Word by tender word I have relived us all., picking through the rubble of mylife, seeing all my vulnerabilities exposed, and failures and triumphs and heartbreaks. I have opened everything inside of me to you, I even handed you my pain to hold carefully, and you helped me transform it into soemthing else. How am I going to get through these llong lonely nights without you?
Heat rises in shimmering waves from the black macadam and melts into the smog filled air. I lean deeper into the bus seat and sigh deeply, resting my hand on the windoe pane. I cannot stand being away from you; it feels as if a vital port of me has been hacked off and left to wither in some other place. This land does not hold my life here. It seems an apocalyptic vision of the future in which green and crisp is replaced by a million shades of man=made grey.
I stand up and step outinto that world until I turn into my street. up to my door.. lean my entire weight against it and walk through this place which has been my home room, by room,waiting to feel soemthing. I feel like I am in a strangers house. Thoughts of you crowd in on me, begging to be replayed and picked over, but I don't dare. It is why it is so hard for me to talk to you or post you.. it all rushes up and around me, and I can't... cope. Instead I focus on the little things. Things.
I look at the phone. I want to pick it up , long to call you..hear your voice, but I don't.. I sit heavily on the end of my bed. There is nothing here that matters to me anymore.
yet this love lives stillwithin me This emotion willnot just disappear. believe somewhere someway we can find our way back, but right now that seems far, far away. Even we have patterns, and we must not bury what beauty can grow even from this breaking, under the sand of our old patterns. I am quietly unearthing me.
