Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I’d be a
Japanese guy.
Warnings: This story is under no
circumstances serious. If you came here looking for a deep profound plot,
please turn around. It also contains various strange ideas of the authoress and
her poking fun of things she finds silly in Yu-Gi-Oh series and fanfiction.
Anyway the current pairings are: Mai/Jounouchi (Joey) and Honda
(Tristan)/Shizuka (Serenity)/Otogi (Duke Devlin). There is going to be some
Seto/Isis and Yami/Yugi/Anzu(Téa) later. Oh, and I’ll be using the Japanese
names. This is a parody – it might be
insulting sometimes and perverted, so please don’t take it seriously! Thank
you.
Feel warned.
***
Yu-Gi-Oh Gone Loony
***
The very
important and meaningful starting quote:
“You idiot! Never let the spies mingle with the
orcish regulars after completing the mission. Now we’ll never get them to
fight!” – General Khurzog
(flavour text, Magic The Gathering)
***
Chapter
Four: The Tournament has started! Go duellists!
***
The day when the Battle City II was due to
start had come. It had been named so unoriginally, because the whole promotion
staff of Kaiba Crop. fell ill with a ‘flu and the poor computer nuts who had to
invent the name couldn’t think of anything better than “Money Making Week…
Tournament!” or “Er… That Tournament”. In the end Seto Kaiba had to invent the
name in the last moment and being the unromantic apoetic and down-to-Earth
person he was, he named it Battle City II.
Various duellists had gathered in one
Finally the large screen turned on and all
people gathered on the square saw Seto Kaiba. The tall teen started explaining
the rules, which didn’t change much from the last
Mary-Sue Ankoudaishogun also took part in
Battle City II. She had a deck with such rare cards that even Pegasus didn’t
know they existed. In her backpack rested the mysterious eighth Millennium
Item.
Nobody noticed a few figures in black leather
trench-coats.
***
Seto Kaiba was wandering in the streets
looking for some opponent. He really didn’t have to be worthy – only few earned
that title, but he should at least
amuse the CEO. It wasn’t very strange than that when he spotted Insector Haga
he grinned nastily.
The brown-haired youth didn’t even have to
bother challenging the midget – the insect-lover did it for himself.
“And who are you again?” the CEO inquired,
pretending to be in deep thought. “Weevil Underwood?”
“Insector Haga!”
“Yes, yes Evil Underpants. It’s time to duel.”
the tall teen waved his hand dismissingly, making Haga’s blood boil. The
green-haired duellist angrily took out five cards and snarled in Kaiba’s
direction signalling for him to start.
The CEO lazily looked through his cards and
finally put one face down and played the Mystic Clown in Attack Mode. Than he
ended his turn and any reader, who watched his duel in Pegasus castle with Yugi
or the one with
“Ha! The mighty Seto Kaiba will fall before
me!” cackled Haga.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Underwear, but
it shall be otherwise.” answered the CEO mockingly, activating his Crush Virus
Trap. The green-haired adolescent hissed in frustration as he had to put all
his powerful cards on the graveyard. This was not his lucky day. He didn’t even protest that his name was “Haga”.
***
In a completely different part of Domino City
Mary-Sue met her first opponent. It was just your random duellist, whom the
authoress will name Musashi. So Musashi accepted the challenge and let Mary-Sue
start.
The girl drew five cards and played one in
Attack Mode.
“I play Uberpowerful Chic in Chain-mail
“But there’s no such card!” protested Musashi.
“There is – my grandma gave it to me. And her
grandma gave it to her…” Mary-Sue sighed. “She was the only person who loved
me…” tears started glistening in her eyes.
“Yeah… Sure.” muttered Musashi nervously. “But
Pegasus Crawford created Duel Monsters in this century, you know?”
“You don’t believe me!” cried the black-haired
girl, falling to her knees and sobbing. “Nobody loves me!”
“Does this mean I win?” the boy asked
gingerly, but that made Mary-Sue pull herself back together.
“No! I have to win and be united with my
love!” she cried standing up. Musashi gave her a strange look and finally
played three card face down.
“Sure, whatever you say.” he muttered,
wondering how to end the duel as fast as possible. The girl looked at his cards
and grinned.
“Your life points are unprotected!” she cried
triumphantly. “Uberpowerful Chic in Chain-mail
The other duellist arched his eyebrow as the
holographic woman started a strange dance while a rainbow was forming around
her. She skipped, twirled around and tiptoed. As far as Musashi was concerned
it was funny – no warrior would do such a thing during battle – it was asking
for a mighty kick in the ass. And the authoress wants to add that chain-mail
bikinis are the stupidest armour ever invented – they don’t protect at all!
