** Disclaimer:  “ER” is property of Warner Brothers Television, NBC, and all respective producers and cast.  I have written this story for fanfiction and nothing else.  I am not making a profit from this.  This is simply for fanfiction enjoyment. **

Relevant Episodes: Contains content from all the episodes up until “It’s All in Your Head”

 Rating: PG

Summary: What happened after the credits rolled in “Bygones”?  Elizabeth and Rachel try to come to grips with Mark’s cancer.  But deep in their hearts, they know they will have to say good-bye and face a loss no family should have to endure.

Acknowledgment:  As always, I would like to thank Lori (SixteenOzs) for her generous comments and suggestions with my stories!  Thank you so much Lori!! J

I Wish This Moment Would Last Forever   

         The next morning, Rachel helped Elizabeth make soup.  Elizabeth was cooking chicken soup for Mark while Rachel placed some bread in the toaster.  Ella sat in her high chair, her bright eyes followed her mom and her sister as she giggled. 

        “Did you sleep well last night?” Elizabeth asked Rachel.

        “Not really,” Rachel admitted, “You?”

        “Not really,” Elizabeth sighed.  She studied Rachel, who was obviously exhausted.  Though Rachel tried to keep herself busy with making breakfast, Elizabeth could not help but notice that her movements were slow and her eyes were baggy.

        “Rachel,” she spoke up.

        “Yeah?” Rachel looked up from the toaster.

        “If it’s okay with your Dad, you’re welcome to stay at home today if you’d like." 

        Rachel smiled appreciatively, “I’d like that.”

      Elizabeth continued to stir the soup as she waited for it to boil.  Her mind became lost in thought and she absentmindedly stirred.  More than anything, she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Mark.  She knew how it felt to know that someone you love is going to die.  She and Rachel shared the same feelings.  It was only a Friday, and besides, Rachel was in no condition to go to school.  The toast leaping out of the toaster jolted Elizabeth from her thoughts. 

        “Why don’t you take this up to your dad,” Elizabeth suggested as she set the soup in a bowl and placed the toast on a plate and placed them on a tray. 

        “Thanks,” Rachel smiled as she carefully picked up the tray.

        When Mark woke up, he felt incredibly fatigued.  He slowly sat up, anticipating the pounding headache that he usually felt in the mornings.  Sure enough, the headache arose.  Mark sat in bed as the headache persisted.  He gripped the blanket and took slow, deep breaths in an attempt to fight the pain.  Finally, after several minutes passed, the pain subsided.

        There was a soft knock on the bedroom door.

        “Come in,” Mark said wearily.

        He gasped when he saw Rachel step into the room, a tray of chicken soup and toast in her hands.

        “Morning, Dad,” she greeted as she made her way to the bed and sat the tray in front of Mark.

        “You did this for me?” Mark gasped.

        “Elizabeth and I did.”

        “Thank you, Rach,” Mark said as Rachel sat next to him on the bed.  Mark took Rachel’s head in his hands and kissed her forehead, “Where’s Elizabeth?”

        “She’s downstairs feeding Ella her breakfast.  She’ll be up in a few minutes.  And she made me promise that I’d make sure you ate,” Rachel said, eyeing her dad playfully.

        “Uh…,” Mark groaned slightly as his stomach ached in protest, then he smiled, “How could I turn this down after all you and Elizabeth did for me?”

        “You can’t,” Rachel smiled.

        “You want some?” Mark asked, offering his daughter some toast.

        Rachel took a slice off the plate and began to nibble on the crust.  Mark took a small sip of soup.  When he leaned over the soup to take another spoonful, the steam from the soup fogged up his glasses.  Rachel giggled.

        “What?” Mark asked, trying to look at Rachel through the steamy glasses.  A few moments passed as Rachel nibbled on her toast and Mark ate his soup.

        “So how are you?” Mark asked.

        “Okay, I guess,” Rachel shrugged.  She suddenly became very interested in inspecting her slice of toast.

        “You sure?” Mark asked, surveying Rachel’s face, which was turned away from him.

        “No…no-not really” Rachel said honestly.  She fought to keep her voice steady, but the weight of her tears had finally become too much for her.  Tears started to flow down her cheeks.

        “Hey,” Mark said gently.  He set the tray on the floor and turned toward Rachel, wrapping his left arm around her, “I’m okay.”

        “No you’re not!” Rachel cried out between sobs.  She turned to her dad, “You’re really sick, and there’s nothing anyone can do!”

        Tears started to well in Mark’s eyes.  He wrapped both arms around his daughter and pulled her to him, resting his head on her shoulder.  Mark struggled to find something comforting to say, but deep down, he knew there was nothing he could say to ease his daughter’s pain.  He continued to embrace Rachel and rub her back gently with his hand as tears fell from his eyes.

        “I’m sorry, Dad!  I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to Ella!  I wish I could take everything back!  I’m sorry!  I love you, Dad!  I never meant to hurt anyone…” Rachel’s voice shouted out through the tears.  Her body began to shake from the sobs.

        “Shhh…” Mark soothed, “Shhh….. I know.  I forgive you.  I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.  Just do me a favor… stop blaming yourself.  I love you, Rachel.  Nothing will ever change that.  I love you.”

    Several minutes passed as Mark rocked Rachel in his arms.  It had been years since he’d done that.  Not since Rachel was a little girl did she need her father to hold her.  Slowly, Rachel’s sobs began to subside as her dad held her.  Finally, she turned toward her dad, able to steady her voice.

