QUICK MENU

• A Pilot's New Leg
• A Pastor and A Nun
  
• An Old Couple and the Bumpy Road
  
• A Young Mother with Her Baby
  
• A Young Couple Having Trouble
  
• A Contest of the Giants
  
• A Stranded Duo
  

A Pilot's New Leg

    An air force pilot had just been involved in an aircraft accident. He was then being intensively treated for his serious injury at the base hospital, where a team of medical surgeons finally decided that one of his legs had to be amputated. With the consent of his family the amputation process was carried out right away. While the surgery was still in progress, there was another accident victim who passed away at the same time. One of the victim's leg was then offered for a transplant to the pilot and eventually the transplantation was done successfully....

    A few weeks later after the pilot had returned home with his new leg, he began to learn to stand up on his feet by his own, until one day he also attempted to urinate in the usual manner. But what happened when he tried to do that while in a standing position (as "men usually do")?

    His new leg seemed to respond with an inadvertent tendency to bend down on his knee each time he was about to urinate. Being quite embarassed upon experiencing such a "strange" case, he immediately called up his flight surgeon....

    "Hey doc, tell me why I couldn't keep my new leg straight while trying to pee... I don't understand why this new leg always wants to bend down by itself...."

    The surgeon answered with a certain smile, "I'm terribly sorry to tell you why. Your new leg was originally... a young woman's leg.... Well, doesn't it sound much better for you, Captain?"

A Pastor and A Nun

      A pastor saw a charming young nun passing by in front of his private room and asked her to drop in.

Pastor:  Sister, would you come with me, please, I'd like to
            show you something.
Nun    : Yes, Father, what is it that you want to show me?
Pastor:  Please, come on in to my room and... close all the
            window curtains....
Nun    : Would you please say it again, Father?
Pastor:  What I'm saying is come on in and...
Nun    : I'm listening, Father, but I cannot believe what you've
            just said....
Pastor:  You're absolutely right, Sister, I begged you that I'd
            like you to join me in my room.
      (The nun was certainly doubtful but at last she did comply
      with the pastor's request)

Pastor:  Now sit down here on my bed with me.
Nun    : But, Father, I'm afraid I have to leave now.
Pastor:  Why? Oh, come on, Sister... take your time, please.
      (With her heart beating faster she eventually sat down
      side by side with the pastor)
Nun    : So, what then, Father?
Pastor:  Please, don't hesitate to lie down beside me... and
            you'll know it pretty soon....
      (Now with full anxiety she joined the pastor lying down
      on bed under a blanket!)
Pastor:  Hmm, get closer to me now!
      (Being somewhat shaky she slowly turned aside and
      pushed herself closer to the pastor)
Pastor:  Well, let me show it to you.... Now, look at my new
            G-Shock wrist-watch....
            It shines so beautiful in the dark!!!

*Thanks to: Meydi ([email protected])

An Old Couple and the Bumpy Road

   During the Dutch colonial period in Indonesia by the early years of 1930s, main roads in the Minahassa — the uppermost portion of the northern peninsula of Celebes (now: Sulawesi) — were mostly pebbled roads and still not being asphalted like nowadays. In rainy seasons the roads would become so muddy and bumpy that some bus passengers would tend to get motion-sicknesses or the like. It was known during the period, buses were the only main public transportation from one place to another, and yet not many to be seen on the roads.

   One day a bus was about to leave a small town for its final destination, Manado, the capital town of the Minahassa regency. It was fully loaded with passengers of various backgrounds, and there was only one empty seat left. An old couple, a "grandpa" and a "grandma", so to say, were still eager to find any empty seat left and fortunately, the driver

was a guy that they knew quite well. So the driver let them get on the bus under one condition, in that they should take the only one seat left for both of them. The couple were quite satisfied and they agreed to take turns in occupying the seat.

   The bus started off for the "sentimental journey" along a bumpy road, while grandma was seen to be the first to occupy the seat. And how about grandpa? Well, he seemed to be sitting comfortably on grandma's lap, so humane in the sense of their mutual needs and efforts....

    About fifteen minutes later after the bus had started to dance the "foxtrot" on the bumpy road, grandpa began to feel uneasy with his bowels and he finally let a fart by accident while sitting on grandma's lap. Grandma could feel that instantly and she immediately protested by saying to grandpa, "Hey, you dirty old guy, behave yourself... Come on, I'd rather be sitting on your lap, 'cause you've made me feel really bad now...."

   The change took place at once, and grandma was now sitting on grandpa's lap. Only several minutes thereafter while the bus was in sort of a "swing" rhythm, a similar event happened to grandma as well, and of course, she couldn't afford letting a fart while sitting on grandpa's lap.

   But grandma didn't feel any worry at all. She even tried to allude grandpa by saying, "Well, it's quite fair at last... we're now equalled, 'cause we both have scored a draw, so I'm satisfied...."

   Grandpa who was indeed a real soccer fan did not agree with grandma's comment, and he finally implied, "No, my dear, I'm still the winner, for sure... Your shot was not good, because... it only hit the cross bar...."

