Thoughts
My mind is an abyss b/c of you! Journal Entry: Sat Jun 12, 2004, 11:40 AM I was so pissed at you, The way you disrespected me. I hated you for what you did to me friday, yet i can't stop thinking of what you did before I got mad at you. I can't stop thinking of the way you kissed my neck, the way you bite my neck, the way you left your claim on me. The way you offered your "friendship" to me makes me think. What are you doing to me, Why? I want you to kiss me again on my neck, I want you to bite me harder. To make me start to feel the pain again. To feel the pain you gave me before you disrespected me. Why did you do it, TELL ME! Why did you hurt me, not by your kisses, but by the pain of everything lse you did and said. Why flirt when you can't back it up. I wish I had you, I wondered if you meant what you said when you offered to me. Probally not, not you, or anyone. Why would anyone want to be with me. I Hate My Thoughts! I'm Falling Deeper Into My Own Abyss, Please Don't Try to Catch Me.
michael Journal Entry: Mon Jun 21, 2004, 8:26 PM I ca't stop thinking about you, I love you so much. Thank you for everything. You don't kow how much you mean to me. For once in my life, I'm truely happy, you made me this way. I know some of you had read my journal entry's or at least my cuz has, you can probally see that my writings have changed since the last entree's. Its weird how people chan change other people, but thats the way the world is. Its full of change, I change, you change, Everyone change. I hope this change is for the better, I hope.... I love you, Michael.
happiness Journal Entry: Sun Jun 27, 2004, 7:27 PM Scratch the last journal entry. I'll not happy, knor will I ever be happy. I'll probally deleate the last journal entry. I know we didn't agree to see just each other, but we didn't agree to see other people either. But i don't care I know no one will ever make me happy, i don't know why i thought you could, maybe its b/c you told me that you loved me and I believed you. I always believe people and they just screw me over, again and again. I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE. I'm sick of people taking about me and whoever behind my back, i hope you read this, you know who you people are. I fucking hate you too, i don't care if your just trying to look out for me, you only bringing the knife deeper into my skin. I can't believe I actually believed you when you told me i was beautiful, if i'm so fucking beautiful why would you do this to me. Am i that much of a fuck up that everone has to screw me over to teach me a lesson. Please just make this stop, make all my pain stop... I just wanna die right now... Please read the smile empty song below. i let myself fall into a lie i let my walls come down i let myself smile and feel alive i let my walls come down no matter how i try i don't know why you push so far away you wrapped your hands tight around my heart and squeezed it full of pain with this knife i'll cut out the part of me the part that cares for you with this knife i'll cut out the heart of me the heart that cares for you i can't believe the way you took me down i never saw the pain coming in a million broken miles like poison in my veins [chorus] the hate and the fear the nightmares that wake me up in the tears the nightmares and (the hate)... With This Knife-By Smile Empty Soul
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