4/1/2001
- April Fools Day 2001 -
I wish someone would tell me this was just a joke---
elaborate but none the less a joke... or a nightmare.
I remember during those first few days after Kyla died,
I felt like I was living a nightmare and I kept waiting for
someone to wake me up, even the damned alarm clock for work would have been welcome if it meant Kyla was alive.
I think about it now; I was numb, in shock...
How did I make it through those terrible days???
Why wasn't I screaming and bawling all of the time?
Denial, not admitting itwas really true,
not missing her as badly yet...
Then I think too it was the vision
I had the night after she died
Sunday night...
She died Saturday night about 11:15 or so and
they tore my heart out about 12:20 A.M. when
they came to tell me of her death.
Sunday I was in bed but hadn't fallen asleep
Kyla showed me that she had been looking down at the
First Responders and the paramedics working on her.
Then she turned and walked towards some
family members waiting for her.
I couldn't see them, just the peaceful look on Kyla's face.
I know if I didn't believe we would be reunited after my
life on earth, I would be in worse shape than I am.
I miss her terribly but I know she lives on in my heart
and in another dimension/stage of life...
With a mansion on the hilltop, streets paved with gold
and a saviors love that surpasses any love on this earth.
So April Fools Day ends and I must continue
to struggle through this thing called grief...
Not alone, Jerry, my family and friends will help me...
Along with the help of my Lord...
3/7/2001
Four months and counting,
Numbness; No pain, No tears,
Fell into a bottomless pit...
Don't talk to me,
Don't laugh when I'm around,
I just want to sit and stare at the wall,
SOMEONE, Please tell me what to do...
Lead me, take care of me...
I do believe Kyla is with God,
I just miss her so much...
I grieve for me.
Lord, I'm yours, show me the way
By Evie Launderville
May 10, 2002
Last night I sat and watched ER
Dr. Green was dying, one last wish
To fix his child.
And I cried.
Because I had a child who needed fixed,
A challenge for Jerry and me.
Especially those wild adolescent years,
Full of fighting and also tears.
She grew up and still troubles she encountered,
She found the man she loved and she settled down,
Had a son, went back to school...
Finally - fixed at last,
But then she died...
And I cried and I cried and I cried.
Kyla, gone from this world -
But still missed and loved,
Now with God up above,
Fixed and whole but gone from me,
And I cried and I cried and I cried.
