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So, you came to the conclusion that most people don't actually want true honesty. I have to agree, to an extent. MOST people may not want actual honesty, but then, most people I know don't actually claim to want honesty. I don't know what kind of people you hang out with, bu most of my friends value true honesty because they deal it out. I have found that it is those who are blatantly honest who value honesty the most in other. So yes, most people may only like what they want to hear, and hate true honesty, but there are those who really do want honesty. I have to admit to hurting my fair share of people, both by being honest with them, but also by not being completely honest. In my mind, honesty is great, even necessary, but without discretion, honesty can sometimes do more damage than good. I have been praised a few times for being honest, but only because I stated the truth in terms that were not objectionable, and left open an avenue for them to respond. If you can't be completely honest in a relationship with someone, maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship to being with. If they can't deal with you being true to yourself by being honest with them, then they are the wrong person for you. There is also the chance that you are subject to the same dilemna as whomever you happen to be talking about (I'm assuming that this was written with a specific example in your life in mind). Maybe what you are claiming to be truth is only what you see as the truth, just as what they want to hear is, quite possibly, the truth to them. I personally don't believe in love at first sight simply because love isn't based purely on physical attraction. Lust is. If your relationship is based solely on their first impression of you, then you, and them, have some serious mental issues to deal with before either of you should ever consider entering into a relationship. If you destroy their vision of you, it was because you were living on false assumptions. If you are honest from the outset, and don't delude them into believing that you are someone you aren't, then real honesty in a relationship should not be a problem. I have to ask though, if your statemnt "who are you to do that," with respect to disillusionment of your bf/gf is implying that you should not be the person to do that, who would you suggest take up that responsibility? One last thing, shouting on the rooftops may help you live up to your belief that honesty is a bad idea in relationships, but it doesn't do the rest of us much good. Use the forum. It will reach more people. This is an important subject. People need to hear it. Don't let it die. |
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