Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. This
thing isn’t called fan fiction for no reason.
Warnings: This story is under no
circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot,
please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and
her poking fun of things she finds silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series and fanfiction.
Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda
(Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some
Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese
names. This is a parody – it might be
insulting sometimes, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank you.
Feel warned.
The very important and meaningful
starting quote:
‘Rzek³ Bóg
<Niech stanie siê œwiat³o.>, ale œwiat³o siê nie sta³o, bo wysiad³a
elektryka. I wszed³ detektyw-drañ z karabinem maszynowym w butonierce.’
(A book my grandpa quotes, but unfortunately he doesn’t remember who
wrote it and what title it had)
Honda Hiroki found a letter in his briefcase before going out to school. It meant one thing – the postman brought it after his parents went to work. The envelope was white and looked normal – like any envelope. It was the handwriting of his aunt on it that made the brown-haired teen think that maybe, just maybe, he should read it now. Only seldom did his aunt sent letters to his family. Not that he knew why.
He looked at his watch and decided against it. If he would start reading the letter, he would undoubtedly be late for school. Now he had a slim chance of getting in time. After making his decision, he slipped the letter in his pocket and jogged to school. Maybe it was his lucky day and he would get in time after all? That was when he remembered that he had his chopper. He turned around and rushed to get the machine running.
Whichever god was keeping his eye on Honda, he must have been in a good mood. The teenager came before the teacher.
Chaos ruled the class. Kaiba Seto was peacefully snoring, his head resting on his hands, probably making up for the time he spent awake while running his company. Jounouchi Katsuya was poking him with a pencil in the neck to no avail. Mutou Yugi was looking at Mazaki Anzu, who was talking about her dancing lessons. Yami seemed to be reading a piece of paper over and over. But the craziest sight were Marik, Bob and Nanashi.
Wait a moment, dear reader – you do not know yet, who Bob and Nanashi are. Let me explain you, than. It all started when the Pharaoh separated certain spirits from certain people. You see, neither The Evil Spirit of the Millennium Ring nor Marik’s worse half did say how they wanted to be named. There was a long debate, where various ideas were thrown out. The Millennium Spirit might have been named Bakura or Yami Bakura, but several people said it would be too confusing or too long. Calling him Yami wasn’t an option either, because the Pharaoh had been already named so – his true name sounded like coughing, anyway (or so Seto Kaiba said). Marik suggested they could just call the unfortunate yami TESOMR, but he received a punch in the nose from the aforementioned person. The discussion had been ended, when Jounouchi jumped up yelling:
‘I know! We should call ’im Bob!’ The poor spirit couldn’t protest in any way, because when he tried to hit the blonde, he received a punch in the stomach.
Afterwards it was Marik’s alter ego’s turn.
For a few seconds everybody stared at him blankly and only Isis suggested
weakly calling him: ‘Abdul Mohamed ibn Marik
But back to school – Marik and Bob enjoyed immensely the fact that they could take out their frustrations on Nanashi. He didn’t have the Millennium Staff any more and posed no threat. That’s why the two were trying to tie him to a pair of chairs. Bakura Ryou just looked at that madman with tired eyes of a person, who saw things no human should ever see… Like The Spirit of the Millennium Ring singing ‘Wild Thing’, while driving with Marik on his motorbike.
Honda sat down in his place and opened the envelope. He skimmed the text and let out a loud scream of despair. Kaiba immediately woke up and nearly fell off his chair. Ryou huddled up in a corner and started crying silently, which woke up the maternal instincts in Bob’s heart. He rushed as fast as a lightning to comfort his ‘hikari’ (or the puny weakling as he preferred to call him). Nanashi managed to get loose and started running around, while yelling ‘Free!’ very loudly. A few seconds a ladder appeared in the opened window and soon Rashid came in through it. He had a large meat hammer tied to his back, which had only one purpose – calming Nanshi down. The big Egyptian took the mullet of his back and slammed it into the evil spirits face. The poor thing fell down, a fresh red checked mark on his face.
Meanwhile the tall man turned around and with a blank expression he went to Kaiba. He handed him a book and received a package in exchange. At this instant Yami yelled loudly ‘I’ve got it!’. Then he noticed most of his friends were looking at Honda with worried eyes. The brown-haired teenager looked very pale right now.
‘What happened, buddy?’ Jounouchi was first to ask.
‘My cousin…’ Mumbled the other and took a deep breath. ‘She’s coming here.’ He finished giving his friends a desperate look.
