| coming soon | Who's the Boss |
| Patriotism | Story Of 3 Rules |
| Oppppssss | Memories |
| One Sick Husband | Two Lips & Seven Kisses |
| KLIA Accident | Ugly Baby |
| Super Baby | The Sins of Three Nuns |
6 August 2003 :
A dying American soldier in a battlefield hospital in Iraq tells the nurse:
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die!"
Nurse: (Extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism):
"Actually, I have the American flag tattooed on my bottom. You may kiss my ass, if you don't mind it."
Soldier: "Of course I wouldn't mind it. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish as a patriot American."
The nurse took off her panty and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
Soldier: "Thank you, nurse. Would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
5 August 2003 :
Several years ago, Mahathir was going on holiday and Anwar was left in charge. Since Mahathir was not around Anwar decided to throw some weight around to show that he is the BOSS now.
The day before Mahathir left, Anwar went on an expensive shopping spree. He spotted something interesting while he was at Lot 3, a very expensive branded T-shirt with a distinctive word across the chest Hugo-BOSS.
He bought it and wear to office the very next day, with a coat unbutton revealing the word BOSS to everyone. Suay Suay (unfortunately), Mahathir delayed his flight because of his wife's headache and decided to go back to office to do some work. When he stepped into his office, he caught Anwar by surprise. Anwar then was sitting with his cross-legs up the table, arms behind his head, unbutton coat with the word BOSS right across his chest.
Upon seeing Mahathir Anwar quickly try to cover up with his coat. Mahathir realizing what was happening, he said, "It's OK, it's OK Anwar, I'm on leave you can carry on", before he walked out.
Of course Mahathir was furious and went also to LOT 3 to look for something to teach his deputy a lesson. He thought of an idea and bought a branded T-shirt too, to counter Anwar's by wearing it to office that very afternoon without a coat. Guess what's the brand?
(Scroll down for an answer)
BOS SINNI (Translated from Malay: Boss Here)
(Name of Shop: Bossini)23 July 2003 :
Queen Elizabeth, Saddam Hussien and Bush died and all went to hell. Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see how everybody is doing there... . so she called and talked for about 5 minutes... Then she said: well devil, how much do I owe you?The devil goes: five million dollars...
Five million dollars!!!? She made him a check and went to sit back on her chair... .
Saddam was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I wanna call the Iraq, I wanna see how everybody is doing too... he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said: Well devil how much do I owe you?
The devil goes: ten million dollars... .. Ten million dollars!!!!!! He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair... .. Bush was extremely jealous too... he starts screaming and screaming... "I wanna call US! I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I want to talk to the army, ministers , I wanna talk to everybody"... he called US and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking and talking and talking. Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you?
The devil goes: one dollar... ..
Only one dollar!!!!! Saddam screamed... ONLY ONE DOLLAR
The devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local call!
22 July 2003 :
There was this old woman who heard a song called, "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
A man staggers into an emergency room with two blackeyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.....stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.
That's when I made my mistake.""What did you do", asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
20 July 2003 :
A reporter when up into the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He met an old man in a small town and asked him about memorable events in his life.
"Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost. So my neighbors and me got some moonshine and went looking for it. We finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and wound up screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"
The reporter knew he couldn't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
"Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We finally found her. Then we drank the moonshine and screwed her. Now that was a lot of fun!"
The frustrated reporter told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any sad memories he could talk about.
The old man paused, then said, "Well, one time I got lost...... "
Well you know the rest ...... hihihihiihhihihi
29 March 2003 :
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, "Honey, before you leave, please let me explain.
The wife stopped to listen. He continued,"I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef in the refrigerator which you didn't like".
"She was wearing some very worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of your shoes which you'd discarded simply because they were out of style.
She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday-the one you never wore because the colours didn't suit you". "Her slacks were torn, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but much too small for you now". The wife seemed to have no problem with any of this, but still needed just one question to be answered."That's all fine and good," she said. "But why did I find you both in our bed with NO clothes on ?" The husband replied, "Well, that's simple......See, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and asked,
"Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore ?"
So, the moral of the story is .. ?
28 March 2003 :
Hello friend....how's life ? If you're down,read this humor....
(@@) ooO_(_)_Ooo____________________________________ |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____| |___|____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|____One day, one Mat Salleh (European) from Europe arrived in KLIA and after he checked out from the Customs, he felt that he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for a toilet. When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting in front of it.
When he was about to enter the toilet, the lady stopped him and said forty cents in Chinese(Say Kok), the Mat Salleh just wondered why in Malaysia, they have to "see the cock" (fourty cent in Chinese) before entering the toilet? So he said "NO", but the lady insisted.Since he has no choice, he took out his cock and showed to her. The lady said "no,no,no, duit, duit" (money in Malay) but the Mat Salleh misunderstood again because he thought the lady said "Do It,Do It" so he asked "Now?Here?".
The lady just reply "Yes,Yes" because she doesn't understand English. The Mat Salleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he stripped the lady and made love to her, but the lady was screaming and said "Sakit,Sakit"(pain in Malay) and again he thought is "Suck it,Suck it", so he said "OK I will suck it for you" and take the breast and sucked.The lady again screamed "Oh Tuhan!"(Oh My God!...in Malay). The Mat Salleh misunderstood again."Too hard, OK sweet heart, I'll be gentel a bit, OK?" the Mat Salleh replied. Suddenly the Security Officer walked by, and the lady screamed for help, "tolong,tolong...Encik!!" (help,help...in Malay).
But the other hand, the Mat Salleh replied,"not too long, just about 6 inches only"That's all folks!!!!
25 March 2003 :
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "DAMN! That's the ugliest baby I've EVER seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed.The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers."
"You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said."Here, let me hold your monkey!"
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk.
He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Why, yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother beaming.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?""Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with
his index finger."Hurts, doesn't it!
20 July 2003 :
There are 3 nuns and a mother superior. The mother superior tells the 3 nuns before they can receive their saint name and that they had one final test. She told them to go commit one sin so that they would not have urges to be bad...
After the 3 nuns return, the mother superior says, "Did you commit your sins?" They all shake their heads yes. The first 2 nuns are crying, the 3rd is giggling.
The mother superior says to the first one, "What sin did you commit child?" The first nun answers with tears in her eyes. "I was just rotten, I picked flowers from someone's garden." The mother superior says, "Go drink the holy water and it will be alright," The 3rd nun is dancing around in laughter.The mother superior asks the 2nd one. Her whole body is shaking and she is crying. "I stole candy from a baby." The mother superior says, "My child drink the holy water and you are forgiven.
The 3rd nun falls on the floor hysterically laughing. The mother superior is disgusted and asks, "What are you laughing at?"
The 3rd nun is barely able to answer through her tears of laughter,"
I peed in the Holy water."