
Watching my mother disintegrate before our eyes was very hard. This was a woman who loved life and believed in living it. She loved to see new places and experience new things. When we would go somewhere and were worn out, she would not want to stop. She would say," I can rest when I die but for now I'm going to see all I can." My mother had no fear of dying but she was afraid of the manner she was going to die. She would have loved if God had passed the cup away from her and she didn't have to endure such tremendous pain, but that wasn't to happen. She did the best she could and was strength for the rest of us.
That next morning, we all woke with a start. It was like something brushed against us. We looked at my mother, who hadn't opened her eyes in a couple of wks. She was looking at us and had just taken her last breath. We knew she found peace at long last from the pain of cancer and took comfort in gazing on her children sleeping like kids next to her. Now it was time to call Hospice and the rest of the family members to her bedside so that they to could say good-bye. We had a Hospice program with my father but their duty with us ended when my father had died. The new Hospice we had didn't end their duty with us after my mother died. They offered bereavement counseling, they came to the house for private counseling for a whole yr after my mother's passing. I only wished we had them when my father had died. They could have helped our family so much. We never had a chance to really grieve for my father as we were also busy dealing with losing another parent. Now we were dealing with alot of emotions and we felt like we were on a wild roller coaster ride that was out of control. There was anger, grief, blame, guilt, etc.
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