‘What’s so bad about it?’ Snorted Kaiba. ‘One idiot more, what’s the difference?’
Honda only sighed miserably.
‘You haven’t seen my cousin.’ He said wearily. ‘She’s worse than a natural disaster.’
‘Ya mean she’s even worse dan Kaiba?’ The blond teen asked, opening his eyes widely. The blue-eyed CEO hissed through gritted teeth at this.
‘Kaiba is a perfectly fine person compared to her.’
‘We are in trouble.’ Concluded Yami.
One the same day Jounouchi Katsuya was sitting on the floor in his kitchen and thinking hard. The topic of his thoughts was Mai or more exactly, how to proclaim his undying love to her. It wasn’t that he hadn’t done it before, but he wanted to try out something more extravagant… And who knows what will happen then?
The blond teenager smiled happily imagining what could happen… If nobody unwanted doesn’t butt in, that is. The greatest problem in Mai and Katsuya’s relationship was the fact that various people tended to walk in whenever they were starting to be occupied with something more serious. It was quite aggravating, to say the least.
So the brown-eyed duellist needed a foolproof plan and a place were no one would bug him and his blond ‘sugar-muffin’ (or the annoying witch – depending on the situation). His house was out – somebody, namely Honda or Otogi could come any moment looking for Shizuka. Hotel? He didn’t have that much money and there was no way he would let a girl pay for him. And than inspiration struck – he could go to Mai! He had her address… somewhere.
After a half an hour Jounouchi finally found Mai’s address. He also managed to make a giant mess out of his house. It didn’t bother him in the slightest – he had what he wanted and his life might gain a new meaning. Off he was!
If it wasn’t a record time in which Jounouchi reached Mai’s house, than the authoress is going to eat her shoes. Miss Kujaku was quite happy to see her boyfriend and whispered when he came in:
‘The coast is clear.’ Their eyes were gleaming like those of rabbits in mating season. You see, they have been waiting very long to fulfil their carnal needs and thus overreacted a bit.
Mai grinned like a shark, while closing the door. She turned around and pounced at the blonde like a hungry tigress, immediately gluing herself to his mouth. After a long passionate kiss, she grinned seductively at her boyfriend.
‘Something tells me a bad would be more comfortable.’ Said Katsuya and lifted Mai. He staggered a bit and grunted, but regained his composure and carried her in the bedroom’s direction, while thinking that next time he won’t do that. He was wise enough not to say that.
We shall leave those two here dear reader – everyone, even if he’s a fictional character, needs some privacy. Besides other interesting things might happen and I believe you don’t want to miss them.
Kaiba Seto had just had a brainwave. You see, he just figured, he should keep his products popular and needed some interesting advertisement. Wasn’t he a smart boy? The best way by far had been organising a tournament. The problem was - in what? He already did one in Duel Monsters, so maybe in another game? How about Dungeon Dice Monsters? But this one needed space to throw the dice and you couldn’t make any convertible systems.
Maybe he should ask someone to create a new game? But the only persons, who did that, were Pegasus Jr. Crawford and that Otogi Ryouji. Asking Pegasus for help was out of question, so only Otogi remained. Unfortunately the aforementioned person behaved lately like a complete idiot and a crazy one at that – this whole ‘Shizuuuka-chan-crap’. So he was out of question too.
The blue-eyed CEO furrowed his eyebrows. He tapped his foot and scratched his nose. Finally, he mumbled some Egyptian prayers to Tot. Nobody heard him doing that, so there was no harm done.
It seemed that the Egyptian god of wisdom was right now in a good mood, because Seto decided Duel Monsters would be best. He could take part in it then and maybe even kick Yami’s ass? That was a good idea.
The head of the Kaiba Corporation called some of his people, responsible for marketing and improving various products, told them what they were to do and told them off. Than he decided to look through some files, but his thoughts drifted to a certain person…
This is where we shall leave Seto Kaiba. Only time will tell of whom he was thinking.
Shizuka sighed. Most girls would feel jealous, if they knew that two guys fell in love with her. If they found out, one of them was Otogi, they’d be livid. None of them knew how tiring those two could be.
They’d always quarrel – and if there was something that Shizuka hated it were quarrels. It reminded her of the times before her parents got divorced. Needless to say those weren’t pleasant memories.
‘Are you sad Shizuka-chan?’ Cooed Honda. Otogi pushed his face away to look at her with worried eyes.
‘Is something wrong Shizuka-chan?’ He asked sounding very much like the brown-haired teenager.
