"Can't you just transport us there?" asked Minion No. 7. "It would save us a lot of trouble."
"That would be improper use of our godly powers," said the Depp god, frowning distractedly at Alan who was currently conjuring fireballs in a fascinated sort of way. "Crouton, are you sure you should have taught him how to do that?"
Crouton shrugged, "He seems to be having fun." She looked up and grinned, "We've arrived."
Bloom and Depp surveyed the tall oak critically.
"Are you sure this is it? It's slightly different from how I remember it," said Bloom doubtfully.
"Yeah. I always thought it was, you know, a hut," added Depp sceptically.
Crouton raised an eyebrow at them, "Do you lot pay any attention to us? The old HQ burned down about a year ago and everyone split up. Since then we've only just managed to regroup and move in."
"That's right," chipped in Flower, "And what's the point of being omniscient if you never actually do any thinking?"
The three gods scowled at her; she stuck her tongue out at them and flew ahead to knock on the door. The open door. Now that was odd...
"Crouton?" she called warily, "I think the Creators might have some visitors."
Crouton looked at the floor. Leading up to the towering oak and clearly visible in the deep snow, were two sets of footprints. Such as might be made by a tall cloaked stranger and it's solitary lackey...
Crouton looked back at the gods. "I think we may have a problem..."
~~~~~~
Minion No. 8 scuttled into the room, clearing the path for the hooded figure behind it.
"And who are you?" asked Gremlin, folding her arms defiantly. "Do you have an invitation?"
The figure drew itself up to it's considerable height and bumped its head on the ceiling. "Ow!" it protested, "That hurt!"
"You shouldn't be so tall then, should you," stated Noggin, coming to stand beside Gremlin.
The figure scowled at them from behind it's cowl and said majestically, "I am Moolin, the most feared-"
"Who?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Who the hell is Moolin?"
"Well..." the figure hesitated, "Me."
"Oh, right. Do you have an invitation Moolin? I don't remember sending one."
"Are you the evil person coming to try and invade HQ?" asked Noggin frowning.
Gremlin looked at her, frowning, "What evil person coming to invade HQ?"
"The one Crouton and Flower... Oh. Right... Yeah, there's something I need to tell you."
"What?"
"Two evil stalker people are coming to try and invade HQ."
Gremlin stared at her blankly for a few seconds, then said flatly, "Well you could have told us!"
"I just did."
"That's not the point."
"Better late than never."
"Stop avoiding the issue!"
"Ahem?"
~~~~~~~~
Flower dived through the thick upper branches of HQ and wove her way to the Minion's rooms. All the Minion suites were allocated along one flight of stairs. The highest ranking room (Minion No. 2's), was the bottom of the stairs and therefore had closest access to the main room and dining facilities. Unfortunately, it also had the added bonus of being the first door the Creators would knock on if they wanted something. Hierarchy in the Minion realm had an odd system of rewarding its most faithful followers. Then again, as the Creators always said, 'No one likes a suck up'.
Flower rapped on the doors and the Minions filed out onto the staircase looking confused and worried. Flower was being unusually serious and that could only mean trouble...
~~~~~~~~
"Ahem?"
The two Creators turned expectantly to Moolin, glaring impatiently.
"What?" snapped Gremlin.
"Erm, is this a bad time? I mean, I am actually half way through invading and I don't like leaving things unfinished. I have a reputation to uphold after all."
"What's going on?" asked Cretin, appearing at the foot of one of the staircases.
"We're being invaded apparently," answered Noggin, gesturing to Moolin.
"Why?"
Moolin pulled himself up to his full height; consequently hitting his head on the ceiling for the second time that night and said, "I'm here to free the Minions from their servitude and all the restraints you impose on them which cause them great misery..." Moolin trailed off as he caught sight of the Creators expressions.
"What restraints?" asked Gremlin coldly.
"What misery?" interjected Noggin dangerously.
"What's going on?" asked Cretin frustratedly.
Moolin looked at them uncertainly; he hadn't been prepared for this.
A rumble of descending feet announced the arrival on the Minions and a few seconds later the patter of tiny boots echoed the appearance of the gnomes.
Moolin looked at them hopefully. "Minions! I have come to free you! Rebel against your oppressors!"
"What?" asked Minion No. 4, staring at him though he'd just declared that the Bloom god was unattractive.
"Rebel!" urged Moolin again, a little more uncertainly.
