Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I’d be a
Japanese guy.
Warnings: This story is under no
circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot,
please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and
her poking fun of things she finds silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series and fanfiction.
Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda
(Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some
Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese
names. This is a parody – it might be
insulting sometimes and perverted, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank
you.
Feel warned.
***
Yu-Gi-Oh Gone Loony
The very
important and meaningful starting quote:
Jedzie poci¹g z daleka,
wlecze
za sob¹ cz³owieka,
bo
biedaczek pijany
zlekcewa¿y³ szlabany!
(a parody poem I once fund, but I don’t
remember, who wrote it)
Chapter Two: The Disaster! New Pupils in Domino
High!
It was a beautiful day – birds
where chirping, the sun was shinning and the sky was blue. A gentle wind
caressed the leaves and played with the hair of people, who were hurrying to
work or to school. One such person was a tired looking Jounouchi Katsuya.
He looked as if he didn’t have
much sleep, but oddly enough he was smiling.
“Jounouchi-kun?” Yugi approached
his friend.
“Yeah?” the blond teen answered
with that strange smile.
“Are you okay?”
“Never felt better.”
“He finally got laid!” another
voice chimed in. It was a certain white-haired evil spirit.
“Times change, Bob.” silently said
Bakura Ryou.
“Do you mean I’m old? And how many
times do I have to tell you not to call me Bob?!” the spirit yelled angrily.
“But you never told me what your
name is!” whined the pale boy. The spirit turned pale and mumbled he had to go
to the toilet.
“Did they all go crazy?” wondered
Anzu.
***
The teacher entered the class. He
was a middle-aged balding man, who had a thing for computer games. Imagine your
typical blue-collar worker.
“Hello class!” he cheerfully said.
I forgot to mention that he was one of those annoying people, who are always
happy. His family could die out and the world could be ending, but he would
smile.
“Hello.” the class chorused,
sounding a lot less enthusiastic.
“Two new students are coming!
Aren’t you happy, children?” the balding man announced perkily. The pupils
actually started showing some interest after that – they started whispering,
wondering about the new pupils.
In cue a girl came in – it was
the one with three green ponytails, now dressed in the
“This is Honda Sakura.” the teacher
said, writing her name on the blackboard. The class started exchanging their
comments about the girl – mostly how weird she was.
“That’s my cousin.” whispered
Hiroto from under his desk. “We’re doomed.”
“Would you like to tell
something?” the teacher asked the girl.
“HI! I’M SO HAPPY I’M HERE! THE
WAY HERE ALMOST DROVE ME NUTS!” Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Almost?” Nosaka Miho, known as
Ribbon-chan, muttered to another pupil. “I’d say, she is nuts already.”
“Honda?” Yami whispered, while
bowing a bit to hear the hiding adolescent better. “Is your whole family…
eccentric?”
“Only my cousins…”
“Now where’s the second one?”
mused the teacher. “You can sit down… er…” he looked around a bit. “I think,
there’s a free spot next to Yatoji.” a skinny boy in glasses stood up and
Honda’s cousin, having run up there, squeezed him, earning some amused glances.
“Er…” the teacher looked around,
seemingly slightly nervous. “I’m sure we had two new students.”
At that moment somebody opened the
door and another girl came in. She was very pale – so pale, she seemed white –
and had black waist-length hair with electric green highlights. She also had
green sad eyes and full red lips, which promptly made most girls cringe – how
could anyone with such pale complexion be so careless about their make up?
Well, they were mostly satisfied, though, because if the girl had a better
taste – she’d probably be a true beauty. The boys didn’t pay attention to such
minor details – they were mostly interested in the girl’s chest.
“She must have had an operation.”
muttered Jounouchi.
“Surprising as it may be, mutt – I
have to agree with you.” Kaiba whispered back. “She looks like fucking mime
too.”
“Yeah, moneybags. I prefer Mai.”
the blonde answered. “She doesn’t look like she’s goin’ to throw herself on ya
and start sobbin’.”
“Mhm.” Kaiba’s only reply was an
affirmative grunt.
“This is…” the teacher looked at a
small piece of paper and… sniggered. He recomposed himself and started talking
again. “Mary-Sue… An…” he sniggered again. “Ankou…” he bravely surprised a
chuckle. “Ankoudaishogun.” this was too much for the poor man, who started
laughing like a mad hyena, as did most pupils, who saw Great Mazinger or Mazinkaiser,
or had played Super Robot Wars – and
that was a lot. Even Seto Kaiba started chuckling, although he was trying to
pretend it was coughing fit.