‘I’m just a bit tired.’ She smiled at them sweetly. She should be nice, if she didn’t want to upset them, after all.
There was something in Shizuka’s sweet demeanour that woke up protective instincts in most men. That’s why the authoress had been toying with the idea of pairing her up with various other people, but right now she isn’t sure. What’s the sense of leaving the poor girl to cope with, say Marik? Now, now don’t worry, Shizuka will find the love of her life some day. If not in this story, than maybe in another.
Malik Ishtar was lovingly cleaning his motorbike. That machine was right now the love of his life. He grinned – his chopper was so cool! Unlike his hair.
The youngest Egyptian always found his hair annoying – or to be more exact its colour. It looked as if it were died, which had a really bad effect when combined with his tanned skin. So at least thought Malik.
Once his sister told him to simply dye it, but when he imagined what would happen when he’d hair would grow a bit… No, no, no and a hundred times no! He’d rather be nice to… to… his evil side a.k.a. Nanashi!
Yes, he was overreacting, but since he was young he had the right to. And it wasn’t womanly to be worried about his looks. Even very manly Egyptians in the ancient times used make-up. If Kaiba would stop pretending, reincarnation was impossible, he’d undoubtedly agree.
But
I’m digressing. I intended to tell you what exactly the Ishtar family was doing
here in
Speaking of whom,
She
was currently reading ‘Dune’ and reaching for one of the chocolates. Don’t
worry they hadn’t been poisoned,
The Bakura household had changed a lot, since the Millennium Spirit had been released. It was messier, but the food in the fridge was always of good quality. It wasn’t very mysterious at all – Bob found himself a new hobby: cooking.
Right now he was standing in front of the oven and preparing something. I’m not sure what it was, but it smelled quite nice. And don’t listen to the authoress, who claims that anything that smells of fish can have nice smell. She’s biased.
But back to Ryou’s ‘yami’. He didn’t look very scary right now – his hair was tied in a high ponytail (to avoid burning it) and he had an apron on. It had a large blue frog in the front. There was nobody else near – Ryou was in his room learning, so Bob was happily singing ‘Wannabe’.
Anzu was sitting on her bad and making a very important decision. She liked both Yugi and Yami, but she could be the girlfriend of only one. It wasn’t an easy choice. Yugi was nice, sweet, friendly, sweet, helpful, sweet, caring, sweet and sweet… Did she mention sweet? Yami was mysterious, brave, calm, good-looking and intelligent. No, Anzu’s choice was under no circumstances easy.
The authoress wanted to make it easier and make her chose both, but than she decided it’d be too much. But then she changed her mind… And then yet again. You’ll have to wait and see fro yourself, dear reader.
The
train from
The father was a thin brown-haired man with tired eyes and a sad smile. He wore a good quality suit, although it was quite old. His baggage consisted of two large begs and a backpack.
The mother bore a striking similarity to a general in demeanour. She had a stern expression and face of someone, who’d eat you alive, if you disobeyed. Her hair was done up in a bun and she wore a neat skirt and blouse.
Their daughter seemed to be a very peculiar creature. She had black shiny shoes, white loose socks and stringy tights on her legs. She also wore leather shorts with red braces and a frilly blouse which showed her mid-riff. Her hair was done up in three ponytails, one standing up on the top of her head and two sticking out from the sides – each died green. The rest of her hairdo was in vicious violet. She carried a backpack and a bag.
‘Mum! I’m tired!’ She whined.
‘We’re almost there.’ Answered the older woman sternly. ‘Now take you’re luggage.’ The girl grunted, but did as she was told. Now all they had to do was finding a taxi.
Seto
Kaiba’s brilliant words for today:
There are is no such thing as Yami Malik. The kid has a split personality disorder! Yami is a spirit residing in a Millennium Item and the only spirit, which could be in the Rod is my soul, since I am Priest Set’s reincarnation and he had the Rod… I can’t believe I’ve been talking about this millennium shit!
A/N
Well, I do hope you like my little story. If somebody’s OOC, then it’s because it was my aim – it’s a parody. But don’t worry I won’t make Yami Bakura, Malik or Kaiba wear pink tutus or anything like that.
Calling Yami Bakura Bob is my brother’s idea. I liked it, I used it.
Nanashi means Nameless in Japanese – Kaiba used the simple rule that what’s simple is best.
The quote on the beginning can be roughly translated to: ‘God said >Let there be light.< but nothing happened, since the electricity went down. And the rascal detective came in with a Tommy gun in his breast pocket.’