A Young Mother with Her Baby

   Still in the Minahassa but in the early years of 1950s, an intercity bus was bound for Amurang on its way back from Manado. It was a hot day and as usual all buses would travel with open windows, because air conditioning system was still unrecognized in the Minahassa. Among its passengers was a young mother with her three-month-old baby boy sleeping on her lap.

   When the baby was awakened from his sleep, he started to cry and continued crying as his mother apparently didn't quite care about him. The young mother seemed to be sure that her baby would normally stop crying by itself. But, she was wrong this time because the baby was still crying after quite a while. Meanwhile, another passenger who felt somewhat disturbed by the baby's cry, warned the mother to pay attention to her baby.

   "Well, young lady, I would think the baby's thirsty. Why don't you try to give the baby his bottle [of milk]?"

   "Oh, I see, but my baby's not used to bottle, because I breastfeed him...," the young mother responded instantly.

   "So, don't hesitate to do it, then," another woman passenger added.

   The baby's mother was still in doubt and while she was about to explain why she wasn't apt to do that, an old woman who sat right behind her interrupted, "What are you ashamed for, huh?"

   "Oh, nothing at all... I just don't want to disobey the rules, because the sign above the driver's head says, that while the vehicle is in motion, passengers are prohibited to stick out parts of their body...."

   So what? (gitu loh!)

Note:
   The warning sign, which was written in the Indonesian language, didn't specify the words "through the windows", because it was assumed that every bus passenger could easily understand what was actually meant.

A Young Couple Having Trouble

   A student of mechanical engineering and his girlfriend were riding along the mountain road when their car broke down. Being quite confident with his knowledge about engine maintenance and repair, he crept under the car right away to fix the trouble. A minute later he was joined by his girlfriend who also pushed herself after him under the car.

   Time passed and apparently there was someone else watching the couple from the distance....

   "Hey, look, kids, do you realize what has happened? You both must've enjoyed yourselves too damn well...," an old guy had just appeared at the spot to warn them. The couple was really startled, but they still seemed to argue that something special had occured.

   "We were only trying to fix our car initially, and... and... hey, the car!" and the couple looked at each other in apprehension.

   "Well, you know what... you've let your car glide down by itself and plunge into the woods since more than 5 minutes ago...."

A Contest of the Giants

    A rare contest was held one late night at a women's club in downtown London. It was, in fact, a contest of male sexual organs that belong to those famous world leaders of the early '60s. The program was attended by women mostly from the high class elite of London. From the opening remarks it was informed that the contestants came from only six prominent countries, including the United Kingdom itself. However, these contestants were actually fake persons, only pretty much resembling the original ones....

    Nikita Sergeyevich Khruschev from the Soviet Union was the first one to appear on the catwalk and the crowd immediately yelled "Nyet" at him. Next came Lee Shao Chi of the People's Republic of China, and he was only being "woo"-ed by the onlookers. The next turn was for the Cuban President, Fidel Castro, but he again was being responded with "No, no" by the audience. Then there was President

Sukarno from Indonesia walking confidently down the lane, but he simply received a "No!" response from the crowd.

    A short while thereafter, John Fitzgerald Kennedy of the United States took his turn, and the audience knowing that he was such a good-looking young leader, welcomed him with an applause, and some also cheered him up with a long "Yeess" yell. However, he was not the winner yet....

    The last one was indeed from the host country, the United Kingdom, but certainly not Queen Elizabeth who took part, but his own husband, Prince Philips. There was a short pause before the tall Duke of Edinburgh finally appeared in front of the audience....

Knowing that he possessed such a king-sized organ (and not only "queen-sized" as one would rather imagine), the crowd immediately joined together in an instant choir....

    "Oh, God! ... save the Queen!" (not singing their national anthem, of course)

A Stranded Duo

    Upon being struck by a tropical storm somewhere between the isles of the Mollucas in the Indonesian archipelago, an interinsular freight vessel finally sunk after a continuous saving attempt by its crew was all in vain. Only two of the whole crew seemed to be safe and they were stranded on an isolated, unpopulated island. No other island was seen on the horizon after they came around and tried to find out about their fate.

    Both of them were already close friends since the time they became sailormen. To preserve their lives while being unsure of the conditions on the island, they decided to explore along the beaches with each one of them taking the opposite direction — hopefully to be able to find some food for the day — and eventually to reunite themselves at some spot halfway down the isle. So, that was the original plan....

    For almost a whole day long they had been walking to look for any kind of food, and they were still unlucky until they were about to reach their estimated point of rendezvous. But at the last moment, one of them finally found his friend being busy roasting a piece of meat under the shade of a forest-giant tree. He was certainly quite surprised and was still wondering how his friend could have found such a thing.

    "Hey, buddy, where did you get that thing?" he asked his friend suspiciously. While still roasting that piece of "round" meat, his friend surprisingly made it clear to him....

    "Well, this is my only property that I cut myself off.... This won't be enough for the two of us. So, why don't you just mind your own business and do the same with your own thing!"

    "Oh, not that kind...," he responded and further implied, "rather you that should've waited for me before cutting it off, because I'm quite sure I could be of some help for you...."

    "No kidding... How come?" his friend insisted.

    "Well, I would simply help 'shake the thing' for you to get it bigger before cutting it off, so that I could probably get a reasonable share...."