Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I’d be a
Japanese guy.
Warnings: This story is under no
circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot,
please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and
her poking fun of things she finds silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series and fanfiction.
Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda
(Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some
Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese
names. This is a parody – it might be
insulting sometimes and perverted, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank
you.
Feel warned.
***
Yu-Gi-Oh Gone Loony
***
The very
important and meaningful starting quote:
It’s been a long name’s… umm… guy!
It’s been a long names guy!
If you shoot him, he will die,
So I say it to you – you better do it too!
(my brother parodying The Beatles “Hard Day’s night”)
***
Chapter
Three: I’m only stuffing something, before the real action starts. Heh…
***
Honda Hiroto growled. His cousin just had to see the ‘ultra-mega-hyper cool
city’ and who had to show it to her? Of course him. That was so unfair, not to mention annoying. He
was sure Otogi leaped at the chance and invited Shizuka somewhere.
A horrible thought passed through his mind.
What if his ginger-haired angel would like it so much she would start dating
Otogi? In his mind he could see the black-haired adolescent in a red sports car
with Shizuka by his side, passing him and not giving him even a glance. He could
see them growing old together and have children, while he was drinking himself
to death. He could see his old friends passing him with disgusted faces, as he
sat homeless, dirty and drunk in the street, while Shizuka and Otogi ate caviar
for breakfast.
“Argh!” he cried out, grabbing his head.
Sakura gave him a quizzical look, but it quickly turned into that of
understanding.
“You’re having a headache?” she asked and
started digging in her bag – a big heavy thing made out of scraps of various
textile – ranging from baby blue to the most vicious orange he had ever seen.
It was ugly. Finally, she pulled out a small bottle with pills inside. “Here,
the doctor told me to take those when the voices get too loud.”
“No~!” the brown-haired teen hollered. Now he
knew his cousin was a nut and she
thought he was one. Life was so
unfair! The pony-tailed girl gave him a confused glance, but her attention was
drawn by something different a moment later.
“Birdies!” she cried as she saw some pigeons
on the pavement. Before Honda could react she was already chasing them, as if
she were a little child. She was laughing merrily and flapping her arms. People
were giving her very strange glance.
The brown-haired teen sighed and suddenly hurt a splat. Full of ominous
feelings he gingerly touched his finely gelled hair. He felt something sticky
underneath his fingers…
“No~!”
he yelled at the top of his lungs, looking at his hand covered in a white
sticky substance. “I hate pigeons!”
***
Otogi indeed did ask Shizuka out and Jounouchi’s
sister did agree. They were having a really good time, although the girl was
still oblivious to how Ryouji felt and while the black-haired teen felt that
Honda should be here so he could show his superior intellect. All in all it
seemed it was going to be a nice date – but nothing out of ordinary and Honda
shouldn’t have worried.
“Would you like some ice-cream, Shizuka-chan?”
he asked.
“That would be nice.” the girl nodded. The
young dice-master grinned somewhat cheesily and put his arm on her shoulder,
intending to bring her to a very nice café nearby. However, before they went at
least two meters, Mary-Sue appeared. The authoress wondered where she hid the
dues ex machina, but she quickly came back to reality and started writing
again.
“Duke Devlin!” the black-haired girl called
out (do not mistake we the authoress, who has brown hair). The two teenagers
looked around, wondering who she might be calling. As the girl came nearer, he
saw that she was pretty, although she was sickly pale and had too red lips.
Shizuka hid behind Ryouji’s back.
“I’m scared…” she whispered. The green-eyed
adolescent immediately felt that he had to act like a man and puffed his bony
chest. He had no idea, who this strange person was, since he went to a
different class than Yugi, Anzu, Jounouchi, Honda and Kaiba – but since that
person scared his little sunshine, she must have been evil.
“Go away your scaring Shizuka-chan!”
“I came to warn you!” Mary-Sue cried out, also
puffing out her chest. “Listen to me and leave that whiny bitch!”
Otogi growled and tossed a dice at the
black-haired girl. The girls eyes turned to blue, as they welled up with tears.
The teenagers memory swirled with images of various madman with split personalities,
who want to rule the world, whiny brats stuck in a Virtual World, who want to
steal Seto Kaiba’s body and other strange creatures – all none too friendly and
ready to hurt him or Shizuka.
“Don’t you dare to insult Shizuka-chan!” the
inventor of Dungeon Dice Monsters yelled. He frowned, his green eyes flashing
dangerously. Mentally, he kicked himself for not coming up with something more
impressive and manly, but it would have to do.
“Yeah! How dare you insult me you freak?! My brother will kick your ass!”
the girl shook her tiny fist, peeking out from behind Otogi.
“You will regret not hearing me out!” Mary-Sue
cried and run off.
“Who was that, anyway?” the black-haired youth
mused. He shrugged deciding it wasn’t that important and looked at Shizuka.
“Shall we go to that café, I mentioned earlier?”
“Yeah!”
***
The creature widely known as Bob – the Spirit
of the Millennium Ring was boredly observing Bakura Ryou. The white-haired
mortal was looking for something called DVD’s, because he – the Tomb robber
demanded some entertainment. The pale boy always did what the Tomb Robber told
him. He knew what was good for him after all. Although, deep inside the spirit
had one tinsy little problem – he actually liked the boy. Having a personal servant
was rare for ancient bandits, after all.
