --------on a happier note----------: i am in love with my feet. today i spent ... um $80 + (hehe) on beautiful bcbgirls white/pink/blue heels. me + shoes = true love. p.s. i can still run like hell in stilettos |
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| topic: the chase |
| date: feb 21, 04 |