"Why?" yawned Minion No. 5, sleepily.
"Well... Because you're being maltreated."
"Are we?" asked Minion No. 2, eyeing the hunched figure of Minion No. 6 curiously. "No one told us."
"I did," tried Moolin encouragingly.
"So? We don't know you," said Minion No. 5, frowning at her.
"I like being a Minion," declared Minion No. 4 firmly. "I don't want to be rescued."
"And rebelling sounds too much like hard work to me," said Minion No. 3 accusingly.
"Aren't we meant to be having a party?" asked Cretin sulkily, "It is my birthday you know."
"You're right," agreed Gremlin.
"And we don't appreciate gatecrashers," finished Noggin, glaring pointedly at Moolin.
The gnomes scuttled over to the Minions and one of them hissed, "Where's her Ladyship's parasol?"
The Minions ignored them, their attention fixed firmly on the Creators. All three of them were looking angry and although the Minions had never actually seen the Creators perform even the simplest magical task, they were all quite prepared to believe at that moment that did have greater powers.
"And where are the gloves? We pressed them especially!" persisted another gnome, horror evident in his voice. Minion No. 3 moved her foot and tried discreetly to tread on him but he dodged quickly out of the way.
The Creators raised their hands as one and Moolin backed away, tripping over a chair. Gremlin rolled her eyes; some people just had no respect for dramatic moments. She dropped her hands irritably and sent a ball of blue flame hurtling towards Moolin who jumped up out of the way hurriedly. It smashed into floor, leaving a charred circle of wood.
From her corner, Minion No. 8 looked up, eyes gleaming at the sight of fire...
Noggin conjured a complex charm which glowed fluorescent orange and flung it at Moolin who didn't move fast enough and collapsed on the floor, giggling uncontrollably.
Cretin stepped forward, violet sparks crackling from her fingertips. "No one ruins my birthday party," she said menacingly and hurled the spell at the defenceless Moolin who promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Cool!" breathed Minion No. 3.
The Creators grinned wickedly; it had been a long time since they'd used magic.
The door creaked open and Crouton walked in. "Hi."
"You missed the show," said Minion No. 4, "There were sparks and everything!"
"And fire," said Minion No. 8 dreamily.
Crouton scowled at her, "I've been looking for you everywhere!"
Minion No. 8 didn't hear, she was still staring intangibly into space with an odd grin on her face.
"Anyway, we've brought you a birthday present Cretin."
"We?"
Minion No. 7 sidled into the room.
"So you did manage to find someone then?" asked Cretin rudely.
"Do you want your present or not?"
"Is it shiny?"
Crouton paused then peered around the door she'd just emerged from.
"He's got a strip of silvery ribbon round his hat and the birthday card's in a glittery envelope. Does that count?"
"He?" asked Cretin suspiciously.
The Depp god strode into the room, grinning, "Happy birthday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Where d'you think she sent him?" whispered Minion No. 2 to Minion No. 5.
"Dunno, she looked pretty mad though. He could be anywhere."
They looked over at Cretin who was dancing with the Depp god and grinning delightedly. Crouton wandered over and asked, "Where's Eric?"
"Still upstairs I think, he doesn't come down that much. Is he shy?"
"Probably terrified of you lot," answered Crouton, glancing over Cretin as well. "She looks happy."
"Yeah, shame it took so long to bring her round isn't it?" said Minion No. 2 smiling bemusedly.
"Oh she came round alright," said Crouton, "She just kept fainting all over again when she saw him. It was only after he threatened to leave that she managed to stop hyperventilating."
"And that was only because she was scared stiff that he might actually go," said Flower, landing on Crouton's shoulder and making faces at the gnomes.
"Erm, excuse me?" Alan sidled up to them, looking around nervously.
"Yes?"
"Er... Does Noggin know about me?" he asked, glancing over to where she was talking with Gremlin and Bloom.
"She's never said anything," said Minion No. 5. "Who are you anyway?"
"I'm Alan and I'm a god. I am also omniscient and omnipotent," he recited looking worried. "Only I'm not sure how that works..."
"Why don't you introduce yourself to her?" asked Minion No. 2, raising an eyebrow questioningly at him.
"Because she might not know me."
"The whole point of introducing yourself is that she will get to know you. Besides, you won't know until you ask her," pointed out Flower reasonably.
"That's debatable," said Crouton quietly, scooping up a passing gnome. "Why did Lady Darcy leave Pemberly?" she asked softly.
