11/16/02
Instead of "Joke of the Week" when I put up a new joke every week, this is "Joke of the Mood" when I add one whenever I'm in the mood... Enjoy the jokes (however weak they are) and if you want to see the older ones, there's a link to Page 2 at the bottom.
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Quotes
Joke of the Mood
The Evils of Basil
Mountain Dew Dedication
1. CHURCH PARKING - FOR MEMBERS ONLY! Trespassers will be
baptized!
2. "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
3. "Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!"
4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
5. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone
tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, -"For Fast Relief, Take Two Tablets."
6. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
7. "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush."
8. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
9. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-Smoking."
10. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
11. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
12. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
13. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
One day this mechanic was working late under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting", he thought. Next day he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid.
"Not bad," he said. "Think I'll have a little more today."
His friend got a little concerned but didn't say anything. Next day he told about drinking a cup full of the brake fluid. "Great stuff! Think I'll have some more today." And so he did. A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told his friend "This brake fluid is really great stuff."
His friend was now really worried. "You know that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better stop drinking that stuff."
"Hey, no problem," he said, ... "I can stop any time."
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I have lost it and need a new one."
The mechanic looked at her oddly and asked her what it was for.
She replied that she did not know, but this piece had always been there.
He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had it hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."
He looked around. There was no on else in the place, so he continues sipping. Then he heard someone say, "Nice tie." Again he sees no one except the bartender. "Hey," the man said, "Are you talking to me?"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "It wasn't me. It must have been the peanuts. They're complimentary."