“You forgot about something!” he sing-sung
gleefully, while uncovering one of his face-down cards. It was Mirror Force.
Mary-Sue’s eyes widened in horror as her card was obliterated. “Haven’t heard
about trap cards?”
“I shall not be mocked by such a simpleton!”
Musashi rolled his eyes and asked: “You
finished your turn?” and as the girl nodded he played a card face up.
“Rainbow-coloured Fish! Show her how it’s done!”
The fish lunged it attack robbing Mary-Sue
full 1800 points, to Musashi’s joy. The girl’s eyes widened in shock. She
turned her face up and cried: “I was supposed to win every duel, authoress! I
was supposed to be invincible! I was supposed to make up for all your
complexes!” Then she waited for an answer, which never came. The authoress is a
good girl, after all and knows she shouldn’t make any self inserts… Maybe a
port parole… But not a self-insert!
Meanwhile, Musashi decided Mary-Sue was some
nut and had to be treated like a rabid animal. God knows what ideas she might
have or what she will do. She was loosing to a generic duellist – the canon
fodder – after all!
***
Yami had already won his first duel and was
immediately hugged by Yugi and Anzu (Honda, Otogi and Shizuka went to cheer for
Jounouchi). The other duellist – another generic one – named, let’s say, Forest
Gump, run off – but not because he was upset, but because he just liked
running.
Anzu gazed into Yami’s eyes and felt she loved
him. But when she turned to Yugi and she felt that she loved him too. And they
all stood there hugging each other and gazing into each others eyes with that
glazed expression in their eyes which made other people either think “cute” or
how they wouldn’t ever act that silly.
But the three teenagers didn’t care and continued
act like a bunch of love-struck nuts – which they currently were anyway. As a
realisation came to Anzu’s mind and she opened her mouth to utter it, somebody
spoke up before she could tell what she was thinking… and feeling.
“Pharaoh!” a voice of a male teenager rung.
“We came to claim your power!”
“Yeah!” joined a female one.
The three friends turned around – all of them
more than annoyed - to face Tomato and Parsley. The black-clad villains wore
similar smirks and had the same arrogant pose as any bad guy in a movie. Their
trench-coats fluttered dramatically in the wind.
“Beware Pharaoh!” bellowed Tomato. “We shall
rip your power from you!”
“You said that already.” mumbled Yami.
“Shut up and listen!” chimed in Parsley. “…”
she frowned. “What was I supposed to say now, Pinky?”
The youth gave her a long-suffering look.
“It’s Tomato. Pinky is that mouse from Pinky
and The Brain. And that’s the moment when we gracefully leave.”
“Oh…” the girl blinked a few times, as if
processing what she heard.
“Cho no.” he growled and started dragging her
off.
“What is it?! The Official Behave Like a Nut
Month or what?!” Yami snorted. “If that’s it, it’s not funny at all.”
***
Jounouchi, meanwhile, found himself an
opponent – it was a short thin girl with fiery red hair, accompanied by a fat
black cat. First, she almost jumped out of her shoes, when she heard he wanted
to duel her and then she introduced herself as Izumi – a big fan of his. The
cat, she said, was named Aya and also adored him. Katsuya wasn’t so sure – the
animal looked rather bored.
Now Izumi was duelling with him – and not
doing too well. She didn’t seem to be bothered though – the youth suspected she
was too busy being over-enthusiastic.
“I’ll play Firewing Pegasus in Attack Mode!” cried
the girl happily and placed the card on her duel disk. It had more attack
points than any of Jounouchi’s monsters on the field, but not in his deck.
C’mon
Heart of Cards… I know ya can help me! the blond thought and drew a card.
It was the one he needed! His prized Red Eyes Black Dragon… Although the
authoress is wondering, if it shouldn’t be with Yami.
“Now I’ll
attack your Knight of Lendstar!” the girl yelled, as the horse-shaped beast
released a fireball and Katsuys’s monster broke into glass-like shards. “Hey!
Why are ya grinnin’?”
“’Cause I have somethin’ which’ll whoop yer
pony’s ass!” Jounouchi grinned
triumphantly. “Go Red Eyes!” he cried on the top of his lungs.
***
Malik and Nanashi entered a shop with video
cassettes and DVD’s. The more evil one quickly reached the shelf containing
adult material and chose a few movies, while Malik turned pale.
“Sorry gotta go!” he yelled dashing out, but
he still heard Nanashi’s cackling and an explosion. Now where did that creature
take explosives from?
***
A/N
Evil Underpants is not my idea… So
it on a fansite and couldn’t forget it…
“Cho no” can be translated to “C’mon” from
Polish to English.
***
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