Thoughts
Thoughts Journal Entry: Mon Jun 28, 2004, 9:24 AM I can't help but think about you even after what you did to me, I know i said that don't care, but i do. I always care. I'm sick of people trying to ruin and run my life, FUCK YOU GUYS! I know you don't want me to be happy, we'll i'v got news for ya, I'V NEVER BEEN HAPPY! and I will never be happy when i'm friend with you. Yes, i do act happy most of the time *knock knock* hello?!? Are you a dipshit? Its a fucking act. I hate you fucking gullible people. Everyones so fucking STUPID! Maybe i just shouldn't say anything... Ha like i could ever stop making friends with CRAPPY PIECE OF SHIT PEOPLE LIKE YOU! Like i say, you give me a reason to be depressed and write crappy little writings like this one. But, I HAVE NO FRIENDS! I HAVE NOONE! I AM ALONE! But i;m hiding my pain way to much, of course, I'm happy. Nothings wrong. nothings EVER wrong. I'm not sad, i'm never sad...I'm depressed, But i'llbe hppy for you and act like nothings wrong. I don't know anything about whats going on. I'll be happy for you, just for you........Michael.
dead Journal Entry: Wed Jun 30, 2004, 11:38 PM It's so hard, I want to just call you up and chew you out for cheating on me. I want to kill you. But what if their lying about you, about your other girlfriends. Do they not want me to be happy? Is that why their doing this? Why can't people just not tell me whats going on with you. Why do they sneak past us and go behind mine and his back and plan to break us up... Well they did. They made me this that it was true, I did. They made me cut myself for the first time in a year. Why? Because their vain and shallow. Fucking over anyone they see and not caring who gets hurt in the process. I don't care if he has other girlfriends, All i want is to be happy. He made me happy, he called me beautiful, And said that he loved me. I don't care about thje rest... I love(d) him. And if more than one girlfriend makess him happy, I'm happy. I haven't talked to him in over a week now because of you. But i don't think i will despite what I'v said. beause I'm not happy about whatyou've done to me. All of you,even him. The lying, and the hurting is all I can think of. Why can't I just ever be happy. Is it me, my depression? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT, TELL ME!!! Why do I hate myself and everyones who's hurt me, why not michael? Is it because I love(d) him? Because i love(d) him to much to be mad and depressed because of him. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, I don't about pain, hurting, my tears, ...feeling... I can't feel anything anymore, my heart doesn't beat lying here writing for you. Why? This pain won't come out when i cut, I don't bleed. I don't feel, I don't think, I don't hear, I don't live. Why do i not feel anything? I'M DEAD. I must be, but why am i still writing, Am i posessed? why do I only feel pain on the inside? Am I really dead? Tell me why... .... You killed me.
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