The gnome struggled to free itself from her grip and said angrily, "How should I know?"
"Because you know that kind of thing."
The gnome glared up at her, "What are you implying? That we spy on our mistress?"
"Did Darcy order you to?"
"No! And we don't! We respect our mistress."
"But not her wishes?"
The gnome scowled and said carefully, "Mistress does not act properly sometimes... Mister Darcy said we were to make sure she conducted herself in a decent manner."
Crouton glance over at Noggin; conduct herself in a decent manner? What was that supposed to mean? She was a Creator. Creator's always acted properly. Most of the time. According to their rules at any rate. Assuming they had rules...
"But why did she leave Pemberly?" persisted Flower, tossing her hair over one shoulder.
The gnome shrugged, "She missed the nut cases."
"Nut cases?" asked Minion No. 2 incredulously.
"Cretin and Gremlin," translated Flower.
Minion No. 2 glared at her, "I had figured that out. I was simply stating my disgust that-"
But Flower wasn't listening; she'd flown off to the buffet table in search of food. The gnome looked interestedly after her.
"What's your name?" asked Crouton, suddenly realising she had no idea what the small gnome was called.
"Leprechaun," he answered, "I'm the head gnome."
"You're a gnome called Leprechaun?"
"Yes. What's so odd about that?"
"Nothing."
The gnome gazed at her thoughtfully for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to press the matter. He decided against it; she couldn't be called the High Minion for nothing. He wriggled out of her hand and dropped to the floor, scurrying away through the throng of dancing minions and heading in the general direction of the buffet table.
"So there really is nothing sinister about Noggin turning up again?" asked Minion No. 5, "She just missed the other two?"
"I guess so."
"So she won't be staying then?" asked Minion No. 2.
Crouton shrugged. If it was a choice between living in a hollowed out tree surrounded by lunatics who only did something if you asked them at least three times or spending your time in a huge mansion with your true love and servants at your beck and call, she knew which she'd choose. She wondered if Noggin would choose the same though; she hadn't shown any inclination to leave recently so maybe she would...
Crouton looked back at Alan who was biting his lip distractedly. She sighed, "Come on then. I'll introduce you to Noggin..."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Noggin turned round and smiled at Crouton and Alan. Gremlin and Orlando did not turn round; they were occupied with other things. Mainly each other.
"Hi Crouton, what's up?"
"Do you know who this is?" asked Crouton, gesturing to Alan.
Noggin grinned, "Yes."
"Really?" asked Alan. To say he was surprised would have been an understatement.
"Of course I do."
"How-" began Crouton but shrill blast cut the air rendering further speech impossible.
Everyone turned to stare at the source of the noise and saw, hovering in mid air, three pixies wearing coal black suits complete with tiny red ties. The one in the middle grinned wickedly around the assembled group and whistled again to make sure he had everyone's full attention. Gremlin and Orlando reluctantly broke apart and glared at him.
"We have a message for Lady N. Darcy," said the head pixie, surveying the crowd haughtily.
Noggin stepped forward frowning and said, "Well?"
The pixie hurriedly removed his cap respectfully and bowed in mid air.
"Begging you pardon Ma'am, I didn't recognise you for a moment there."
"It's not through lack of trying Jude," piped up a small voice from Noggin's feet, "You can tell Darcy that."
Noggin ignored Leprechaun and asked, "Well what is it?"
Jude looked uncomfortable, "Well your Ladyship... It's um, from Lord Darcy. He wants to know when you'll be back."
"He said that?" asked Noggin, surprised.
The left pixie darted in front of Jude and said quickly, "Actually he said mppffhh-"
Noggin eyed the front two pixies suspiciously and inquired darkly, "Why are you trying to gag Julian?"
Jude did his best to look innocent and replied, "Hmm? Oh it's a game we play."
"Yeah," agreed Sebastian, "It's called gag-your-colleague-before-he-says-something incredibly-stupid-and-inappropriate."
Noggin narrowed her eyes, "You're not allowed to play games when you're on duty."
Jude and Sebastian glanced nervously at one another and Julian took advantage of this lack of concentration to tear off the gag and speed over to Noggin. The other two pixies looked on in horror as he whispered what Darcy had really said, to Noggin.
Noggin however, grinned and snapped her fingers. "Leprechaun?"
"Yes mistress?"
"Bring me some paper and a pen..."