“Ya think she has a face of an old
hag on her chest?” Katsuya managed to say between guffawing. That was enough
for the CEO, who actually started roaring with laughter as loudly as the rest
of the class.
Finally, when the merriness
subsided, the more observant noticed a very peculiar fact about the new girl.
“She’s some fucking mutant!” Kaiba
hissed. “Her eyes change colour!” and so it was – the girls eyes changed from
green to blue and were glistening with unshed tears.
“Nothing like good ol’ make-up to
stop you from crying.” commented Anzu dryly. “You don’t want those nasty
smudges on you face.”
***
Mary-Sue approached Yugi during
the pause. The little boy wasn’t exactly happy about that, because he promised
Yami and Anzu he would eat lunch with them, but it wouldn’t be nice if he’d
ignore the girl.
“You are Motto Yugi.” she said
melodiously, sounding as if she was revealing a great secret.
“Mutou. It’s Mutou.” the small
duelist answered politely – he had to deal with much stranger people, after
all.
“I know why you all laughed!” she
continued to speak in those pathetic tunes.
“Oh?” Yugi was mildly surprised –
he thought people outside of
“No.” the girl answered – too
surprised to say more.
“So, you watched Great Mazinger or Mazinkaiser?”
“No.”
“Than I guess, you don’t know.”
Yugi answered, looking rather nervous. “Um… I’m really sorry, but I have to
go.”
“Wait! I have to warn you!” she
started, but it was to late – the small teen was already far away…
***
Three teenagers were enjoying
their lunch – even though Yami recently started to complain about the lack of
garlic in Japanese food. It took Yugi’s whole persuasiveness and cuteness to
convince him, that the smell might be too much for the other classmates.
Anzu still couldn’t decide, whom
she preferred and thus seemed slightly flushed.
“And then the vile monster…”
“It was just a microwave.”
“… as I was saying this microwave
exploded.”
“You shouldn’t have pushed all the
buttons.”
“This modern technology is
extremely complicated.”
“You use the camera and the Duel
Disks perfectly well.”
“They’re user-friendly.”
Whoever said that the brown-haired
girl could easily choose was wrong. Now my dear reader wouldn’t you have
problems with choosing? Some of you might say, she knew already, but the
authoress says she has the right to write she didn’t know. Yet.
Unfortunately, it was not the day
when Anzu would find out, whom she loved. Mary-Sue came in, her eyes red and
shinning with determination.
“Yami I have to speak with you.”
she said. The Spirit of the Millennium Puzzle gave her a quizzical look.
“OK.”
“But this evil bitch,” the strange
girl pointed at Anzu. “must leave.”
“And who allowed you to insult my
friends?” the Pharaoh hissed.
“I’m merely saying the truth.”
“And I’m merely convinced you’re the bitch here… and a jealous one.” chimed
up the blue-eyed girl. The new student’s eyes changed their colour into blue
and started shinning with tears.
“You will regret that!” she cried
and run off.
“I think, I like Honda’s cousin
better…” muttered Yugi, while watching Sakura Honda jump out from the window
(in the ground floor) and flap her hands while singing I Believe I Can Fly.
***
Meanwhile on the roof of a nearby
building a pair of teenagers was looking through looking-glasses at the school
building. They were both wore black leather trench-coats and sun glasses. One
was a girl, the other was a boy.
The female had shoulder-length
grayish blond hair and pale skin, richly covered with powder – which still
didn’t mask that she had pimples. Her clothes were a black mini-dress and heavy
boots.
The boy had long brown hair, tied
in a pony tail and was rather tanned. He wore black jeans and a tee with a
picture of some zombie on it, not to mention he had similar heavy boots.
“So what are we going to do,
Zippy?” the girl asked.
“Parsley, my nick is now Tomato! I
was Zippy last time.”
“Sorry! So what are we going to
do, Tomato?”
“We’ll wait…”
“For what?”
“’Till gramps gets new false
teeth.”
***
Mai and Jounouchi were doing their
best to outrage a pair of pensioners. They did by kissing on bench in park,
which was a favourite gathering spot for old people. The blond teen was
groping the young woman’s buttocks, as she held one hand in his hair and the
other on the back of his neck. Their tongues met and were
caressing each other – quite visibly so. In other words, they were asking
someone to cry out “Find a bed, you two!” .