“Hurry up!” he barked. A second later
something hard hit his forehead, leaving a throbbing spot.
“Oh my God!” Ryou rushed to his side all
flushed and worried. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you! Did I hurt you?
Is it bleeding?”
“I’m fine, you weakling.” growled Bob,
noticing that he got hit with a cassette. The pale teenager sighed with relief
and turned around, resuming his search. He was very glad that the spirit
couldn’t hear his thoughts, because right now he was thinking something which
would make Bob lash out at him.
Serves
you right, you son of a rabid monkey. he viciously rambled in his mind. I ought to do this more often. Think you can
insult me and push me around in my own house?!
“Hurry up!” another angry command pierced the
air. “And don’t you dare to throw anything at me, again. Incident or not, I’ll
skin you alive, if you do.”
Fuck!
the brown-eyed boy mentally cursed and sniffed, already afraid. He can hear my thoughts?
“Oh stop mewing! I have to leave you fine and
intact, as long as I live here.” the Tomb Robber grumbled. Ryou sighed relieved
and went back to searching. Why was his house in such a mess anyway?
***
Malik and Rashid were standing in the kitchen
with some frozen vegetables (which were starting to look more like some goo
thanks to the exposure to the room’s temperature, but let us not dwell on this)
and were trying to figure out how the microwave works. Unfortunately, the only
person in the Ishtar household, who knew how to use things concerned with
electricity – including the TV set – was
“Raaashid, hurry uuuup!” whined the blond
Egyptian.
“I’d love to Master Malik, but I can’t find
the manual!” groaned the green-eyed man in response.
“I’m hungry!” the teenager grumbled. “Where is
“She said she was going for dinner with Seto
Kaiba.” Rashid answered.
“Dinner?.. Seto?.. Kaiba?..” muttered Malik,
suddenly feeling nervous. In his imagination he saw his older sister in some
dungeon, tied with thick chains to the wall and the CEO preparing to… Let’s
just say the young Egyptian had watched too much fetish s&m porn.
Rashid imagined something different. He saw
the Egyptian woman undressed and with some meals lying on her body, while Seto
Kaiba was preparing to dig in. It was not surprising that the two made rather
stupid and nervous faces.
“Did she say, when she’ll come back?” Malik
continued to ask.
“No.”
“Um… Rashid?” the teenager gave the elder
Egyptian an apprehensive look. “What if he’s trying to rape her?”
The big man gave the blonde a baffled look.
“I don’t think, it’s possible.” he assured.
“But what if he is raping her right now?” the adolescent didn’t give, mentally
preparing to go to the Kaiba mansion and save his sister from Kaiba’s claws.
Never mind the brown-haired CEO didn’t have any.
“Who is raping who?” a familiar feminine voice
demanded. Malik sighed – and he had hoped, he would have an excuse for wracking
chaos.
“I’m raping that damned tap, if you won’t let
me out of this bathroom!” Nanashi yelled angrily.
“So, everything is normal?”
***
Seto Kaiba wondered briefly if he hadn’t told
his little brother to go to bed at eight p.m. sharp before leaving. He was
convinced, he did so and yet Mokuba set in his room waiting for him to tell how
the meeting with
“Fine. It was fine.”
“Don’t you think Miss Ishtar is really
pretty?” the black-haired boy asked innocently. The CEO immediately remembered
certain details of
“Yes… Go to sleep Mokuba.”
“Seto and Isis on a tree! Kissing!” the
younger Kaiba started chanting. “Doing what they shouldn’t be!”
His elder brother rolled his eyes and grabbed
Mokuba easily picking the boy up.
“You’re going to bed young man, because you’re
obviously talking in your sleep.”
The boy rolled his eyes in a very similar fashion
to his brother at that statement. He just knew
he was right and he would get
his brother to admit it.
“Put me
down Seto! I can walk on my own!”
“In your
sleep? You never cease to amaze me little brother.”
***
The two mysterious teenagers known as Parsley
and Tomato sat in hotel room, reading the letter. It was written on pink paper
with red tint.
“My eyes are sore from those colours…” moaned
Parsley.
“Patience. I’m getting sick of that chat
language and I’m not complaining.” Answered Tomato grumpily.
“And what was that?”
“I’m cheering you up!” the young man set up
and reread one line. “Okay, so this Mary-Sue says we should leave and stop
hurting ppl… Er… I mean people.”
“Who is she
anyway?”
“She says she has the mysterious and most
powerful eighth Millennium Item. Which doesn’t exist as far as I know.” Tomato
rolled his eyes.
“She says we will be destroyed, if we try.”
added the girl in a similarly bored tune.
“She has no idea what we are planning.”
“And what are we planning?”
“No idea. Nobody told me.”
The two teens looked at each other and than at
the letter.
“I think we should inform the Doc, Robin.”
stated the girl.
“It’s Tomato.” The boy sighed. “Robin was the
other guy in Batman.”
“Oh.”
***
Seto
Kaiba’s brilliant words for today:
If your younger brother tells you something you feel uncomfortable about,
tell him he should start doing his homework or go to bed.
***
A/N
Too short. It’s too short. Arrgh!
I’ll get something new for Mary-Sue, don’t
worry.