盡 - 2/1/2004
緣盡
在 Wallpaper 上的﹐是一個 "盡" 字
希望﹐我能有嗎?
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Masturbation - 2/8/2004
Masturbation... is a self-relief
to ease one's despair for love; to let one to pretend to be in the love of someone
however, when one understands that
love is to give and not expecting for return,
the Angelette, try one's best to make one happy, to solve one's problem
when the angelette understand that is the source of hapiness,
masturbation is not a relief anymore and can be thrown away
True Love is NOT give before to take
rather,
to give and not expecting to take
this can be bitter, but... this can be sweet, somehow, that seems to be the only way possible
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The Riccians - 2/11/2004
Alas~! That's it~
"the Riccians" has been piblished, which has a tremendous meaning to me and my same year sen
for a whole five years it has been constructed. recording all the people i have lived with in Ricci, including the Big seniors as wild ming and sleep yu. Page by page I flipped and the memories recalled. those precious memories... the paper models of sleep Yu, the odor of jing sun... and the past me...
many thing i remember, something i dont remember and something i dont want to remember...
yea... this is the history of us ~ Freshmen 2001'
... "Good morning, Riccians. I am freshmen......................................
the dream never end, i hope
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Valantine's Day - 2/13/2004
so..... that's it, a valentine's day without a lover
where should i spend this lonely night? yea.... maybe go for a drink and go to take some pictures.....
yea.... maybe with some friends.... maybe.... maybe...
Drink with me to days gone by, share with me the songs we knewlet the shrine of firendship never say die, let the wine of friendship never run dry...
drink with me, Cosette, will you?
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the art of fugue, contrapuntus XI - 2/15/2004
a difficult and uncomfortable piece, rich and meaningful...
mud was dragging my leg and i couldn't walk...
though there are hope and the hope just fly over, and i can't do nothing beside watching it fly over
i see light but it cant help me
i had to walk by myself but i am suffocated
somebody pushed me from the back but i have to hold back so that i wont fall myself into the mud...
it is really dreadful when u see hope and the hope soon lost, it is even more painful then u see no hope
the ascending chromatic notes followed by the descending chromatic notes make me really uncomfortable
the energy of the 16th notes from bar 90 onwards is killing me
is this a piece from heaven? is this from hell?
the D major is a true relief? or is it just a lie?
is that one should walk to the valley of the shadow of death and evil?
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Road to Musician - 2/20/2004
Now the time has come to let all know the stuff of which I'm made so lets do the best and show the Musicianship
pick up and lost and grab the most... i'm now a robber to rob as much as i can from the resources here
time to let myself have the guts and the content~!
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Be ma self - 2/23/2004
Hall is a place where u can find yourself, face yourself, accept yourself and to utilize yourself.
through the people u meet and through self-reflection, one will finally realise whom oneself is.
i think one have to find a way to utilize ones own character than to suit oneself into a box made of the general aesthetics
of course, one have to understand why there is such "general model"and hold a balance between one's own character and the general model
this is a really big topic to study and i think it can be achieved best by communicating with the people around, to experience the good times and the bad times and get the experience to control yourself freely as driving a car
3 years is a suitable length, long enough to experience most of the things which still means passionate to you...
im afraid i am going to be mad... i feel like i got lost in the middle of the sea... i kinda lost control of the "general model"know less and less about what is right or what is wrong
am i doing it right or wrong? i dunno because theres no route for me to follow... i got the words but i have no grammar for me to make a meaningful sentence
i hope i can still survive by letting it go
Be ma self, once... always.... Brothers
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After Choir - 2/23/2004
i think i am letting go.... for many things around me
i think i started to lose my senses after all these years, including my life:
things wont change much if there's no me, physically,when probably that is the worst thing i would experience, then nothing would really matter to me...
i know this is wrong cos there are a lot of things i will surely(?) treasure more than my life....(?)actually i dont know cos i havent experience them yet...
there are a lot of tests i have to face in the future and i know i have to face them for sure.i just pretending i can afford such grief but i know it must be real pain.
i am quite sure i will let go and regret in the future... but... i really need some support, some accompaniment...
really... there's too much to think that it will make me mad if i stay in this situation for another month...
thoughts swirling around me and i am kind of tired, i need a bed to lie on and something to cover me......
maybe that's the reason for the need of a religion
..............................fuxx... in grief....
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that is it - 2/23/2004
afterall..... drama.... all the things will end after that....
and .....that is it... can i have some other meaning please?
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i hoped for a lot of things and some do come ture...
i am a greedy one... haha... can i have that one to come true please?
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frogments of my thoughts.... i should treasure and think
i should grab the time to make the most... to recall me for this 3 years after my leave...
so.... that is it... some blurred memmories which i should remember......
i want... this is almost the last wish.............................................
can it be any different than a "that is it?!"
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relfection - 2/28/2004
one of the use of a diary is to do reflection
reflection early in the moring.... i am now standing in a situation of advantages: no need to worry about the economy... that's my chance to get an exciting life
there are chances everywhere and i think i should catch them instead of doing an office job...
i should consult more people for advices
i want to be different and live my own life... thats what i want...
music... music is the one i should persue
i should have some confident about this, and i know that I should set some deadline for my music career
after the Hall Education, i should know that one should set deadlines for everything so that one will not drown in something which will not come up with any fruit
oh......... music............. maybe you are just a selter for my miserable life.......
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Dry - 2/28/2004
after jumping out of the pool and drying one's body, one can see a better view.
i can see people living a life they don't want. some want to escape from their own feeling
i dont want to regret hence i try to live my own life as much as possible, before 30 maybe...
i dont want you to regret... my friend
but at last its ones own choice for which life one live
maybe i should escape from my feeling as well, perhaps...
Faure is a good model for me. i think
the poet..... a poet............. i am dry myself off now..... time to go to another place
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