        “I’m so sorry, Daddy,” she said as the last few tears fell down her cheeks.

        “I know,” Mark soothed, “I know.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Elizabeth crept softly up the stairs towards the master bedroom.  As she got to the landing, Rachel approached her.

        “Hi,” Elizabeth greeted.

        “Hi,” Rachel replied, “Thank you, Elizabeth... for giving me some time with my dad.”

        “Anytime,” Elizabeth smiled.

        “Dad said it was okay for me to stay home, today,” Rachel said, “so he suggested that the four of us go on a picnic.”

        “That sounds lovely,” Elizabeth commented.

        “He’s taking a shower now.”

        “Ella’s taking a nap,” Elizabeth explained, “would you mind watching her a while?”

        “Of course not,” Rachel replied.

        Mark was just finishing his shower when Elizabeth entered their bedroom.  Elizabeth listened as he turned off the water and waited patiently as he got dressed.  When he opened the door, Elizabeth peered at the doorway.

        “Good morning,” Mark smiled as he laid eyes on his wife.

        “Morning,” Elizabeth greeted, as she stood up and kissed his lips.

        Mark slowly made his way to the bed.  Though it was only a short distance from their bathroom to the bed, it seemed like it took all his effort to walk.  He gripped the headboard before easing down on the bed.

        “You okay?” Elizabeth asked.  She wrapped her arm around his waist as he sat down.

        “Yeah,” Mark replied, trying to play off his fatigue, “I’m just a little dizzy… Thank you for the soup.  It was delicious”

        “You’re welcome.”

        Mark looked deep into Elizabeth’s eyes before he spoke again, “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

        “I want to,” Elizabeth said, looking straight into Mark’s eyes.

        “I just don’t want to put you through this again,” Mark sighed.

        “You’re not putting me through anything,” Elizabeth insisted, holding Mark’s head between the palms of her hands, “I love you, Mark.”

        “I love you too, Elizabeth,” Mark said slowly, emphasizing each word.  He brought Elizabeth’s face to his and made a line of tender kisses on her neck that followed up to her lips.

        Elizabeth grinned, smiling so big she thought she was straining her mouth, “Oh, Mark…” she gasped.

        “So… you sleep well?” Elizabeth asked as Mark finished the last kiss.

        “Yeah…” Mark said, hoping Elizabeth wouldn’t detect the uncertainty in his voice.  Elizabeth looked at Mark, who was avoiding her eyes.

        “At least eight hours… straight?” Elizabeth asked point blank.

        “Uh… no…” Mark admitted, staring down at the bed, then he looked at Elizabeth, “I drove the porcelain car around a few more miles.”

        Elizabeth sighed, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

        “I didn’t want to bother you,” Mark answered, “You’ve been through enough already.”

        “Mark, I know you’re trying to protect me, but please… stop hiding the truth.  I married you ‘for better or for worse… in sickness and in health,’ remember?”

        Mark nodded, “It’s just hard for me not to protect you.  I’d do anything to take your pain away.”

        Elizabeth smiled, “This is one of the many reasons I married you.  But can you at least try?”

        Mark nodded, “I’ll try.”

        There was a long silence as Elizabeth settled into Mark’s arms.  Mark sat up against the headboard and rubbed Elizabeth’s sides.

        “You suggested a picnic…" Elizabeth mentioned, “Are you sure you’re up to this?”

        “I don’t have much time left,” Mark said matter-of-factly, “I’m not going to stay in bed the rest of my life.”

        Mark’s words stung Elizabeth’s heart.  Without warning, tears started to fall down her cheeks.

        “I’m sorry..” Mark said, immediately regretting what he said. Elizabeth was sobbing by now.  The emotional toll had finally collapsed upon her.  Mark wrapped her in his arms, allowing her to cry into his shirt.

        “I… I… don’t,” Elizabeth struggled between sobs, “I don’t want to lose you.. M… Mark.”

        “I’m sorry,” Mark apologized, holding her tight in his arms.  More than anything, he wanted to ease Elizabeth’s pain, but he didn’t know how.  Once again, he felt helpless.  Everything seemed beyond his control lately.  From the moment Elizabeth found him in the infusion room, to the pain of the chemotherapy drugs, Mark wished he could do something.. anything to stop hurting his wife.  But deep inside, he knew there was nothing he could do.  He couldn’t control the emotional pain his wife and daughter were enduring any more than he could find a cure for his own disease.

        As Elizabeth sobbed against Mark’s chest, she enveloped her arms around his body.  As painful as this moment was, she wanted it to last forever.  To feel the familiar strength of her husband’s embrace was something she had started to take for granted.  Now... she never wanted to let go.  How long would she feel the touch of his warm body?  How long would she be able to relish his loving kisses?  See the life in his eyes?

        Neither Mark nor Elizabeth knew how long they stayed in each other’s arms.  They had lost all track of time until Rachel knocked softly on the door as she held Ella.  Mark and Elizabeth struggled to wipe the tears from their eyes as Rachel entered the room.

        “Ready to start packing our lunch?” she asked.

        “Ehh!” Ella gurgled from her arms, stretching an arm out while grasping the baby keys she had been sucking on.

        For the first time in a long time, Rachel, Elizabeth and Mark laughed.

        “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’” Mark laughed, looking at Ella, who was still stretching her arm.

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