It clearly worked on the old woman
who was obviously shaken and embarrassed. She was in between running away and
going over to them to tell them to stop. The old man, however, was clearly
enjoying himself – he was grinning and several times he almost started
cheering.
“Stop!” a melodious, yet firm
voice broke the silence, as Mary-Sue came out from the nearby bushes. Some
twigs and leaves were stuck in her hair and her knees were covered with fresh
soil, not to mention grass stains.
The two lovers turned around, both
frowning.
“Ankoudaishogun?” Katsuya asked,
allowing himself to smirk. “What d’ya want?”
“I have come to warn you!” the
girl started, puffing her chest up in an attempt of a dramatic pose. She only
succeeded in gluing the old mans eyes to her chest and enrage his wife.
“Er…” the blonde gave her a
doubtful glance.
“But first you should stop doing
such… such outrageous… things!”
“I think, I have the right to kiss
my boyfriend?” Mai chimed in with a dangerous edge in her voice.
“You will regret not heeding my
warning!” Mary-Sue dramatically cried and walked off, two twigs in hair clattering
against each other.
“Dat was weird.” Jounouchi said
and returned to snogging Mai.
***
Isis Ishtar was pleasantly
surprised – who would have guessed that Seto Kaiba could be a good companion
for a dinner? Of course it was rather obvious, that he could afford to invite
her to very expensive restaurant – but the fact that a discussion with him
could be enjoyable never crossed her mind.
Now my dear readers don’t draw
your conclusions too fast – neither the Egyptian woman nor the Japanese CEO did
think about dating. It was business meeting… And don’t pay attention to the
authoress – she might tell that you don’t behave like those two on business
meetings – she’s being a fan again.
Right now the two reached a very
pleasant part of the business meeting – desert. They both ordered ice-cream –
large cups filled with vanilla and several other flavours, richly
covered with cream and, not to mention garnished with fruit – mainly
strawberries.
Suddenly out of the blue, Mary-Sue
appeared. She still had twigs in her hair, although not as much as before. She puffed her chest up, assuming her
‘dramatic’ pose and cried out:
“Stop eating those deadly things!”
“Seto? You know her?” the
raven-haired woman asked. The tall youth furrowed his eyebrows.
“I think I might have seen her in
my school.” he finally said.
“Listen to me! You’re killing
yourself!” the girl tried again.
“This is delicious.” the only
female Ishtar said with a seductive smile, completely ignoring Mary-Sue. “Would
you like to try, Seto?”
The CEO nodded and the woman took
some ice-cream on her spoon. With a smirk she observed as the young man grasped
the fact that she was going to feed him. To her surprise he smiled and gave her
an encouraging look. The Egyptian calmly placed the spoon in Seto’s mouth.
“Hey! I’m talking to you!”
Mary-Sue tried to get some attention, but failed.
“That was really good.” the tall
adolescent ignored the girl and continued to gaze directly into
“LISTEN TO ME!” the eyes of
Kaiba’s new classmate changed colour to angry red, as she
yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Fine, fine. What is it?”
“I have come to warn you.” the
girl said. “But first you need to understand what horrible damage you did to
your body!”
“I think this young lady doesn’t
feel to well.” commented
“You should eat healthy things
like soya bean gruel. Of course without any spice – they’re unhealthy.”
Mary-Sue cheerfully droned, oblivious to the fact that Isis and Seto exchanged
slightly panicked glances at first and then some meaningful ones, which didn’t
mean she was sane.
“Excuse me
Mary-Sue blinked a few times,
trying to process what she heard. Finally she turned around and run off.
“That… was weird.” Kaiba Seto said
and returned to eating his ice.
***
Kaiba Mokuba was looking at a
picture of
“Yes.” he said to himself. “
***
Seto Kaiba’s brilliant words for today:
I don’t go on dates. I have business meetings.
***
A/N
The poem in the beginning is a parody of a
song, which was once very popular in
Ankoudaishogun is a name of a
villain from the Mazinger series (that’s
one of the first animes about giant robots). He was really big old guy with two
faces – the old one on his chest and a younger in the normal place. His name
may be translated to Commander of the Dark or Dark General. Maybe incorrect,
translation taken from SRW FAQS.
Yeah, it is Mary-Sue bashing –
every parody has to have Mary-Sue bashing.
The ‘bad guys’ have been
introduced… ^^ I actually like them.